"It Just Isn't That Bad"

I woke up this morning in tears. I didn't sleep well worrying about struggles going on and I am just feeling tired. Tired of life as I know it. When I was young I thought "almost sixty" would be a piece of cake. My kids would be grown and gone, Rich and I would have enough money to travel and do what ever we wanted, and our health would be good enough to just enjoy life. I know I have so much to be thankful for and most of that I don't deserve, but life is hard for me right now. Rich promised me that when he quit his job and started his own business he would "be home more, and we would have way more money." I have even threatened to put it on his headstone when he leaves this earth, because anyone who owns their own business is married to it, especially construction. The kids never understood why we couldn't go on vacation but how can you say, "Mrs. Jones, I know your kitchen is torn to he#@ and you are doing dishes in the bathroom sink but we've decided to take the kids to Disneyland. It never happened. Anyway, after my pity party this morning I got up and decided to get some things done. Then my sister picked me up and took me to a doctors appointment. As we were driving down Lindsey we both notice the beautiful trees along the road with the prettiest fall leaves. This time of year is suppose to be reflective of all the things we are thankful for and all I'm seeing are the trials. Rich has to talk in church on Sunday. He brought some papers he had found in for me to read. I hate it when he does it, but I usually need the message. One of the little sayings was from Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "A man's success is made up off progressive failures which he rises above, because he experiences and ventures every day. And the more falls he gets, the faster he moves on." We are all going to go through trials, the death of a loved one, illnesses, loss of jobs, and failure of our hopes and aspirations. That is Life! Now I need to figure out how to develop a habit of happiness. As Rich told me this morning, "it just isn't that bad."