Baby #1 and Baby #2

Yesterday was a whopper of a day. I had Mindi and Rich's secretary, Amber helping me do some intervention in my kitchen. I have a hard time throwing things away and they were both busy helping me. The phone rang and it was Ethan asking if I wanted a sandwich for lunch. He's always thoughtful like that if he's in the area. Pretty soon Jenn showed up. I had forgotten that she had her first appointment with the OB doctor. As she walked in she was carrying a pink gift bag with blue tissue paper. At this point I'm still really confused. She handed me the bag and told me this would let me know what the gender of the baby was. When I pulled the contents out there were two baby boy sleepers, one saying Baby #1 and Baby #2. By now I'm in shock and thinking they are pulling a prank on me. After some happy tears we went in to panic mode. We don't have any multiple births on our side of the family so this must from Jenn's side or maybe just a gift from God. Jenn has always thought she would have twin boys but even with this pregnancy I told her she didn't look big enough for twins. Wow, I'm wrong again, she is 17 weeks pregnant and measuring 23 already. I keep telling myself that if Heavenly Father didn't think they could handle this he wouldn't have sent these precious babies to them. This will make eight children for them, one in Heaven. Kamber must be busy up there getting them ready to come and hopefully sending help for her other siblings because this is going to really change their family. Life always has a way of throwing me a curve ball and this one is a doozy.

Boring 4th of July

Another busy week has come and gone. The week included a birthday party and the 4th of July, neither which was very exciting. Rich looks at holidays as just an extra day for him to get some projects done and catch up on things that he hasn't had time to do yet. By 9 o'clock last night I was falling asleep watching the fireworks on the television, so lame. I didn't even go outside to look and see if there were any fireworks close. Party Pooper I am.  Candi is in California with her in-laws and Spencer's still in Boston. Mindi had her blowout birthday party for Trulie, so she was tired. Ethan invited us out but he's moved half way to Globe, and we were too tired to go that far.  I've often wondered why my life seems to be so predictable and boring, while other families seem to really go all out for these holidays. When I was a kid we would go to Eagar for the 4th. I remember how fun it was watching the parade, rodeo and even going to the western dances. Rich grew up in Richfield, Utah and I've spent a few 4th of Julys up there and they really put on a fun parade and carnival at the park. Plus it's way cooler in those two places. I know most of my lifestyle is self inflicted. Having lots of animals and being self employed, definitely puts a damper on how much we can vacation. Yesterday as Mindi and I were running some errands, we were talking about how it seems like all our holidays seem to be workdays. Her boys spent yesterday and today mowing the lawns and cleaning the pool. Maybe it is getting time to find that two bedroom condo that doesn't allow pets. Now that would solve a lot of my problems, but where would we be put all the other stuff we have? I wouldn't change who I am or the experiences I've had. I have even learned to accept the trials I've gone through. Later this month it will be six years since Kamber went home to heaven. Six years is a long time to grieve. We miss her so much especially when all the kids get together and there is this feeling that someone is missing. Looking on the bright side Rich finally got someone over to fix the air conditioning. Believe me, 77 degrees feels way better than 84 in my kitchen.

Gismo is Gone, Trulie is Three!

I woke up this morning early and decided to just get up and get going. I have been a little lax in my scripture reading, so I decided that maybe today would be a good day to start. When I opened them I was in Alma. One of the scriptures I read was Alma 48:11 where it says, "And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding, yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery." I thought that was really weird with tomorrow being the 4th of July. Liberty and freedom are really important to us. When I started working around my house I realized that Rich had let the little dog Gizmo out in front while he was loading up for work and she was gone. This little dog is 13 years old, deaf and partially blind. When I called Rich to tell him she was missing he told me to send the kids out to look for her. They rode their bikes up and down the street and around the two neighborhoods to the east of our house. They never did find her and I was getting worried. It's going to be 111 degrees today and I have a missing dog that Rich offered to dog sit for a month and she was no where in sight. I decided there wasn't anything more I could do so I just started working around the house, and praying she would be found.  I had this strange thought come into my mind. "Don't worry, everything is going to be alright, someone has found her." By now I'm thinking that maybe I'm losing it, but within a few minutes Mindi called to say someone found her, called the owner, who called Rich and she had just picked her up. My prayers had been answered, whew! Today is Miss Trulie's 3rd birthday. Mindi has been working all week on a little party for her, a "Frozen" party. When I went down to check out how all the preparations were going, I found Trulie eating ice cream for breakfast. We make fun of her that she looks like Anna in the movie because her hair is crazy in the mornings. I'm headed to physical therapy and then the party is this afternoon. Sounds like I'm going to need a nap too.

I Saw My Future at Therapy

Yesterday as I left church my Home Teacher, who is also a physical therapist was not impressed with my gait. He wanted to see me in his office today to see if he could help me. It seems like recovering from this surgery has been harder than when I was thirty, imagine that. They did a few treatments and then he had me walk. I felt so stupid in the gym with all these elderly people watching me walk. I have to admit that after I watched him and was instructed I had a few good passes. I felt different and good, way better than the stiff legged pirate walk I've been doing. He helped me when I had my hip replacement three years ago and he's helping me now. As I looked around I was a spring chicken compared to most of the old timers. I told my friend, "I'm looking at my future and it doesn't look very bright." As we walked out there was a little old couple, husband and wife. He was holding her hand being careful that she didn't fall. You could tell how much he cared for her the way he treated her, my friend commented on how sweet it was. When I got home and walked in my house I realized that now I have two air conditioners not working. My kitchen area was 83 and my family room and bedroom was 86 degrees. This always happens to me when the weather is going to be the hottest, that's when everything breaks. Oh well, life is not fair, I've known that for a very long time. Link Rich told me yesterday, "go outside and work in the 110 degree weather and 86 will feel cool." I guess I will just move back into the spare bedroom with all the extra junk we've been accumulating, at least it's cool down there.

Keeping Watch on the Grandkids

Another week is in the books and sometimes I wonder why I'm not as productive as I want to be. I have spent some time everyday in the pool trying to get my stiff knee stronger and less swollen. I have to admit it feels better. I'm not using crutches, just a cane when I'm going long distances. I have even been walking on my own around my house a little bit, so hopefully every week I will get a little stronger. This morning Jenn brought her kids over to stay while she took Max and Brookie over for swim lessons. When they got back we all went out to practice what they had learned. Last week Brookie was so afraid of the Creepy Crawler she could hardly keep her eye off of it. Max would go out into the water but hold on for dear life. I couldn't believe after just one lesson they were doing so well. As I looked around the pool today with all these grand kids I felt really blessed. Unless you have been through the drowning death of a grandchild you really don't know how it feels. I watch Jenn with her eagle eye counting heads and panicking if she can't see one of her little ones. When I was in California sitting on the beach watching the kids ride the waves in I felt to helpless. The current would carry them farther and farther away from where we had set up our stuff. I remember telling Candi that I was nervous they were getting to far down and if something happened there wouldn't be anything we could do to help them. I remember Bert saying, "you may not be able to help them but you can be another set of eyes watching them." Every time I hear on the news about the drowning death of a child my heart hurts. I've been down that road to Hell and it's not fun, but I have a testimony that Kamber lives. I have felt the spirit stronger than I ever had, I also felt the comforter and the many prayers that were said in our behalf. Life has a way of teaching us things we couldn't learn without going through them. It really sucks at times but then we have learned some very important things and hopefully our testimonies have been strengthened. Next week I swear I'm going to get to make a quilt, or finish one that is in my "to be finished" pile.

Three Hours of Sewing Hair Accessories

Yesterday morning when my friend came over to exercise in the pool we had a nice visit. As she left she reminded me that she would be picking me up at 5:30 to go to the church for our Humanitarian Enrichment Activity. I told her I didn't think I was going because it didn't sound fun to me, I haven't really been in the mood to do anything lately. She then said, "Are you kidding me? You are on the committee and we haven't done anything to help with this activity. I'll be by and we'll go to the church and help them." So last night I took my sewing machine and off we went to the church to make headbands to donate to the children's hospital for kids to wear while going through treatment for cancer. I parked my body in a chair and sewed for three hours. As I looked around and saw all those women donating their time and talents, I was glad I went. We have a little girl in our ward who is battling leukemia so these headbands, turbans and flowers are being donated to the hospital in her name. She was there last night making sure we had something to drink as we worked and talked. There is something about being around the "noble and great ones" that make you a better person. When I finally got home and in bed I was so tired and had a headache but was happy I had gone and hopefully made a difference. When my Mom called to get my well check report, I told her about my experience sewing for three hours. She said, "You are a darling, (her favorite name for me) and remember when you do service for the Lord the Savior looks down and is so happy." It's hard sometimes for me to make the right choices and do what will make the Savior happy, but last night I did and hopefully those kids fighting cancer will know how much we care about them and enjoy the hair accessories.

82 Degree and a Flat Tire

Last night when I went to bed I was in a bad mood. I had spent three hours fixing dinner thinking I was having guests but they never showed up. There is something wrong with a couple of our air conditioners, so as I was cooking dinner the temperature was 82 degrees in my kitchen. I got no sympathy from Rich because he swears there are people who keep their thermostats at 82. Well if there is, heaven help them. This morning Mindi and I needed to go to the grocery store for a few things. As she pulled in to pick me up I noticed her tire was flat. After trying to put some air in it, we decided to take a chance and go to the tire store where she bought the tires a year ago. When they took the tire off they could tell there was a puncture in the side and the tread was worn pretty bad. So after sitting there for an hour and a half, and spending $135, we were on to the grocery store. Sometimes in life it just seems like I can't catch a break. I decided that I wasn't going to use crutches anymore so now I'm using a cane to get around. Either way it's hard to walk normally. My good friend came over early this morning to swim in the pool. She had the same surgery I had last year and is still in a lot of pain too. She told me today that she isn't going to let her knee injury keep her from doing things that she wants to do. I admire that about her, but I'm not willing to put myself out there like that. Although hobbling around Huntington Beach for a week was pretty much out of my comfort zone. Now for the rest of the summer I'm stuck here in the desert hating everyday it gets above 100 degrees, which is everyday until October or November. I guess I will just have to live on my memories of the 70 degrees, sitting on the beach enjoying the waves crash in because that's all I have right now.

Father's Day Fun

We had a nice Father's Day with the extended family. Len and Julie were back in New York with Robbie celebrating his graduation from medical school and blessing of their new addition. So we just had Mom and Dad over for dinner. Then my sister Mell and her kids, my brother Ben his wife Allison and a couple of his kids, plus all the grand kids and nieces and nephews came over for dessert. What a great group of people we have. I know they have "joy in their posterity."  When everyone finally left I was so tired. Sometimes I get tired of being the family party planner but am thankful to have a family that feels welcome and likes to come to our house. I also feel so blessed to still have my parents to celebrate with. Lately I have had two friends who have lost a parent and I know they are grieving, which makes me sad for them. I thought when I got older my life would get easier and less hectic, boy was I wrong. Now there are so many more people to worry about and there is always something to do. Yesterday I felt like I just needed to get out of my house. Rich took my Dad up to the cabin to irrigate the garden, so I knew I would be alone all night. Mindi was kind enough to take me to Hobby Lobby. We only had one hour to be gone, so we just walked, or hobbled in my case, up the aisles. I couldn't believe it when I saw all the pumpkins and fall décore. Then as we rounded around the side the Christmas decorations were out. After having surgery and then going to the beach, I have felt a little bit out of touch with reality. I'm hosting Bunco here at my house next month so I'm stressing about getting everything done for that. Now if I can just get Rich to fix our air conditioner and do a few other things I will be happy. Well kind of happy.

Glass Half Full?

Last year when I got home from the beach I was looking forward to going back this year. After spending a week on vacation and then coming home, it's been a different feel. I don't know if it's because of the added stress of  knee surgery, or if I'm just not the traveling type. It's taken me all week to try and get back to a state of normal. I didn't realize how much I do around here until I got home and started digging in to the mounds of laundry, animals and cleaning house. I'm also so tired, that it's hard to get motivated to do what needs to be done. Having surgery two weeks before leaving probably wasn't a good idea and I'm now faced with the fact that if I can't get my knee rehabbed, I may end up on crutches or in a wheelchair forever. Everything just seems harder when hobbling around on crutches. While I was gone I had two requests of Rich. One was to fix our pool and the other to fix the air conditioner in the kitchen area. From what I was told, he worked for hours trying to fix the filter in the pool. Something happened though and he accidently shot at least fifty pounds of sand into the pool. After spending two hours trying to clean it out with the water still in, he decided that maybe we should just drain it and start over. So for the last two days we have been working on cleaning it out and now it is filling back up. Sometimes I listen to the thoughts in my head and am ashamed that instead of just being thankful for a pool, I'm irritated that it isn't working properly. Can we say, lack of gratitude? I've been feeling a sense of sadness at some of the relationships I have. Most of it is because of my expectations not being fulfilled and the other just plain old disappointment. I'm trying really hard to just worry about myself and my own accountability but it is hard when we live in this mortal world to not get hurt by others. Life is hard for me and as I get older and this old body takes hit after hit, it's sometimes hard to see the glass half full, sometimes it just seems empty.

"There's No Place Like Home!"

I spent all last week at Huntington Beach in California. I had so much fun last year, I decided to do a repeat vacation. The only problem was I was only two weeks post op, so this year was hard for me. I think if I would have known how hard it was going to be I would have just stayed home and been sad, but I didn't. We left yesterday to come home and the temperature was 70 degrees. When we pulled up to my house it was 102, but I was so happy to be home. I unloaded my bags and got in the bathtub for the first time since surgery. It felt like heaven, even though it was super hard getting out of the tub with my poor stiff and swollen knee, it was worth all the pain. We went to the beach five times, I only went four because after a walk down the pier, I thought I was going to die, so I stayed home and rested, iced and took some pain relievers so I could get through the evening festivities. We went to the park and lit lanterns that went up into the sky as far as we could watch them. I got to spend some time with two of my kids and eight of my grandchildren making memories I won't ever forget. We ate lots of yummy food from Mexican to Pizza and Hamburgers, it will take me a couple of weeks to lose the four pounds I gained on this trip. I was also proud that I only had one meltdown, the combination of homesickness, lack of sleep and that little voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough. It was fun to get away because I spend most days alone here while Rich kills himself working, but when I came through the door and saw my home and husband and all my animals I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "there is really no place like home!

"

Post Op and a 24 Hour Visit

This week was crazy with two doctors appointments and a 24 hour visit from Spencer. On Tuesday I went to my after surgery appointment with my surgeon. I had already taken the stitches out because they were pulled so tight over my knee it felt like I was being stung by a bee all day. I thought he would be mad but he wasn't concerned at all. I asked him to give me his honest opinion if he thought my knee would be well enough for me to travel to California next week. He said, "Oh Yeah, you should be fine." I told him that I can sure tell a difference in having surgery at sixty-one and the one he did when I was thirty-four. My knee has been so stiff and sore and so bruised it is a dark shade of purple. When Spencer got here on Wednesday he did a treatment on me and massaged the bruises. He really is a thoughtful son and wants me to feel better. He was only here for a short time going up to Young to speak at a scout encampment meeting Wednesday evening. They got home really late that night so we only had a few hours on Thursday morning to visit. He took me shopping for some pants to wear to the beach and then we went to Serrano's for Mexican Food. I never did get to go out for my birthday, so this was a little get together for that. My sister Mell came and so did my parents, Candi, B.J. and their boys and me. Spencer had to be back to the airport to catch a flight to Denver at 4:00 p.m. so he's gone now until I see him sometime in the future. They love living in Boston but all I can do is just hope and pray that someday they will move back home. It sure was fun having him around, even if it was only 24 hours. I have had a stupor of thought all week about my ability to travel with my surgically repaired knee. I want to go so bad and I have been looking forward to this trip since I got home last year. I don't want to be a burden to my family while I'm there and I will probably need a lot more help getting up the stairs and walking in the sand at the beach. Do I go, or do I just stay home where it would be much easier? This is probably my one and only chance to get out of the heat for the next five months, but am I well enough to go? When I'm awake in the night I try and figure it out in my mind, going through all the different scenarios of what could happen. Hopefully by Monday when I start packing, I will have received an answer to my prayers. If not I will just have to go on faith and hope everything works out. Sometimes life just seems too hard for me and I'm tired of fighting these feelings and indecision.

No "Do Overs" For Me,

I've spent the last month hobbling around on crutches because of a knee injury I suffered when I was twenty-two years old. After having surgery last Monday, I've been mostly convalescing in bed and trying to not lose what little brain power I have. It's hard not to go in to the depths of hell when faced with a health problem or injury. I have thought a lot lately about how I wish I could go back in time and have a "do over." I wonder what changes I would make if I knew what I know now. Maybe nothing, but I think I would make some way better choices. I would study really hard in school and not worry about my friends and stuff that wouldn't matter later on in life. I would take better care of myself and not put everyone ahead of myself. On Sunday we went to the cemetery to decorate the graves of our loved ones who have passed on to the other side. Because my knee is swollen three times and it's black and blue, not to mention I can't walk, I decided to just stay and visit with my Dad who hasn't walked the cemetery path for a long time now. There we sat, me in a chair and him in the truck, under a tree in one of the most peaceful places I know. I can't even remember what we talked about but it was nice to just have some one on one time with him. He hasn't always been a hero to me but we have mended the fences and now I just have pure love for him. When I went to the doctor today for my check up I asked him if he thought that by next week I would be feeling better. He shook his head and said, "oh yea, you will be way better by next week." So it looks like I'll be spending the rest of this week getting all my ducks in a row and packing for a trip to the beach. Last year I made a decision that I would work really hard so this year would be more fun. I was going to lose some weight and get a nice tan before we even left. Well, things didn't quite work out that way for me, just like always, but I'm determined to have fun with my kids and grand kids. Ethan and his family are going too, so I will have two of my kids and seven of my grand kids to have fun with. Even if I'm not skinny and tan and beautiful, I'm still me, and I love my family, that's all I can give them.

A Wonderful Birthday!

I had a wonderful day yesterday. After spending three days in bed taking meds and putting ice on my swollen knee, it was good to get up and out of the house. I had a dear friend and my sister come visit me in the morning. I had lots of phone calls and cards. As Mindi and I were heading out to get lunch with Candi and her in-laws it felt so weird to be outside in the sunlight. I know that when you go under anesthesia it messes with your brain. I kind of felt like I've had an "out of body" experience. It seems like my life stops, while everyone else just keeps on plugging along. Rich works harder than ever when I'm down, there isn't anytime to sit and hold my hand when there's work to do, and I wouldn't expect that of him. Anyway, after we got home from lunch I went in my room to lie down and take a nap. I was just drifting off to sleep when the doorbell rang. Here I was without any pants on trying to get to the door on crutches, while slipping on some shorts. It was one of our home teachers bringing me a red rose. After they left my three cousins came by and brought me some candy. While they were visiting, my other home teacher came by and brought ice cream and yummy cinnamon bread. Did I mention I've gained five pounds this week since my surgery? When they left it was time to feed the critters, so Trent and I went out to do our nightly chores. When I came back in my Brother Len and his wife Julie came bringing me a card and a bath bomb, that I will use when my stitches are out. When Rich finally got home he was wondering where dinner was. Nothing really sounded good but we finally decided to get some pizza and salad. So after that my birthday was over for another year. When I went to bed I had such a feeling of gratitude. I am so thankful for my friends and family who really made me feel loved. I know I don't deserve it but it means so much to me, everyone that remembered me, I love you all. Thanks again!

50/50 Chance of Success from Surgery

I spent most of Monday afternoon in La La Land. When I got home from surgery my Mom made me some soup and my sister poured me some Ginger ale for my nausea and I was "out of it." I spent yesterday trying to get my bearings and keep my leg elevated and iced. At 11:15 last night Mindi texted me from her house asking if I ever made it out to feed the animals. I don't know what planet she's on but I guess she hadn't noticed I never left the house and only came out of my bedroom a couple of times during the day. I know she is stressed out with her five kids and the end of school but she sure spaced it out that the animals needed to be fed. So this morning when I woke up at 5:00 a.m. I was worried about how hungry the critters were, so I recruited Trent to go help me get them fed. I threw in a load of laundry, started my dishwasher, ate breakfast and back to the bed I went. I hope if I ever get sick enough to be bedridden the good Lord will just take me home. It's no fun to spend hour after hour alone in a darkened room staring at the t.v.. The surgeon found a lot wrong in my knee. Torn meniscus, no ACL, my kneecap is messed up and I'm sure there is more I didn't understand. When I got home my family told me the doctor had said he only thinks I have a 50/50 chance that what he did would solve my problem. Darn It! I've been a little discouraged because the next step if this doesn't help is a knee replacement, something I don't want to endure, but will probably someday be in my future. All that competitive sporting events in my life have taken a toll on my joints. I have struggled with hip and knee injuries for a long, long time and now that I'm heading into my sixties the future looks a little bleak. Tomorrow I will be able to take the bandages off and take a shower. I've been putting a garbage bag over my leg because there is no way I'm waiting three days for a shower. Tomorrow is my birthday so I will be glad to get all the bandages off and have a nice hot shower. It's pretty sad when all you want for your birthday is a hot shower and to be able to walk without crutches. Hopefully next year will be better, but the way my life's going, who knows what I'll be doing next year as I'm approaching 62.

Rich Turns Sixty, Surgery

I'm getting ready to head to the hospital for surgery on my knee. I thought I would stay up until midnight and drink as much as possible so I could get hydrated because "nothing to eat or drink after 12:00."  Well that backfired on me being up seven times in the night between midnight and 6:00 going to the bathroom. Sometimes I wonder why I even try because now I'm so tired, maybe that's a good thing. I just wanted to give a shout out to Rich because today he joins us senior citizens. He turned 60 this morning at 5:00 a.m. His phone was ringing early and he usually just spends his birthday working as hard and fast as he can, good thing he likes his job. Anyway, I'm hoping and praying that everything goes well and I can find some answers to my inability to walk without crutches. Hopefully I will feel good enough to eat a piece of birthday cake tonight. His birthday present to himself was going to Ethiopia, a once in a lifetime experience that he would do again. I'm thankful for my family who put up with me and help me through the hard times. Hopefully this surgery will improve my life and I will be well enough to go to the beach in two weeks. But if not I will be enjoying the summer sweltering in the heat, sounds divine.

Countdown To Surgery

I've spent this week getting ready to have surgery next Monday. I went to the doctor on Tuesday for an EKG and found out my heart is normal. So those who think I have a "cold heart" are wrong. Then off we went for the blood work. I haven't heard anything about that, so I guess that's normal too. Then yesterday morning I went to get a chest X-ray. There again the technician mentioned, "at least you have a heart." I haven't heard yet if that was normal but I guess if it wasn't, I would get a call. I have felt at peace about having surgery, I guess because the same surgeon did this same surgery twenty-four years ago. Yesterday the hospital called to ask me some questions. Are you married? What's your religious affiliation? Do you have a living trust? By now I'm starting to get anxiety. Are you an organ donor? Do you have diabetes? As he was asking questions my insecurities kicked in. I know they have to ask all these questions, and every time you have surgery there is a risk. At some point the risk is worth taking in order to hopefully improve your life. The older I get the more I realize that every thing I do is a risk, a choice, and a challenge. It seems like everywhere around me there are people who are suffering. I just got a text that my sister is with her husband at the hospital because he almost cut off one of his fingers. What! I don't know what he was doing that would cause him to take a whack out of his finger but I will find out soon. All I know is that I'm laying low until Monday when I will be having my own little crisis and hopefully I can get another few years out of this poor arthritic knee. Otherwise I may just be staying home from the beach which would be sad, but not the end of the world.

Special Mother's Day

I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I not only have the "Best Mother Ever", but my kids are pretty special too. On Saturday Ethan brought me by a beautiful bouquet of lavender roses, and lilies. He is my son with the biggest heart and kindest soul. Church was good with the usual, predictable talks about mothers and just how special they are. I think I must be maturing because I didn't have the same emotions of regret and  sadness this year. I just had such gratitude that I still have my mother and that I was able to be a mother. I still think that most mothers do their absolute best at loving and nurturing their children but wow, sometimes you think you aren't going to make it through those teenage years. We had lots of extended family over for ice cream and treats. The oldest grandchild will be graduating from high school this year and we found out we will be having our eighteenth grandchild in December. Sometimes the blessings just keep coming, but with them always comes the adversities. I got a call on Friday that my insurance has approved my surgery on my knee. She wanted to schedule it for June 2, but when I told her I was going to the beach that day, she gave me Monday the 19, Rich's 60th birthday. How could I turn that down, especially when he can do whatever he wants that day. So this week will be filled with tests that are required before surgery. I will have an EKG tomorrow and then a chest X-ray and blood work on Wednesday. If I pass those I will be sleeping like a baby on Monday morning and hopefully will get some answers to why I'm having trouble walking. Then I only have two weeks to recover before I will be laying on the beach in Huntington smelling the salty air and enjoying the ocean. Say a prayer for me, I'm hoping for a speedy recovery.

"The BEST Mother Ever"

I have to be honest when I say that I will be glad when this weekend is over. I'm tired of hearing all the advertisements for Mother's Day presents. They want you to buy everything from chocolate covered strawberries to flowers and just about anything else. I was talking to my sister about it the other day and she said that she thinks so many mother's struggle with Mother's Day because of their own insecurities when it comes to raising children. When I mentioned this to my cousin, who has never been married or had children, she said, "I love Mother's Day, it's one of my most favorite holidays." I couldn't believe it, so I said, "WHY?" She then said, "because I had the BEST Mother ever, and her Mother, our dear Grandma, was the best Mother too." After hearing her tell me how much she loved this blessed day, I decided I needed to change my attitude. I too have the best Mother ever. They were sisters and even though they were different, they were both wonderful. There have been times when I have scolded my Mom because she didn't give me the right DNA. She didn't pass on her genes for being sweet, kind, forgiving, faithful and skinny. She always apologizes for the skinny thing and just tells me I take after my Dad. Darn It! I am well aware of the fact that I'm not the same person I was forty years ago. Life has a way of  kicking you in the head and changing who you are. At times I wish I had made different decisions but that never helps anything, just makes me more sad. So this Sunday I'm going to have the family over to honor my Mother. We are going to have banana splits, ice cream sundaes and as much sugar as the kids and grand kids can eat. We are going to celebrate this blessed day not because I was a great mother, but because I had the BEST Mother ever.

"Did We Really Shout For Joy?"

Yesterday when I was talking to my sister on the phone about some family issues she said, "I can't believe that we really shouted for joy about coming here to earth." Being an LDS family we were taught that we lived in Heaven before this Earthy experience and when we die we will then return where we came from. Lately it seems like the sooner I can make that transition the better. Eight weeks ago we had a litter of puppies born to our dog, Pansy. Mindi and I have been trying to make a little business breeding these beautiful English Golden Retrievers. They are expensive dogs and I wouldn't be able to afford one, but obviously there are people who can. Anyway, we had ten puppies born and one of the little females got sick and passed away a few weeks ago. Last Friday we noticed that one of the males was not acting right and brought him in the house, took him to the vet where they gave us some medicine and an IV bag to keep him from dying. We spent all weekend tending to him and dealing with the mess he made. By yesterday he hadn't eaten in several days, so back to the vet we went where they tested him again for Parvo, which is a deadly virus that puppies can get. It makes them have vomiting and diarrhea and that's what we dealt with all weekend.  The vet could tell there was something wrong with his intestines so we decided to take the chance and operate on him. I hate being in this situation where the dog is going to die if you don't do something, but the dog could still pass away. In the afternoon we got a call from the clinic and he made it out of surgery but passed away while trying to come out of surgery, he was so weak and it was a long shot, we knew. We buried him next to his sister and hope and pray none of the others get it. We do have another one that is showing some symptoms but he's not as bad. I just don't seem to ever get a break. If it's not sick pets it's other problems. I hope someday I can truly know that I shouted for joy when I knew I would get a body and come experience all that life has, but some days I wonder.

MRI Survived, Torn ACL

It seems like every week there is a new challenge. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me or if everyone's life is the same. My darling cousin Barb came and took me to get my MRI on Wed. She is a nuclear med tech at the company where I had my scan done. Her Dad was killed in an airplane accident when she was four years old, so she's been more like a sister to me. Our Mother's are sisters and they lived with us for a little while after her Dad died. I knew it would be hard to have this test done so I brought her for moral support and she sat right at the side of the table and we talked during the whole test. Wow, what a difference that made having someone I love and respect so much being there for support. One of the doctors at the imaging place is in my ward. I adore him and his wife and she is our Relief Society President. So this morning I called to ask if she could have him call me and tell my what the report was on my knee. It's funny how sometimes I receive inspiration and I know what I hear but then when I hear it from someone else it makes so much more sense. I injured my knee playing volleyball when I was around twenty years old. I had another surgery on it in 1987 and have been lucky to have made it this long without major surgery. Anyway, I guess my ACL is torn, in fact they couldn't even see it on the scan. Spencer injured his while playing football in college but he was young and had a bright future ahead of him. So, here I am again wondering what to do. I need some more of that good ole inspiration and the advice of my trusted surgeon to see what my future will bring. Either way it looks like my trip to the beach this summer is going to be put on hold. Either way it wouldn't be fun to go on crutches, and if I do have surgery the recovery time will be longer than a month I'm sure. Life goes on, there will be other opportunities for me I hope, but for now all I want is to go in my sewing room and make a quilt, maybe after I eat a Peanut Buster Parfait, yea that will make it all better.