A Week of Learning of Service

This is one of those weeks that I'm glad is behind me. I spent Tues. and Thurs. making green corn tamales. Then Wed. and Fri. were Dave and Mindi's birthdays so that's always fun. I helped with a "Mexican Fiesta" ward party last night and I was glad to get home from church and rest this afternoon. Rich had to speak in church today, "High Council Sunday," so that stresses us out also. When I went to bed last night I was so tired. We had decorated the church at 9:00 a.m. and then went to the store and bought the ingredients for the corn salsa and the punch I was in charge of. Then I came home and Mindi and I made the salsa before going to a bridal shower for a darling girl in our ward getting married in March. I came home from the shower and rested until it was time to head to the church to get the food ready for our party at 6:30. We had a good turn out and I felt like it was a success. I went to bed at about 10:30 p.m. and Rich was in his office working on his talk. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and he was still in the office. When he came to bed at 2:45 I mumble something to him about how late it was and all he said was, "make sure I'm up by 5:00 a.m. because I have a meeting at 6." I remember thinking, "it's not my responsibility to get your butt out of bed," and then remember just watching the clock until I heard his alarm go off and him get up and in the shower. After he left I never really got back to sleep. I was worried about his lack of sleep and the stress I knew he was under. I have a terrible fear of public speaking, and flying in air planes, driving a car and on and on, so when my family are doing those things I'm afraid of, it makes me have anxiety for them. Anyway, that is why I'm glad last week is over. I have been thinking lately about how much time and energy it takes to be a member of the church. I know it goes back to the whole obedience, sacrifice and then consecration thing. Our lesson in Relief Society today was about how we have our agency to choose what we are going to do. We can't control the consequences of our choices, but we still have our ability to choose. As I was getting ready for church I started thinking about the loss of Kamber. I don't know why Sundays always make me think of her and her short life. Anyway, I don't really know what happened that day but I need to make a choice to "move on". I know acceptance is the last stage of grief, and I don't know if it will take two months, two years, or longer than that, but I am determined to not let it ruin the rest of my life. To keep me stuck in a place I don't want to be in. Rich's talk was on "Service," taken from the conference talk by Pres. Monson, "What Have I Done for Someone Today?" I'm going to try and do better about finding someone in need and helping them. Maybe that will help me heal the wound in my heart. It's worth a try.