Just like I knew it would, the sun came up again today. After posting my blog yesterday and reading it again I realize that I was sleep deprived, hungry, disappointed and just plain old pissed off. Rich has decided to do an exercise program at the gym that he worked on all last week to finish. It starts at 5:15 a.m. and he has to drive to Chandler to do it. I am not a morning person and he has often commented to me that I am a grizzly bear in the morning. Even though he tries to be quiet it still wakes me up and then I can't go back to sleep. My mind gets the best of me and I can't turn it off. I'm not using that as an excuse to be in a bad mood, but it doesn't help. I have talked a lot about my love for animals. I have always had a sensitive heart when it comes to them. I remember as a young child going to the White Mountains to visit my grandparents. This was our only vacation of the summer. On one of these trips there was a stray dog running on the side of the road around Show Low and my Dad made a comment about the "poor dog that didn't have a home." Pretty soon they looked in the back of our Rambler station wagon and I was crying and begging to turn the car around and pick up the dog. I have already talked about my rabbit that dug a hole and the dirt collapsed on his head and he died. Well, I found a guy that had a baby rabbit that he was willing to sell cheap because it's foot was turned out and he wouldn't be able to sell him for full price. I was so happy to replace my one that had died. I put him out in the cage with my other rabbit and they became instant friends. Well, yesterday when I went out to do my chores I found my new baby rabbit eaten from the back end up with only his head left. He must have dug out of the pen. I looked over to the female dog and she looked so guilty. I was so upset if I had a weapon and knew how to use it, she would be dead. Instead I called my son and told him the dog had to go. I can't tell you how many animals these dogs have killed. I don't know why some dogs are so docile with chickens and rabbits and others are just blood thirsty killers, but after they killed two chickens last week and my rabbit yesterday, I am finished with them. They say once an animal tastes blood you can never break them from killing. Hopefully they will find a good home somewhere else. At times I wish I could run away from myself, go on an extended vacation, become invisible, something to take away the sadness and heartache I feel sometimes. But, I know the only way to get over it is to pass through the fire. I never know when the sadness will hit, and it doesn't help when I have other conflicts and other problems to deal with. Anyway, I am rambling on again and not making any sense so I am going to keep trudging along on this pathway I have chosen to walk and hope that the sun will keep coming up until I get it right.
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