SUNSPLASH!

Okay, can I just tell you that as a 56 year-old overweight grandma, I have no business being at a water park. Anyway, that is exactly where I ended up yesterday on Candi's 30th birthday. I didn't really want to go, but it was either go with Rich to get a colonoscopy or go to Sunsplash. Wow, what a choice, let me see, oh well, I'll try the water park. We got there around 1:00 p.m. and after we lathered the kids up with sunscreen we headed over to the wave pool. We waited there for about 20 minutes and no waves came and Troy was throwing a fit because he didn't want to wear a life jacket so we went to the Tadpole area for the little kids. Then we went over to the other side where the bigger slides are and I tried to find some shade. I used to be a sun worshipper but now I would rather be in a dark cave than in the sunlight. My skin just can't take the sun anymore. As I was watching all the kids go down the slides I thought of Kamber and turned to Candi and started to cry telling her that it wasn't fair that Kamber wasn't with us. That is when I think I rubbed sunscreen in my left eye and from then until we left the park at 6:00 p.m. my eye watered and stung. We did have a fun time. B.J. was so accommodating and got us food and drinks. After they went down the big slides for about an hour we went back over to where our stuff was and waited for the big kids to go the last time around the lazy river and the lilly pads. Mindi and Candi and Jenn and I sat and watched people. I am amazed at what I saw. There were every shape, size and color of people. I have never seen so many tattoos, boobs hanging out, not to mention jelly rolls, (I kept mine covered.) I also saw at least three pregnant girls in bikinis, (I think those big bellies should be covered up also.) I even saw a guy that was hairier than I have ever seen with a ring in each nipple. I am not kidding! I couldn't sleep last night because I was still trying to process the day. Rich always says that I live in a lead mine, and I think after yesterday that is true. I have been sheltered and I've tried to shelter my kids and grand kids, but we had a dose of reality at Sunsplash. As we left I told Candi this would be the last time in my life I would ever go and she said, "Don't worry we won't invite you next time." I don't blame her, but I guess it was better than a colonoscopy.

So Come What May

We had a fun day yesterday. We had Tayler's birthday party, Brooke Halcolm's wedding reception and stake conference. Tayler's party was kind of a Hawaiian theme and the kids swam in their beautiful pool with a rock slide and waterfall. I didn't swim because I needed to go to the reception and conference. I was sitting in a chair talking to Ethan while we were watching the kids swim and he said, " It feels like someone's missing." I said, "do you mean Kamber?" He said, "Yeh." It was a sad moment for me. Then last night on the way to the reception Rich said, "You know, sometimes you think you are dealing with Kamber's passing, but in reality you really aren't." I said, "Yeh, I know what you mean, I feel the same way." The reception was fun, Brook looked darling, her husband seems really nice and Kenny and Teresa did a great job with the food and decorations. It was held at the Superstition Springs Golf Club and her colors were hot pink and lime green. We stayed and visited for an hour and then off to conference we went. We got there just in time to listen to Lennie speak. He was talking about children and how we need to teach and help them, but ultimately they have their agency. We stayed and had some friends tell us what we had missed and it sounded like a great meeting.

This morning we got up early and had to be at the Stake Center by 9:30 a.m. because Tristyn was singing in the choir of primary children. It was really special seeing all those little children singing primary songs. They sang 5 or 6 songs before conference started and then we sang "I Believe in Christ." I was doing good until we came to the last verse when you sing,"I believe in Christ; so come what may, With him I'll stand in that great day. When on this earth he comes again, To rule among the sons of men." It was an end to the emotional journey I had been on for awhile. We need to be ready to deal with trials in our lives. "So come what may" triggered something in me and the spirit was there to teach me that we are not in control of certain things in our lives, but we need to "Believe in Christ."

TWO MORE BIRTHDAYS!

May is such a busy month it will be good to get in to June. The problem with that is June is hotter than HE#*! But, before we can move on to June we need to celebrate Tayler's birthday. This is a big one for her because she will turn 8. She is a special person. She is the oldest of the Larsen sisters and with her dark hair and freckles on her nose she is darling. I know she helps Ethan and Jenn and is smart and funny. She always comes up and gives us a hug and is so full of love. She is an absolute sweetheart.

Candi will be 30 on Monday June 1. When I was pregnant with her I think she was due on June 8th, but I was always early. We have lots of birthdays in May including Rich and mine, so I was sure she would be born in May. She had to wait until June to prove me wrong, that's the way it has been for 30 years. Candi is a wonderful person. She is a great hairdresser and a good friend to all her family and clients. She is so good about sharing her talents with her family and friends and I can't tell you how many times she has gone the extra mile to help others. She has the kindest heart and the funniest personality. She is passionate about life and intense in her feelings, (like her mother), and that sometimes gets her in to trouble. You never have to wonder what she thinks because she will tell you straight up. She is a great mother and I know she loves her boys and B.J. very much. Tayler and Candi are opposites in personality with Tayler quiet and shy, and Candi loud and crazy but we love them both and hope they each have a Happy Birthday!

Memorial Day 2009

We have had a wonderful weekend. Spencer and Annie came in and brought a friend and teammate of his from the Denver Broncos, Peyton Hillis and his fiance Hannah. It seems like all we did all weekend was eat, swim and party. They left for the airport at 3:00 so I went and took a nap. It felt good to relax and reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day. As a family we have always celebrated this day by going with extended family to the Mesa Cemetary to decorate the graves of those who have passed away. That includes my dear Grandma Fern, my aunt Tenna and uncle Elmer Heap, my great-grandparents Earnest and Centenna Turley, my cousin B.J. Abney and many others. At times we have gone, (some of us with not such a great attitude) because my mother tells us 15 times during the week when and where we need to be. Yesterday as I was getting ready to start my trek I felt that maybe I wouldn't be able to do what was being asked of me. I was in my bedroom and I started to cry and I thought, "Will I be able to handle the pain of seeing the final resting place of that sweet angel girl Kamber?" We have been there before on her birthday and the day they put her headstone on so why was this different? Anyway, when I got there and saw that Ethan and Jenn had already been there and cleaned her grave off and put some darling flowers and pinwheels on, it was more than I could bear. It is a spiritual thing when you lose a grandchild. It's something you can never prepare for and something you sure as hell hope you never have to go through. But, as I was walking in the house just now, a thought came to me that all of us have been born and we are all going to someday end up in the cemetary. It's just a matter of time for all of us. I feel at peace. I know Kamber loves her family, her parents and sisters. I hope she loves her grandparents and all her cousins and aunts and uncles that think about her everyday. It won't be long until we will be able to see her again. That I know for sure.

Thank You Everyone

This week has been so crazy, what week isn't? We had Rich's birthday on Tues. and then mine was yesterday. I usually get really sad on my birthday, I think it is childhood trauma. My parents were both school teachers and so the last part of May was always hard for them. They were finishing up the year and getting report cards done and all the work that teachers have. As I'm getting older it's time to stop worrying about myself and start thinking of others. I try to make everyone elses birthdays nice, but it's hard to enjoy my own. I do want to thank all who thought of me yesterday. My kids were all so thoughtful and my visiting teachers and friends in my ward dropped off small gifts and I had some very nice phone calls from family and friends. Rich has even offered to fix a few things around the house for me, that always means a lot. My parents came over and we had Sandy's Burros from Mattas, Spencer and Annie are here from Colorado and they brought some friends with them. We had a lot of fun eating and laughing. Thanks again to everyone for thinking of me on my birthday it meant a ton to me. I love you all!

Dewey's 55

Kylie took this picture at Brookie's birthday party. She is a little camera happy!

Today is my darling husband Rich's birthday. As he left to go off to work I told him to "have a good day and do exactly what you want to on your birthday." He said "You mean like I do every day." Yeah! All who know him can agree to the fact that he works more than anyone they know. He started his own business about 25 years ago. He promised me "I will be home more, and we will have more money." Wow was he wrong on that one. Rich can pretty much build, fix or solve any problem related to building. When we got married he was a parts man at Berge Ford. He would memorize every number in the parts so I knew he was really smart. I just didn't know he would want to do construction. He is strong and tough and expects everyone else to be the same. I remember one day he came home and had blood all over his clothes and tiny holes on his skin around his waist area. I said, "What in the world happened to you?" He said, "Oh I just fell off the roof on the job and landed on my tool belt that I just filled with nails." I think the first day on the job for Bob Jones Construction he nailed his thumb with a nail gun while framing. We were talking to my 80 year old parents on Sunday and he finally admitted that he can't do what he used to a few years ago. He loves what he does and says he will never retire, so Happy Birthday to Rich, keep on working. "If You REST You Will RUST."

I Love Being a Farmer

Tristyn holding my bunny "Carrot Top."

I just love living on two acres of land. We have been here for 13 years now and it has been a work in progress. It has taken most of our time and money for those years to get us where we are today. This morning we got irrigation or as Rich calls it (irritation). Last time we were up late and had no water so after a butt chewing by my darling husband, BOY did we get some water today. After about one and a half hours of our three we were flooded. After the flood subsided Mindi went out to feed our menagerie. I was holding my new baby rabbit. She is a Flemish Giant breed. I have always wanted one, so when I saw an add in the paper I called and went to Glendale to buy her. She will grow up to be almost 20 pounds and live over five years. As I was talking with Candi about my rabbit, Mindi came running in and said, "I need the camera, "Big Boy" is coming across the irrigation. So I went out and took some pictures of my animals. I don't know why I have an obsession with animals. I guess it started as a child when we had a toad that lived outside on our back porch. One day my Dad was digging in the planter and accidentally killed it. I remember him saying, "Teri why did you kill that toad." I know he was just kidding, but as a child I was really traumatized. I feel it is important to teach children to be kind to animals and never hurt them. I have been called a "bunny hugger" because I detest hunting and killing any animal. But I know that we need them for food but it can't be a personal animal for me to eat it. When I was young we would go to Eager and my Grandma Slade would kill a couple of rabbits and chickens for our dinner. I sometimes wonder how in the world I ate up there. Anyway, I know I'm sick, maybe I need a shrink.

Big Boy made the trek through the irrigation.

The Light

Those close to me know that once a month I go to counseling to get my head screwed back on right. It really helps me to take some deep breaths and try to figure out what is bothering me at that time. For the last two times he has suggested I read a book called,"LIGHT In The Wilderness." I am only in the second chapter but I have really felt inspired by this book. I wouldn't say that I'm an intellectual person, so when I read, it has to be easy for me to understand or I lose interest really fast. Although I wouldn't say this book is easy reading, I have managed to stay with it and I almost can't put it down. Basically, I have learned that we are in the wilderness, and without the Light of Christ we don't have a chance. This book is filled with scriptures and quotes by prophets and authors. One of the things I've learned is that "We have to acknowledge the Lord's hand in all things-to give up the idea that things happen randomly to us." She quotes Brigham Young in saying, "Make up your minds thoroughly, once and for all, that if we have trials, the Lord has suffered them to be brought upon us, and he will give us grace to bear them." I have thought about what happened on July 25th almost every day since then and at times I thought my heart was breaking in half, that I was dying inside. I remember walking down the hall punching the wall saying, "NO! NO! Why me." Then in a still small voice I heard. "Why not you?" So on we go wandering in the wilderness trying to make sense out of things that happen to us. My new motto is the Serenity Prayer which is "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Surviving Mother's Day

I survived another Mother's Day and lived to tell about it. It was a bitter-sweet day. I had conflicting emotions all day and by the night I was exhausted. In the early morning I couldn't stop thinking about Kamber and how sad I was she isn't here with us anymore, I was also feeling sorry for myself because Spencer's card he sent never got to me. Then as I sat in church listening to all the talks about how "wonderful" mothers are, I found myself back in that dark place I had come from in the morning. After Sacrament meeting my friend Paula came up to me and we shared our dislike for Mother's Day. She has had some hard challenges in her life. Her oldest son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago and I can feel her pain. As we cried at the back of the church we concluded that at least we still had our Mothers on this special day. During Primary they had a fun activity where they brought four mothers in and let the kids ask questions to find out who they were. They wore brown paper sacks on their heads that were decorated with hair, eyes and lips. It was really fun. Then the kids sang four Primary songs about mothers, ending with "I am a Child of God." I could not stop crying. We have been told that when children sing it goes straight to our Heavenly Father as a testimony to him of their love.

After church we had Mom and Dad over for dinner and then the extended family came over for desert. It is always really loud when the Greer's get together. We laughed and "scratched" and it was after nine before everyone left. I am thankful for my Mother and hope to have many more days with her.

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

I woke up early this morning, Rich was pouring cement in the backyard and I needed to get up early and do my chores before the sweltering heat hits. I have 1 cat, 3 dogs, 6 rabbits, 15 birds, 11 tortoises, 8 water turtles and a LOT of fish. As I walked out to feed my animals I realized that my pump on my big pond wasn't working. As I got closer I could see that some of my fish were floating on the top and all of them were trying to breath on the surface. I hurried and turned on my big pump to get the water going so hopefully I could save some of them. I scooped some of the dead fish out and walked over to Rich and said, "Happy Mother's Day to Me." He said, "Yeh look and all this concrete." No that's not really what I was talking about. Anyway I told him I needed one of his guys to dig me a hole so I could bury my fish. Mindi came out a little later and helped me move the plants and get the floating fish out. As I was walking back towards the house I thought of the last time I lost a bunch of my fish. It was a few days after Kamber passed away I left the hose in the pond all night and with all the chlorine in the water it killed about half of my big Koi. Rich is more philosophical about it because he says, "maybe this is a natural way to thin the herd. I never have thought of my fish as a herd, but I still have plenty of fish and there's always PETCO and PETSMART, my "home away from home." Hopefully the day gets better because if it doesn't I'm in trouble.

My fish that didn't make it through the night.

Mothers and Children

I have to admit that Mother's Day is probably one of my least favorite days. It started when my children were young and took all my time and energy. Then the teenage years about killed me; I was lucky to get out of that alive. Now my kids are all adults and have their own children and I marvel at how well they take care of their offspring. My patriarchal blessing doesn't mention children so I wasted no time having Mindi ten months after we got married. On Saturday Ethan called and said,"do you want to come to dinner tomorrow? " He knew I have been struggling with some issues in my life and it was nice to go to his house and relax and have a wonderful dinner. Then yesterday Mindi made her famous Cafe Rio Pork and everyone came over for burros on Cinco de Mayo. It does get chaotic when we have nine grand kids plus a few neighbor kids over, but as I sat and watched Ice Age with Ethan and a few of the kids I felt blessed to have my children and grandchildren so close. My Mom always tells me how much she loves me, how happy she is to have her "precious" kids, and that I'm "darling." That's probably not a word that most people would use to describe me, but my Mom thinks I'm wonderful. (She's forgotten how hard I was as a child and teenager.") I guess that is why it is a blessing to grow old and be able to forget the bad times and cherish the good. I know I haven't always been the best mother, but I think all mothers do their absolute best. I don't think any of us think, " what can I do now to screw up my kids." I'm thankful for a Mom that loved me unconditionally despite my faults, there were times when she saved my life as I was growing up. I hope my children know how much I love each one of them and their children also. It would be a lonely life for me if I didn't have them.

MAY DAY

I can't believe it's already the month of May. As we were driving home the other day we were talking about how busy May is going to be. We have Rich's Mom's birthday on the 4th, Mother's Day on the 10th, Rich's birthday on the 19th, mine on the 22nd, Rich's sister's on the 25th and Tayler's (8th) on the 30th. That doesn't even include "Fathers and Sons" this weekend and Memorial Day in three weeks. May is a good month because it isn't that terribly hot yet, but the pool is starting to get warm enough for the kids to swim. I remember last year the first time we went swimming at Ethan and Jenn's, Kamber was a crazy swimmer. I was so worried about her because she would hide and take her floaties off. Jenn and I even talked about how worried we were. Then we were trying to plan a family trip to Lake Powell. The guys really wanted to go but we had Brookie a few months old, Annie big and pregnant and Spencer leaving for Denver for training camp. We talked about camping with twelve grandkids or some of us staying in hotels part of the time. Then I suggested a houseboat, I remember Jenn having a terrible feeling about that. She felt that Kamber would just walk off the side of the boat. We didn't seem to ever feel good about taking all those small children to that huge lake. Anyway, the summer came and went and the thing that we had feared the most all summer happened. I have been thinking alot about that lately. Were we being prepared for the accident, or is it just coincidence? Why didn't I do more to help Jenn with the kids? We knew Kamber was so hard. I know she is in a better place. I know people love her on the other side, but it won't be the same this summer without her.

String of Bad Luck

What a week! It seems like the older I get the faster time goes by and the harder it is to get things done. This week has been especially hard on me because of the 100 degree temps. I've also had some really bad luck with things breaking down. I have a pond with big koi fish in it. Rich built it for me a few years ago. It has two pumps, one that sends water up to the waterfall and the other into a filter box. The fish love to get under the cascading water and it helps put air in the water for them. Well, that's been broken for a couple of weeks while we've been waiting for parts. We finally got it going again and when I went out yesterday it wasn't working again. I put my sheets in the washer and left for a ward breakfast and came back to the washer full of sheets and water but wouldn't turn on. I had to pull those king-size sheets out of the water and haul them down to Mindi's, so now I need a new washer. We also have a broken down lawn mower that Rich is trying to fix, (he would rather spend money fixing old things than getting new.) Last night as I was making my last batch of caramel popcorn for primary sharing time today, I was so tired I could hardly walk. I was thinking about everything that was broken in my life. ("That's because I'm a negative person"). Sometimes I feel emotionally broken. The stress of trying to be a good wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, visiting teacher, primary teacher, and animal collector is a bit overwhelming. Then I realized that the biggest thing broken is my heart. I am not or will never be okay with the drowning of my sweet Kamber. I will try for the rest of my life to heal this broken heart. Sometimes I can put it in the back of my brain, but for me this has been devastating. There is nothing to prepare you for the untimely loss of a young child. My spirit tells me she's happy and in a good place, but my natural man is angry and bitter. Life goes on, and the "sun came up" again this morning. Maybe that's what life is all about, trying to fix all the broken things in our lives.

Questions for God

I have been wondering a lot lately about where my life is and how I got here. The talk on Sunday was about the three questions missionaries ask, "where did I come from? What am I doing here? And where am I going?" One of my questions is why would our Heavenly Father, who says he loves us, send us down to a place that he knew was ugly, dangerous, and full of temptation? It seems like since Kamber passed away we have found everything we could to read on adversity. There are many promises given that are suppose to help but sometimes that just isn't enough. I've been reading a book called "The Power of Adversity." It is just pages of different quotes about adversity. One of the little quotes is by Marvin J. Ashton. He talks about the different crosses we bear. Some of the crosses we bear are: the cross of loneliness; the cross of physical limitations; the cross of poor health; the cross of success; the cross of transgression; the cross of temptation; the cross of beauty, fame, or wealth; the cross of criticism; the cross of peer rejection... Then he says God has made a promise to us to "Carry your crosses with strength, with purpose, and while you do, count the blessings of God's strength." I guess I need to pick up my cross and drag it along the way and hopefully think of all my blessings today.

33 Years Together

Today is mine and Rich's anniversary. I know he would probably say,"I've spent 33 years with the wrong woman." Wow! where do I even start talking about our life together. I have been thinking a lot this week about how hard it is to make our marriage work. My nephew Evan is getting married tomorrow and I am so excited for him, but wouldn't want to start over. We have had some great times, the birth of four healthy children, and twelve grandchildren. But like every other family we have also had some really bad times. The most recent being the death of darling Kamber last summer. Rich has so many good qualities. He's a really hard worker and a great provider. He grew up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic family, but by being obedient and going on a mission his life has been blessed. He loves the gospel and the people he serves and he loves his family. He is always looking for ways to make others lives better and happier. Our marriage hasn't been a bed of roses but we have stayed together despite our differences (and there are a lot of them). We never know how much time we will have on this earth but I hope we will have many more years together. I feel like the love you have when you first get married is nothing compared to the love you have for someone you have experienced lifes most sacred times with, and the hardest trials. Happy Anniversary Dewey, I LOVE YOU!

What a Weekend!

I had a friend call me this morning and ask me if I still had my"Easter Hangover?" Oh, is that what my problem is? Last week was a blurrrr and I'm always glad when I survive a busy one. We took care of Tayler, Kylie and Brookie from Thurs, to Sat. while Ethan and Jenn were in Las Vegas. The girls were so good and we had a lot of fun, but seven kids is a lot. After they left on Saturday, we had to run some errands and get groceries for Easter dinner. We had a nice day yesterday, church was good and our dinner was even better. This Easter I felt different about the message I heard and the lesson we taught in Primary. I've always had a testimony, but I have to say that since Kamber passed away it has changed who I am. I can't really explain it, but I feel different. The Atonement means more to me now than it ever has and my eyes have been open to the fact we are all going to die. Just like we all lived in the spirit world before we were born, we are not going to live forever on this earth. In the lesson yesterday, we taught that death is a wonderful thing, and that because of the Savior we will all be resurrected. After we had dinner we went to the cemetary to put some flowers and a basket of Easter eggs on Kamber's grave. I never thought I would be spending Christmas, Easter and many other holidays at the cemetary. I have to say that there is a special spirit there. The closeness it brings to our family is amazing. There were so many other people there honoring their family members who have passed on. It was a nice ending to the Easter season.

Grandchildren Everywhere

Mindi and I have had the Larsen sisters over while Ethan and Jenn went with some of their friends to Las Vegas for the weekend. We picked the girls up on Thursday afternoon and their other Grandma Madeline is picking them up later today to have them home for the Easter Bunny. We have had fun with them and they have been really good, but I know now why you are supposed to have children while you are young. I haven't been able to take my afternoon nap or watch Oprah and Dr. Phil but I'm not complaining. Last evening as I was out doing my chores, feeding the rabbits, fish, turtles and birds the kids were all out jumping on the trampoline and digging in the sand. Troy always wants to help me (which takes me twice as long). I had the hose on and I was trying to put some water in the pond and water my plants when he grabs the hose and says,"I do it." I usually fight him for the hose but I was too tired so I just let him have that one and went and got another hose. After he filled the rabbit's food with water I decided to go in the house and get the carrots for my two baby rabbits. As we were walking back out to feed them I became frustrated with how long it was taking me to do my chores. I then had the thought that I needed to enjoy all the time I have with him and that I would give anything to have Kamber here with us. If I would have known we only had 2 1/2 years with her how much more I would have enjoyed her and cherished every second with her. You never know how much you love someone until they are taken from you. Anyway, this is Kamber's first Easter in Heaven. Having a grandchild pass away makes the Atonement much more meaningful to me.

Three Birthdays

Tyton in October for family pictures.

Ethan and Brookie at the Turkey Trot.

What a busy week we have had. We celebrated Brookies' birthday on Friday, Ethan's on Monday and I think they celebrated Tyton's yesterday in Denver by going to the zoo. Today is Ethan's 28th birthday. During the night Rich was up irrigating, we always have the best times, 1:00-4:00 am. It's never a restful night when he's in and out checking the water, but last night was even worse. When he took his irragation boots off and came in the bedroom he woke me up. I started thinking about the day Ethan was born. I was huge and so unconfortable I swore I wasn't going to spend one more day pregnant. I took matters in my own hands and induced myself. I went out and mowed our backyard, cleaned my house and then Rich mixed me up a cocktail of orange juice and castor oil. That night I woke up with terrible contractions so I called my Mom who lives in Scottsdale and told her to come quick. I don't know why it took her so long but I was pacing in our driveway. By the time we finally got to the hospital I was totally ready to deliver. I think I was there only ten minutes and the nurses were trying to help me deliver but the cord was wrapped around his neck. The doctor stepped in the room and cut the cord and he was delivered all 9lbs.7ozs. I thought he was so little but the doctor said, "this is a big baby!" Because the cord was around his neck his head was blue for a few days. They took him in the nursery and gave him some oxygen before I was able to hold him. It's good the Lord lets us forget how hard it is to birth these babies or mothers would only have one child. If a man had to go through childbirth they wouldn't be able to handle the pain. We never knew what we were having back in the "olden days" so we sure were happy to have a little fellar. We are so proud of Ethan, he's a good husband, a loving father and has a heart of gold. Sometimes he acts like a tough guy and trys to get me going by squeeling his tires and trying to run me down, but we love him to death. Happy Birthday Ethan!

Celebrating Brookie

Brookie at one year birthday.

Kamber at two year birthday.

Yesterday was Baby Brookie's first birthday. As we were getting ready during the day to go out to Ethan and Jenn's for her party I thought about when Jenn was pregnant with her. They were on their way down to find out what they were having. I was positive that the baby was a boy because I felt Heavenly Father knew they had three girls and a boy would be necessary. When Ethan called and said it was another girl I called him a liar and a few other names and then he assured me it was another baby girl. Little did we know that three months after the birth of that beautiful baby, her sister Kamber would be taken away from our family. At Kamber's 2nd birthday Jenn had a huge colored flower on her head. When I saw it I said, "wow Jenn, couldn't you find a bigger flower to put in her hair?" We all laughed and I didn't think anymore about it until we were looking at pictures of Kamber for the video for her funeral. Now that is one of my very favorite pictures of her. I am so thankful for Brookie. I know she doesn't know the role she is playing in our family. She hasn't replaced Kamber, but everytime we see her it reminds us of Kamber. She has a lot of the same little looks and mannerism as her sister, and in a way that takes some of the sting away. I know that she has helped Jenn because it has made her get up everyday and take care of her. I know Kamber is watching and loves Brookie like we do.

The Easter Pagent

Last night we went down to the Temple to watch the Easter Pagent. We don't go every year but this year I felt I needed to go. We only go on the night of the dress rehearsal because any other night is crazy with the crowds and trying to find a place to park. Rich got there early and saved a place for my Mom to park and Mindi and her boys and I got there right as it was starting. As the angels appeared on the top of the set I started to cry. I could feel the spirit and it touched me. The pagent is basically the Savior's life from birth to the resurrection. It is stories told by people who lived while he was on the Earth. I especially loved the part when they bring lots of little children up to him and he picks them up and you can just feel his love for the them. There was one little girl that had long blonde hair and her parents were carrying her up to see Christ so she could be healed. As he took her in his arms it felt as though he was holding Kamber and I began to cry again. I was using my socks to wipe the tears and I was hoping I wouldn't totally lose control. I was thinking that he had the power to save Kamber and keep her here, but he chose not to. I found myself asking "why?" again. As I was talking to Mindi today about the Pagent, she said,"when he picked the little blonde girl up in the purple dress I felt it was Kamber." I'm so glad I went and so thankful that Rich went with me. I know he was tired but he got there early and saved us a spot and I appreciate that.