I have to tell you that it is an interesting experience to go to a birthday party for someone who has passed away. Especially when it is your own grandchild. That is exactly what we did on Wed. February 10. We met at the cemetery to decorate Kamber's grave. I found the cutest purple and yellow butterfly to add to Jenn's yellow pinwheels and Spencer and Annie's live yellow and purple flowers. Anyway, the kids are always so excited to see their cousins and friends that it gets a little bit out of control. Rich felt we should have been way more reverent than we were, but when you get that many people it's hard to keep it spiritual. After the kids wrote notes to Kamber on their balloons and let them go we went to Ethan and Jenn's and had dinner, cake and ice cream. They even had a pinata for the kids to break open and fill their sacks with candy. It was a happy birthday for a special little girl that is loved and missed by lots of people. I have to say that every year when it leads up to her birthday and her death date it really does a number on me. I am sooooooo tired of being sad. I am also just plain worn out trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming to grips with everything but most of the time there is just a constant sadness. Will I ever be okay with the fact that Kamber is gone? Will I ever really believe that it was "her time to go?" Will I ever stop worrying about the rest of the "soon to be thirteen" gtrandkids and wonder when the next illness or accident will happen? It seems like this mortal life is going by way to fast and the older I get, the more questions I have. Is life out of control for everyone or just me? I want to be able to get a good nights sleep and wake up with the energy to get through my day with a "perfect brightness of hope." I have realized that I have no control over most situations in my life. I am a "control freak" by nature but I think this adversity has made me give up most of the control. I can't even control my own thoughts let alone what my husband, kids, grand kids and others do or say. I am thankful for the gospel and my testimony that the Savior lives and that he knows my heart. He knows when I am struggling and hopefully he is watching over our family. We are far from perfect and we are surely aware of that, but I think we are moving closer to him everyday. I hope Kamber is aware of our feelings for her and knows what a big part she plays in our lives. We celebrate her birth and are so thankful for the two plus years we were blessed to spend with her. We want to live our lives so we can be with her someday.
Me with my 7 grand kids that made it to the cemetery.
3 comments:
This was a special day. She is missed dearly. I hope that I can make it back to see her one of these days. Times are tough and times I think I can't do it. But with the lords help everything is possible
Happy birthday, Kamber! Looks like you had a great celebration of her life. We just got our 8th grandbaby today. Shawna had her second girl this morning. Bree Summer White. Kasey informed us a couple of weeks ago that she is due in October with grandbaby #9. Seems like it was just yesterday that it was us who were pregnant and chasing babies. The one constant is life moves on. We are getting old. That is okay. I am sure all of our questions will be answered when we reach the other side---a place where we will all go someday. This I know.
I loved Kamber's Birthday this year. It was perfect! I wanted it to be a day of happiness and I felt it was. It made me sooo happy to see everyone get along and really enjoy eachother even if that means at times it was a little loud. Thanks for coming and for all your help with the party. I love the gifts and will cherish them forever. I know Kamber was smiling down on us that day and loved to see the amazing turn out at her party and everyone helping to make her birthday so special.
Love ya!
Jen
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