Heatwave Continues

I didn't realize how hard it would be to get back to the hot weather. It seems like the older I get the harder the summer temps are to deal with.  I hate to complain because I know many people are forced to work in the heat, so I will stop talking about how much I hate it. This week I had blood work done, a doctors appointment for my hand and went to lunch way too much. When I decided to go to Montana I really didn't think it through enough.  I was desperate for a change and thought it would be fun to be in a new location with family I love. I wasn't prepared for the emotional part of going away from home and it brought up lots of feelings I had as a child. I remembered a time when my Mom was really sick and hospitalized.  My Dad couldn't take care of all four of us so they sent Lennie and I up to stay with our grandparents in Eagar, Arizona.  I remember how alone and sad I felt as we were with these relative strangers who really weren't too "warm and fuzzy" towards us. I don't even remember how many days or weeks we were there. I think one day I got word they were coming back to get us and I was so excited to pack my suitcase. I remember standing by the door, waiting for someone, anyone to come rescue us. I think it was late in the afternoon when my Grandmother broke the news that they weren't going to come that day. I think I cried the whole rest of the day. I had those same feelings in Montana, even though I was with family who treated me great, I still had that longing for home. It always amazes me that a lot of my sadness and anxiety come from experiences I had as a child. When I would call home my family here would tell me to enjoy the cooler weather in Montana because it was hotter than Hell down here. It didn't matter how nice the weather was, I was homesick for the desert, my home, my pool and my family here. I've often wondered since Dad passed away in January if he felt like I did pulling in to Phoenix after being in Montana for almost three weeks. Did he feel joy to see his family who had already gone to the other side? Did he feel guilt or sadness that he left all of us, especially Mom alone? She has often asked me what I think Dad is doing in Heaven.  I would like to think that he still watches over us and hopes we are doing well. Boy how I wish I had just a few more days to be with him, but I'm happy he's not suffering anymore.