Thursday, December 29, 2011

Post Christmas Blues



I woke up at 7 a.m. this morning and got to work. My house has looked like a bomb went off with all the Christmas crap around and dishes, laundry and everything else to do. I got my mantle cleared off, the Christmas tree ornaments all taken off and almost everything back where it belongs. The only thing I have left to do is put all the boxes up in my closet. I'm hoping someone can help me do that tonight. How fast the "Christmas Season" ends around here. It seems like we have a day to enjoy the holiday, feel the spirit and then it's back to the same old routine. I'm getting weary of it. Next year I think I'll find a little ceramic tree and put it on a table, I'm done doing this all by myself year after year. I've been thinking a lot about moving in to the new year. How can I make some changes that will help me have a more healthy, happy lifestyle. I thought maybe starting a "gratitude journal," to help remind me of my blessings, but I'm not really in the mood for that. Am I the only one who thinks life is just too hard right now? Is everyone in denial? Maybe it's just my bad attitude, but I swear next year is going to be different for me, I'm tired of the same old thing. We had a very simple Christmas, it was hard fitting church in on Christmas Day but the music and message was good. We had our kids and grand kids come over and open presents and then all the extended family came for dinner. That is the only way we can do it so my parents can see all the grand and great grand kids. It was sad this year because my one brother is serving a mission and the other has just gone through a divorce. That leaves most of the work for my sister and me and our kids. Hopefully things will get better, the sun has to come up again tomorrow, and hopefully Christmas will be behind me.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas To All


Candi and Max

Four oldest grand kids

Me loving Max

You know you're an old fart when on Christmas Eve you soak in the tub and watch The Sound of Music on t.v. My sister and I were venting last night about how hard it is to fit everything in. It seems like the older I get the less I get accomplished and that's frustrating. Today was a different day and it didn't seem like Christmas Eve. Spencer played in Buffalo against the Bills and they did terrible. There is only one game left and if they don't win, their season is over, NO play offs. As I sat watching the game I became more and more anxious. I probably shouldn't watch the games because it puts me in such a bad mood when they play so bad, four interceptions, really? So after the game Mindi and I did some retail therapy trying to finish up our shopping and looking for bargains. I came home wrapped presents for my grand kids and told Rich I was going to bed. He said, "it's only 8 o'clock are you really going to bed?" Yes, I'm tired and tomorrow is going to be another crazy day with church and then the whole family coming for dinner. Is this the way life is going to be moving towards 60? I guess so. I've been kind of down in the dumps lately. It seems like the stress of the holidays brings out some sad emotions deep down inside of me. Last night at our family party I looked around at all of the eighty people that were there. I have so much to be thankful for. I have the best parents, spouse, kids, grand kids, siblings and friends. I have a testimony that our Savior lives and he loves me and watches over us. I still don't understand why Kamber had to go home, but know I will see her again someday. I think I'm finally getting the real meaning of Christmas. It's the gratitude we have for the birth of our Savior and the love we have for all his creations. I hope all those I love have a wonderful peaceful Christmas tomorrow and feel his spirit.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?"






I spent this morning doing some much needed housework, I know how busy the next few days will be, with our extended family party tomorrow and then Christmas Eve and Christmas. After I was finished Mindi and I did some last minute shopping, it felt good to be out of the house. We then met up with Candi, B.J. and their boys at the cemetery to put a little something on Kamber's grave. Families shouldn't have to decorate children's graves, especially at Christmas, this was our third year. As we pulled up I noticed two teenage girls putting red garland around a tree close by. There was an older man with buckets and gallon water containers cleaning the grave of his sweetheart. After we were finished I walked over to him and told him how nice he kept his wife's grave. She passed away about 18 months ago. As I looked in his eyes I could see the sadness and loneliness, what a loving husband. As we were walking around B.J. and I started talking about how we came to purchase some plots at the cemetery. He wanted to go see where our "final resting place" will be. As we looked at some of the headstones there were many whose spouses have died way before them. I'm glad I have the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again. That gives me peace. I have felt overwhelmed and disillusioned about my life right now. Life is hard, and the older I get the harder it seems to get. I hope some day I will get to the point that my faith will be able to pull me through the hard times, but right now I'm just hoping for some peace during "the most wonderful time of the year."

Monday, December 19, 2011

Birthday Change of Plans



This morning I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with the water running in the shower. Dang how I hate being married to an early bird. I tried to get back to sleep but after about an hour I decided to just get up and start working. By 8:00 I had my sheets washed, the dishwasher loaded, the dogs and fish fed, breakfast and lunch made for Rich and my caramel popcorn cooking on the stove. Today and every day this week are going to be busy but today was going to be a special day. We were going out to lunch to celebrate the birthday of a good friend of mine. I have known Paula for over twenty years as she lived in Lehi when we were both down there. She has four boys just about the same ages as my children and was a second Mom to Spencer because he was best friends with her youngest Blake. Anyway, after a divorce and the accidental death of her oldest son, she remarried a guy in my ward and so we were reunited again. She has been a very good friend to me. When I had my hip surgery she slept at the hospital on a mat on the floor so I wasn't alone for the two nights I was recovering. She came over a lot this summer trying to encourage me to exercise in the pool. We have had some very special conversations and cried together after the death of her son Rhett and my grand daughter Kamber. I hope I can return just a little bit of service to her. Unfortunately I just got a call that she is sick and won't be able to go to lunch, but I know we can go when she feels better. Now that our plans have changed I need to decide what is most important to get done today, I don't even know where to start.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

We Will Never Give Up

Here it is a week before Christmas, how can that be? I've been busy trying to get my shopping finished and stay "out of the toilet." It's hard around the Holidays to keep everything in perspective, what Christmas is really all about. I went out the other night to feed my animals and one of my special rabbits was missing out of the cage. I asked Mindi if she had seen her in the morning and she had. So I went in the cage thinking maybe she was just hiding, when I saw a hole leading out of the cage to the backyard. Because of the rain the dirt was really soft so it was easy for her to dig her way out. Mindi and I searched the yard until we found her dead under the grape vines. Couldn't she see the five big dogs waiting to chase her? It put me in such a bad mood I could hardly function yesterday. Ethan came by and said, "I hear you are down in the dumps, come with me and I'll buy you lunch and you can spend some time holding the baby." So off I went to spend a few hours with the grand kids in Queen Creek. Last night as I was getting ready for bed I asked Rich, "at what point do you just give up, throw in towel, or just crawl in a hole?" My ever optimistic husband said, "Never! we never give up, we endure to the end." Okay, I think sometimes that I am at the end, I'm tired of my life as I know it. Yesterday I was talking to my Mom, she always tries to cheer me up. She lived through the depression when life was really hard. Her Dad was sick and my grandmother had to provide for the family. She understands what hard times are and she always tells me "things are going to work out, get better and don't get discouraged." With all of this positive energy around me how did I turn out to be such a Debbie Downer? I guess I need to keep working on that gratitude journal, then maybe things will get better, and work out for the best.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I Need to Build an Ark, We Are Flooding

It has rained now for two days straight, my yard looks like a swamp and my animals are swimming. How do people live in places where it rains constantly? This morning the sun was shining for about an hour. We thought it was clearing up so off we went to the Mall. I'm trying to get all the Christmas bought for my grand kids, the adults aren't getting anything this year unless Rich wants to shop for them. I heard on the news this morning that women do most of the shopping for Christmas, Really? I know if it isn't at Home Depot or Loew's, Rich doesn't think we need it. I remember when my kids were young I would kill myself shopping, sometimes late when the stores were open until midnight. I would then spend all Christmas Eve wrapping because if I put presents out any earlier the kids wouldn't leave them alone. Then on Christmas morning Rich would say something like,"Wow you bought way too much this year." Then the blood would start shooting out of my eyes after I spent hours and hours trying to make Christmas nice. I guess he just thought everything should be free or that Santa Clause would bring it. Men just don't get the shopping thing, Rich would be naked and starve if he did the shopping. So I guess it's a good thing I bust my butt every year so we can have some sort of Christmas. We have all felt so overwhelmed lately with all that we have to do. Rich and Dave are working 10-12 hours a day and we still are hardly making it. Mindi and I work all day trying to keep up with laundry, dishes, cleaning and not to mention five kids to take care of. Maybe we should put the house up for sale and move into an apartment where they do all the lawns, or a hotel where we can have maid service. That sounds great, but what will I do with all the stuff I have and the critters? I guess I need to just be happy with what I've got right now and be thankful I'm not in a sleeping bag in the park in the rain.

Friday, December 9, 2011

NOT So "Merry and Bright"

This week the grand kids have had ear infections, bladder problems, diaper rash and strep throat, those are just the ones I know about. Mindi went out to feed the animals yesterday and pulled something in her back. She just left for the doctor. After a summer of over 110 degrees it was 28 this morning. The animals don't like it so cold, either do the flowers Rich planted. I spent all day yesterday trying to decorate my Christmas tree and finish the swag in my entry way. Last night I was sitting alone in my family room enjoying all my work feeling sorry for myself when the phone rang. One of my best friends called to tell me her father had passed away. I could hear the pain in her voice as she told me "I'm so sad, I will miss him." I knew her parents weren't in very good health but didn't know he was that sick. It seems like everywhere I look there are trials, and heartache. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean all is "Merry and Bright," we are all going through something hard, especially trying to diet during the holidays. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it, hopefully when we get to the other side and are reunited with our loved ones we will be proud of what we did here. I'm thinking I'll have some huge regrets, some character flaws I wasn't able to overcome, and some relationships ruined. This mortal life is how we prepare to return to our Heavenly Home, hopefully I'm going to be up for the challenge, right now I'm just trying to get through Christmas.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Not Feeling the Christmas Spirit Yet

The Nativity My Dad Carved

My crystal tree

The Mantle

After the Game

Abney and I (Darling!) Ha Ha

All the boys in the Jungle Jim (Basketball Hoop)

I've had a hard time getting motivated to get my house decorated for Christmas. I'm not really in the Christmas spirit right now but hopefully I can move towards that. Every year I say "I've had enough, never again," but continue to make myself crazy. Annie and the kids came for the weekend while Spencer was in Minnesota playing the Vikings. The Broncos even won so that makes it fun for me. It was so good to see them and spend a little time playing with the kids. I wish we could have planned it better so we could get all the grand kids together for pictures but we didn't have time. We went to church, watched the game, had dinner and then let the kids play with the cousins, then we went out to Ethan and Jenn's to see the new baby. How blessed I am to be the grandmother to sixteen wonderful kids. Today as Mindi and I were out running errands I saw two different guys on scooters, one was handicapped and stopped in the middle of the street crossing the freeway. The other one was going down the sidewalk with an American flag on the back. He was an older guy and after looking closer he had only one leg. Mindi said, "see Mom it could be a whole lot worse." I know that compared to many I have a wonderful life, I just wish there were some things that were different. I'm trying to make some changes and hopefully it will help. We never know what we will be asked to go through, I don't even know how to prepare for adversity, so I just keep plugging along on this journey of mine.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Joy In The Journey?

I woke up this morning at four with a bad headache. By the time I got a Tylenol and went back to sleep it was after six. I slept really good but when I got up it was after 8:00, my cleaning girl had come and gone because my front door was still locked. I decided I could do it alone and started feeding animals and tried to get my house decorated for Christmas. I would clean as I went along. I do this every year, say "next year I'm not going to put that huge wreath up," "I'm not going to put the swags around the entry way." Well, I did it again, proved that I like to inflict pain on myself. Rich went to work to clean up a job site, so that left me on my own again. All I wanted were the Christmas lights up on my house. Dave started to do it and it began to rain, then he couldn't find any of the lights that actually work, so again no lights. As the day progressed I seemed to become more angry. I bought a little tree to put some purple ornaments on for Kamber. Then I put the crystal ornaments on my little tree in the entry. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were memories of Kamber. I walk outside the front door and there are the purple flowers Rich planted in Kamber's section. The picture hanging on the inside of my door, which is the last family picture that she's in, I will never take it down. Rich got home just in time to hang my wreath, listen to me complain and then off he went to a Stake Conference meeting. Life seems so busy and complicated sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel. Am I ever going to find peace and joy in this journey I'm on? Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I'm just tired of being mortal.

Friday, December 2, 2011

It's Beginning To Look Like Christmas

It's beginning to look and feel like Christmas around here. The temps are down in the sixties with a winter storm moving through. I've had my tree up for a week now but haven't put a single ornament on it. It seems like a mood thing for me and I'm trying to get "in the mood." When I was a kid it seemed like forever between Christmas and my birthday, now it seems like we just put all the decorations away and here we go again. There were a couple of boxes that never even made it out of my "stack all" room. My doctor called last week to say all the blood tests were normal. That means I'm not rejecting the metal part of the hip. That's good news, but now I need to find something else to solve my problem. I'm trying to make some lifestyle changes that are really hard for me to do. I know that I have medicated myself with the finer things in life like chocolate, pizza, cheeseburgers, soda and many other unhealthy things. I was told as a young child that my Dad would rather bury me than have me in a bar or drink alcohol. That's what you get when your grandparents were alcoholics. So even though I would never drink alcohol or take drugs I will kill myself with food. So I'm joining a few other family members who are having our own "Biggest Loser" contest and hopefully it will help with my pain. I have noticed that since I've been trying to change some of my eating I'm way more emotional. This is really hard but necessary for my health so I must "gird up my loins, fresh courage take." I think I can do hard things but no comfort food is torture. Hopefully some day I will feel good again and be able to be out of pain and hopefully do things I haven't done in a very long time.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Number Sixteen Is Here








Yesterday morning at around 7 a.m. the phone rang. My heart sinks every time we get a call either late at night or early morning. It was Ethan telling us they were on their way to the hospital to start the process of delivering our sixteenth grandchild, Reagan. Rich had to leave for a meeting so I was by myself listening to church music and praying that all would go well with Jenn. There is something about the birth process that brings you to your knees. I don't know what song it was but it really touched me and the tears started to flow. I was wondering if this baby, that is about to be born, knows her other sister who went to heaven three plus years ago. I believe that we lived in heaven with other spirits waiting to come to earth to get a body, but I don't know if those spirits that have died mingle with those waiting to come. Jenn is a pro at this as she's had six babies in ten years. We are so proud that she and Ethan are willing to take on this task of raising these special children. I have spent the last two weeks working on quilts for this baby. Jenn said she wanted an animal print but I had a hard time finding animal prints for babies. I think they turned out cute. We may be getting to the end of our posterity. The kids are figuring it out, but we are still hoping for a few more from a couple of them.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Moving On To Christmas






We had a nice Thanksgiving with about fifty people at our house. This was the ON year for the Greer family but with Lennie on a mission and some of the older grand children now hosting their in-laws we didn't have that many, which is probably good. I realized that I'm not getting any younger as I spent all day yesterday in bed sick from something, stress, too much food, or just plain old tired. I'm feeling a little bit better today but when I look at all that is ahead of me I want to just go back to bed. I want to get my tree up and the lights on our house done because last year it seemed like Christmas came so fast we never really got finished decorating. I have also decided to have a more simple decore, I just don't have the desire to do what it takes, hopefully less will be okay. Tomorrow our 16th grandchild will be born, if all goes well with the scheduling at the hospital. I have been busy finishing her quilt and shopping, which I love to do. There is just something special about a newborn. When I think of Ethan and Jenn being the parents of six kids I can't believe it. I hope they are up for the challenge. As I look back on my life I am just thankful that my kids are healthy and productive members of society. At one time, when they were all teenagers I had my doubts but I'm so thankful for each of them. It's weird because my Mom used to tell me all the time how thankful she was for her children. When I was raising my kids I was happy to make it to another day without driving my car over a cliff. Now that I'm hitting the golden years I can see what my Mom was saying. The only thing we really have and can depend on is the love of our family.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thankful

These last few days have been busy, we've been trying to get the house clean and food ready for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. At times I feel overwhelmed with all that is going on. Today Mindi and I ran a bunch of errands. We needed to hit some stores because I NEVER shop on Black Friday because of the crowds. Lately I've felt more emotional than I usually am, sometimes I just have to ask myself, "what is wrong with you?" I have so many conflicting feelings about so many things I'm making myself crazy. As I was visiting teaching on Monday we were talking about receiving revelation, and what we need to do to get personal revelation. The main thing is to live the commandments so we can be worthy for the blessings and answers to problems in our lives. As we were driving from store to store I kept thinking about some things that are bothering me right now. In the news lately there have been lots of reports of child abuse and parents who take the lives of their own children. Just this morning as I got on the internet I read several articles all over the country where mothers and fathers have done the unthinkable to their children. Who are these people and why do they even have children? Anyway, as I was watching t.v. tonight there was a "breaking news" story of a plane that crashed into the Superstition Mountains just east of us. This doesn't help with my fear of flying. As the night progressed they kept getting new information about the crash site and finally said there were six people who lost their lives, three young children. They had flown up from Safford to get the kids and take them back for Thanksgiving. How tragic to have this happen at this time, or any time. I feel so bad for the families of these people, I know what an awful experience it is as my Uncle Kenneth was killed when his plane hit a mountain and all those aboard were killed. That happened about fifty years ago and my Mom still tells me how hard it was for the family. As I was feeling sorry for myself today, wondering what I can do to help myself, I realized that even though I have some challenges, I have lots more to be grateful for than most people. So tomorrow I am really going to try and relish the time I have with the fifty or so people who want to come to my house and share our food. I never want to take for granted the relationships I have with others, you never know when one of them will be taken from you.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Mom's 82 Now

Yesterday was my Moms 82nd birthday. We were trying to find a time to celebrate with everyone but because of some conflicts my sister and I decided to just go to Scottsdale and take her to lunch. Well, actually my Dad ended up treating us to Mexican food at Los Olivas. Talk about going back in time, that is what it's like to go back to downtown Scottsdale for me. I grew up in Scottsdale but left in the 70's to go to college and then get married. As we left the restaurant I noticed that we were right across from the hospital. As I walked across the street there was the Piper Cancer Center. I told my sister, "I hope I never have to go there." Then a little bit farther down there was the Stroke Center and next to it the words TRAUMA caught my eye. My mind went back to the day Kamber passed away and what trauma really means to each of us. After visiting with our parents and having a sliver of pie Mell had brought, we left their humble home and started back to Gilbert. As we got down to McDowell street I told my sister how different our family is now. We used to be able to take Mom out for dinner with all the siblings and have such a nice time. Now with Lennie serving as a Mission President and my other brother getting divorced, we have to go it alone. My sister even said, "we've really lost both of our brothers." It just isn't the same anymore, but I guess that's what life is all about, doing the best you can with what you have to work with. Mell and I have talked about this before, we are so lucky to have both of our parents still with us and that they are in as good of shape as can be expected in their 80's. They still live alone and take care of each other, even with the little health problems each of them have. My Dad talks about how he wants to live at least until my brother gets home from his mission, I hope it's a lot longer than that. This Thanksgiving will be another one where we will have all the family at our house but things have definately changed. We will have some dear members not with us, but life goes on and we will keep trying to do the best we can.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

"It Just Isn't That Bad"

I woke up this morning in tears. I didn't sleep well worrying about struggles going on and I am just feeling tired. Tired of life as I know it. When I was young I thought "almost sixty" would be a piece of cake. My kids would be grown and gone, Rich and I would have enough money to travel and do what ever we wanted, and our health would be good enough to just enjoy life. I know I have so much to be thankful for and most of that I don't deserve, but life is hard for me right now. Rich promised me that when he quit his job and started his own business he would "be home more, and we would have way more money." I have even threatened to put it on his headstone when he leaves this earth, because anyone who owns their own business is married to it, especially construction. The kids never understood why we couldn't go on vacation but how can you say, "Mrs. Jones, I know your kitchen is torn to he#@ and you are doing dishes in the bathroom sink but we've decided to take the kids to Disneyland. It never happened. Anyway, after my pity party this morning I got up and decided to get some things done. Then my sister picked me up and took me to a doctors appointment. As we were driving down Lindsey we both notice the beautiful trees along the road with the prettiest fall leaves. This time of year is suppose to be reflective of all the things we are thankful for and all I'm seeing are the trials. Rich has to talk in church on Sunday. He brought some papers he had found in for me to read. I hate it when he does it, but I usually need the message. One of the little sayings was from Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "A man's success is made up off progressive failures which he rises above, because he experiences and ventures every day. And the more falls he gets, the faster he moves on." We are all going to go through trials, the death of a loved one, illnesses, loss of jobs, and failure of our hopes and aspirations. That is Life! Now I need to figure out how to develop a habit of happiness. As Rich told me this morning, "it just isn't that bad."

Saturday, November 12, 2011

People Watching At The Mall

I woke up early this morning and decided to get to work. I never sleep that good when Rich is away, even though I have the whole bed to myself and he's not there waking me up getting ready for work. As I fed the animals and got my house cleaned, Mindi asked if I was going to go with her. She needed a break from the kids, laundry, cleaning and just being a Mom. She was in desperate need of some retail therapy. So we took Miss Trulie and off we went to the Mall. I don't do that well with walking from store to store, so I sat with the baby in the car while Mindi hit a couple of baby stores. I entertained a four month old and people watched. After about an hour we decided to get out of the car and do some walking to a clothing store a little ways away. We got about ten things to try on and went into the dressing room. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I have NO business shopping for clothes looking like this, my hair looks terrible." Mindi found a couple of shirts but I decided that having three closets full of clothes were enough and we left. Mindi even asked me if I was okay because it's not like me to not buy something, especially when Rich is out of town. By this time it was about lunch time, so we decided to just get a pretzel, cheese and lemonade that was close to where we parked. We got our food and went to the car to eat. As we were sitting there, again watching all the people walk by, a girl came around the corner with a young boy going into the pretzel store. She was so pretty and looked so happy with a huge smile. She had a red blouse on with a blue purse hanging over her shoulder. The thing is, she didn't have any arms. Mindi turned to me and said, "How will she eat without any arms?" We sat there watching as she came out with the young boy holding his pretzel and drink. They turned the corner and walked up the sidewalk shopping. Then again Mindi said, "I guess it could be so much worse, but she looked way happier than I am right now." As I sat there thinking, looking at all those people some were skinny and cute, others cute and pudgy. I realized how much I compare myself to others. I saw couples holding hands shopping, I can't ever remember Rich and I holding hands strolling through the Mall together on a Saturday morning. It would never happen, trust me. I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself but do I really want to take Rich to the Mall? Not a chance, the only shopping he does is at Home Depot and sometimes Wal Mart. Anyway, after shopping I was in desperate need of a nap so I came home and went to bed while Mindi continued her shopping spree at Bashas' and now she's off to Hobby Lobby and somewhere else. I'm too old and tired to shop all day but I'm thankful I was able to feel gratitude for what I do have even if it's a husband who won't go to the Mall.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran's Day 2011

Rich left this morning at 5 a.m. to go to Camp Lo Mia for stake youth conference. I hope he stays warm up in the mountains because he hates the cold. He has left us here to do irrigation and "hold the fort down", whatever that means. After he left I did three loads of laundry and made four batches of pomegranate jelly. I will be so glad when the juice is either frozen or given away. I love the smell of my house when I'm cooking with pomegranates, it reminds me of my Mom and special aunt who started the tradition of giving the bright red jelly to friends and neighbors for Christmas. It does make me really tired and my back starts to hurt, I need a nap. Yesterday I went to see my surgeon about the pain that continues to bother me in my hip. He is going to run some tests on my blood to see if maybe I'm allergic to the metal in the prosthesis and then we can make some decisions about what my options are. It's really confusing when all the x rays, bone scans and CAT scans show everything looking good, but basically it can all look good and still not be working right. It's frustrating, but I'm thankful to have a good doctor. As he was looking at my scans he found I also have arthritis in my back and an old rib injury. I don't remember ever hurting my rib, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. After my appointment we went to the Outlet Mall to shop with Spencer's money at the Reebok store. That is always fun but so tiring walking around trying to find sizes and colors. I was able to get some nice shoes for Rich and my Dad and some really cozy socks for me and my Mom. It's basically all workout clothes and a few jerseys and shirts, but not much Bronco stuff. Anyway, it really helps the girls get new shoes for all the kiddos. Today is Veteran's Day and I am so thankful for all those who are in the military and keep us safe. I had two uncles and a brother-in-law who were in the Air Force. One uncle was killed in a plane crash up by Flagstaff. The other did two tours as a navigator of B 52 bombers flying over Vietnam. Another uncle was in the army. I also have a cousin who served as a Special Op in the Marines who was airlifted into Afghanistan after 9-11. These guys are heroes to me and I hope they know how much I look up to them and appreciate their service.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Working on Charity and Courage





My life keeps rolling along. We had a good weekend with Trent's baptism and church. We now have five of our sixteen grandchildren who have been baptized. They are so special to us. All the kids and grand kids were there except Spencer and Annie in Colorado. Spencer played in Oakland on Sunday and the Broncos won, so that was fun. We have to tape the game and watch it after church. The game is usually over before we get through the first half, so we try not to find out the score until we see it for ourselves. This week during the third quarter we got a call from Annie saying Spencer got injured, but not seriously. He had an MRI on Monday and called to say there's nothing majorly wrong, so our prayers have been answered again. He should be able to practice and play this next game. My thoughts this week have been with my cousin's daughter who is 28 years old and fighting breast cancer. She got an infection from the surgery and was hospitalized last week with a high fever. She had surgery again on Mon. to remove the infection. The question I've asked a million times since Kamber passed away, WHY? We knew when we came here it was going to be hard and we would be asked to do things that were very unpleasant, but a young mother having to go through such a horrible illness shakes my soul. I hope that in the eternities we will be able to see how much our trials helped us become more like the Savior, but now it just makes me so sad to think of all the suffering that's going on in the world. I've been reading a Biography of President Monson's life, "To The Rescue." He is such an example of charity, Something I read yesterday really hit home with me. He said "Perhaps when we face our Maker, we will not be asked, 'How many positions did you hold,' but rather, 'How many people did you help?' One can never love the Lord until he serves Him by serving His people." Maybe this is the answer to my question "why" we need to have these trials, so that we can serve others and be served and hopefully some day have the pure love of Christ which is charity. I know I am a long way out there and charity doesn't come that naturally to me sometimes but I'm working on it. Tomorrow I go see the surgeon to see what he can do to help me. I don't know what I want to hear either way the news isn't going to be good. I had Rich and my Dad give me a blessing on Sat. while we were together, all I can remember is him giving me courage to do what it will take to be healed and out of pain. Hopefully that blessing will help me in the decisions I will have to make in the future, courage isn't one of the gifts I was born with, but something to work on in the future.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Thankful for Being a Mom and Grandma


I can't believe how the weeks are turning into months faster than I can keep up. Candi called me yesterday and asked about our plans for Thanksgiving. I told her I'm trying to get through the baptism and luncheon for Trent on Sat., then we will start thinking about Thanksgiving. This month will be crazy again. Besides turkey day, Jenn will probably have her baby and it's my Mom's 82nd birthday as well. This morning I woke up early and got going. My Mom came over to help me do some of my jelly and picked up some more juice to finish hers. Before she got here I put up all my Fall decorations and did some laundry. I started thinking about all the years I've been a stay at home Mom and now Grandma. Thirty-five years seems like a long time to be doing the same thing over and over. I was talking to someone the other day about how hard life is. How busy it is to have children and try and do your best to raise them. As we were talking, it came down that basically the more kids you have, the more crazy life becomes. I finally said, "I do have some regrets in my life, but I have never regretted having my children." They aren't perfect, but they are mine. I was asking Rich the other day if we could just close up the business, move into a one bedroom condo and rest for a while. Of course we can't, he loves his job, even though the economy has tanked, he still loves to work. I guess that's better than having a lazy husband. Yesterday we watched Brookie and Max while Jenn was at the doctor. It's so fun having these little people around. They say the funniest things. I'm so thankful that I was able to have children and that my kids have chosen to bring these little spirits into our family. I can't wait until little Reagan is born, life will just get a little busier and a lot more fun!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Turning Juice Into Jelly


I woke up this morning at 3:45 a.m. with such a severe pain in my leg I thought I was going to have to call 911 or go to the hospital. It felt like my whole leg was going to blow up. It's happened a couple of other times but never this bad. I finally got up took some pain reliever, put an ice pack on and tried to go back to sleep. That never really happened as I could hear a bunch of racket going on outside my bedroom, plus the stupid dogs were trying to get to the baby chickens. Oh the joy of running a small petting zoo. I decided to just get up and start making jelly out of the pomegranate juice we worked so hard for last week. I had just finished up my third batch when my Mom called for the second time, to check up on me before she's off to the Temple. My Mom and Dad are my biggest cheerleaders and even though they are in there 80's and I'm almost 60 I'm still their little girl. I know they have my back, NO matter what I'm going through. I was telling them that I just don't think I signed up for these trials. I said, "Oh yeh, send me down, I don't mind if I'm crippled and in constant pain. Let me suffer through the drowning death of my grandchild. Let me live through one disappointment after another, that's what I want." After I had my pity party my Dad said, "You know Teri, all these things you are talking about aren't going to mean a thing in the big scheme of things when you get to Heaven." By then I was telling him that I probably won't be there in Heaven but will be fine in Hell. I'll have lots of company there. Then they started reminding me of all the positives in my life. "Your four "darling" children and even "more darling" sixteen grandchildren. My beautiful home, my testimony, my temple recommend, my chickens," okay Dad you're stretching a little bit on that one. I guess I just don't remember when I was in Primary and Young Women's them teaching, "now brace yourself because you are about to go through some horrible trials before you can return home." Maybe if they would have told me I might have made some different decisions in my life. Anyway, it is what it is, and hopefully the sun will come up tomorrow so that I can spend the day making more jelly and maybe get some other chores done along the way. I guess I have heard something about "enduring to the end," maybe the end will come soon.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Roosters Gone, Pomegranates Juiced

This has been a crazy busy week that I'm glad is over. It all started on Monday when I got a call from an elderly man who wanted to come get my roosters. We have been trying to get rid of them for a while and about to lose hope, when he got my name from a note we left at the feed store. He came out and we filled two cages and a small box with chickens for him to take out to his 10 acres Chandler. I made him promise me and practically do a "pinky swear" that he wouldn't kill them and off he went. I was so relieved but at 4:00 a.m. the next morning, I have to admit, I kind of missed all the crowing. I think I'm over it now and hope we won't be back in the same boat when our thirty babies grow up. The rest of the week we spent picking, washing and juicing pomegranates. We usually don't do it until the first week in Nov. but because Trent's baptism is next Sat. we thought we would get an early start. I helped my sister pick some trees they found in downtown Mesa on Wed. and then had the boys help pick my eight trees out back. On Thurs. Mindi and I went to Lehi to pick my friends two trees and then two trees in our neighborhood. We were so dirty and tired I though I was going to expire. Yesterday the family came in shifts and we got all the fruit juiced and bottled, finishing at 5:30 p.m. This has become a tradition in our family that my dear Aunt Tenna started way back when. I think about her every year as we take on this project. As we were picking I had this feeling of admiration for her and a sense of fulfillment in the "law of the harvest" kind of way. As we were sitting around the table with four juicers going, I realized why my Dad loves to plant a big corn field and vegetable garden every summer in the White Mountains. There is a sense of accomplishment when we do hard things that others wouldn't think of doing. Anyway, I'm glad that's over, now I will spend this week making jelly and getting ready for Trent's luncheon after he gets baptized next week. I'm going crazy but wouldn't have it any other way.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"I Spit On Fair"

I have finally climbed out of the "toilet" for the thousandth time in my life. Why does life have to be so hard for me? Every time I go into one of these funks I try and promise myself that once I get out, I will never go there again, but just like everything else in my life I can't make any promises. I've been reflecting a lot lately on why life just doesn't seem fair. My brother, who is a mission president in Washington, told me once that in law school the professor used to say, "I spit on fair." I still don't know what that means but I guess that in this life nothing is fair. I was talking to a dear friend of mine this morning. She is such an inspiration to me. When we lived in Lehi she was so kind to me and would take me to Mayo Clinic when they were trying to diagnose me back in the 80's. She has had such a hard life. She has nine children, one was still born with some birth defects. One of her daughters was born with some complications and has cerebral palsy, she is thirty-one years old now. She also had a baby at almost forty seven that continues to be a trial as he has autism and at times gets violent and pulls her hair and slaps her. What an angel she is and how much I admire her. As I was listening to her and trying to be a support like, "I'd beat one of my kids if they ever slapped me or pulled my hair out," I asked her how she even gets through the day. She doesn't think she's doing such a good job, but I know she has to be a special person to survive what she's gone through. I keep hoping that a miracle will happen and my hip will heal without further surgery, but I'm also realistic with the fact that it's been over a year and if anything it's getting more painful. We all fought in Heaven for the chance to come to earth, get a body, and prove that we would return home worthy to live with our Heavenly Father. This is the "Plan of Happiness" but sometimes it just doesn't seem so "happy" to me. I need to put everything into perspective and see all the blessings I have. I know it could be so much worse, so I will carry on doing what I can to keep moving towards the light and hopefully stay out of the toilet for a while.

Friday, October 21, 2011

My Balloon Is Losing Air

These last couple of weeks have been very disappointing to me in many ways. I have been through some really hard things in my life and even though I get a glimmer of hope that things will change, it's always the same old story. I was talking to my sister the other day about some of my frustrations and she told me a little story she uses in her "addiction recovery" group she and her husband run. She talks about all of us who have great hopes about our lives when we are young. As we get married, have children, buy our first house, get job promotions on and on our balloons fill up with air and we are flying high. Then when the trials come, as we know they will, financial problems, miscarriages, health problems, grandchildren passing away, relationships going bad, on and on our balloon starts to loose air. She said, "Teri, by the time you get our age, our balloons are pretty flat." That is what I've been feeling for a while now. How can I get my balloon filled up and hopefully in the air again? My surgeon called me yesterday and gave me the results of my CAT scan. He said that this test didn't show any abnormalities in the hip, BUT it is NOT normal to still be having pain fourteen months out. There is a possibility that my bone didn't grow around the metal socket and so this might be the reason for all the pain. The only way to fix it is to have another surgery. This is one of those experiences that make your balloon go flat, going through hell and then having the chance you get to do it again. Oh well, I lived through it once before and if that is what needs to get me out of pain and walking better I may have to do it. It will be the last resort though. Hopefully the sun will come up tomorrow and I can get some air flowing in my big flat balloon.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Trulie's Blessing and Water Turtle Rescue


We finally had Trulie's baby blessing on Sunday. Dave did a nice job and it was fun having all my kids and grand kids there. With Dave's family from Willcox, we took up about five long rows in the back of the church. When you get that much family together it's hard being reverent, but we got through it. We also had two returned missionaries speak, so there were people sitting all the way back to the Primary room. We spent a lot of last week getting all the food ready and preparing but it never seems like we are ready for a crowd like that. Feeding sixty hungry people gets harder the older I get. On Sat. I started having a really sore throat and a cough, I'm just hoping it isn't strep. I have too much to do to be sick. This morning we got three hours of irrigation. We never know how much water we'll get. Sometimes it just barely gets up to the front of our property and then other times we are flooded out within the first hour. I have a little area between our two houses where I have two ponds full of water turtles and fish. As I walked down to Mindi's to take some of her stuff to give her I saw that the water kind of got away from us. The whole area was under water and the turtles and fish were swimming all over the ground. As I looked harder I could see some little green things floating. I called Mindi out and she went on a turtle rescue finding nineteen babies. Mindi said, "what in the heck are we going to do with all these turtles?" I started my little "turtle operation" by rescuing a female from a girl in my ward about ten years ago. I eventually had Rich build me a pond because a baby pool wasn't working so well with the dogs. Then anytime someone didn't want their turtle, it ended up in my pond. I think at last count I have nine adult red eared sliders and now twenty-one hatchlings. We have also had about twenty baby chicks hatched in the last two weeks and I'm still trying to find someone to take my fifteen roosters. I don't know why people don't want roosters, it's so fun when they start crowing at 4:00 a.m. ha ha! Anyway, I'm glad last week is over and hopefully I can get my house back together and work on a couple of quilts. As I was sitting in church listening to Dave give Trulie her blessing I wondered what it was like when I was blessed. I leaned over and asked my sister if we had any grandparents or great grandparents at our blessings. She didn't have an answer but Trulie had two grandmas and one grandpa and a set if great grandparents, not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Hopefully some day she will appreciate all those who love her and were there to see her given a name and a blessing.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Glad the CT Scan is Over!




Yesterday I went to have a CT scan of my hip to see if we can find what's causing my pain and make me walk like a penguin. I hate these tests because they bring up so much anxiety. I made the appointment at a time when I could take some medication to help with the symptoms and off I went into the room. The girl was young, cute, and really friendly. She had to tie my feet together pointed in for some reason, I guess to put the hip in a certain position. As she slid me into the tube and started the machine I started to have a little panic run through my body. All I could think to do was start singing Primary songs. I wasn't singing very loud but I started with "Heavenly Father, are you really there, and do you hear and answer every child's prayer?" I don't know if she heard me or not but she started talking to me and said, "we're almost done." It only took about five minutes and the rest of the time I just shut my eyes and started praying about someone in heaven watching over my kids and grand kids. On the way home I was talking to Mindi about my situation. I don't want them to find anything wrong because that means another surgery, but if they don't find anything wrong can I live like this for the rest of my life? Either way it isn't good. Life has a way of keeping me on my toes, and I'm not too fond of that.


A few months ago I had a friend ask me if I could help her make a quilt for her new grandson due this month. I decided to just make it without her, knowing how busy she is working two jobs and taking care of her elderly parents, not to mention serving in Young Womens. She came by last night and picked it up, she seemed to like it and hope it will be used in Washington.


We are busy trying to get houses and yards ready for Sunday when we have everyone over after Trulie's baby blessing. Mindi made me this cute wreath to put on my door, I couldn't do it without her, I'm just sorry that she has to be the one always in the middle of all the problems and trials. Hopefully she will be blessed for her efforts. I sure appreciate all her support.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Busy Weekend and More To Come

Alyssa and Ben coming out of the Temple.

All of those invited to the sealing.

My sister Mell.

Trenter the birthday boy.

Last weekend we had two weddings, and celebrated two birthdays. My niece Alyssa was married on Friday and then a dear friend of the family was married on Saturday. We celebrated my sister Mell's 60th birthday on Sat. evening because Trent's birthday is on the same day, Monday Oct. 10. and Mindi was having a party for him. When you throw in two receptions, fall break, church and a football game, my head is still spinning. When we came out of the Temple after the wedding it was so pretty, there was a cool breeze and some puffy clouds in the sky. We were surrounded by family, and now the new family. I took my camera so I could take some wonderful pictures of this glorious event. When I got home and put them on the computer something didn't look right. I couldn't find the pictures I had just uploaded from the camera. I asked Mindi for some help and found out I had taken videos instead of pictures. I shouldn't be allowed to use any thing that requires the use of technology, how hard is it to take a few pictures? I guess pretty hard if you don't know you are on the video setting of a camera. Life continues to be hard and painful for me and I'm still not sleeping well at night because of the pain. Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a CT scan of my hip so hopefully the doctor can help me. The older I get the more confused I get about why we need so many struggles, but I guess it can always get worse. This Sunday we will have the blessing of baby Trulie with a luncheon after church. Mindi and I are busy planning the food and trying to get the house clean and the outside work done, it never ends so I guess I need to just enjoy the journey.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Lemon Machine, Pain, and Panhandlers

About a year ago I was in a fabric store and decided to buy a new sewing machine. I had a couple of old ones but the new fancy one that does about 50 different stitches caught my eye. After a short demonstration I brought my machine home and was so excited to start sewing. Well it worked pretty good for a while but one day as I was sewing the binding on a quilt it made a loud scary noise and the bobbin pulled out of the machine. I took it in and got it serviced, luckily it was still under warranty. When I got it home I started quilting on it again and the same thing happened, the weird sound and then the bobbin lifting out of the machine. So off we went again to the store, this time I was pretty ticked off. I talked to the guy who sold it to me and he said he was going to send it to their Glendale store for repair and if it did it again I could get a new machine. So two days ago I was in my sewing room putting the binding on a quilt for Trace and that darn machine did the same thing, this time the needled fell out before it made the noise and damaged the bobbin case. Now I'm really upset. I take the machine in this time in hopes of getting a new machine. When I got their the guy who sold it to me is in California, so they took my machine and will have him call me when he gets back. I have been up almost all night the last three nights with severe hip pain. It was so bad last night I decided to call the doctor about another cortisone shot or something to relieve the pain. When he called me back he decided that I need to have a CT scan to see if the medal replacement is in right or if I just have bursitis. Now my day really isn't going that well, no sewing machine, possible revision surgery, I'm up to my eyeballs in weddings and receptions this weekend that I need to shop for. Mindi and I pulled into the QT to get some gas when a young girl stopped Mindi and asked for $10 to get to Queen Creek. She told her a sob story about her mother dying and she's here from Michigan and on and on. Mindi came to the car and told me about the girl that needed some money. I got in my purse and gave her the $10. After Mindi talked to her for about a minute she got in the car and said, "I don't buy it. Something isn't right here." We watched as the girl went to a car and talked to a couple of guys and then went into the store. As we drove off we both felt like we had been taken for ride and been told a big fat story in order for some guys to get this girl to panhandle for them.
As I was telling my Mom how disappointing of a day it has been for me, no new sewing machine, having to maybe go through another surgery, and being duped out of ten bucks, all she said was, "at least you did what the Savior would have you do and helped someone. What ever she did with the money is up to her, let it go." So I'm going to let it go and hope that someday I will be blessed for trying to help a stranger, now if I can just get my new machine and my hip to stop hurting that will truly be an answer to my prayers.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Could It Possibly Be Cooling Down?

Well it's finally happened, we got a weather cool down and a little rain too. Last night as I was out feeding animals the clouds were starting to build and I could see lightning in the distance. After a hellish September, breaking all kinds of high temperature records it's so nice to feel a cool breeze on my face. I have heard of people who get depressed because of no sunshine, is there a possibility there could be some sort of a syndrome for too much sunlight and 110 degree temps everyday? I need to check that out. Rich and the boys got back from Green Bay where they traveled to watch the Broncos get slaughtered by the Packers. I must admit that I'm a really sore loser and on the verge of not watching the games anymore. It really messes with my already not normal head. Spencer hasn't been on a winning team since his Sophomore year in high school. He never got to go to a bowl game while playing in college, and the Broncos haven't made it to the playoffs since he's been there the last three years. My Dad always told me, "show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." Anyway there has to be a reason why, I just don't know the answer. I was up a lot in the night with severe pain again. I felt so good yesterday and spent the day doing chores and sewing on a baby quilt. I guess it's time for another cortisone shot, but do I really want to fill my body with all those medications? What's a girl to do, suffer? I have been reading "To The Rescue" the book about President Monson. He is such a wonderful person who tries to help whoever and whenever he can. He talked about attending the funeral of a dear friend of his. Elder Monson wrote "He taught me to appreciate my family as he appreciated his." His motto was, "A man has but three things, his God, his family, and his friends." That pretty much sums it up for me too. The older I get the more I realize that all this stuff we have, just doesn't really matter. What really matters is our relationships with God, our families and friends.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I Will Never Be the Same Person

The treat table

Me with the "Birthday Boy"

This weekend has gone by so fast. Between listening to Conference and celebrating Troy's fifth birthday it's been crazy. I love listening to the talks and music of conference. Sometimes I felt the tears run down my face as something would touch my spirit. I have also noticed that after conference is over I go into a kind of dark hole. It may just be because there is so much good information given that I'm trying hard to process it, or maybe that I have so much work to do that I feel overwhelmed. Life has been really hard for me for a very long time and it is easy to feel like giving up. I know that I've been blessed beyond what I deserve, but I still have some things that bother me and just won't go away. I'm not the same person I was three years ago when Kamber passed away. I have also struggled for the last year trying to get this new hip to work and be pain free. I feel like that is a losing battle also. We were reminded in some of the messages today that this mortal life is meant to be hard. We have to go through some really crappy stuff to prove to our Heavenly Father that we will be faithful and live the commandments. The message that I heard loud and clear today was that we MUST endure to the end, whatever that is. I also need to do a better job at forgiving others. I try to blame it on my Dad or the Greer's for being a grudge holder, but whoever is at fault, I need to do better. Mindi did such a good job making Troy's birthday fun. She did a Super Mario Brothers themed party. Her creative juices just flow and everything has to be perfect. She molded chocolates to look like mustaches and yellow stars. She then dipped little donut holes in green colored chocolate and put little white dots on them to look like toadstools. Between the red gum balls, marshmallows and pretzels the kids were pretty much "high" on sugar when they went home. I'm so glad those days are over for me, now I can just enjoy the grand kids birthdays without doing any of the work.

Max loving his green cupcake!

Holding "Miss Trulie"