"I Spit On Fair"

I have finally climbed out of the "toilet" for the thousandth time in my life. Why does life have to be so hard for me? Every time I go into one of these funks I try and promise myself that once I get out, I will never go there again, but just like everything else in my life I can't make any promises. I've been reflecting a lot lately on why life just doesn't seem fair. My brother, who is a mission president in Washington, told me once that in law school the professor used to say, "I spit on fair." I still don't know what that means but I guess that in this life nothing is fair. I was talking to a dear friend of mine this morning. She is such an inspiration to me. When we lived in Lehi she was so kind to me and would take me to Mayo Clinic when they were trying to diagnose me back in the 80's. She has had such a hard life. She has nine children, one was still born with some birth defects. One of her daughters was born with some complications and has cerebral palsy, she is thirty-one years old now. She also had a baby at almost forty seven that continues to be a trial as he has autism and at times gets violent and pulls her hair and slaps her. What an angel she is and how much I admire her. As I was listening to her and trying to be a support like, "I'd beat one of my kids if they ever slapped me or pulled my hair out," I asked her how she even gets through the day. She doesn't think she's doing such a good job, but I know she has to be a special person to survive what she's gone through. I keep hoping that a miracle will happen and my hip will heal without further surgery, but I'm also realistic with the fact that it's been over a year and if anything it's getting more painful. We all fought in Heaven for the chance to come to earth, get a body, and prove that we would return home worthy to live with our Heavenly Father. This is the "Plan of Happiness" but sometimes it just doesn't seem so "happy" to me. I need to put everything into perspective and see all the blessings I have. I know it could be so much worse, so I will carry on doing what I can to keep moving towards the light and hopefully stay out of the toilet for a while.