An Answer to a Simple Prayer

Yesterday was a busy day with us doing last minute shopping at Kohl's and then the grocery store. I knew I was in trouble when it hurt to walk last night. As I was going to bed Candi called to tell me they were taking Dally Dog, who's four, to the hospital to get stitches after he hit his forehead on the edge of their pool. During the night I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but I was in pain. I cancelled my appointment to get another cortisone shot because my pain has subsided a little bit, but I guess the shopping is just too hard on this old hip. This morning my friend came to swim and the water was really warm and felt good. As we were visiting I noticed that our two little Shih Tzu dogs weren't outside with the rest of the pack. I tried to call Mindi inside the house to tell her to let them out in back. I'm sure she was crazy busy trying to get the kids off to school, the first day of school is always way stressful. Anyway, to make a long story short after swimming I came to Mindi's to ask where the dogs were. She hadn't seen them since 4:00 a.m. this morning when she let them out back. I have noticed lately that sometimes they crawl under the gate and go outside to the front and head down the road, but we have always been able to call them back. Neither one of them have a collar, but Bella has a microchip, which doesn't really help unless you take them to a vet. Rich, his secretary Amber and Mindi all went out driving around the neighborhood looking for these two little brats, they didn't have any luck. I said a little prayer and decided I would go ahead with my scripture reading. I then picked up a book Candi gave me called "Embraced By The Light", by Beatty J. Eadie. It is about this girl who goes in for surgery and has a near death experience. I'm almost finished with it but the chapter I turned to was titled "Prayer." No kidding, as I was almost finished with that chapter my door bell rang. I went to the door and a darling young man was standing there with my puppy Alice, Bella was in his truck. I was so excited, told him he was an answer to my prayers and asked where he had found them. He told me they were at the Chevron Station on Guadalupe and Higley about a mile from our house. What a tender mercy to have these little wanderers back. In my prayers I was asking that someone would find them and if they couldn't find us, to give them a good home. I asked the young man how he knew to come to my house. All he said was that his Mom thought she had seen them on our street. I have been pondering this experience all day. Sometimes I don't feel like Heavenly Father listens to my prayers, if he did then why do I have to go through the trials I have? I do know that today a simple prayer was answered and I'm thankful for that.

Three Birthdays, Forgive and Forget?

We spent almost all last week celebrating birthdays. We went to McDonalds with Major on Thurs. he's six, Tristyn to Red Robin on Friday, she turned thirteen and out to Candi's for swimming and a cook out on Sat. for Jenn who turned big 30. I took some really fun pictures of all the parties and when I went to put them in the computer I had forgotten to put the card back in the camera after my last pictures. I guess that's okay because Rich was giving me "crap" about all the picture taking I was doing, so there you go, No pictures. When we get together it gets quite loud and we sometimes get out of control. Some of my children love to antagonize me and Rich isn't usually there to come to my rescue. It is usually just in "fun" but I'm pretty sensitive about a lot of stuff, my critters, my jelly rolls, and my parenting skills or lack of. One time when we got together it was Kamber's first birthday. I remember how cute she looked with this huge bow in her hair. After we had eaten pizza, had cake and ice cream we were opening presents. I remember that Ethan was getting agitated because she was only one and couldn't really open her presents, she was tired and grouchy. He decided to just let all the other kids tear into the wrappings to hurry things along. Then the discussion turned to my animals and how I have a petting zoo in my back yard and I'm an animal hoarder. By the time everyone put in their "two cents" I was so hurt I started to cry. I just remember picking up my purse and going out to the car wanting to never come back. It took me a long time to forgive and put that experience behind me. On Sat. we were discussing this unfortunate event, four years ago. Some of my kids have forgotten it even happened, but I will forever remember how bad it made me feel. Why do I have such a hard time forgiving and forgetting? I blame it on being a Greer, it's been passed down in the DNA from my ancestors. Can I use that as an excuse? I know Rich has his favorite saying about me, "there isn't any forgiveness in this world or the world to come." Am I really that bad? I guess so. Anyway, I hope as I age and hopefully become a mature woman, I will mellow out and be able to laugh at myself a little more. I am pretty funny.

Quilting Inside, Depressing Heat

When Rich called me yesterday on his way home from work he asked me if it was hot enough for me outside. I haven't really been anywhere since Monday so when he told me it was 113 degrees I felt sick for all the animals and people who are out in the heat all day. I invited a friend and her husband over to swim and when we got in the pool it felt like a sauna. The water had to have been at least 100 degrees, we didn't stay in long. When I complain to my Mom about the heat she tells me her sob story about how they didn't have air conditioning in the olden days. They slept outside with the scorpions and mosquitoes in the roasting heat. I can't believe it, but I know she wouldn't lie to me. Ethan brought the two dogs back that he's been feeding. They are so hot at his house that they are digging big holes in his lawn to try and get cool, so tonight I will have six dogs to feed, sounds fun. They just sit at my door and want in, we even have a cooler for them. Since I try and stay inside when the temps are over 110 I've been working on two quilts. I made a darling cupcake one for Mindi's baby and when she washed it the yarn I used to hold it together raveled, it looked horrible. So I have decided to try and start hand quilting them. It has been relaxing to sit and sew while I watch t.v. in the evening. I may need to learn how to use my machine to quilt because it is taking me forever to get one done. Life continues to come at me in record speed. We have three birthdays and a wedding reception this weekend. The kids start back to school next week. How can the summer be coming to an end already? It seems like we just celebrated Memorial Day and pretty soon it will be Labor Day. At least maybe the weather will cool down by then.

"Be Of Good Cheer"

This weekend has gone by so fast. Rich has been busy at work and trying to get Candi and B.J.'s pool up and running. They have lived in the house for 18 months and finally closed the deal and are owners of a darling house. The previous owner built an "over the top" pool with a spa and waterfalls that have been hard to figure out. The pump broke the summer before they moved in so they are trying to solve one problem after another. Last night we all went out to swim but found them discouraged and overwhelmed. I still had fun swimming with the kids while they worked some of the kinks out. I continue to be in pain and keep hoping and praying for a miracle. Today in the third hour of church our Bishop and his wife gave a good lesson on "Being Of Good Cheer." Boy is it hard when struggling with adversity to be cheerful. I'm more of the "Debbie Downer"type than someone who sees the silver lining in every cloud, but I'm trying to do better. At times I know I don't use the Atonement to help me in my suffering maybe I need to work on that too. I sure have a lot of character flaws to try and work through before I'm called home. Tomorrow is little Gunnar's third birthday. He is a special little guy who was born a few hours after we buried Kamber. I hope he feels our love for him eventhough he's in Colorado. I remember the day he was born was such a sad day for us, a day we would never want to go through, but what a blessing he has been. He's even named after his angel cousin. We are getting a huge rain storm right now, that's a good thing because Rich forgot to sign us up for irrigation. Maybe the wind and rain will wash away some of my chickens, ha ha!

Max's Birthday, Pioneer Day, Missing Kamber

Rich and I had a busy and emotional last couple of days. We spent all day Sat. working around the house and yard getting ready for Max's first birthday party. It's always fun to get together with all the kids, but lots of work. Sunday started with Rich's meetings at 6:00 a.m. I never have gotten a good answer for why they need to start so early, I guess it makes sense to them. I got my dinner ready, myself presentable and off to church we went. It was Pioneer Day so I knew the talks and music would be about the pioneers. As I sat in church thinking about all my ancestors who sacrificed everything to have religious freedom and made that terrible trip across the plains and mountains, I felt such reverence for them. How thankful I am to have been born in this time and not been asked to leave everything behind and come out West. Sundays are always a day to reflect on the spiritual things in our lives. Knowing that today would be the third year anniversary of the passing of our granddaughter Kamber found us emotional and a little out of sorts. It seems like the more time that passes makes it easier to accept but there is still that deep part in your heart that is empty. I got on the computer and read all I could on the death of little children, thinking it would help, it didn't. So this morning as I was reading my scriptures the thought kept coming in to my mind about the scripture that says, "I do not know the meaning of all things, but I know that God loves his children." (1 Nephi 11:17) So today I'm going to do things I know Kamber would want me to do. I'm going to try and be happy, no moping around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to work on a quilt because she loved her quilts. I'm going to do as much as I can to live the commandments and to serve others. I look at Kamber as our little "pioneer" who is waiting for us to join her, if we are worthy, on the other side. I can't wait to see her and hug her and hopefully she will be proud of my efforts.

How Can Max Already Be One?

Rich and I have been busy all morning getting our house and back yard ready for our HUGE BLOWOUT one year old birthday party for little Max tonight. He has gotten so big and is walking all around. He is also one of the sweetest babies I've ever been around. Hopefully the weather won't get bad, we never know in Arizona when the monsoon storms will hit. I'm starting to feel a little bit better with my hip, I think the shot must have helped. Also, after two nights of not sleeping because of the pain from the scorpion bite I had a better night last night. I took some pictures of my arm because I have never had such a bad reaction to a scorpion before. My arm swelled up to double in size and it was so red and painful I decided to take some antibiotics, hopefully they will help make it better. Mindi and I have been running errands like crazy. As we were coming home yesterday I realized just how much Mom's contribute to their families. I am amazed at how far behind you get when the mother is sick or "out of commission". We were so thankful for all the friends, family and ward members who brought in food and helped with the kids. I have such a strong testimony of the Relief Society Organization and all the service that is rendered on our behalf. We need to "Pay It Forward" now that we are kind of back to normal. Spencer and Annie made it back to Colorado safely, we are still hoping to have a football season, but are tired of worrying about it. Before they left I had Spencer and Rich give me a blessing. I have been so discouraged with the disability of being in constant pain and basically crippled. As I listened to the promises in the blessing I was told to "have courage to do what it takes to get well." If there are a couple of things I struggle with it is courage and faith that things will work out for me. The old "Debbie Downer" syndrome seems to fit me better, but I'm trying to do better, that's all I can do right now.

"I Have A Dark Cloud Following Me"

Yesterday started out horrible with getting flooded out by our irrigation. As I looked out into my pond the turtles and fish were swimming in the yard because of the amount of water. I went out in the morning to find two fish gasping for air, I threw them back into the pond where my turtles decided they wanted to eat them. As I came in to talk to Rich he was on the phone with the bank because someone had taken our business card and bought $1000 worth of shoes and other purchases in England. Credit card fraud, wow that's a new challenge for us, one we haven't dealt with yet. Mindi and I got ready and went to the grocery store, something we haven't been able to do because of her bed rest, childbirth and then the death of her father-in-law. After the grocery store we ran a few more errands to purchase a light for my aquarium and some turtle food so my turtles would STOP eating my fish. By the time we got home we were melted. It was only 108 degrees but with the humidity it felt awful. Mindi had a friend come by and drop her kids off to play. With some other of the boys friends I bet we had at least thirteen kids swimming in the pool and running around going in and out of the house dripping water all over my wood floor. I was becoming more and more irritated as Rich was gone helping someone that has been dominating his time all week. How do people get their lives so screwed up? Anyway, I was lying on the couch watching "So You Think You Can Dance," no, I know I can't dance, when Rich came home and sat in the recliner and passed out. After the show we got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink, take my pills, and head to bed. All of a sudden I felt a horrible pain under my arm, I knew it was a scorpion, once you've been stung you never forget it. I started stripping down to my nothings as I was trying to find that bugger that was stinging the hell out of me. There I was standing topless in my kitchen while Rich ran and got a black light out of the garage to help find it. After going through all my clothes, we finally found it in the bottom of the garbage can, when I threw my clothes off it must have fallen in the trash. I have it in a glass jar trying to decide what would be the most painful way for him to die. As I was brushing my teeth getting ready for bed Rich said, "you know, you just have a dark cloud that follows you around wherever you go." I try and be a good person but it is true, trouble always seems to find me, like that little scorpion who must have crawled up my shirt while I was lying on my couch. Today I have found myself laughing at these little things that happen, I know it could be SO much worse, I lived through some trials that I never knew I could. I have a friend whose son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. Today is his birthday so my thoughts are with her today. Monday will be the third anniversary of Kamber's passing, someday that dark cloud will find somewhere else to go, that would be a happy day for me.

"Empty Nesting" = Lonely but Quiet

Rich and I have been truly "empty nesters" this weekend. Mindi, Dave and the kids went to Willcox for the funeral of his Dad. Spencer and Annie went to Spokane for a football camp, and Candi and Ethan are busy working and spending time with their families. I have been alone most of the day with Rich busy trying to finish up jobs and do service wherever needed. He's now off to the Temple, so I'm trying to find somewhere to go so I'm not alone all evening. I went to the doctor on Thurs. to get my cortisone shot. I had prepared for the worst and had anxiety all day worrying about it. I was even warned by a friend that it "hurts like hell." On the way down to my appointment I was telling Mindi how scared I was and I hated being in this place of constant pain. She then reminded me that I had four children without any pain relief so certainly I can handle a little shot. The doctor put at least five different medications in a shot, sprayed my hip with a cold numbing agent and then started shooting the medicine in. I was totally prepared to rip Rich's arm off and say some really bad words, but you know it really didn't hurt. It was a little bit like a stinging sensation when the medicine went in and I had a warm feeling come across my arms but I was so happy to have gotten through it. The first night was almost total relief, other than the terrible headache that came on at 3:00 a.m. I think two of the drugs are numbing, it felt wonderful to be out of pain. He also told me that if I got some relief that was a good sign. I'm being "cautiously optimistic" hoping for the best. I have another appointment for August if this shot doesn't do the job I can have two more. I am thankful for doctors and modern medicine we are truly blessed to live in this time. I went to see my parents yesterday at their humble little house in Scottsdale. As we left I felt so blessed that they are still with us at 82 years old. They still live in their house and can take care of eachother, I hope they are with us for a long, long time.

Lunch and a Shot

Mindi and I just got home from lunch with a good friend. She even payed, which was totally not expected but so appreciated. It was fun to get out of the house and have yummy Mexican food. This is the first time Mindi has had makeup on for a long time, she looks great for having an eleven day old baby. Her husband Dave and their boys left for Willcox yesterday. They got some sad news on Tues. evening that his Dad, Earl Moser had passed away suddenly. It makes me realize how fragile life is and how you never know when life will throw you a big fat curve ball that you have to try and deal with. Candi came over to color and cut all of our hair. It is always fun when the kids get together but very chaotic. With Tristyn at BYU volleyball camp and Jenn not bringing the girls over we had mostly boys. I wanted to take some before and after haircut pictures but they were enjoying playing video games and wanted me out of the way. I just love it when they have nice clean haircuts, they all look so cute. I'm beginning to think that there is no hope for healing for my hip, I've decided to go ahead and get a shot in it this afternoon. I really don't want to go through this but am pretty desperate at this time. I know there are many who are suffering from pain and heartache so I'm trying to be strong and know that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. We are expected to have trials to make us humble, so I guess I have to endure what comes my way, even though I hate it.

"Cheer Up, Things Could Be Worse"

I wrote a post the other day and my computer froze up. It didn't matter what I did I couldn't get it to work. After shutting it down and reading what I wrote I decided it was too dark to publish. I don't know if I'm post partum, post menopausal or just plain post hip replacement. I've been struggling with constant pain for a long time now and it's beginning to cloud my outlook on life. It's not like I have a great love of life, but constant pain definitely makes me a little irritable and out of sorts. Spencer and Annie got here from Colorado, Candi and B.J. got back from the beach and Rich got home from Utah, where he spent three days with his sister going through his Mother's earthly possessions. I stayed here and tried to help Mindi, but sometimes feel I'm not much help. We had everyone over for dinner on Sunday, the first time I've had all my kids and grand kids together for a long time. Rich and I feel so blessed with our posterity but at times feel undeserving. This mortal life seems to have a way of trying to humble me but it seems like I just keep getting more and more bitter. I have such a hard time forgiving those hurts that I have gone through. I still suffer daily with the sadness of losing Kamber. Why can't I have faith that the past is what was meant to be? Spencer has offered to take me back to Colorado to get out of the heat and enjoy watching him play football, but when it's hard to even walk that doesn't sound fun either. I feel stuck between what I want to be doing and what I need to be doing. I have been told by professionals that I'm a very paradoxical person. That means I feel the absolute opposite about the same thing. It's confusing to live in a body where there is conflict everywhere. I was talking to my swimming friend about it the other day how life keeps getting more complicated as we age and how it would be so fun to be young again. Boy would we do things so much differently. I guess that isn't going to happen so I need to cheer up because my Dad always told me the little saying, "someone told me to cheer up, things could be worse, so I cheered up and sure enough things got worse."

"Principle of Compensation"

Kids sitting on my bed waiting to go to the hospital

Tristyn and Mindi before Trulie was born

Baby Trulie

Mindi and her 5 kids

Grandma and Grandpa Larsen

I feel extremely grateful today to live in this great country. We had a spiritual day yesterday as Rich and I attended the Patriarchal Blessing of a friend. She is a darling girl who just joined the church in March. We are so proud of how she has embraced the gospel and is sharing it with others. After church we came home and fixed dinner for her and a friend she had brought to church, they seemed to enjoy a home cooked meal. While we were busy at church Mindi was home in labor. She wasn't saying much but did come down to eat a little bit before Dave took her to the hospital. I got a call at around 7:00 p.m. that she was there and dilated to a 5+ and they were going to check her in two hours before deciding if they would keep her because she was only 36 weeks. The next call we got was at 8:00 and she was already at a 7 and they were moving her into a room. The kids were all excited as we called family members to let them know the baby would be born soon. I really wanted Mindi to have her on the 4th of July, so we were encouraging her to just relax and take it slow. Well, at around 9 we got a call that she was in the 8-9 centimeter range so we gathered the kids and headed to the hospital. Rich stayed out in the waiting area with the three boys while Tristyn and I went in to see Mindi. The doctor came in and broke her water and helped the baby down a little bit and told her he would be back in a few minutes. I know Mindi had wanted to see if she could have it without an epidural but she said she was "dying" with the pain from the contractions. I reminded her that they don't give any "purple hearts" in delivery if you have a natural childbirth, be thankful for modern medicine. It was so nice to see her having labor pains and not feeling them. What I would have given for any pain killing help during my childbearing years, glad that's over forever! Rich and I had a bet that she would have her before 10:00 p.m. If I won, we go to Fuddruckers tonight for hamburgers instead of all the work cooking out. The doctor came in at 9:40 and I told him she had until 10:00 to have this baby or I would lose the bet. He looked at me like I was a space alien, but guess what? Trulie Ann Moser was born at 9:57 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs. 5 ozs. 19 1/2 inches long. She looked great, had great color and her breathing was good for being four weeks early. This is number 15 for Rich and I, with Jenn we will be having our 16th, another girl in November. Last night when I got home from the hospital I couldn't sleep. I could remember how relieved I was when my babies were finally out of the womb. I know that Mindi wanted to have this last baby because of a special experience she had while holding Kamber for the last time. The confirmation that she had another girl spirit that needed to come to their family. It takes courage to do hard things, and Mindi can do hard things. As I went to sleep the quote by Elder Wirthlin kept coming into my mind. The "Principle of Compensation," which is, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." Today I am rejoicing and have gratitude for all those blessings I receive, and I know I don't deserve them, but am extremely thankful.

Snickerdoodles and Swimming

I've been enjoying the great Arizona summer weather this week. It's only going to be 117 degrees this weekend, who wouldn't love to live here? Rich left early this morning to run up to Eagar to do a few things for my Dad at the cabin. I tried to go back to sleep but kept going over and over some thoughts in my head, so I decided to just get up and start my routine. I fed the dogs and got all the laundry together and the phone rang. It was my friend wanting to know if I was up to exercising in the pool. I don't think I've ever been swimming earlier than 7:00 a.m. but it was quite enjoyable. The water temps were around 88 degrees so we spent about an hour doing things that aren't possible on land and lots of visiting. Mindi's three little guys were up and saw me in my bathing suit so they joined us. While we were getting out of the pool Trace asked me if I knew how to make snickerdoodle cookies. I assured him I knew how and I would teach him how to make them, so he and Trent came down and we made a batch. Mindi called it a "Grandma bonding experience," whatever. Yesterday I got a call from a family member who was checking on me to see how I was surviving. After giving my sob story about how hard life is for me right now with the economy, Mindi on bed rest, the hideous heat, and my sadness of being so dependent on others, I got a little lecture. The main thing that matters in life is our relationships with others. I am in such a rut I don't even know what I could do that would make me happy. It's hard not to just give up and say to heck with it. I was thinking this morning about how simple things were years back. I felt in control and life was going well. Life always has a way of making you realize that we really aren't in control of any of this. Adversity is just part of this life and I need to do better at learning how to deal with it. I look around and I know it could be worse, I'm thankful for my little trials, not really, but I'm trying to be.

I Know I'm Crazy

At almost sixty years old I wonder why my life seems to be like the movie "Groundhog Day," where I do the same things over and over again. These last few weeks I've been consumed with trying to figure out how to stop the insanity around me, I have some ideas but they all cost lots of money that I don't have right now. Last night as I was feeding my animals I could tell that one of my rabbits was having a really hard time. Rabbits are really sensitive to the heat, unlike a dog who pants to cool off, rabbits don't really have a cool down mechanism. When I woke up at 4 a.m. I decided when it got light I would go out and catch my rabbits and put them on the porch in cages in front of a cooler Rich has hooked up for them. When I finally pulled myself out of bed I went to Mindi's to recruit some helpers for my rabbit rescue. I only had one volunteer, Trace. He was a reluctant helper but with the promise of a Blizzard he went to help me catch rabbits and bring cages up on the porch. It took me at least two hours to get them all situated and I still didn't have my dishes or laundry even started. With the temps hovering around 115 degrees for the next few days my outlook on life has become quite grimm. From the Fall to Spring I can deal with all these animals but when the heat hits I wonder what the heck I'm doing having a petting zoo in my backyard at anytime. When I was down with my hip Mindi did all the feeding, now with her on bed rest it's my turn to keep the critters alive. I find myself resenting my kids who for two weeks are in California on the beach with the 60 degree temps. Ethan left his dogs for me to take care of and Candi left Major's goldfish to feed. We have about six acres in the White Mountains we could build a cabin on, but how can I leave my home and critters and sit in a rocking chair in the cool pines? I guess I'm venting, the heat takes a huge toll on my outlook on life, it's not just the heat. Oh well, we only have about four more months before it cools down a little bit, I survived this long I guess until I'm called home I'll be here doing what I do best, complaining.

"Adversity is Part of the Pattern"

This week has been a bummer for me. Candi, Ethan and their families have gone to California to spend time with Candi's in-laws at the beach. Dave left Thurs. with the boys and his mom to San Diego to watch Trace play in a national football tournament there. Tristyn has been playing in a volleyball festival tournament all week in downtown Phoenix, so it's been a boring week. Yesterday I decided to shampoo some of my carpets that look a little dirty from all these animals, irrigation and kids I need to finish today and get my house put back together. I know I'm bored when I start deep cleaning. I still haven't heard from the doctor about my test results last week. I had a friend read the report to me but it meant nothing because I don't understand all the medical terms. All I know it that I'm tired of living in pain and being crippled. I've been getting in the pool as much as I can to try and see if the exercise will help it, but I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting. I may have to bite the bullet and go get a shot to relieve the pain so I can sleep. I'm fighting the discouragement that comes with having high expectations that haven't come to fruition. I'm almost finished reading the book "A Disciple's Life, The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell." The chapter I read this morning talked about all the different books he wrote. He wrote a lot about the Savior and how we need to strive to be more like him. He also wrote a lot about adversity. One of his quotes was, "adversity must be part of the pattern rather than always an aberration." He also wrote of the Atonement saying,"the full intensiveness of the Atonement involved bearing our pains, infirmities, and sicknesses as well as our sins." I have lots of sins, pains and infirmities so hopefully someday I will be able to overcome parts of myself that aren't working for me right now. Mindi has one more week until she can go off the medicine to stop her labor. I know she is getting tired of staying down because she is such a "go getter", she even wanted me to go with her to watch Tristyn play. I said, "are you kidding me right now? you only have one more week of this hell and then the real hell starts. Being up with a newborn all night." That sounds dreadful to me, I'm glad it's her having a baby and not me, but I can't wait to see this little precious spirit. I keep praying for her safe delivery and hope she will be strong enough to come home with Mindi from the hospital.

The Heat Is On, Super Hero Capes

This is the time of year we all HATE living in Arizona. Up until now the weather has been bearable even below average, but we can always expect June to be horribly hot. I think it's suppose to be around 113 degrees today. This morning I got an early start on feeding the animals because I knew it was going to be a doozy. Ethan and Jenn had been nice and taken Mindi's kids for a couple of days so she could rest. The problem with that is I don't have any help feeding the herd. Anyway, as I got out I noticed that the mister for the chickens was broken, so with it being so hot I had Trace go in and lift it out for me to fix. While he was in the chicken coop he noticed five baby chicks under their mommas. Are you kidding me? I don't want anymore chickens! Yes, Ethan I know that if you have roosters you are going to have baby chicks, that's why I've separated the roosters from the hens, I guess it was a little bit too late. I ended up lucking out because Ethan was here working and he had one of his guys fix my misters so what little good it does to cool them down, I'm just hoping nothing dies. Last week when I talked to Spencer he asked me if I would make a cape for his sons Tyton and Gunnar. I am not the worlds best seamstress but I told him I would try. I went to the store last week and bought a pattern and some material and went to work. It took me a few hours for two days to make these capes. I guess they have been watching some movie about superheroes and that made them want capes. Tyton wanted a green one with the initial T on it, There are so many different shades of green and some of the colors were ugly and some of the material was crap, so Tristyn picked out this wild shade of green, I hope he likes it. For Gunnar I had bought some blue material but it looked so plain I decided to make his out of U of A material and lined it with the blue silky material. I have eight total grandsons so hopefully they won't all want a super hero cape, otherwise I'm in trouble. I guess it's a good thing Mindi is on bed rest because it sure is too hot to go outside and do anything until around October, wow that's a long time to be a shut in.

Surviving Father's Day

Last Friday I asked a friend what she was doing for Father's Day. Her answer was, "nothing, I don't have a father, the only Father I have is my Heavenly Father." I then went on to ask her about her father and found out that he had passed away. I felt bad for her as she told me that he wasn't that great of a father to her when he was alive. Yesterday we had the whole clan over to celebrate with my Dad. He's 82 this year and has had prostate cancer the last nine years, so every year we have him for this holiday is a blessing. My relationship with my Dad is complicated as he was hard on me growing up, no doubt I deserved a lot of the discipline the was inflicted on me. I still don't think Fathers really know what affect they have on their children as they raise them. I'm thankful that my sons and son-in-laws are wonderful fathers and their children love them. Spencer had to speak in church yesterday, I wish I could have been there to listen to him, he's special to me. Last night as I was fighting the pain in the hip I barely got to sleep when Mindi came in to tell me she was going to the hospital. I know she did way too much yesterday and was having contractions every six to eight minutes. It is still too early for her to deliver this baby so they gave her two shots to stop the labor and hopefully stall the birth for a couple of weeks. Life seems so challenging for me right now as I'm trying to help Mindi, help myself, and deal with some disappointing relationships in my life. Every time we get together is a reminder that someone is missing and I hate it. Hopefully in time it will get easier as I move on through the trials I've been given to endure.

Mustard Seed of Faith

I've been having so much fun this week it's been hard to find time to stop to write my feelings down. Do you believe that? Anyway, it's scary to see just how fast the time is going by for me. Mindi is still in bed and hopefully we can make it through a couple more weeks so the baby won't have to be in the NICU at all. We are hoping she will be able to come home with Mindi from the hospital, that's our prayer for her. Last week when I went to the doctor they gave me a few things that could be going on in my hip. They suggested a shot of pain reliever in my joint but I let the fear get to me and wouldn't let them do it. After suffering all week I am disappointed that I let fear govern my life, I should have had the shot. On Wed. I went and had a bone scan. There again, I was so afraid that it would hurt and I was so scared. My darling cousin works at EVDI and she does this test so it was so nice to go and have her explain everything to me. Other than a little shot to put in the isotopes, the test was a breeze. The doctor hasn't called but hopefully they didn't find anything too alarming. I'm praying about that too, I really don't want to go through another surgery. I have such a simple life, because of my anxiety I don't drive and with Mindi down I'm basically a "shut in." When I went to get my test I was amazed at all the people going in and out of that place. I realized that it isn't just me who is suffering, there are hundreds of others going through their own troubles. There was an elderly man who was going in for the same test I was who had his leg amputated. He was having problems with his prosthetic leg hurting him so they were looking at a spot on the stump of his leg. There was also a woman who had already had both hips and knees done with great success except this last knee is giving her problems. As I was lying in bed Wed. night I realized how easy it is to be all consumed with our own trials without thinking of just how many others are suffering too. My friend came over and we were exercising in the pool. Her son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. We were talking about childbirth, surgeries and losing a child. All these challenges give us experience and education that otherwise we wouldn't have gotten. We decided that unless someone has "been there, done that, and gotten the T shirt," you really can't understand or comprehend what others are going through. I know I've been told many, many times that I have NO FAITH. I try to use my little mustard seed of faith, but I continue to struggle in the "things will work out for my good," category. Some day I hope to be able to see the big picture and realize that life is an experience I was sent her to live and learn as much as I can before going home.

Shower, Doctor, The Atonement

Food table at the shower
Mindi at the punch bowl
Mell, Candi and Jessica

The weeks are going by so fast it becomes a blurr to me. My life is truly passing me by as I struggle to keep up with everything that needs to be done. Last Thurs. a few family members and friends threw Mindi a simple little surprise baby shower. She is suppose to be on bed rest so we were all worried it may not happen, but she was able to come and feel the love of those who came to support her. This is her fifth baby so she wasn't that keen on having a shower, but because it has been thirteen years since her last baby girl, she didn't have anything pink. Thank you to everyone who supported her and all the work that was done on her behalf. Before the shower I had a doctors appointment to try to find out why the pain continues to make my life a living hell. They took an x-ray and then gave me some "maybe causes" and "maybe solutions," but as I left the doctor's office my head was spinning. No I didn't want a shot in my hip to take the pain out if it was bursitis. No I don't want to get a bone scan to see if maybe the lining of the new hip has slipped out of place or my bone hasn't healed onto the metal hip causing scar tissue to form. For sure NO I don't want to go into surgery to fix this $25,000 replacement part that I had hoped would be the answer to my crippleness and even my grouchiness. Are those even words? Anyway, it is frustrating when you go through something as hard as a major surgery and at times don't see any improvement. I know I need lots of prayers and personal revelation before I will go through that again. The problem is that it may come down to can I live like this for the rest of my life? Or is it so bad I'm willing to go back into surgery? Today in church it was all on the Atonement. I'm not a scriptorium or a genius when it comes to understanding this subject. It sounds so simple when you hear someone say that the Savior has suffered for all the pains, sicknesses, sins, heartache, disappointments and even the loss of our beloved Kamber. I have a hard time grasping that concept even though I have a testimony of it's truth. One of the statements made was that when we go through trials we can "either become more humble and grateful or we can become bitter." I'm trying really hard to not be bitter but at times I must admit that's the way I roll.I know everyone is going through some trial and I'm thankful for my own personal struggles, hopefully I'm learning what I need to before I return home from where I came. One of the quotes from church was "sadness and fear will be replaced with joy and peace if we put or trust in our Savior Jesus Christ." That's what I'm striving for this week.

Life's Little Challenges, I Love It

Yesterday morning a friend of mine came over and we exercised in the pool. When I'm in the water it's fun to be able to walk and move freely, something that is difficult on land. After she left I was busy doing my five loads of laundry and cleaning up my kitchen from Sunday dinner. At about noon I started getting the worst headache and my arms, neck and back were aching. I even felt like I was running a fever. I spent the rest of the day self medicating myself with pain relievers and a nap. I was happy when these symptoms went away at around 9:00 p.m. when I took a hot bath and went to bed. This morning I went with Candi to run errands. She has me go with her to sit in the car with her boys while she runs in to different beauty supplies to stock up on stuff for work. We are both really passionate people and because we are SO much alike, in some areas, it can get quite loud in the car. When you add in three little boys fighting over blocks and whining it was quite an experience. I'm always glad to get home and go in to my quilting room and work on a project. This week I'm concentrating on getting Mindi's soon to be born baby her quilts and wardrobe put together. This is the third baby she has been put on bed rest because of pre-term labor scares. I hope the last. When I was having babies I got so big that when I couldn't take it any longer I got brave and downed the castor oil, hoping to bring on labor. Now I worry everyday that this little spirit will be born too soon and with that comes complications I don't want to deal with. Jenn is also having a little problem with her pregnancy with some unwanted bleeding so we are praying for her. This experience we call mortal life can be quite challenging for me. I ask myself all the time if it's just me or is everyone going through stuff that tests their faith and testimony. Maybe it's the "you are the most negative person on earth" syndrome that makes my head spin. Whatever it is I wish I could change it because my life would be way easier, oh I forgot it's suppose to be hard right?

Another Day in "Paradise"

Life has been crazy for me the last couple of weeks. We have had four parties at my house and even though it's lots of fun it's also a lot of work. This morning as I was stripping the sheets off my bed to put in the wash I was having a little pity party in my mind. I had woken up at 5:oo a.m. to two hungry puppies and a list of chores a mile long to get done today. I was having so many negative thoughts about my situation right now, I was making myself crazy. Rich and Dave are super busy trying to keep us in our house and food on the table and Mindi and I are trying to keep things under control here at home. Mindi needs to stay down as much as possible to keep from going in to labor and being hospitalized. If that happens I WILL be "out of control." Last night I needed to go to the grocery store and Rich had promised he would take me. When he got home from working a ten hour day he looked so tired and said, "if we are going we need to go now because I'm out of gas." I hate going food shopping with a guy who is tired and grouchy and not really wanting to go, I was sure a fight would happen. So I called a good friend of mine and asked if she minded taking me. It was fun visiting with her and I so appreciated her willingness to help me. As I was going through all my challenges I started thinking about all the people in Northern Arizona who are going through a terrible trial with the forest fire. They are evacuating hundreds of people and don't know when they will be able to get this huge fire under control. The thought came in to my mind, "at least you still have a home." Everywhere I look there are trials and challenges, I guess that is what this mortal life is all about. I never have been a big fan of adversity but it seems to like me. Anyway, today is just another one of those days in "Paradise."

No More Animals for Me!

After the stress of these last few days I can see why some people choose not to have animals. Besides my usual chickens, rabbits turtles and fish, we have been dog and bird sitting for some friends in our ward. They are going to be gone for three weeks on vacation, so I need to suck it up and try to get through the remaining two. The problem is we have five puppies and three adult dogs plus one who comes during the day to play while her owner works. It is challenging to try and keep the puppies safe from the dangers that lurk outside, plus make sure the big dogs don't bother them. Yesterday morning I woke up to some strange howling noise in the backyard. I looked out my bathroom window to find one of the baby golden retrievers in my fish pond. He must have fallen in and then when he tried to get out got stuck between two rocks. So out I went in my nightgown trudging through the sprinklers to pull him to safety. He was now a green dog because of the algae in the pond so I needed to give him a bath. That put me in a bad mood the rest of the day even though it was Candi's birthday and we would be celebrating with her. After the shindig of a party I had Rich and Dave make a fence to keep the big puppies out of danger and Mindi brought the little Shih Tzus in her house. What a pain in the butt these little guys are, Bella is tired of nursing them so they just follow her around whining. Mindi is suppose to be on bed rest so that makes it even harder trying to make the kids help and keep her down. Hopefully we will be able to handle this without loss of life or limb, say a prayer for us.

Memorial Day 2011

Today is Memorial Day 2011. This holiday used to represent the start of summer vacation and very hot weather, but for the last three years it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Our extended family always get together at the Mesa Cemetery on Sunday evening to decorate the graves of our ancestors who have passed through the veil to the spirit world. Last evening as we drove in to the cemetery it was so peaceful. The wind was blowing and our family were gathering. After a few hugs we started on our trek. We met at my beloved Grandma Fern's grave and the little kids were so excited to clean it off and place flowers there. We sang the hymn "High On A Mountain Top" as a tribute to her. Everyone else went on and I walked back to the truck to sit with my Dad because walking has become painful again for me with this darn hip. We had a good visit wondering if these special people in our lives were "hanging out" at the cemetery or if they were mindful of our efforts. It was interesting as we talked to realize that someday my Dad and I would be buried there and hopefully the kids and grand kids would have some nice things to say about us. After the gang got back we had refreshments. Everyone brings their favorite treats and we have a fun time mingling with hugs and laughter. When Rich got back he drove me over to see Kamber's grave. It was quiet with the cool breeze in my face. I miss her so much, but am aware of our Heavenly Father's Plan to be together again at some point. As we drove through the cemetery looking at all the American flags blowing I felt so much gratitude for everything in my life, all those liberties we enjoy as Americans but sometimes take for granted. Mindi has been put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I have been trying to do my best to help her with the laundry and Candi was nice to take me to the grocery store on Saturday. Hopefully we can make it through the next five weeks so her baby can be born strong enough to survive. I know it is frustrating for her to not be up doing all the chores she does and it's time for her kids to step in and grow up and learn to "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel" and move along helping and serving as much as they can.

Birthday, Conference and Tender Mercies

Thanks to everyone who called and thought of me on my birthday, it was actually really nice to have a Sunday birthday. I'm always glad when the calender flips to the 23rd. We had the family all over for dinner and that's always a ton of fun, very LOUD, but the grand kids love it. I have spent two hours cleaning up my kitchen, that's okay I'm just thankful I feel well enough to work in my house. Jenn is doing better but Mindi just went to the doctor and is having pre-term labor. She needs to stay down and stop lifting or doing anything strenuous, she needs at least six or seven more weeks to have a healthy baby. We had Stake Conference this weekend and the messages were good. They talked lots about service, temple work, and adversity, all things I need to work on. I felt the spirit and know what I felt was inspiration to change things in my life.

I hope to have some time this week to work on my quilts. I have always wondered why I enjoy working on these little labors of love. Well my Dad recently went up to the White Mountains and brought back a quilt that my grandmother made, he brought it over to me yesterday. I guess she won some blue ribbons for the work she had done on it. It also survived a fire that destroyed their house, there are a few dark spots from the smoke that got into the chest it was kept in but otherwise it lookss really good. My Dad wanted me to have it and as I was looking at it I could see all the tiny hand sewn stitches of my Grandmother. I don't think she used a sewing machine it looks all hand stitched. I also couldn't stop thinking the odds of it being purple and white, Kamber's favorite colors. Maybe this is one of those tender mercies we talk about all the time, if it is, thank you.

What The Heck!

Yesterday was a busy and stressful day for me. I had decided to make tamales and that took all morning to mix the masa, roll them and get them cooked. Thank heavens Mindi came down to help. I got a call from Spencer wanting to take me to lunch for my birthday. That would have been fun but I was up to my eyeballs in tamales. He ended up just picking me up a burger and we had a nice little visit before he loaded up his dog Trixie and headed back to Colorado. In the mean time, Candi called asking if we could watch her boys while they went to sign on their new home, it has taken 18 months to finalize this deal. Mindi needed to run to the store to get some supplies for Dave and Trace as they were leaving for the Grand Canyon at ten o'clock last night arriving home tonight. It was also Rich's birthday but he spent it at the Temple and working, so that was just fine with us. During the day yesterday I got a little wave of nausea moving through but just thought it was the stress I was under. This morning when I woke up at 4:45 a.m. I was so sick. I had the "GREAT GAMBOO" and have been in bed all day except for getting up to the bathroom or to get a drink. What the heck is wrong with me that I keep getting all these weird flu symptoms? As I was lying in bed this morning not able to eat, Ethan called asking if I could go to their house and watch the kids because Jenn, who is a few months pregnant was bleeding and needed to go to the doctor. I was glad when they found someone else and even more relieved when he called to tell me the baby is okay and she needs to just take it easy for a couple of days. I don't know how people do it that have more than four kids and almost sixteen grand kids, it seems like there is always some one who needs help. I finally decided that I should get up and walk around the house hopefully to prevent bed sores and get my mind off of my symptoms. Hopefully I will feel way better tomorrow, we have a big weekend with Stake Conference and my birthday extravaganza, ha, ha! I hate getting old.

Remembering Johnny Lingo

When I was a young girl growing up I loved to watch the movie "Johnny Lingo." It's about a shrewd Polynesian trader who comes to one island to bargain for a girl to be his wife. Her name is Mahana and was considered ugly and undesirable by her neighbors and even her father. As Johnny Lingo negotiates with her father she is hiding in a hut so shy and scared while the village people make fun of her. Anyway, to make a long story short he ends up offering her father "eight cows" for her hand in marriage which was considered a very high price. The villagers didn't think he would show up with the cows but he brought all eight of the them and off he went with his Mahana who he had loved since childhood. Because of the way he treated her she became a very beautiful woman. I was sitting in church last week and these memories of this little movie that I had seen at least twenty times kept coming in to my mind. What we say and how we treat others can make a difference in their self worth. I know at times I compare my life to those around me and wonder what is wrong with me? Why don't I have what they have? Why don't I feel the same way as them? I was talking to a family member who I absolutely adore the other day. They are extremely disappointed and feeling like giving up on life. Oh how I've been there many times. As I was giving my little pep talk I was really talking to myself. I heard my Mother's words about how "everything will work out" and we have to "keep hoeing to the end of the row," "look at how bad the pioneers had it."I guess that just means we have to keep plugging along in life until we can finally see the big picture, eternity. I don't know why this little movie made such an impression on me, I guess I've always struggled with a lack of self esteem and this gave me hope that some day I would be able to realize that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who knows and loves me the way I am. That gives me hope.

No Pain We Suffer Is Wasted

I hate being in pain. I was told once by a counselor that as human beings we will do anything to get relief from pain. During this earthly life we all experience different kinds of pain, some physical, some emotional and others including psychological and mental. Last week I got in the pool twice to exercise this new metal hip that is now 8 months old. Spencer even tried to convince me that pain is good, it means I'm working hard. After sitting for three hours in church yesterday I was up all night with just a dull aching pain. I don't even remember sleeping at all, but I'm sure there was a short time of snoozing. I can honestly say that I would rather be in physical pain than some of the others I have experienced. During childbirth I remember begging the doctors to help give me something to relieve the agony of labor, but they always gave me an excuse. This April Conference, in a talk there was a quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney who wrote: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. It is through our sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." So as I struggle with the everyday ups and downs hopefully I'm gaining that education I've come here to get.

It Could Be Worse!

I had a good day yesterday. Spencer, Annie and the kids made it home from Colorado and came over to visit. We decided to brave the cold water in the pool and he helped me exercise my hip. I got the lecture about how my hip won't get better unless I put in the work rehabbing it, yada yada. Anyway, after they left Mindi got a call that Dave's truck was broken down and he needed a ride while they towed it to the garage for repairs. When Rich got home we worked on the pool pump that isn't working right. After taking it apart we found six small rocks and some leaves that were plugging it up. It still needs some more work but we were tired. Then last night as I was getting in to bed I stepped in something cold and wet. I threw a towel on the floor and would deal with it this morning. When I got up I saw that in my bathroom there was a bubble on the drywall and the carpet soaked. Obviously we have a leak in a pipe in the wall. Are you kidding me, again? When I showed Rich he cut all the drywall back, pulled up the carpet and put a fan blowing under it. What else can possibly go wrong today? We are staying home all day, which is a good thing because funds are slim right now. It's really hard to not get discouraged when everything seems to be either broken or worn out. I have learned from experience that my life goes through cycles of good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, actually I've never been rich so I wouldn't know what that feels like. As I was complaining about all my problems my Mom has her usual, "things will all work out," encouragement. Even if they don't work out the way I want, what can I do about it? Then Rich's secretary said, "I guess it could be worse," yeh, I'm sure it could and probably will. At least it's Friday and the end to another wonderful week.

I Survived Mother's Day!

On our way to church.

I spent all day Monday in bed with something. I don't know if it was a virus or just the overdose of chocolate from Mother's Day, but I was sure sick. All it takes is one day in bed to make me appreciate the days I actually get up and accomplish something. I didn't even get the dishes done left over from Sunday until this morning, so I'm glad to be feeling better. I had a good day on Sunday, it's always nice when your children make an effort to make you feel loved. Candi took me out to lunch on Saturday and did my hair. She is a doll. I heard from Spencer and he will be traveling home tomorrow. Mindi and Ethan both gave me nice gifts, I love them all. We had some family and friends over for dinner and when we were getting all the food out I remembered I had forgotten to take out rolls to rise and cook. Mindi forgot too, she's pregnant but I have NO excuses except old age. After dinner the extended family came to see my Mom. It gets kind of chaotic but the kids have lots of fun together. I only had a few times during the day that were sad and the tears flowed. The young men and their leaders sang in church, it was touching. As I was listening to the Music and the Spoken Word he said this is a "Tribute to Mothers" I felt the tears start to flow. What about all those mothers who have lost children? I lost a pregnancy, that was hard, but my thoughts turned to those mothers whose children have gone back to Heaven and those women who so desperately want to be mothers but for some reason will never on this earth give birth or have the opportunity to be a mother. I do know that our Heavenly Father knows us and loves each of us. I believe that if we live the commandments we will be blessed with all the righteous desires of our hearts. While all the family were here I decided to take pictures of all the girls, from my 81 year old Mother to the smallest little niece. These are the next generation of mothers in our family. Each one of them are so special to me.

All of the mothers and older future mothers

These are the younger future mothers.

Preparing for Mother's Day

I am making the final preparations to have the family over for my MOST favorite day of the year, Mother's Day. I'm trying really hard to have a good attitude and get through this weekend without sinking into the abyss. My house is clean, the lawn mowed and Mindi and I will soon be walking through the grocery store getting what we need to entertain on Sunday. Our group won't be that big, thank heavens. With Len and Julie gone and some of the other family members estranged, it will just be my parents, my kids and grand kids, my sister and her husband and Jenn's Mom and sister for dinner. Remember the days when the husbands tried to fix dinner for us? In the Greer/Larsen family that didn't work so well, so us girls plan what the heck we want to eat and do it the way we want it done. I hope the guys don't mind, ha ha! After dinner the rest of the cousins will come to see Mom and have dessert. We are so thankful to have her and my Dad with us. My sister and I went shopping for her last week and as we walked through Bed Bath and Beyond we were laughing at how our Mother probably wouldn't use our gifts, she likes the old school way of doing things, but it's the thought that counts. We went to Dillard's and bought her a purple and white blouse, we even paid full price, something I never do. I just felt it would be wrong to get something on clearance for this special person. I talked to Spencer this morning, they will be coming next week but leaving before my birthday. I'm not holding my breath because he's told me several times he was coming but his plans can quickly change. My thoughts this week have been on all the special women in my life who I admire. All of them have gone through some terrible adversities but kept on plugging away living the gospel and keeping the commandments. I hope to be worthy to see them on the other side, hopefully Kamber will be with them, I know they love her too.