How Long Will It Take Me To Recover?

Bride to be at the Shower

At the Garden of the Gods

This is Spencer's locker at the Practice Facility

Leaving the facility with Tyton and Gunnar

At the Game before the Rain!

Last week was a whirlwind for me. I had a bridal shower for my niece Alyssa on Sat. followed by a quick trip up to Denver to go to Spencer's Monday Night football game. The shower went really well, she had lots of family and friends come support her. As soon as the shower was over my sister and her husband picked me up and we left for Albuquerque. I was so tired but it was nice to be out of my house and on a little trip. We got into our hotel at around 11:00 p.m. and to say we were tired was an understatement. The next morning we got up early and headed towards Denver. Spencer called and wanted to meet us at a place called "Garden of the Gods" located around Colorado Springs. It is a beautiful group of rock formations surrounded by forest trees. I must admit that after sitting for fourteen hours in a car and having only three hours of sleep it was hard to walk up and down the paths looking at the view. After the hike we went to check into our hotel before going to Spencer and Annie's for dinner. We went to the hotel and tried to get some sleep knowing that Monday would be really busy. Annie had arranged for the family to go to the practice facility to see where Spencer works. I got to go in the locker room and see his name on a space with his stuff in it. I stole a pair of sweats and his name tag used during training camp. That was special to me. We then met up with Rich, Mindi, his sister, Marybeth and other family members who flew in and went to lunch and then out to the the Outlet Mall for a little shopping. After going back to the hotel to freshen up we left for the game. We got to the stadium with plenty of time to soak in the sites and sounds and watch the teams warm up. Before the game started they had things to remember the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center. It was emotional for me as they had police and firefighters plus military people honored. They also had four guys parachute into the stadium the last one bringing in a huge American Flag. All was going well during the first quarter of the game and then the rain started. We tried to be strong but went up to get out of the drizzle. We did finally go back down to our seats and try and watch the rest of the game. There were on and off showers during the game so we didn't see much of it. After the game we got to go down on the field and meet up with Spencer. I really try to not get to discouraged but he never has been on a winning team since his Sophomore high school season. I'm tired of losing, I don't think I'm a poor sport but why can't he get on a team that actually wants to win? Oh well, we left yesterday and started our way back to Arizona. We arrived today at 2:00 p.m. and now I need to start getting back to normal, laundry, dishes, feeding animals, and all those other fun things I do. I don't know how long it will take me to recover but I don't think I'll be going anywhere soon.

"I Hate To See Summer End?"

Yesterday was Labor Day so we celebrated by taking my Mom to the mall to buy a gift for my niece, Allysa for her shower this Sat. After suffering for two nights of extreme pain from going to the football game, I was wondering how I would do walking around the stores. When I got out of the car and started into Dillard's' my Mom said, "gird up your loins, fresh courage take." That has become my mantra when I'm doing something hard. It seems like everything is hard for me right now. There is always so much to do around the house and yard when we have a party here. I think all of us could stay home and work day and night and we still wouldn't have it perfect. My Mom suggested that I sweep the floor, do my dishes, dust a little bit and call it good, but that won't do. I want it to be really nice, so I'll just keep working on my list of "must be done" until I run out of time. I'm trying really hard to not sink down into a deep dark hole. Last month was so hot I thought I was going to die. I don't know how many more summers I will be able to stay here. The problem is, what to do with all the plants and animals around here? I need to work on that one this winter. Last night as we were getting ready for bed Rich said, "I hate to see the weather cool down and summer come to an end." I could not believe what I was hearing. I think he's been out in the sun too long because I don't know anyone who is enjoying this weather. This morning when I told him he was "losing his mind" he said, "well, I just know it will be getting cold soon." Wa Wa isn't that horrible that it could cool off here? I can't wait until that day because I will hopefully be out of the toilet by then and have a better outlook on life.

"Why Did You Leave Me?"

What a day we had yesterday. We decided to go to the Cardinals vs. Broncos game out in Glendale. We knew we had to leave early or we would get in the 5:00 o'clock traffic getting through Phoenix. Trace and Tristyn both invited a friend and Rich was meeting us there, so we had to take two cars. Dave took the boys in his truck and Mindi took the girls in the Suburban. As we got to the the freeway Mindi was going through who was in what car when all of sudden she said, "where's Troy?" Oh my goodness we left Troy at home playing with Legos. Lucky for us we were only a couple of miles from home so she called my niece Mary, who lives down the street and asked her to go to the house and find Troy. Dave hurried home while Mindi finished picking up Tristyn's friend. Then we hurried back home also. I guess when Troy realized he was "home alone", he panicked and went outside in back looking for us. Dave found him with dog prints all over his shirt crying in the back yard. WOW! We still don't know why he wasn't with the crowd as we were loading up. After we settled him down he kept asking, "why did you leave me?" Hopefully he won't be scarred for life. The game was so boring, we knew the fourth pre- season game would be, but Spencer had told us that he was going to be a captain and would play at least a few plays. Well, the coach changed his mind and none of the starters or first string guys got in the game. So we suffered through the game and people watched. I am amazed at some of the body art, piercings and skimpy clothing that was there. We were sitting close to the top of the stadium because we didn't want to spend any money watching that pathetic game. There were some very nice people around us but also lots of alcohol. One guy tripped and spilled his beer, lucky he had another one. Rich saw another guy drop a pretzel and when he left it on the ground another guy, sitting in front of us picked it up and ate it. We aren't lying about this stuff. After the game we got to go down with the families of the players and visit. Annie's family were all there and that was fun to see them. It's always so fun to see the players without their uniforms and helmets on so you can see what they look like. I got to see John Elway in person, and I gave Deuce Lutui a big hug. I've always wanted to meet him. He is so cute and very BIG. As we were leaving we got to say Hi to Todd Heap. What a fun time but we were sure tired this morning. I'm heading in for a nap now. Hopefully some day I will actually be able to watch Spencer play in person, it hasn't happened yet.

Troy tired after his ordeal.

Tristyn and friend Maddy after the game.

Grandparents Day With Kylie

On Monday afternoon I got a call from Jenn's phone. When I answered it I heard a sweet little voice that said, "Grandma, this is Kylie can you come to my school tomorrow for Grandparents Day?" I was trying to think of what I was doing on Tuesday and then I realized that whatever I was going to do wasn't as important as going to see Kylie. It isn't a "news flash" that I have social anxieties. I hate going in to situations where I don't know how many people are going to be there or what we will be doing. I also worry about how I will compare to others. I got a reminder call that evening making sure I would be able to attend, to eat lunch in the cafeteria with her and then over to the library for the book fair. I worried all night about getting up, doing the chores and being out to Queen Creek by 11:00 a.m., I also worried about what to wear and if I could handle the extreme heat we've been having. Worrying has been passed down to me in my DNA from my dear Mother, and I HATE it. Well, everything went so good. Jenn and I went to McDonald's to get some lunch then off to the school we went. I knew the secretary and they were really friendly. I looked around and there were all kinds of grandparents, short and pudgy, tall and thin, old and not so old, grey hair and dyed like mine. I had worried for nothing, just like always. I even ran into a friend who had been there all morning because she had so many grand kids at that school. As we were leaving I told Jenn how happy I was that was over. She said, "Yeah but you still have fifteen more grand kids you will have to do this for." Now that is overwhelming!

Will It Ever Cool Off?

This August has been the hottest I can ever remember. We have had a heat advisory for the last week or so and the highs have been over 110 degrees and the lows barely under 90. Is this where hell is going to be? I think so. I get so cranky when it's hot like this, I even irritate myself. Rich says "I worry too much about the temperature, anything over 105 just doesn't matter." He grew up in Utah and went to Canada on his mission so he HATES the cold. He whines like a little girl when it gets cold, but he says he likes the heat. How can anyone normal truly like this depressing heat? Last Sat. we celebrated Dallas' fourth birthday. We went to Chuckee Cheese so the grand kids could play all the games. It was fun to sit and visit but that place would give anyone anxiety with all the people, the noise and blinking lights. I'm still paying for my EXTREME shopping trip last week. It was so fun to be out and about but when it's this hot I just stay inside in my nightgown anyway. This week Spencer will be here with his team to play the Cardinals. We have gone back and forth whether we should spend the time and money to drive clear out to Glendale to watch the game he probably won't play much. Three years ago he was a rookie and got to play a lot, but being a fourth year player and a starter he might not play. Last year he was injured when they played here, but it's still fun to see him on the field. I may try and get on the plane with him going back to Denver, maybe it's cooler up there, ha ha.

"Ultimate Shopping When Its 113?"

Today Mindi and I went out and did some "ulitmate shopping." It's been a long time since we spent five hours at the mall, so it was lots of fun. When we got in the car to come home the temp. said 113 degrees. I said, "are we crazy out shopping in this heat?" Mindi answered with, "I wasn't going to stay in my house one more day." I love being a shut in, ha, ha, but occasionally it's fun to roam the mall. Tomorrow is Dally's fourth birthday so we got some fun stuff for him. Mindi is tired of wearing maternity clothes so we tried to find some new clothes for her. Since this is her last baby she's giving all her maternity clothes away. Dillards is having an extra 40% off all their clearance prices, and Macy's is having a sale that if you donate $5 to the March of Dimes you get 25% off your purchases. As we were standing in line at Macy's trying to decide if we wanted to donate I decided that because I have sixteen healthy grand kids $5 is nothing to contribute to this charity. Spencer and Annie gave me a gift card for Christmas for all the stores in the mall, so I'm still chipping away at that. It makes it so much more fun to shop when it doesn't cost me anything. I have so much to do before I host my niece Alyssa's bridal shower two weeks from tomorrow. I don't know why I volunteer because it makes me crazy trying to get everything done. It seems like everywhere I look there is a project that needs to be finished. I think when the shower is over I'm going to take a trip. I don't care where I go, but I'm going somewhere far far away. Hopefully where it's cooler than 113 degrees. Now I'm going to go take some pain killers and pack myself in ice, I know I will be paying for this shopping trip later today.

"Why Don't You Go Get A Pedicure?"

Last night I went to bed really irritated. It doesn't take much to tick me off lately but as I fell asleep I was not happy. Last week I asked a family member to cut my toenails and maybe slop some polish on them, they were really looking bad. The response I got was, "why don't you just go get a pedicure?" Huh! So yesterday I asked a different family member to trim up just the toes on my left foot, the ones I can't reach because my hip doesn't bend, okay and maybe my jelly rolls get in the way. Anyway, the response I got was, "why don't you try and get in shape so you can cut your own toenails?" That was it, I won't ask again. So this morning as I got into Mindi's house I saw little Trulie sitting in her vibrating chair with music playing sound asleep and I thought, "what I would give to be so peaceful, content and pure as that little baby." Life is so easy for her, I want someone to love me and care for me like we do this precious child. Then reality set in and I thought of all the people who I love and I think love me. I know my parents love me as they have been my advocates all my life, always letting me know they are on my side and will help whenever needed. I think my husband and kids have a glimmer of love for me, sometimes it's a little bumpy but we have survived all these years. I have brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins galore, that I love dearly. I hope they love me too. After I had my little love fest in my mind the phone rang. It was Candi asking if I needed anything at the beauty supply or bread store. I asked again, "is there any way you can polish my toes, they look so bad?" She said she was in a hurry to get home but had time to come in fast and do that for me. What a kind daughter, she didn't even give me any crap about walking around barefoot in the slew or anything, she just did a kind act of service. I knew helping her get through cosmetology school would pay off some day. Thanks for the kindness, by the way, I need my hair done this week too can you fit me in?

I Need A Break From The Heat!

I've been crazy busy this week trying to get a quilt tied for Trace and start getting my house ready for the bridal shower in three weeks. I have wondered a lot this week why I would volunteer to have a party here because it really makes me more of a nut than I am normally. I got up early and put away everything and then fed the dogs before my cleaning girl came. She asked me how I did without her last week and we decided that until after the shower she will come every week. Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off of me. After I got my house cleaned Mindi and I headed to the grocery store. It's always a good feeling to get out of there, a few years ago I had such bad anxiety I couldn't even go to the store, so I'm thankful to be a little better. Rich and I then had to go help make 96 sausage and egg burritos for the young men tomorrow at an early morning Priesthood meeting. Rich decided to go on to the Temple and when he gets home he has to work on a talk he has to give tomorrow morning. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to sacrifice and serve. Rich seems to do better when he's under lots of stress and I HATE to be stressed out. I just went out to do my night time chores. I thought that because it was almost dark it would be cooler. As I worked the sweat just poured off my forehead and under my hair. It is still 103 degrees and I don't know how much more I can take of this hellish weather, then when I look at the forecast it's going to be 112 next week. We truly do live in hell, and are in desperate need of some rain. I know I'm being punished for something. Anyway, tomorrow is another day and who knows, maybe I will wake up to a nice cool morning.

"It Just Isn't That Bad"

This morning I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with a bad headache. Rich was getting his workout clothes on and heading to the gym. I took some pain relief pills, grabbed an ice pack and went back to bed. I need more than five hours of sleep to be productive. I had the whole bed to myself so I turned on the t.v. to see what uplifting news they were reporting. When the weather report came on they said it was already 92 degrees. Can that be right, at four in the morning? I was so sad I turned it off and went back to sleep. When I got up I decided to get out early and feed the animals for my own health. The dogs were already panting at the door so I turned the cooler on for them and when I got in the kitchen Rich was leaving for work. I had sweat pouring down my face, in my eyes and as I was bearing my testimony to him about how hot is was and I want to move SOMEWHERE else he said, "it just isn't that bad." Are you kidding me right now? So I've spent the rest of the day inside doing laundry, ironing ten of Rich's work shirts and decided to get started on a quilt for Trace. A few months ago when Mindi and Dave were getting ready for their baby we had to move Tristyn down to my house and rework the sleeping areas for the three boys. When we were looking at bedspreads for their beds at $50-$100 we decided to buy the sheets and just make comforters. That was three months ago. So on Monday I got the old quilting frames out and went to work. Hopefully we can get them done soon. Maybe we should have just spent the money and bought ones that were already made, but it's so hot and I'm surely not going outside anytime soon, so I'll just keep plugging away here in my house while Rich is out working in the, "it just isn't that bad," heat.

Tired of Being Tired

For the last couple of days I've just felt tired. Not just physically tired but tired of everything. Sometimes I go through these moods where I need a change. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I really don't know who, what or where I want to be or go, I just know that I'm tired of the status quo. Yesterday as I was getting ready for church I had my CD playing of Hillary Weeks. I love the messages in her songs and when the song "Come Take Your Place" started playing I couldn't stop the tears. The first time I heard this was on Kamber's video that was played at her viewing. I still haven't been able to watch it after three years, but I love the songs Ethan and Jenn picked for her. Anyway, as I was listening to the words some of them just popped out at me. Lyrics like, "there's a voice in your heart telling you who you are. You are the brave, the strong and the faithful, you've been saved for this moment in time. You hear the call, you feel the flame you're prepared, so come take your place." Then the final one was, "you are right where you belong." Huh! If I'm right where I belong then why isn't my life rainbows and butterflies? Then reality set in and I realized that this life is a test for all of us. Can I endure the trials I am given? Sometimes I feel a big fat NO but other times I just kind of shuffle around trying to do my best. I finally finished my little book "Embraced By The Light." At the very end after she talks about her near death experience she explains the most important message she got. "We are to love one another.We are to be kind, to be tolerant, to give generous service. It is simply a matter of following the Savior"s message which is, "Above all else, love one another." Maybe that's my answer to being tired, we'll see.

Could It Be Cooling Down?

Mindi and I just got home from the grocery store, trying to get everything we need for Sunday dinner and the weekend. I hate shopping on Sat. it's way too busy for someone with social phobias. As we got out of the car we both noticed a slight cool breeze. What? A cool breeze in Arizona in August. The weather forecasters keep promising monsoon storms but sometimes I don't think they know what they're talking about. I told my cleaning girl I would do my house every other week so today I've been busy doing laundry, dishes, bathrooms and dusting. I'll finish the floors tomorrow when Rich is finished walking in and out a hundred times while working in the yard. I finished a little quilt for my precious Abney in Colorado. Her birthday is on Mon. so the package should get there by then. Spencer played in the first game of the season last night in Dallas. He gave me a call to tell me he had a good game and didn't get hurt. The game is going to be on TV tonight. I really need to work on my faith because every time I know he is traveling or playing I get so worried he will get hurt. This is a big year for him because it's the last year on his contract, so we a praying for a good healthy football season. My niece is getting married in Oct. so we are giving her a bridal shower in Sept. It makes me SO crazy when I know a bunch of people are coming to my house. I've been making mental notes for the last week on all that needs to get done before I can feel good about hosting this event. The one good thing about having a party here is that it gets Rich motivated to do all the stuff that has needed to be done for a long time. It's been almost a year since my hip surgery. Mindi and I were just talking about how hard it is living with chronic pain. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I don't think I really realized how hard it would be to recover. Mindi seems to think I would be in a wheelchair without the surgery, so if that's true then it was a success. I guess that's what life is all about, choices and consequences.

An Answer to a Simple Prayer

Yesterday was a busy day with us doing last minute shopping at Kohl's and then the grocery store. I knew I was in trouble when it hurt to walk last night. As I was going to bed Candi called to tell me they were taking Dally Dog, who's four, to the hospital to get stitches after he hit his forehead on the edge of their pool. During the night I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but I was in pain. I cancelled my appointment to get another cortisone shot because my pain has subsided a little bit, but I guess the shopping is just too hard on this old hip. This morning my friend came to swim and the water was really warm and felt good. As we were visiting I noticed that our two little Shih Tzu dogs weren't outside with the rest of the pack. I tried to call Mindi inside the house to tell her to let them out in back. I'm sure she was crazy busy trying to get the kids off to school, the first day of school is always way stressful. Anyway, to make a long story short after swimming I came to Mindi's to ask where the dogs were. She hadn't seen them since 4:00 a.m. this morning when she let them out back. I have noticed lately that sometimes they crawl under the gate and go outside to the front and head down the road, but we have always been able to call them back. Neither one of them have a collar, but Bella has a microchip, which doesn't really help unless you take them to a vet. Rich, his secretary Amber and Mindi all went out driving around the neighborhood looking for these two little brats, they didn't have any luck. I said a little prayer and decided I would go ahead with my scripture reading. I then picked up a book Candi gave me called "Embraced By The Light", by Beatty J. Eadie. It is about this girl who goes in for surgery and has a near death experience. I'm almost finished with it but the chapter I turned to was titled "Prayer." No kidding, as I was almost finished with that chapter my door bell rang. I went to the door and a darling young man was standing there with my puppy Alice, Bella was in his truck. I was so excited, told him he was an answer to my prayers and asked where he had found them. He told me they were at the Chevron Station on Guadalupe and Higley about a mile from our house. What a tender mercy to have these little wanderers back. In my prayers I was asking that someone would find them and if they couldn't find us, to give them a good home. I asked the young man how he knew to come to my house. All he said was that his Mom thought she had seen them on our street. I have been pondering this experience all day. Sometimes I don't feel like Heavenly Father listens to my prayers, if he did then why do I have to go through the trials I have? I do know that today a simple prayer was answered and I'm thankful for that.

Three Birthdays, Forgive and Forget?

We spent almost all last week celebrating birthdays. We went to McDonalds with Major on Thurs. he's six, Tristyn to Red Robin on Friday, she turned thirteen and out to Candi's for swimming and a cook out on Sat. for Jenn who turned big 30. I took some really fun pictures of all the parties and when I went to put them in the computer I had forgotten to put the card back in the camera after my last pictures. I guess that's okay because Rich was giving me "crap" about all the picture taking I was doing, so there you go, No pictures. When we get together it gets quite loud and we sometimes get out of control. Some of my children love to antagonize me and Rich isn't usually there to come to my rescue. It is usually just in "fun" but I'm pretty sensitive about a lot of stuff, my critters, my jelly rolls, and my parenting skills or lack of. One time when we got together it was Kamber's first birthday. I remember how cute she looked with this huge bow in her hair. After we had eaten pizza, had cake and ice cream we were opening presents. I remember that Ethan was getting agitated because she was only one and couldn't really open her presents, she was tired and grouchy. He decided to just let all the other kids tear into the wrappings to hurry things along. Then the discussion turned to my animals and how I have a petting zoo in my back yard and I'm an animal hoarder. By the time everyone put in their "two cents" I was so hurt I started to cry. I just remember picking up my purse and going out to the car wanting to never come back. It took me a long time to forgive and put that experience behind me. On Sat. we were discussing this unfortunate event, four years ago. Some of my kids have forgotten it even happened, but I will forever remember how bad it made me feel. Why do I have such a hard time forgiving and forgetting? I blame it on being a Greer, it's been passed down in the DNA from my ancestors. Can I use that as an excuse? I know Rich has his favorite saying about me, "there isn't any forgiveness in this world or the world to come." Am I really that bad? I guess so. Anyway, I hope as I age and hopefully become a mature woman, I will mellow out and be able to laugh at myself a little more. I am pretty funny.

Quilting Inside, Depressing Heat

When Rich called me yesterday on his way home from work he asked me if it was hot enough for me outside. I haven't really been anywhere since Monday so when he told me it was 113 degrees I felt sick for all the animals and people who are out in the heat all day. I invited a friend and her husband over to swim and when we got in the pool it felt like a sauna. The water had to have been at least 100 degrees, we didn't stay in long. When I complain to my Mom about the heat she tells me her sob story about how they didn't have air conditioning in the olden days. They slept outside with the scorpions and mosquitoes in the roasting heat. I can't believe it, but I know she wouldn't lie to me. Ethan brought the two dogs back that he's been feeding. They are so hot at his house that they are digging big holes in his lawn to try and get cool, so tonight I will have six dogs to feed, sounds fun. They just sit at my door and want in, we even have a cooler for them. Since I try and stay inside when the temps are over 110 I've been working on two quilts. I made a darling cupcake one for Mindi's baby and when she washed it the yarn I used to hold it together raveled, it looked horrible. So I have decided to try and start hand quilting them. It has been relaxing to sit and sew while I watch t.v. in the evening. I may need to learn how to use my machine to quilt because it is taking me forever to get one done. Life continues to come at me in record speed. We have three birthdays and a wedding reception this weekend. The kids start back to school next week. How can the summer be coming to an end already? It seems like we just celebrated Memorial Day and pretty soon it will be Labor Day. At least maybe the weather will cool down by then.

"Be Of Good Cheer"

This weekend has gone by so fast. Rich has been busy at work and trying to get Candi and B.J.'s pool up and running. They have lived in the house for 18 months and finally closed the deal and are owners of a darling house. The previous owner built an "over the top" pool with a spa and waterfalls that have been hard to figure out. The pump broke the summer before they moved in so they are trying to solve one problem after another. Last night we all went out to swim but found them discouraged and overwhelmed. I still had fun swimming with the kids while they worked some of the kinks out. I continue to be in pain and keep hoping and praying for a miracle. Today in the third hour of church our Bishop and his wife gave a good lesson on "Being Of Good Cheer." Boy is it hard when struggling with adversity to be cheerful. I'm more of the "Debbie Downer"type than someone who sees the silver lining in every cloud, but I'm trying to do better. At times I know I don't use the Atonement to help me in my suffering maybe I need to work on that too. I sure have a lot of character flaws to try and work through before I'm called home. Tomorrow is little Gunnar's third birthday. He is a special little guy who was born a few hours after we buried Kamber. I hope he feels our love for him eventhough he's in Colorado. I remember the day he was born was such a sad day for us, a day we would never want to go through, but what a blessing he has been. He's even named after his angel cousin. We are getting a huge rain storm right now, that's a good thing because Rich forgot to sign us up for irrigation. Maybe the wind and rain will wash away some of my chickens, ha ha!

Max's Birthday, Pioneer Day, Missing Kamber

Rich and I had a busy and emotional last couple of days. We spent all day Sat. working around the house and yard getting ready for Max's first birthday party. It's always fun to get together with all the kids, but lots of work. Sunday started with Rich's meetings at 6:00 a.m. I never have gotten a good answer for why they need to start so early, I guess it makes sense to them. I got my dinner ready, myself presentable and off to church we went. It was Pioneer Day so I knew the talks and music would be about the pioneers. As I sat in church thinking about all my ancestors who sacrificed everything to have religious freedom and made that terrible trip across the plains and mountains, I felt such reverence for them. How thankful I am to have been born in this time and not been asked to leave everything behind and come out West. Sundays are always a day to reflect on the spiritual things in our lives. Knowing that today would be the third year anniversary of the passing of our granddaughter Kamber found us emotional and a little out of sorts. It seems like the more time that passes makes it easier to accept but there is still that deep part in your heart that is empty. I got on the computer and read all I could on the death of little children, thinking it would help, it didn't. So this morning as I was reading my scriptures the thought kept coming in to my mind about the scripture that says, "I do not know the meaning of all things, but I know that God loves his children." (1 Nephi 11:17) So today I'm going to do things I know Kamber would want me to do. I'm going to try and be happy, no moping around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to work on a quilt because she loved her quilts. I'm going to do as much as I can to live the commandments and to serve others. I look at Kamber as our little "pioneer" who is waiting for us to join her, if we are worthy, on the other side. I can't wait to see her and hug her and hopefully she will be proud of my efforts.

How Can Max Already Be One?

Rich and I have been busy all morning getting our house and back yard ready for our HUGE BLOWOUT one year old birthday party for little Max tonight. He has gotten so big and is walking all around. He is also one of the sweetest babies I've ever been around. Hopefully the weather won't get bad, we never know in Arizona when the monsoon storms will hit. I'm starting to feel a little bit better with my hip, I think the shot must have helped. Also, after two nights of not sleeping because of the pain from the scorpion bite I had a better night last night. I took some pictures of my arm because I have never had such a bad reaction to a scorpion before. My arm swelled up to double in size and it was so red and painful I decided to take some antibiotics, hopefully they will help make it better. Mindi and I have been running errands like crazy. As we were coming home yesterday I realized just how much Mom's contribute to their families. I am amazed at how far behind you get when the mother is sick or "out of commission". We were so thankful for all the friends, family and ward members who brought in food and helped with the kids. I have such a strong testimony of the Relief Society Organization and all the service that is rendered on our behalf. We need to "Pay It Forward" now that we are kind of back to normal. Spencer and Annie made it back to Colorado safely, we are still hoping to have a football season, but are tired of worrying about it. Before they left I had Spencer and Rich give me a blessing. I have been so discouraged with the disability of being in constant pain and basically crippled. As I listened to the promises in the blessing I was told to "have courage to do what it takes to get well." If there are a couple of things I struggle with it is courage and faith that things will work out for me. The old "Debbie Downer" syndrome seems to fit me better, but I'm trying to do better, that's all I can do right now.

"I Have A Dark Cloud Following Me"

Yesterday started out horrible with getting flooded out by our irrigation. As I looked out into my pond the turtles and fish were swimming in the yard because of the amount of water. I went out in the morning to find two fish gasping for air, I threw them back into the pond where my turtles decided they wanted to eat them. As I came in to talk to Rich he was on the phone with the bank because someone had taken our business card and bought $1000 worth of shoes and other purchases in England. Credit card fraud, wow that's a new challenge for us, one we haven't dealt with yet. Mindi and I got ready and went to the grocery store, something we haven't been able to do because of her bed rest, childbirth and then the death of her father-in-law. After the grocery store we ran a few more errands to purchase a light for my aquarium and some turtle food so my turtles would STOP eating my fish. By the time we got home we were melted. It was only 108 degrees but with the humidity it felt awful. Mindi had a friend come by and drop her kids off to play. With some other of the boys friends I bet we had at least thirteen kids swimming in the pool and running around going in and out of the house dripping water all over my wood floor. I was becoming more and more irritated as Rich was gone helping someone that has been dominating his time all week. How do people get their lives so screwed up? Anyway, I was lying on the couch watching "So You Think You Can Dance," no, I know I can't dance, when Rich came home and sat in the recliner and passed out. After the show we got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink, take my pills, and head to bed. All of a sudden I felt a horrible pain under my arm, I knew it was a scorpion, once you've been stung you never forget it. I started stripping down to my nothings as I was trying to find that bugger that was stinging the hell out of me. There I was standing topless in my kitchen while Rich ran and got a black light out of the garage to help find it. After going through all my clothes, we finally found it in the bottom of the garbage can, when I threw my clothes off it must have fallen in the trash. I have it in a glass jar trying to decide what would be the most painful way for him to die. As I was brushing my teeth getting ready for bed Rich said, "you know, you just have a dark cloud that follows you around wherever you go." I try and be a good person but it is true, trouble always seems to find me, like that little scorpion who must have crawled up my shirt while I was lying on my couch. Today I have found myself laughing at these little things that happen, I know it could be SO much worse, I lived through some trials that I never knew I could. I have a friend whose son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. Today is his birthday so my thoughts are with her today. Monday will be the third anniversary of Kamber's passing, someday that dark cloud will find somewhere else to go, that would be a happy day for me.

"Empty Nesting" = Lonely but Quiet

Rich and I have been truly "empty nesters" this weekend. Mindi, Dave and the kids went to Willcox for the funeral of his Dad. Spencer and Annie went to Spokane for a football camp, and Candi and Ethan are busy working and spending time with their families. I have been alone most of the day with Rich busy trying to finish up jobs and do service wherever needed. He's now off to the Temple, so I'm trying to find somewhere to go so I'm not alone all evening. I went to the doctor on Thurs. to get my cortisone shot. I had prepared for the worst and had anxiety all day worrying about it. I was even warned by a friend that it "hurts like hell." On the way down to my appointment I was telling Mindi how scared I was and I hated being in this place of constant pain. She then reminded me that I had four children without any pain relief so certainly I can handle a little shot. The doctor put at least five different medications in a shot, sprayed my hip with a cold numbing agent and then started shooting the medicine in. I was totally prepared to rip Rich's arm off and say some really bad words, but you know it really didn't hurt. It was a little bit like a stinging sensation when the medicine went in and I had a warm feeling come across my arms but I was so happy to have gotten through it. The first night was almost total relief, other than the terrible headache that came on at 3:00 a.m. I think two of the drugs are numbing, it felt wonderful to be out of pain. He also told me that if I got some relief that was a good sign. I'm being "cautiously optimistic" hoping for the best. I have another appointment for August if this shot doesn't do the job I can have two more. I am thankful for doctors and modern medicine we are truly blessed to live in this time. I went to see my parents yesterday at their humble little house in Scottsdale. As we left I felt so blessed that they are still with us at 82 years old. They still live in their house and can take care of eachother, I hope they are with us for a long, long time.

Lunch and a Shot

Mindi and I just got home from lunch with a good friend. She even payed, which was totally not expected but so appreciated. It was fun to get out of the house and have yummy Mexican food. This is the first time Mindi has had makeup on for a long time, she looks great for having an eleven day old baby. Her husband Dave and their boys left for Willcox yesterday. They got some sad news on Tues. evening that his Dad, Earl Moser had passed away suddenly. It makes me realize how fragile life is and how you never know when life will throw you a big fat curve ball that you have to try and deal with. Candi came over to color and cut all of our hair. It is always fun when the kids get together but very chaotic. With Tristyn at BYU volleyball camp and Jenn not bringing the girls over we had mostly boys. I wanted to take some before and after haircut pictures but they were enjoying playing video games and wanted me out of the way. I just love it when they have nice clean haircuts, they all look so cute. I'm beginning to think that there is no hope for healing for my hip, I've decided to go ahead and get a shot in it this afternoon. I really don't want to go through this but am pretty desperate at this time. I know there are many who are suffering from pain and heartache so I'm trying to be strong and know that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. We are expected to have trials to make us humble, so I guess I have to endure what comes my way, even though I hate it.

"Cheer Up, Things Could Be Worse"

I wrote a post the other day and my computer froze up. It didn't matter what I did I couldn't get it to work. After shutting it down and reading what I wrote I decided it was too dark to publish. I don't know if I'm post partum, post menopausal or just plain post hip replacement. I've been struggling with constant pain for a long time now and it's beginning to cloud my outlook on life. It's not like I have a great love of life, but constant pain definitely makes me a little irritable and out of sorts. Spencer and Annie got here from Colorado, Candi and B.J. got back from the beach and Rich got home from Utah, where he spent three days with his sister going through his Mother's earthly possessions. I stayed here and tried to help Mindi, but sometimes feel I'm not much help. We had everyone over for dinner on Sunday, the first time I've had all my kids and grand kids together for a long time. Rich and I feel so blessed with our posterity but at times feel undeserving. This mortal life seems to have a way of trying to humble me but it seems like I just keep getting more and more bitter. I have such a hard time forgiving those hurts that I have gone through. I still suffer daily with the sadness of losing Kamber. Why can't I have faith that the past is what was meant to be? Spencer has offered to take me back to Colorado to get out of the heat and enjoy watching him play football, but when it's hard to even walk that doesn't sound fun either. I feel stuck between what I want to be doing and what I need to be doing. I have been told by professionals that I'm a very paradoxical person. That means I feel the absolute opposite about the same thing. It's confusing to live in a body where there is conflict everywhere. I was talking to my swimming friend about it the other day how life keeps getting more complicated as we age and how it would be so fun to be young again. Boy would we do things so much differently. I guess that isn't going to happen so I need to cheer up because my Dad always told me the little saying, "someone told me to cheer up, things could be worse, so I cheered up and sure enough things got worse."

"Principle of Compensation"

Kids sitting on my bed waiting to go to the hospital

Tristyn and Mindi before Trulie was born

Baby Trulie

Mindi and her 5 kids

Grandma and Grandpa Larsen

I feel extremely grateful today to live in this great country. We had a spiritual day yesterday as Rich and I attended the Patriarchal Blessing of a friend. She is a darling girl who just joined the church in March. We are so proud of how she has embraced the gospel and is sharing it with others. After church we came home and fixed dinner for her and a friend she had brought to church, they seemed to enjoy a home cooked meal. While we were busy at church Mindi was home in labor. She wasn't saying much but did come down to eat a little bit before Dave took her to the hospital. I got a call at around 7:00 p.m. that she was there and dilated to a 5+ and they were going to check her in two hours before deciding if they would keep her because she was only 36 weeks. The next call we got was at 8:00 and she was already at a 7 and they were moving her into a room. The kids were all excited as we called family members to let them know the baby would be born soon. I really wanted Mindi to have her on the 4th of July, so we were encouraging her to just relax and take it slow. Well, at around 9 we got a call that she was in the 8-9 centimeter range so we gathered the kids and headed to the hospital. Rich stayed out in the waiting area with the three boys while Tristyn and I went in to see Mindi. The doctor came in and broke her water and helped the baby down a little bit and told her he would be back in a few minutes. I know Mindi had wanted to see if she could have it without an epidural but she said she was "dying" with the pain from the contractions. I reminded her that they don't give any "purple hearts" in delivery if you have a natural childbirth, be thankful for modern medicine. It was so nice to see her having labor pains and not feeling them. What I would have given for any pain killing help during my childbearing years, glad that's over forever! Rich and I had a bet that she would have her before 10:00 p.m. If I won, we go to Fuddruckers tonight for hamburgers instead of all the work cooking out. The doctor came in at 9:40 and I told him she had until 10:00 to have this baby or I would lose the bet. He looked at me like I was a space alien, but guess what? Trulie Ann Moser was born at 9:57 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs. 5 ozs. 19 1/2 inches long. She looked great, had great color and her breathing was good for being four weeks early. This is number 15 for Rich and I, with Jenn we will be having our 16th, another girl in November. Last night when I got home from the hospital I couldn't sleep. I could remember how relieved I was when my babies were finally out of the womb. I know that Mindi wanted to have this last baby because of a special experience she had while holding Kamber for the last time. The confirmation that she had another girl spirit that needed to come to their family. It takes courage to do hard things, and Mindi can do hard things. As I went to sleep the quote by Elder Wirthlin kept coming into my mind. The "Principle of Compensation," which is, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." Today I am rejoicing and have gratitude for all those blessings I receive, and I know I don't deserve them, but am extremely thankful.

Snickerdoodles and Swimming

I've been enjoying the great Arizona summer weather this week. It's only going to be 117 degrees this weekend, who wouldn't love to live here? Rich left early this morning to run up to Eagar to do a few things for my Dad at the cabin. I tried to go back to sleep but kept going over and over some thoughts in my head, so I decided to just get up and start my routine. I fed the dogs and got all the laundry together and the phone rang. It was my friend wanting to know if I was up to exercising in the pool. I don't think I've ever been swimming earlier than 7:00 a.m. but it was quite enjoyable. The water temps were around 88 degrees so we spent about an hour doing things that aren't possible on land and lots of visiting. Mindi's three little guys were up and saw me in my bathing suit so they joined us. While we were getting out of the pool Trace asked me if I knew how to make snickerdoodle cookies. I assured him I knew how and I would teach him how to make them, so he and Trent came down and we made a batch. Mindi called it a "Grandma bonding experience," whatever. Yesterday I got a call from a family member who was checking on me to see how I was surviving. After giving my sob story about how hard life is for me right now with the economy, Mindi on bed rest, the hideous heat, and my sadness of being so dependent on others, I got a little lecture. The main thing that matters in life is our relationships with others. I am in such a rut I don't even know what I could do that would make me happy. It's hard not to just give up and say to heck with it. I was thinking this morning about how simple things were years back. I felt in control and life was going well. Life always has a way of making you realize that we really aren't in control of any of this. Adversity is just part of this life and I need to do better at learning how to deal with it. I look around and I know it could be worse, I'm thankful for my little trials, not really, but I'm trying to be.

I Know I'm Crazy

At almost sixty years old I wonder why my life seems to be like the movie "Groundhog Day," where I do the same things over and over again. These last few weeks I've been consumed with trying to figure out how to stop the insanity around me, I have some ideas but they all cost lots of money that I don't have right now. Last night as I was feeding my animals I could tell that one of my rabbits was having a really hard time. Rabbits are really sensitive to the heat, unlike a dog who pants to cool off, rabbits don't really have a cool down mechanism. When I woke up at 4 a.m. I decided when it got light I would go out and catch my rabbits and put them on the porch in cages in front of a cooler Rich has hooked up for them. When I finally pulled myself out of bed I went to Mindi's to recruit some helpers for my rabbit rescue. I only had one volunteer, Trace. He was a reluctant helper but with the promise of a Blizzard he went to help me catch rabbits and bring cages up on the porch. It took me at least two hours to get them all situated and I still didn't have my dishes or laundry even started. With the temps hovering around 115 degrees for the next few days my outlook on life has become quite grimm. From the Fall to Spring I can deal with all these animals but when the heat hits I wonder what the heck I'm doing having a petting zoo in my backyard at anytime. When I was down with my hip Mindi did all the feeding, now with her on bed rest it's my turn to keep the critters alive. I find myself resenting my kids who for two weeks are in California on the beach with the 60 degree temps. Ethan left his dogs for me to take care of and Candi left Major's goldfish to feed. We have about six acres in the White Mountains we could build a cabin on, but how can I leave my home and critters and sit in a rocking chair in the cool pines? I guess I'm venting, the heat takes a huge toll on my outlook on life, it's not just the heat. Oh well, we only have about four more months before it cools down a little bit, I survived this long I guess until I'm called home I'll be here doing what I do best, complaining.

"Adversity is Part of the Pattern"

This week has been a bummer for me. Candi, Ethan and their families have gone to California to spend time with Candi's in-laws at the beach. Dave left Thurs. with the boys and his mom to San Diego to watch Trace play in a national football tournament there. Tristyn has been playing in a volleyball festival tournament all week in downtown Phoenix, so it's been a boring week. Yesterday I decided to shampoo some of my carpets that look a little dirty from all these animals, irrigation and kids I need to finish today and get my house put back together. I know I'm bored when I start deep cleaning. I still haven't heard from the doctor about my test results last week. I had a friend read the report to me but it meant nothing because I don't understand all the medical terms. All I know it that I'm tired of living in pain and being crippled. I've been getting in the pool as much as I can to try and see if the exercise will help it, but I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting. I may have to bite the bullet and go get a shot to relieve the pain so I can sleep. I'm fighting the discouragement that comes with having high expectations that haven't come to fruition. I'm almost finished reading the book "A Disciple's Life, The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell." The chapter I read this morning talked about all the different books he wrote. He wrote a lot about the Savior and how we need to strive to be more like him. He also wrote a lot about adversity. One of his quotes was, "adversity must be part of the pattern rather than always an aberration." He also wrote of the Atonement saying,"the full intensiveness of the Atonement involved bearing our pains, infirmities, and sicknesses as well as our sins." I have lots of sins, pains and infirmities so hopefully someday I will be able to overcome parts of myself that aren't working for me right now. Mindi has one more week until she can go off the medicine to stop her labor. I know she is getting tired of staying down because she is such a "go getter", she even wanted me to go with her to watch Tristyn play. I said, "are you kidding me right now? you only have one more week of this hell and then the real hell starts. Being up with a newborn all night." That sounds dreadful to me, I'm glad it's her having a baby and not me, but I can't wait to see this little precious spirit. I keep praying for her safe delivery and hope she will be strong enough to come home with Mindi from the hospital.

The Heat Is On, Super Hero Capes

This is the time of year we all HATE living in Arizona. Up until now the weather has been bearable even below average, but we can always expect June to be horribly hot. I think it's suppose to be around 113 degrees today. This morning I got an early start on feeding the animals because I knew it was going to be a doozy. Ethan and Jenn had been nice and taken Mindi's kids for a couple of days so she could rest. The problem with that is I don't have any help feeding the herd. Anyway, as I got out I noticed that the mister for the chickens was broken, so with it being so hot I had Trace go in and lift it out for me to fix. While he was in the chicken coop he noticed five baby chicks under their mommas. Are you kidding me? I don't want anymore chickens! Yes, Ethan I know that if you have roosters you are going to have baby chicks, that's why I've separated the roosters from the hens, I guess it was a little bit too late. I ended up lucking out because Ethan was here working and he had one of his guys fix my misters so what little good it does to cool them down, I'm just hoping nothing dies. Last week when I talked to Spencer he asked me if I would make a cape for his sons Tyton and Gunnar. I am not the worlds best seamstress but I told him I would try. I went to the store last week and bought a pattern and some material and went to work. It took me a few hours for two days to make these capes. I guess they have been watching some movie about superheroes and that made them want capes. Tyton wanted a green one with the initial T on it, There are so many different shades of green and some of the colors were ugly and some of the material was crap, so Tristyn picked out this wild shade of green, I hope he likes it. For Gunnar I had bought some blue material but it looked so plain I decided to make his out of U of A material and lined it with the blue silky material. I have eight total grandsons so hopefully they won't all want a super hero cape, otherwise I'm in trouble. I guess it's a good thing Mindi is on bed rest because it sure is too hot to go outside and do anything until around October, wow that's a long time to be a shut in.

Surviving Father's Day

Last Friday I asked a friend what she was doing for Father's Day. Her answer was, "nothing, I don't have a father, the only Father I have is my Heavenly Father." I then went on to ask her about her father and found out that he had passed away. I felt bad for her as she told me that he wasn't that great of a father to her when he was alive. Yesterday we had the whole clan over to celebrate with my Dad. He's 82 this year and has had prostate cancer the last nine years, so every year we have him for this holiday is a blessing. My relationship with my Dad is complicated as he was hard on me growing up, no doubt I deserved a lot of the discipline the was inflicted on me. I still don't think Fathers really know what affect they have on their children as they raise them. I'm thankful that my sons and son-in-laws are wonderful fathers and their children love them. Spencer had to speak in church yesterday, I wish I could have been there to listen to him, he's special to me. Last night as I was fighting the pain in the hip I barely got to sleep when Mindi came in to tell me she was going to the hospital. I know she did way too much yesterday and was having contractions every six to eight minutes. It is still too early for her to deliver this baby so they gave her two shots to stop the labor and hopefully stall the birth for a couple of weeks. Life seems so challenging for me right now as I'm trying to help Mindi, help myself, and deal with some disappointing relationships in my life. Every time we get together is a reminder that someone is missing and I hate it. Hopefully in time it will get easier as I move on through the trials I've been given to endure.

Mustard Seed of Faith

I've been having so much fun this week it's been hard to find time to stop to write my feelings down. Do you believe that? Anyway, it's scary to see just how fast the time is going by for me. Mindi is still in bed and hopefully we can make it through a couple more weeks so the baby won't have to be in the NICU at all. We are hoping she will be able to come home with Mindi from the hospital, that's our prayer for her. Last week when I went to the doctor they gave me a few things that could be going on in my hip. They suggested a shot of pain reliever in my joint but I let the fear get to me and wouldn't let them do it. After suffering all week I am disappointed that I let fear govern my life, I should have had the shot. On Wed. I went and had a bone scan. There again, I was so afraid that it would hurt and I was so scared. My darling cousin works at EVDI and she does this test so it was so nice to go and have her explain everything to me. Other than a little shot to put in the isotopes, the test was a breeze. The doctor hasn't called but hopefully they didn't find anything too alarming. I'm praying about that too, I really don't want to go through another surgery. I have such a simple life, because of my anxiety I don't drive and with Mindi down I'm basically a "shut in." When I went to get my test I was amazed at all the people going in and out of that place. I realized that it isn't just me who is suffering, there are hundreds of others going through their own troubles. There was an elderly man who was going in for the same test I was who had his leg amputated. He was having problems with his prosthetic leg hurting him so they were looking at a spot on the stump of his leg. There was also a woman who had already had both hips and knees done with great success except this last knee is giving her problems. As I was lying in bed Wed. night I realized how easy it is to be all consumed with our own trials without thinking of just how many others are suffering too. My friend came over and we were exercising in the pool. Her son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. We were talking about childbirth, surgeries and losing a child. All these challenges give us experience and education that otherwise we wouldn't have gotten. We decided that unless someone has "been there, done that, and gotten the T shirt," you really can't understand or comprehend what others are going through. I know I've been told many, many times that I have NO FAITH. I try to use my little mustard seed of faith, but I continue to struggle in the "things will work out for my good," category. Some day I hope to be able to see the big picture and realize that life is an experience I was sent her to live and learn as much as I can before going home.

Shower, Doctor, The Atonement

Food table at the shower
Mindi at the punch bowl
Mell, Candi and Jessica

The weeks are going by so fast it becomes a blurr to me. My life is truly passing me by as I struggle to keep up with everything that needs to be done. Last Thurs. a few family members and friends threw Mindi a simple little surprise baby shower. She is suppose to be on bed rest so we were all worried it may not happen, but she was able to come and feel the love of those who came to support her. This is her fifth baby so she wasn't that keen on having a shower, but because it has been thirteen years since her last baby girl, she didn't have anything pink. Thank you to everyone who supported her and all the work that was done on her behalf. Before the shower I had a doctors appointment to try to find out why the pain continues to make my life a living hell. They took an x-ray and then gave me some "maybe causes" and "maybe solutions," but as I left the doctor's office my head was spinning. No I didn't want a shot in my hip to take the pain out if it was bursitis. No I don't want to get a bone scan to see if maybe the lining of the new hip has slipped out of place or my bone hasn't healed onto the metal hip causing scar tissue to form. For sure NO I don't want to go into surgery to fix this $25,000 replacement part that I had hoped would be the answer to my crippleness and even my grouchiness. Are those even words? Anyway, it is frustrating when you go through something as hard as a major surgery and at times don't see any improvement. I know I need lots of prayers and personal revelation before I will go through that again. The problem is that it may come down to can I live like this for the rest of my life? Or is it so bad I'm willing to go back into surgery? Today in church it was all on the Atonement. I'm not a scriptorium or a genius when it comes to understanding this subject. It sounds so simple when you hear someone say that the Savior has suffered for all the pains, sicknesses, sins, heartache, disappointments and even the loss of our beloved Kamber. I have a hard time grasping that concept even though I have a testimony of it's truth. One of the statements made was that when we go through trials we can "either become more humble and grateful or we can become bitter." I'm trying really hard to not be bitter but at times I must admit that's the way I roll.I know everyone is going through some trial and I'm thankful for my own personal struggles, hopefully I'm learning what I need to before I return home from where I came. One of the quotes from church was "sadness and fear will be replaced with joy and peace if we put or trust in our Savior Jesus Christ." That's what I'm striving for this week.

Life's Little Challenges, I Love It

Yesterday morning a friend of mine came over and we exercised in the pool. When I'm in the water it's fun to be able to walk and move freely, something that is difficult on land. After she left I was busy doing my five loads of laundry and cleaning up my kitchen from Sunday dinner. At about noon I started getting the worst headache and my arms, neck and back were aching. I even felt like I was running a fever. I spent the rest of the day self medicating myself with pain relievers and a nap. I was happy when these symptoms went away at around 9:00 p.m. when I took a hot bath and went to bed. This morning I went with Candi to run errands. She has me go with her to sit in the car with her boys while she runs in to different beauty supplies to stock up on stuff for work. We are both really passionate people and because we are SO much alike, in some areas, it can get quite loud in the car. When you add in three little boys fighting over blocks and whining it was quite an experience. I'm always glad to get home and go in to my quilting room and work on a project. This week I'm concentrating on getting Mindi's soon to be born baby her quilts and wardrobe put together. This is the third baby she has been put on bed rest because of pre-term labor scares. I hope the last. When I was having babies I got so big that when I couldn't take it any longer I got brave and downed the castor oil, hoping to bring on labor. Now I worry everyday that this little spirit will be born too soon and with that comes complications I don't want to deal with. Jenn is also having a little problem with her pregnancy with some unwanted bleeding so we are praying for her. This experience we call mortal life can be quite challenging for me. I ask myself all the time if it's just me or is everyone going through stuff that tests their faith and testimony. Maybe it's the "you are the most negative person on earth" syndrome that makes my head spin. Whatever it is I wish I could change it because my life would be way easier, oh I forgot it's suppose to be hard right?

Another Day in "Paradise"

Life has been crazy for me the last couple of weeks. We have had four parties at my house and even though it's lots of fun it's also a lot of work. This morning as I was stripping the sheets off my bed to put in the wash I was having a little pity party in my mind. I had woken up at 5:oo a.m. to two hungry puppies and a list of chores a mile long to get done today. I was having so many negative thoughts about my situation right now, I was making myself crazy. Rich and Dave are super busy trying to keep us in our house and food on the table and Mindi and I are trying to keep things under control here at home. Mindi needs to stay down as much as possible to keep from going in to labor and being hospitalized. If that happens I WILL be "out of control." Last night I needed to go to the grocery store and Rich had promised he would take me. When he got home from working a ten hour day he looked so tired and said, "if we are going we need to go now because I'm out of gas." I hate going food shopping with a guy who is tired and grouchy and not really wanting to go, I was sure a fight would happen. So I called a good friend of mine and asked if she minded taking me. It was fun visiting with her and I so appreciated her willingness to help me. As I was going through all my challenges I started thinking about all the people in Northern Arizona who are going through a terrible trial with the forest fire. They are evacuating hundreds of people and don't know when they will be able to get this huge fire under control. The thought came in to my mind, "at least you still have a home." Everywhere I look there are trials and challenges, I guess that is what this mortal life is all about. I never have been a big fan of adversity but it seems to like me. Anyway, today is just another one of those days in "Paradise."