"Don't Wish Your Life Away"

There is a quote by Albert Einstein that has been running through my mind the last couple of weeks. It is "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." As I get closer and closer to being a senior citizen you would think that at some point I would figure it out. That I would have enough life experience and knowledge to be able to deal with what comes my way. I sometimes think instead of getting wiser and more mature, I'm regressing into a child again. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and explaining how hard it has been since Kamber passed away. I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I've never been a really happy person who "scatters sunshine all along the way." I try to be a good person, but know I fall short over and over again. I sometimes blame others for my unhappiness. My Dad use to tell me to stop "wishing your life away." I would always think that happiness was just around the corner. When I can drive, when I can date, when I graduate from high school. How about when I go to college, get married, have this baby, these were all experiences that I thought would finally make me happy. Well, I think I am finally getting the picture. NO ONE can make me happy. It isn't any ones responsibility to make me happy. I have to find that all on my own. My friend also made me realize the flip side to the "no one can make you happy," syndrome. If no one can make me happy, then no one can really make me unhappy, that's my responsibility too. All these years of blaming my parents, ex- boyfriends, siblings, husband, children, so on and so forth is all just a big fantasy. My friend then went on to tell me that the only person that will help you be happy is Jesus Christ and the Atonement. I don't think I really realize how important that is in my life. I know the only person who truly loves me and thinks I am worthy to be called a daughter of God is my Heavenly Father. I'm sure this will be a constant struggle for me until I take my final breath. My eyes are open a little bit wider today, hopefully I will be able to mature into that senior citizen at some point in my life.