Christmas Over, On The Mend Hopefully

As I was wrapping presents for the family on Christmas Eve, I started to cough and I was afraid something was coming on. By the time everyone left on Christmas Evening I was chilling, felt freezing cold and after a hot bath went to bed. I've been basically in bed, in my house, for the last two days. I'm a little better today and have way too much to do to be sick. I got up and just started digging out of the mess, taking decoration down, cleaning aquariums, doing laundry and now I need to rest before I try and do anything else. I remember when my kids were younger it was so stressful that I would spend the whole week between Christmas and New Years sick, so I guess this was one of those years that I hit the top of the stress meter. This is the first Christmas without Dad so Len picked Mom up on Christmas Eve for their party and then she came down and spent the night with us and we had a nice Christmas dinner and presents and then my sister picked her up and took her home. We worry about her living alone but she is better in her house and doing her regular things instead of living with us kids. As long as she feels well enough and wants to live in her house we want her too. She must have asked us ten times on Christmas if we thought Dad missed us and wondered what he was doing. As I get older I'm wondering if it's worth all the work to have a two hour party. Maybe next year will be the year I decide enough is enough. Anyway, I'm glad the shopping is over and now on to all the other holidays that seem to be coming, not to mention all the birthdays we have the next two months. Life continues to teach me lessons I wouldn't have learned had I not gotten married and had these four kids. I'm thankful for everything I've experienced and hope to have been an example for good in their lives.

Almost Done With My Shopping

I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping for the grand kids. Yesterday I went out to shop with Jenn and this morning we met Candi and B.J. at the store to shop for their boys. I only have a couple more things to take care of and then if I want to shop, it will just be for fun. I must say having twenty grandchildren can be overwhelming but I feel blessed to have each one of them. My parents have been such great examples of generosity and love throughout my life. They were not rich, being retired school teachers but we always knew they loved us. Every Christmas Mom would give me an envelope for each one of my children with money in it with everyone's names written down. Then on Christmas Day, Dad would pass out his envelopes to each of the kids and grand kids that we could use to buy whatever we wanted after Christmas. When I talked to Mom on Monday she seemed confused and frustrated. She couldn't find her list of all the names so she could go to the bank and take money out to do her Christmas giving. Later on when I was getting ready for bed, I had this feeling that it was time to stop the money giving from her. Why should a widowed person give money to very successful kids and grand kids? The next morning I called her and told her that we are simplifying this year and she is not to give any money to any of us for Christmas. I think she was relieved but then kept saying, "but I want everyone to know how much I love them." I texted all my siblings and told them what I had done and wanted to make sure they were all right with the decision to let that tradition stop, they all agreed. We decided that she can still give a little bit for birthdays but nothing for Christmas. I feel really good about this and it may take a while for her to agree, but I think in the end she will be so glad and hopefully relieved. Today while Candi and I were shopping she found some really funny hats. One looked really cute on her with green and silver bows all over it. She wanted to take some pictures and made me try on some of them too. She looked really cute and I looked like someone who isn't all there, which is true most of the time. There's never a dull moment when she's around, but I'm really glad she got her hair back to a normal color, the pink was making me sick.

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas Around Here

Today is the last day of November and I'm so relieved.  Thanksgiving is over for another year, I don't know why it stresses me out so much to have my family over. I guess it's because I want my house to be clean and organized when everyone comes. The problem is it only takes a few minutes before it looks like a bomb went off. Anyway, it does motivate Rich to get some things done around the house too. After everyone left I started taking all the Fall decorations down and Rich pulled most of the Christmas out of our closets and the garage. We spent all day Saturday working on the lights because I have learned if we don't do them right after Thanksgiving they never get up. All the kids and grand kids, plus a couple of Rich's workers helped and most of them are up. Rich still needs to get some power to some of them and then it will be beautiful. I love Christmas lights, they make me happy and feel young again. Ethan invited us out to his house for a little birthday party for the twins and Regan who had birthdays last week. He was in Montana working on a job, so they waited until he got home and their company left. Candi had scheduled a cute girl to take her family pictures, so I asked if we could crash the party and she could take a few of Rich and I and Mindi's family. After church Mindi and I went to Scottsdale to pick up Mom to come with us, I thought it would be good to get her out of the house and with us instead of spending Sunday alone. We had to walk quite a bit to the park where pictures were being taken. There were tons of people with the same idea, it was the happening place, plus it was really cold. I like to send pictures out in my Christmas cards so at least I know we will have two families done. Ethan and Jen are taking theirs on Thursday and hopefully Spencer and Annie will get a picture done this year too including their new baby. I've spent all day so far putting up my Christmas decorations, it is coming along but I still have to tackle the tree when Rich finally gets it up. This is such a busy time of year, but I hate to complain because at least I have a home to decorate and family to share my life with, I'm truly blessed.

Mom's House Decorated, Relief Society Dinner Done

   This is always a crazy time of year for me, but as I get older it seems like it gets harder to accomplish tasks like shopping and decorating.  It felt good to wake up today and be able to stay home and put a dent in my to-do list.  On Monday we went to Scottsdale to decorate Mom's house for Christmas. My sister had taken her to the doctor earlier in the day and had an appointment. Ben was in a meeting for work, so it was just three of us helping. Rich showed up for a little while but needed to come home to meet up with Ethan before he leaves for Montana early in the morning. Lennie got the tree put up and Julie did an amazing job of putting her humble ornaments, bows and angels on the tree. It's nice having a sister-in-law who is a little bit OCD because she always makes everything look nice. While she was decorating the tree, Len and I dusted and cleaned off her table and hutch to put her decorations on. This is the first Christmas without my Dad and it has taken a toll on Mom. She often tells me "life isn't fun anymore since Dad left us." After we finished making her house look amazing we took her to dinner. I don't know how much she eats but I don't think it is very much. We went to a little Mexican place and she seemed to have a nice appetite which made us happy.
    Last night was our Relief Society Christmas dinner. My friend Paula and I are on the committee so we helped as much as we could and it was very pretty. The theme was "Let Him In" and I was really impressed with how it turned out. I don't think people understand how much work it is to put on a dinner for sixty to seventy women. I am always glad when it's over and I didn't even do that much to help. Last weekend I went shopping for Spencer's family because Rich is flying up there tomorrow to spend some time with them and help with the baby blessing. Because I'm afraid to fly, I won't be a part of this special occasion. I can either have a pity party or just be happy Rich gets a few days off to spend with our kids and grand-kids. It is beautiful in Montana but it's really far away, so I will just have to spend my alone time doing what I like to do, which won't be a problem for me. Maybe I can finally get the ornaments on my tree and get all the boxes put away. I may even have to take a trip to the Mall, Yea!

First Thanksgiving Without Dad

I've been emotional for the last few days. There's something about Thanksgiving that makes me melancholy. This year is different.  It's the first year we don't have Dad presiding over dinner and we all miss him. I can't tell how many times these last ten months I've heard, "I wish Dad was here, he would help." The passing of my Dad has been hard on Mom.  She doesn't talk about it but I can tell it has taken the wind out of her sails. Our family is changing as the children grow up and have other families to go have Thanksgiving with. It really is a lot easier not having such a big crowd and lots of little kids but it still isn't the same. Mindi spent all yesterday morning in tears as she is struggling with some stress. Any mother that has five children can understand the worry and hard work it takes to raise teenagers. Sometimes it puts me back to the feelings I had all alone day after day trying to do the best I could, never seeming to measure up. I see Rich working harder than he ever has and never seeming to get ahead, wondering how long he can keep this up. Even though sometimes life seems so hard, I realize it could be so much worse. Last year I had the feeling Dad wouldn't be here this year and I was right. He fought a good fight and I can't imagine how much pain he suffered those years with cancer. He was thankful for everyday he had and when he couldn't take it any more he went home. As I was walked outside tonight in the West sky the most beautiful moon was coming up. I have so much to be grateful for, but I still miss my Dad.

Are My Prayers Really Answered?

Last night when Rich and I pulled up from going out to dinner I saw one of our dogs across the street. After getting him in the gate, I realized that my ten year old yellow lab was missing. I went out several times looking for him but couldn't find him. I even asked a guy on a bike if he had seen an old white dog in the neighborhood. He told us where he last saw him but after driving around for a half hour we gave up.  I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. Even though he is a very old dog, I still didn't want anything to happen to him.  I was praying all night and this morning hoping I would get an answer to where we could find him.  Last night as I was calling his name I thought I could hear him barking but then it would stop.  When Mindi got home this morning from volleyball try-outs I told her we needed to really try and find Sonny.  We looked to see if Animal Control had picked him up or if someone had him and were looking for his owners. We finally decided to walk down the horse path by our house and give it one more try. We went down a ways and decided to turn around and head home. About half way home we stopped as we heard a loud groan. Mindi jumped  the fence to find Sonny in the irrigation ditch with both his front paws struck in the metal grate. I called Dave and he came to help and Trace brought a wagon down and we lifted him up and brought him home. After a warm bath, some first aid treatment and a couple of hot dogs he is resting on the floor on a blanket. I'm pretty sure that if we hadn't found him he would have just died there in the ditch. I often wonder if Heavenly Father really answers my prayers but after today I'm certain that he is aware of me and my needs and concerns. I don't know if Sonny will make it through this ordeal but I'm so thankful we were able to find him, now I need a nap.

On To Thanksgiving, Mom Turns 86

I've spent the last few weeks obsessed with getting my pomegranate harvest taken care of. I spent all morning yesterday making another three batches of jelly and then I hit the wall. My back has been bothering me and everything seems like it's getting harder to do. This morning when I woke up I was in one of those moods, and I'm tired. Sometimes life just gets to be too hard and seems like there are too many challenges. I went with my sister this morning to get our B-12 shots and found myself venting to her about my concerns. Now that I'm home, I can calm down a little bit and start thinking about my blessings instead of all the those little irritations. My Mom had a birthday yesterday and turned 86. We took her to dinner at Charleston's on Tuesday night and it was fun to get together to celebrate with her.  I know she has changed since Dad passed away last January. She seems different, which I can understand. I worry about her being alone but know she doesn't want to leave her home and I respect that. I'm thankful for every day we have her with us and hope we have many more years to celebrate her birthday.  I have seven days to get my house in order to host Thanksgiving. Life is changing for us as the kids get married have children and grandchildren. We aren't going to have that big of a group for dinner so even though we will miss them I understand. This is the season to be thankful, so instead of thinking about all the things I wish were different, I'm going to try and concentrate on those things I love and show gratitude for them.

Jelly Making, Blanket Sewing and Riding My Bike

I can't believe it's already Thursday. I've been busy making jelly and sewing a few baby quilts for my never ending amount of Grandchildren. I'm not complaining, they are such a blessing to me.  I am amazed at how it seems life is changing. It takes so much more time to do everything, especially cleaning and sewing. I remember when I got a lot more accomplished in a day than I do now, but I just keep plugging along. I was talking to someone the other day about the death of their Grandma. This person said, "it's just so sad and final to think we will never see her again." I said, "what are you talking about? I totally believe we will see our loved ones again on the other side." To this they answered. "You may believe that but that doesn't mean it is true." I have had too many experiences to not believe this earth life is only a temporary stage for us to be tested and have an experience with a body until it is time to go home.  This week one of my Mom's best friends grandson committed suicide in his home. He suffered with depression for a very long time but at the age of twenty-four he decided to take his own life. The funeral was yesterday and I could tell when talking to Mom just how sad everyone is about this. I've suffered from anxiety and depression too, but I would never think taking my life would solve anything. I'm not judging anyone else because I have been in a dark place many times. The weather has been beautiful and it's beginning to feel like Fall is here. Some of our trees are changing colors and the leaves will start falling off and our citrus is changing from green to orange, something we love every year, fresh orange juice. With the nice weather I've been riding my bike everyday with Mindi and Trulie. I'm trying to built up the muscles in my legs and burn a few calories, it also gets me out of my nightgown and dressed for the day which takes some encouragement most days.

Juicing Done, Jelly Next

I love the smell of fresh pomegranate juice. It brings back so many memories of our family picking and juicing this fruit together. I remember one year when Dad was struggling with cancer, he suggested we just buy some instead of picking them. I'm sure it's because it is really hard work to drive around, get on a ladder and pick the fruit for a senior citizen, or anyone for that matter. After my Mom squashed his idea of buying thousands, it became a joke between Dad and I. Every year when the pomegranates showed up in the grocery store for $2.99 a piece, I would call and ask him how many he wanted me to buy? On Wednesday as Mindi and I went through the produce department there they were, the first box of Pomegranates of the season.  I made the comment  how I wished I could call him and ask him how many he wanted me to purchase, then hear him laugh or give me a number. I miss him so much. Yesterday I started juicing at 8:00 a.m. and finally finished at 4:00 p.m.. Mindi and her kids helped me for a couple of hours but I did most of them by myself.  When Rich passed through from work and his scout day camp calling, I told him I didn't think I could do this again by myself. I didn't get much sympathy, just a comment how he could cut down our nine trees then. Things are changing in the family as our parents get old and pass away, and I'm no spring chicken either. After yesterday I don't know how many more years I will have the strength to do it. If the next generation doesn't want to embrace this tradition it will be the end of our pomegranate jelly making. That would be so sad for all of us who have worked so hard, starting with Aunt Tenna. Now next week the real fun begins as I spend many more hours making jelly, I'll need to rest up a couple of days before I start the next step. I'm tired and have a headache today.

Working Hard on the Pomegranate Harvest

I just got back from my morning bike ride. I've been trying hard to make it a habit to get at least a mile done each day. Mindi walks while Trulie and I ride our bikes to her pre-school and then we continue around the big block. Today was really nice as a storm is moving in so it's cool and windy. You really can't beat the weather here in spring and fall, it's just the summer that is pure miserable.  We've been working hard trying to get our harvest of pomegranates picked and juiced. Last Friday Julie and Aubrey came down and we juiced for a few hours. Then yesterday Mindi and I continued all morning until we were tired. This morning my niece Victoria came over to help pick so she and my other niece will juice tomorrow at my sister's house.  This has been a weird year with my Mom and Sister not able to help and my Dad gone, it's put most of the work on Mindi and me.  I remember last year when we were all here working hard I could tell Dad was struggling. I knew he didn't feel well but he continued to help us as long as he could. I had the feeling it would be our last time working together on this project and I was right as he passed away a few months later. As I was juicing yesterday I was looking at my hands and I could see my Dad's hands in mine. It was a strange feeling to think of him as I worked. Things are changing in the family as we get older and busier. I'm afraid that if we don't get more help in the future the pomegranate jelly may be a thing of the past, it's way too much work for a couple of people, we almost need an army.

Games Over, New Grandbaby

I made it through another busy week and lived to tell about it. Tristyn had her last two volleyball games and is now moving on to college ball next year. She has played on the Varsity team for all four years and had over a thousand kills. For those who don't know what a kill is, it's a spike that isn't returned by the other team. I love watching her play because she is such a team player and tries really hard every game. She has had some challenges in her playing career. Some of her coaches tried to ruin her self esteem, but she rose above that and hopefully is a better person having gone through her trials. Trace had his last football game and it is fun to watch him play. Sometimes it seems like we are starting all over again watching the grand kids. It brings back lots of memories that's for sure. On Wednesday I got a call that Annie was in the hospital having their baby. She finally delivered a nine pound baby girl in the afternoon. She is one of the prettiest babies I've seen in a long time. I only wished they lived close enough for me to go see her but with them living in Montana it may take a while before that happens. This makes an even twenty grandchildren for us and I think all my kids are done having babies. Twenty is a lot and we are so blessed with every one of them. Today is Halloween and it's my favorite Grandma's birthday. I was hoping Annie would have her baby on Grandma Fern Turley's birthday because with all the grand kids, not one has been born on Halloween. She was a special person who had a very hard life but never complained. I strive to be just a little bit like her. She passed away while I was at BYU in 1974, boy how we've missed her.

Halloween With Grandchildren

I've been home from California for a week now and have been working hard to get my house back together again. I've been busy doing laundry, ironing Rich's shirts, and trying to catch up on my sleep deprivation. It was extremely hot in California and I slept in an upstairs room with no air conditioning, so it was good to get home.  On Thursday afternoon Mindi and Dave left for a Conference in Utah. They have five children from the ages of 17 to 4 so it's not like they have a bunch of little kids. I got up really early yesterday morning to get the kids off to school. One did make it to school but the other three complained of everything from sore throats to unknown maladies. I was so stressed out that I texted Mindi and said, "you need to deal with them because they don't respond to me." All I heard back was "ok". After I went in my bedroom and had a good cry, I returned to her house and started a mandatory "pickup drill." They were pretty good to help me with the dishes and laundry before I finally gave up and went to my house to try and get something done there. Can I just say that I sure admire those grandparents that have had to raise their grandchildren because of situations they didn't expect. I will just be glad when their parents get home tomorrow so they can deal with their children. I don't like the responsibility and hate having to get upset with them before they will help. It hasn't helped that the girl that helps me clean my house hasn't worked for almost a month because she has a bad foot. Yesterday Ethan invited us out to his Ward's "Trunk or Treat". I thought it would be fun to take the kids somewhere since they were feeling MUCH better in the afternoon. Ethan has always wanted to be the scary clown from the Steven King's movie, "It". I've never seen it because I'm a chicken but he had someone make his costume after I refused to. He filled up lots of balloons and gave them to the kids, which I thought would be too scared to even go by him but they weren't. This Halloween has been fun so far spending some time with the Wootans at Disneyland and then last night with Ethan's family. I will be glad after next week when we move on to pomegranate picking and Thanksgiving, if it would just cool down so I can get in the mood for the holidays that would help.

Home From California

I had so much fun in California last week but boy is it good to be home. I was running out of clean underwear and that would be horrible if that happened.  We left at around noon yesterday and pulled into Phoenix at around 6:30. The weather had been horrible at the beach, hot and humid and it didn't start to cool off until we were getting ready to leave. This summer has been a doozy for me.  I had surgery in July and then left for Montana, where I stayed for almost three weeks. I suffered through the heat up there too and then came home for a couple of months. Then I went with Candi's family to California. I've had such a fun time with my kids and grand kids. I have felt a little guilty leaving Rich here to work but he got his own vacation when he went to Italy in May for eleven days.  We probably should have gotten to know each other better before we got married because it just seems like we don't enjoy the same things in life. I love animals and my family and he loves to work (to support the family) and his church callings. Maybe we balance each other out a bit but someday I hope to be able to go on a trip with him that doesn't involve airplanes or foreign countries. Rich is a mover and shaker and has to be busy doing something all the time.  He would have hated just relaxing on the beach and watching the waves.  The third time we went to the beach we went late in the afternoon and stayed until almost dark. The life guards pulled up behind where we were sitting and put a wooden stake in the ground. My son-in-law B.J. went over to see what it said. He came back and told the boys to get out of the water. I guess earlier in the afternoon they saw a ten foot hammerhead shark just out from where we were sitting. The sign said, "Due to aggressive shark activity the beach is closed." Okay they didn't say anything to us and I sat there and watched surfers for hours in the water wondering if I would see a shark attack at any minute. While I've been traveling and staying with family I have really learned a lot about myself and gained a better appreciation for this country we live in. The beauty of it amazes me and I wish I knew more about the oceans and mountains. Yesterday as we traveled home it was cloudy and raining as we entered Arizona. The skies were black and it looked like we were going to get in a really bad storm. It did rain a little bit on us but as I looked over there was a double rainbow so I had Major take a picture through the window. I'm glad to be home and probably will be staying home for a long time.

California Adventure

I have had the best time with Candi's family in California. Yesterday we went to Disneyland for the Trick or Treat with Mickey Party.  I have been worrying for a while how I would do with the crowds, long lines, and the heat.  We were lucky that everything worked out and we had a great time.  We didn't get home and in bed until 1:00 a.m., and I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck.  I have to admit I went into the night pretty naive to what was about to happen to me. We started out on an easy ride, Buzz Lightyear. Then next we headed to Star Tours.  How hard can that be sitting in a enclosed area watching a movie with 3D glasses.  Oh my heck, that ride made me know why I don't get in an airplane.  We then went to Space Mountain where during and after I truly thought I was going to die. Being in the dark going 30 miles per hour was terrifying to me and is definitely off my bucket list. After we went to the Pirates of the Carribean and the Haunted Mansion, we decided to get something to eat, rest and watch the fireworks which were amazing. We finished the night off by getting candy and going on our final ride, Thundermountain Railroad, which sealed the deal that I will never go on another roller coaster in my life.  I feel like I need a chiropractic adjustment and a day of rest.  We are going on a Duffy boat ride in the harbor tonight and then heading home tomorrow.  It has been extremely hot and humid this week but overall it has been a blast.

A Fun But Emotional Week

This week has flown by just like the others lately.  I visited my sister in the hospital after her knee replacement, went to three of Tristyn's volleyball games and was with her and her parents when she received her patriarchal blessing. It's been a busy and emotional week. I know I'm getting old because my grandchildren are going to be going away to college and someday, hopefully not too soon, I will be a great-grandma.  Ugg! Tomorrow I will be leaving to go with Candi, B.J. and the boys to California for a week.  I usually go with them in the summer but because Candi and I both had surgery, they invited me to go with them now. I plan to relax on the beach, celebrate B.J.'s birthday and go Trick or Treating with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.  I have woken up a couple of mornings  in tears, worrying about whether I should go or not. I had such a hard time with homesickness while visiting Montana this summer that I'm almost afraid to leave home again. The good thing is that it's not too far away and I have an exit strategy this time. Sometimes I feel guilty leaving Rich here alone, but he will be working his fifteen hours a day six days a week anyway, and I don't think he felt bad at all leaving me for ten days when he went to Italy this summer. I'm kind of a tit for tat person. While listening to Conference last weekend I've decided to try and make some changes. Sometimes I have trouble with my mouth and say a few cuss words.  I am going to try really hard to clean up my language as suggested by one of the speakers.  I also am trying to do better with not judging others and trying to see them the way the Savior does. At times that is really hard for me as I wonder why people are the way they are. I know I'm far from perfect but it's hard sometimes for me to just accept people the way they are. Candi called me last week while she was turning her hair pink. I know she is a hairdresser and the big thing it to change hair colors all the time. I know I'm an old fuddy duddy but the thought of walking around California with cotton candy colored hair is a little bit embarrassing for me. Anyway, it is California and I'm sure there will be some weird looking folks over there too, we will fit right in.

Mell's Knee Replacement and Angel Mother

I just got home from the hospital visiting my sister who had knee replacement surgery yesterday morning. My nephew's wife Victoria picked up Mom in Scottsdale, came by to get me and we went to see Mell. She looks better than I thought she would and seemed to be feeling okay, probably with help from the painkillers they have been giving her. We stayed for a while, helped her wash her face,  brush her teeth and when some other family came we left and went to lunch. The only time I'm sure Mom eats is when she is with one of us kids. I wish I never had an appetite and could starve myself, it would be way easier to fit into my clothes. Unfortunately, I got my Dad's genes of always being hungry and enjoying a good meal.  As I looked at my sister in her chair with her pale skin and glasses on she reminded me so much of my Dad.  When I mentioned it to Mom how much she resembles him, she agreed.  I really enjoyed listening to Conference this weekend. I took notes the first day and had two pages of things I wanted to remember. There were several talks that made me cry, especially Elder Holland's talking about mothers.  I don't think many moms feel they are doing everything right and I know the feeling of being "not good enough" has lived in my brain for many years. I do think most mothers really do try and do the best they can and that should be good enough. I know I was blessed with an angel mother and will forever be grateful for her. Almost every time I talk to her about my worries and trials she always says, "things will work out." Someday she will join Dad in Heaven and I will sure miss her encouraging words, so I will just enjoy everyday she stays here with us.

More Games and Conference

I've spent the last week going to volleyball games of my grandchildren. It gives me a change of pace and out of the house. Last week we played Mesa High where my cousins children have all gone. It was fun to have them come to Highland and they even picked up my Mom.  On Tuesday we played Queen Creek so Jen brought her seven kids and we watched Tayler play.  This is Tristyn's senior year so this is her last season unless she decides to play in college. Rich is leaving for Utah in the morning to go to his missionary reunion. He was suppose to leave this morning but he needed to stay and work today.  I'm excited to stay home and listen to Conference. I'm hoping to get some inspiration to some of my concerns, we will see if that happens for me. 

Missing My Dad

I was in my sewing room working on a little project when Trulie came in from pre-school and wanted to go swimming.  I gave her all the excuses I could think of why we couldn't get in the pool, until I finally just gave up and took her out. I was surprised at how refreshing it was even though I lose my desire to swim when Fall comes.  Yesterday I had a rough day mood wise.  This is the first year I haven't had fresh squash, pumpkins, tomatoes and corn stalks from the White Mountains. I was missing my Dad and the longer the day went on, the sadder I got. I know my Mom is struggling being alone but doesn't want to leave her home and the memories she has there. I totally understand that after spending almost three weeks in Montana. There is no place like home and I know that is where all her memories are. She has lost her courage when it comes to driving and going places she used to go when Dad was there waiting for her. She is coming over tonight to watch the girls play volleyball, so that will be fun for her. Rich is going up to Utah next week for his missionary reunion and the next week I'm going to the beach with Candi and B.J. and the boys.  I have been really excited about this trip for a few weeks since they invited me. They have some fun things planned like going to Disneyland for the Trick or Treat with Mickey.  I don't really like Disneyland and I wonder how I'll do getting around but hopefully I can make it through it. I love watching the waves and feeling the cool breeze on my face at the beach, so I'm looking forward to that.

Ballgames and Fabulous Friday

When I was a kid it seemed like forever between Christmas and my birthday but as I get into the senior citizen category time seems to be speeding up. This week has gone by so fast I can't believe it. It seems like the days just speed along with Rich getting up at 4:00 a.m. and hasn't been getting home until late in the evening. If I didn't have my kids and grand kids around I would be alone 95% of the time. It's fun that the kids are playing sports because is breaks up the days and gives me something to do. I'm also working on a couple of sewing projects and helping with Fabulous Friday tonight. Our ward seems to like it better on Friday night instead of all day Saturday, so it will be nice when it's all over tonight.  We have some yummy food planned and really fun projects to work on. Mindi and I were going to try and make some painted Kerr jars but couldn't get the paint to look good, so we gave up. Tristyn has a volleyball tournament today and tomorrow so it's a good thing the painted jars didn't work out. The weather is finally cooling off a little bit. We should be under 100 degrees in a couple of weeks and then instead of exercising in the pool I will be able to start riding my bike. It's been really hard because I've gained a few pounds since my Dad passed away in January. I know I'm an emotional eater and feel the void with may favorite treats. I have to just be glad I didn't get into the drug, alcohol and tobacco because I would hate to try and battle those demons. I know everyone has things about themselves they struggle with, I'm just really tired of the fight with food. I hope when I get to the other side I will be able to overcome that trial and be at peace with myself.

Freeway Shooter Really?

I'm always glad to get to the end of the week and have a day of rest coming.  Even though Sundays aren't really restful it's still nice to have the guys home from work.  On Wednesday Mindi and I had it all planned out.  We would drop Trulie off at preschool, take Dave to pick up his car at the dealer, get to the grocery store to pick up stuff to make food for the football team and be home in time to pick Trulie up. As we got to the store and started shopping, Dave called to say he was stranded on the freeway with his car overheating.  We grabbed a few containers of water and some things we had in our cart and left in a hurry. He was about twenty minutes away in the HOV lane where two freeways meet.  As we got closer, there were signs telling us that there was shootings on the freeway and we needed to report any suspicious activity.  It was so scary sitting in the car with traffic passing us at least 70 miles per hour and wondering if someone was going to start shooting at us.  It all worked out okay and we found someone to pick Trulie up for us and we got our groceries and got home safely.  Dave only got a few more miles down the road before his car died but he got some other guys to go help him.  Whew!  While I was telling Rich how scary it is to think there is someone shooting at people on the freeway, he acted like it was no big deal. He just doesn't worry about stuff like that and he's usually right.  So far no one has been killed but I still wonder what kind of a person would just randomly shoot at cars on the freeway? The world is getting crazier by the minute and I don't see it getting better in the near future. 

Let The Games Begin

Sometimes it feels like "Groundhog Day" around here but at least we have been under a hundred degrees for a few days.  This week was busy with volleyball, football, and shopping.  Tristyn had her first game on Monday night and Trace his first football game on Wednesday.  I'm hoping to make it to the Larsen girls' games when they play closer to home. This week as I was at the grocery store I bought some sweet corn to cook for Sunday dinner. This is the first summer I haven't had fresh squash and corn from the garden my Dad and Mom would grow in the White Mountains. It's funny how your brain pulls up memories that remind you of someone who has passed away. I do that a lot with Kamber too, where I will see something that reminds me of her. Last week a friend came over for lunch.  She is a single lady that takes care of her Mom who is losing her memory. I know it is so stressful for her and as we talked I was grateful that my Mom is still doing well and is able to take care of herself. Sometimes she seems a little bit confused and tells me the same thing about ten times, but I'm just thankful to still have her to talk to. It's tough getting older and becoming one of the senior citizens of the world. My friend said something that I had been thinking all week and that is after our parents are gone, it will be us next in line to cross over. That's a little bit scary but I sure hope to be able to get out of here before I get so useless that my kids have to take care of me. I know Dad was adamant that if he became too sick that he needed major care, he wanted to leave, and he did. The other side has to be better than what's going on now doesn't it?

Heatwave Continues

I didn't realize how hard it would be to get back to the hot weather. It seems like the older I get the harder the summer temps are to deal with.  I hate to complain because I know many people are forced to work in the heat, so I will stop talking about how much I hate it. This week I had blood work done, a doctors appointment for my hand and went to lunch way too much. When I decided to go to Montana I really didn't think it through enough.  I was desperate for a change and thought it would be fun to be in a new location with family I love. I wasn't prepared for the emotional part of going away from home and it brought up lots of feelings I had as a child. I remembered a time when my Mom was really sick and hospitalized.  My Dad couldn't take care of all four of us so they sent Lennie and I up to stay with our grandparents in Eagar, Arizona.  I remember how alone and sad I felt as we were with these relative strangers who really weren't too "warm and fuzzy" towards us. I don't even remember how many days or weeks we were there. I think one day I got word they were coming back to get us and I was so excited to pack my suitcase. I remember standing by the door, waiting for someone, anyone to come rescue us. I think it was late in the afternoon when my Grandmother broke the news that they weren't going to come that day. I think I cried the whole rest of the day. I had those same feelings in Montana, even though I was with family who treated me great, I still had that longing for home. It always amazes me that a lot of my sadness and anxiety come from experiences I had as a child. When I would call home my family here would tell me to enjoy the cooler weather in Montana because it was hotter than Hell down here. It didn't matter how nice the weather was, I was homesick for the desert, my home, my pool and my family here. I've often wondered since Dad passed away in January if he felt like I did pulling in to Phoenix after being in Montana for almost three weeks. Did he feel joy to see his family who had already gone to the other side? Did he feel guilt or sadness that he left all of us, especially Mom alone? She has often asked me what I think Dad is doing in Heaven.  I would like to think that he still watches over us and hopes we are doing well. Boy how I wish I had just a few more days to be with him, but I'm happy he's not suffering anymore.

Cathing Up

I swear it's taken me a week to finally get caught up. I finally finished ironing all of Rich's shirts, both work and church and put the ironing board down yesterday. I've also caught up on my sleep. I didn't realize how much a trip like that would take out of this senior citizen.  I knew Montana was a long way away. I knew it was almost 1400 miles from my house in Gilbert. I just didn't know really how FAR that is away, but now I do.  I went this morning and got my B-12 shot that I missed while away, so hopefully I will be able to get some energy so I can get more accomplished around here. We are going to take the puppies to the vet this afternoon and get their shots and check-ups so we can sell them this weekend. Poor Mindi has been so overwhelmed with two litters of puppies but after this weekend she can hopefully sleep in. Last night I went with two other friends to take dinner in to a friend who's mother passed away last Saturday.  She looked so tired and I could relate to her because of losing Dad last January.  When I came home I was talking to Rich about my feelings. It's really hard getting older and seeing your parents health decline. It's so hard to say goodbye to them but are so happy when they are out of pain and suffering.  I'm so grateful to have had my parents for as long as I have and know that our relationships will continue on through the eternities.

"There's No Place Like Home"

Three weeks ago I left in a huge U- Haul with my son-in-law, Dave to deliver cabinets and granite to a job Ethan was doing in Billings, Montana.  Spencer and his family decided to move up there and wanted me to come visit, so I took the opportunity to hitch a ride. They didn't know I was coming so it was a surprise for them. I knew it was really far away but didn't realize just how far. It took us 29 hours to get that heavy load of materials up the mountains. Montana is beautiful and I spent lots of time in the car seeing Mt. Rushmore, Top of the World, Red Lodge and Big Timber where they spent the day fishing and swimming in the Yellowstone River.  I did pretty good for a while until my homesickness moved in and I needed to get home.  I was going to catch a ride home with Ethan when he finished the job but it seemed like everyday the timeline would change, until I lost hope of ever getting home.  So on Tues. night Dave flew up to Billings and I rented a car and spent two more days  coming home, which only took 21 hours.  We decided to come home a different way than we went up.  We came down through West Yellowstone and then through Idaho, Richfield, Utah, Kanab, Flagstaff and then finally home.  I was warned by my kids that it was really hot and after spending three weeks in the cooler weather, it was hard to hit the heat but it was so nice to get home to my own bed and the mountains of laundry, ironing and chores that needed to be done. I am so proud of myself for doing something so out of character for me. I learned a lot about myself and hopefully gained more gratitude for my husband and his hard work to provide for me. Sometimes I take for granted all that I've been blessed with but when I got away and had lots of time to think and ponder my life I gained a new perspective. It was so fun to spend some time with the Montana Larsen family and the grand kids are so sweet and cute, but there really is no place like home, even if it is 117 degrees outside.

Birthday, Top of the World and The Temple

We got home from Mt Rushmore on Friday and on Saturday it was Gunnar's seventh birthday. He was born a month early on the day we buried Kamber, so I was an emotional mess.  While we were eating breakfast Annie was explaining how special he is to our family and that he and Kamber probably passed each other in Heaven. By Sunday I was so homesick I cried most of the day. Ethan, who is also working up here picked me up and let me have my sobbing fest. We Face Timed home and I was able to talk to Rich and my Mom who were having dinner at Len and Julie's.  I also talked to Dave and Mindi about planning my trip home. That's still up in the air since Ethan came into some trouble with the stain for the doors and windows. Yesterday Spencer decided to take me to Red Lodge and the Top of the World. It was about an hour drive going towards Wyoming but the mountains were breathtaking and there was still snow on the top of the mountains. We got almost to the top but we were afraid we would run out of gas so we coasted down the mountain, got gas and ice cream before coming home.  Today is Annie's Grandpas ninety-third birthday so his son took him to the Temple. Spencer is busy with work, so she wanted me to go.  It's my kind of Temple, small and beautiful. I'm so thankful I got my courage up and went, there is a special feeling you have when you go through a session. I can see why Spencer wants to live in Montana, it is truly beautiful but I'll be glad to get home.  

Road Trip To Montana

One week ago I decided to come to Montana to visit Spencer and his family in Billings. My son-in-law Dave was driving a U Haul with a load of cabinets and granite for a job my son Ethan is doing here. After a couple of emotional breakdowns and a few near miss accidents we made it.  We were traveling through Utah on Pioneer Day and we talked about how hard it was going up those mountains sometimes not getting over 35 miles an hour. When we pulled in to Salt Lake the skies were lit up with fireworks everywhere.  I have never seen so many fireworks. It took us fifteen hours to make it to SLC and then another fourteen to get through Idaho and to Billings. As we were on the road all day Saturday I had lots of time to think about Kamber, as it was the seventh anniversary of her death.  Spencer didn't know I was coming so he acted excited.  I've had so much fun seeing the sights and doing some shopping. We left on Thursday to go to Mt Rushmore. Wow! What an amazing experience. The sacrifice that was made by those men is amazing. We spent the night in Rapid City, South Dakota and after touring Bear Country we headed back to Billings. I'm not going to want to go on another road trip for a long time.  Now I'm just waiting for a ride home or get my nerve up to fly. For now I'm just enjoying the cooler weather and the grand kids.