Joy In The Journey?

I woke up this morning at four with a bad headache. By the time I got a Tylenol and went back to sleep it was after six. I slept really good but when I got up it was after 8:00, my cleaning girl had come and gone because my front door was still locked. I decided I could do it alone and started feeding animals and tried to get my house decorated for Christmas. I would clean as I went along. I do this every year, say "next year I'm not going to put that huge wreath up," "I'm not going to put the swags around the entry way." Well, I did it again, proved that I like to inflict pain on myself. Rich went to work to clean up a job site, so that left me on my own again. All I wanted were the Christmas lights up on my house. Dave started to do it and it began to rain, then he couldn't find any of the lights that actually work, so again no lights. As the day progressed I seemed to become more angry. I bought a little tree to put some purple ornaments on for Kamber. Then I put the crystal ornaments on my little tree in the entry. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were memories of Kamber. I walk outside the front door and there are the purple flowers Rich planted in Kamber's section. The picture hanging on the inside of my door, which is the last family picture that she's in, I will never take it down. Rich got home just in time to hang my wreath, listen to me complain and then off he went to a Stake Conference meeting. Life seems so busy and complicated sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel. Am I ever going to find peace and joy in this journey I'm on? Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I'm just tired of being mortal.