Memorial Day, Stomach Flu, Stolen Pots

Rich left for Italy on Saturday morning early. I had big plans for the ten days he's going to be gone. I was going to clean, organize, shop, quilt and relax.  Sunday night we met extended family at the Mesa Cemetery and did our yearly decorating of graves. The last two years I've sat and visited with Dad as he was too crippled to walk. This year he was gone, so off I went with the other fifty plus family members. We took some pictures at his grave and put flowers on his and Kamber's.  On Monday we all got together for a barbecue and water party. Candi cut hair because she is having surgery next week and we don't know when she will feel well enough to go back to work. By Monday night I was so sick I thought I would die. All of Mindi's family have had the stomach flu and I guess somehow they passed it on to me. After spending all day yesterday in bed with nothing to eat, it is good to be feeling better today. My thoughts went back to my Dad while I suffered all night long with the chills and stomach issues, I'll save all the details for my close family. Dad must have suffered terribly while having chemotherapy and I'm so proud of him for doing what he could to prolog his life. It's hard with him gone, my Mom is really lonely, but I am so glad he's out of pain and suffering. I've done pretty good with Rich being gone. There was a time when I had such severe anxiety I would be awake all night scared when he was gone. Early Monday morning I heard something outside my house but I didn't dare go see what it was. When I woke up and let the dogs out, I saw that someone had stolen my two pots of flowers off my front porch. Really???? Someone came on to my property and took the purple flowers Rich planted for me in memory of sweet Kamber. At first I thought it might be a joke and some kids maybe moved them, but now I realize they are gone. My neighbor across the street is a retired cop and I had hoped he had some film but he didn't. He did tell me to call the police and make a report so I did. I felt pretty stupid telling them it was two pots of flowers but maybe they will up the patrols in our neighborhood. I hope Rich is having fun in Italy. He said they walked eleven miles and rode bikes another seven the first day. That sounds horrible, I'm glad to be in the good old USA, no traveling abroad for this old grandma, I'd rather be home any day.

Too Much Birthday Partying

It feels like I've been partying all week long, and I have the stomach ache to prove it. I have the best family and friends who have made me feel loved and appreciated. I went with my Mom and sister on Thursday out to lunch for Mexican Food. After we ate I wanted to go to the Scottsdale Mall that I used to spend a lot of time at. By the time we wandered through Dillard's for an hour I had a raging headache and the start of a stomach ache. Good thing it didn't last long because yesterday was another day of treats and food as the family, minus Spencer went to Fuddruckers for dinner. We go there so the kids can play games and we don't have to worry about how loud they are.  This morning I was up at 3:30 a.m. as Rich was getting ready to leave for the airport for his trip to Italy. He has been planning on going for a couple of years with a family he used to home teach. He will be gone for ten days, so I have big plans to do some home improvements and get my house under control. I know it's going to take way longer than ten days to get done what needs to be done, but maybe I can accomplish something while he's gone. Even though I have never wanted to travel, I still get the down in the dumps feeling of being left behind again and again. It's my own fault, so I guess I will just keep my hopes up that maybe I'll get to the beach before the summer is over. Thanks to everyone who remembered me on my birthday, it means a lot to this sixty-two year old grannie.

Birthdays, Doctors and MVD Shutdown

May is such a busy month with Mother's Day, birthdays and the end of school.  Yesterday Candi treated me to a super duper nice facial. I have never had so many lotions and potions put on my face in my life. I guess she thinks I need a little pampering for my birthday party on Friday. Ha Ha!  This morning I went to the doctor with my sister who needs two knee replacements. I never could get the office to call me back to schedule my carpal tunnel surgery, so I went with her to get some info on that. I think I finally have the ball rolling and hopefully I can get it done before my hand and fingers don't work anymore. Since I was already dressed and had makeup on, which doesn't happen very often, I decided to go to the Motor Vehicle Department. A few weeks ago I got a letter from them telling me it has been twelve years since I've had a picture taken and it needs to be done before the end of the month. Since we were close, I decided it would be nice to get that taken care of.  So we went in and got in line with Mindi's two youngest who had been sick with the stomach flu yesterday.  The line wasn't very long so I thought it would be smooth sailing. Anyway, after about a half hour in line, they made an announcement that the camera wasn't working and they had a state wide problem with the driver's license part of the MVD. I was the next one in line and couldn't believe what I was hearing. It wasn't just that location, it was a state wide shutdown. How does that happen? If I had gotten there sooner maybe it would have worked out but it seems like that's the way my life kind of works. So next week I will be back there in another line waiting to get my picture taken for a driver's license and I don't even drive anymore. Wow! It's been an interesting week so far, I can't wait to see how the rest of it goes.

Rabbit Death and Root Canal

This week started with the death of my last rabbit. I had noticed that she hadn't been eating or drinking so Mindi brought her in the house so I could see what was wrong with her. She was making a crying sound, so I put her in my laundry room on a towel. When I went in to check on her a couple hours later she was gone. I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't buy any more rabbits. They don't do well in the heat and if they get out the dogs kill them. That chapter is over for me. A few months ago I had to get a new crown put on one of my teeth. When the dentist put it on it felt strange and seemed like when I chewed it hit high on the tooth.  Well earlier in the week it started to hurt and by Wednesday I was feeling it in my jaw and eye. When I called the dentist she told me to come in so they could do an x-ray to see what the problem was.  The news wasn't good, I had an infection in the tooth and needed a root canal.  They made me an appointment with the endodontist and Spencer was nice enough to take me and give me moral support. Between my hip, knee, wrist, shoulder and now my teeth I'm falling apart. If it's this bad at sixty I'm afraid to move into the seventies and eighties. When the dentist was telling me about my tooth I started crying. I told Spencer that maybe it would just be cheaper and better if I could just join Dad. After a little pep talk from him, I realized just how small it was compared to others who are really suffering. Besides that a funeral costs way more than a root canal. I still haven't heard from my surgeon about the cost of my carpal tunnel surgery so hopefully next week I can get some information. Besides that it's my birthday week too. I get two of my favorite days in the same month, two weeks apart. I can't wait to turn sixty-two next week. I'm going to party all week long.

Volleyball, Mother's Day and Quilting

The weekends just go by way to fast. I spent most of Saturday in downtown Phoenix watching Tristyn play in a volleyball tournament. They are done now for a couple of weeks before they start practicing for Nationals. I can't believe how old my grandchildren are getting. She will be a Senior next year and then off to college she goes. While I was supporting Tristyn, Rich and the guys were working around the house. He is so busy with his jobs it was so nice of him to get some things done around here. He got at least ten of the fifty things broken or worn out fixed. My pool was green when I left and blue when I got home, it was magical. There were also ten palm trees planted around it which makes it look so tropical. As soon as the heat gets here I will spend everyday in the pool working on my hips, knees and all the other body parts that seem to be failing me. I had a really nice Mother's Day too. Rich gave me a beautiful plant with purple blossoms on it and my kids each gave me gifts and cards. My brother picked Mom up and she came to church with us and then he and Julie had her over for dinner with their family. Then all the extended family came for desserts. We always have way to many yummy treats and fattening foods but heck it was Mother's Day, and that's the Greer Way we do things. A couple of weeks ago I decided to make Mom a quilt for Mother's Day.  She is a thin person who struggles to take in enough calories, so she is always cold. When she's around she wants the fans turned off, so we are always trying to keep her comfortable, which is warm for her. So I decided to make her a quilt so she can just carry it around everywhere she goes and stay warm. How in Arizona she could ever get cold in the summer I will never know, but she does. I embroidered each one of our names on one of the blocks and then just made some big nine patch blocks and sewed them together. It's made mostly of flannel so it should keep her warm year round. Thanks to all my family for making me feel so loved, it means a lot to me.

Another Surgery?

Yesterday I got a call from my Surgeon confirming what the "shock test" showed, that I definitely have carpel tunnel syndrome. Some of my family members think I should do massage and other therapies instead of surgery. So I asked him if he ever sees these symptoms go away on their own. He said if I wanted to wear a splint and take anti-inflammatories for the rest of my life I could try that. I know he is a surgeon but I trust him. I have known him for a very long time, our families were close when grew up together and went to the same high school. I have insurance but with a $6,000 deductible, so I'm waiting to hear back from him to see how much we are talking it will cost. This morning as I was thinking about it my thoughts went to my parents. Three years ago when I had my hip replaced they were there during surgery, in the hospital and came over everyday to help me. Then last year when I had my knee scoped they were there again in the waiting room and came over after to help. I don't know where I would be without their love and support. This morning when I was talking to Mom she gave her usual advice, "be the darling you are, things will work out, and know I love you." I miss my Dad and wish I could give him a call and get some advice. For now I will just have to lean on Mom for awhile, she believes in me and for that I'm so thankful.

"Are You Sure That's Your Mentally Ill Mother?"

A couple of weeks ago Candi and B.J. took me to lunch, Mexican Food, yum.  We had a great time and when the waitress gave us the bill she said, "did I hear you call her Mom? Are you sure she's your Mom, she looks so young." I perked up a little bit and Candi said, "Wow, you've just made her day." I apologized to Candi and off we went. Later on in the week Mindi had some girls over working on the carnival. While we were visiting I told them what the waitress had said. One of the girls chimed in and said, "was that before she saw you walk?"  In my mind I thought, "did she just really say that to me?" Earlier this week I had someone tell me that I'm mentally ill and that's why I'm the way I am. I love it when people with no psychological experience diagnose others. At first it really stung a bit until I realized that people who judge and condemn others, must see themselves in those they judge and that's what triggers their ability to insult them. This morning as I was reading my scriptures and writing in my journal, my thoughts came to my Grandma and my own Mother. They both had hard times but were able to always keep positive and stay the course. What makes me different than them? Why didn't I get that DNA that causes an overabundance of positive thinking, knowing that things will work out for my good? Anyway, I'm sure this isn't going to be the last time that ignorant people decide to shoot their mouths off, but I want to channel my inner voice to not give my power away to those who don't have my best interest in their thoughts and actions.

Hand Shocking and Puppies

I've been busy working on quilts and staying busy with chores around the house.  There is never a want for things to do with the house, yard and animals. We have had two litters of puppies born in the last month, they take a lot of work keeping them alive and healthy.  Mindi does most of the puppy care, while I feed and take care of the big dogs. Yesterday I had the test on my poor right hand. When I went to the doctor he thought it was carpel tunnel and after the torture test yesterday it was confirmed.  Because I struggle with anxiety, I was worried about the pain involved in the shocking of my nerves in my hand.  I had heard from a friend that it "hurts like hell," but a couple of family members said it was "no big deal." I think it was somewhere in between, there were times I thought I might shout out some cuss words and then after it was over I could say it wasn't that bad.  The Neurologist confirmed that I do have "significant damage to my nerves and muscles in my hand and that my doctor will probably offer surgery." So on and on we go, trying to make sense of this sixty plus year-old body that seems to be falling apart right now. This morning as I was talking to my Mom, we went down memory lane about her life. They have released her from working in the Temple, which Dad had wanted before he passed away. We don't think it's safe for an almost 86 year-old to be driving home late at night across town. Mom has lost a lot of her courage since Dad left us and I'm just waiting for the day when she's had enough of living alone. I do think it's good for her to stay in her routine and she loves working in her yard and that keeps her mind busy and gives her something to do. She talked about losing her Dad when she was sixteen years old. I guess it doesn't matter what age you are when you lose your Dad, it is still hard. Some day we will all be called home and someday we will have more family on the other side than here, I know it will be a sweet reunion when that time comes.

Carnival, Baptism and Temple Sealing

This weekend was a busy one for me. It started Friday night when I took my Mom over to the school for the annual carnival. Mindi had volunteered to head up the committee because there wasn't any other suckers. She worked for months making games and collecting all the prizes to give away. I think having five kids going through the school made her feel like she needed to do it. She is such a hard worker and had some others who stepped in to help her which I know she appreciated. Now that the carnival is over she can get her house back to normal.  On Saturday morning we went to Spencer's oldest son Tyton's baptism. It's always fun to see these little eight year-olds take that major step in their lives. They had a great family turnout and it is always nice watching them support each other.  They had a luncheon afterwards but I left to take a road trip with a friend. My dear friend Paula was getting sealed in the Gila Valley Temple at 2:15 p.m. in the afternoon, so LeAnn and I left the church and headed to the Temple three hours away. I had never been to that part of the state and I'm so glad I went. The Temple is small but beautiful. We had a nice drive and made it in time to visit with her family and be there to support her. There was a nice little luncheon at the church next to the Temple and we finally got some lunch before heading back to Gilbert. Paula is a dear friend that I've known for over thirty years. She lived in our neighborhood in Lehi before we moved to Gilbert. After her divorce, she married a guy in my ward which made it extra special. Her Dad passed away last year after he fell and broke his hip and her Mother is in bad health. She fell and broke her hip and so Paula and her sister and sister-in-laws have been taking care of her. It has been touch and go as far as having her there with Paula and Rick in the Temple. It was a special day for them. This is going to be another busy week with a baby shower and volleyball tournament. When you have this many kids and grand kids it seems like there is never a dull moment. I'm working on four quilts right now and hopefully I can get them finished before the weather heats up. I lose my desire to make quilts when the temps get in the hundreds which is coming this weekend. Grrrrrrr!

Lots of Sickness

I have to admit that the last few months I've been in the toilet, the dark abyss, lower than a snakes belly and just plain old sad. Besides grieving the death of my Dad, I've had other challenges with close relationships and physical and emotional pain . I picked up a bug last week and spent five days with cold symptoms that made me miserable in the night and lazy during the day. I spent almost all weekend at home trying to fight off my bug. Last week at church I sat in front of someone who snorted the whole meeting, so I decided to stay home and keep my snorting to myself. While everyone else was at church I had some quiet time to just think about my life. I found myself talking to my Dad a lot and asking him for help. I wonder if now that he's on the other side he can watch me and see what my struggles are. I was also asking for advice, hoping that somehow I could hear his answer. Sometimes I find myself wondering how a girl like me has gotten myself in such a mess. I never dreamed that my life would be like this when I got in my sixties. I just have that many more people to worry about and I'm tired. Spencer took one of his kids to emergency with a high fever and Candi took one of her sons to urgent care running a 104 degree fever too. This morning I got a call that Jenn has been up throwing up all night and now most of their kids have the stomach flu too. What the heck is going on around here with all the sickness? This week is going to be crazy. Mindi volunteered to be in charge of the school carnival, so she's having a breakdown trying to get all the games finished. I have a doctors appointment and a test on my hand to see if I need surgery in the future. And they are having Tyton's baptism on Saturday before they move to Montana, which is another part of my sadness. Letting my kids go is very hard for me. Spencer was my last baby so I've always felt like we were really close and he would be the one to stay close and help me in my old age. They don't want to live by family and have their heart set on Montana, so they will be leaving in a few weeks. I should know better, but I guess I just don't get it. So hopefully this week will get better. We can't all stay sick forever can we?

Tristyn's Prom and Twins Baby Blessing

This weekend was a busy one for our family. I felt kind of sick on Friday and Saturday but felt better yesterday. I think it was all the pain medication for my hand that upset my stomach, so I've cut it down to only a couple of pills until I have the carpal tunnel test. Tristyn had prom Saturday night so that was a busy day. Mindi had a volleyball tournament in Buckeye, so it was Dave and I trying to get her dress to fit. She had a darling red beaded dress but it needed some adjustment in the neck. I hate the itchy scratchy feeing of beads and sequins, I was worrying about the irritation it would cause, but she's young and got through it. I'm more about comfort than vanity. Then yesterday we went out to Ethan and Jenn's and had the twins blessed. They have 9:00 a.m. church and it would have been too hard to get everyone there, so they just had the Bishop come over and blessed them in the home. These babies are almost five months old and because of the complications they have had we are so lucky they are getting bigger and healthier. This week they will go in for a consultation for hernias and then in a few months they have one more surgery to correct a birth defect. Mindi and I went to Scottsdale and picked Mom up after church and she spent the night with us last night. Then this morning my sister Mell came over and took her home. Every time we have a get together we miss Dad. Mom even asked me what I thought Dad was doing in Heaven on Sunday. I would like to know what they do everyday in Heaven not just Sunday. After the blessing we had dinner with all the family and friends that came to support them. I wonder often what families do who don't have their family close to help them. I sure have been blessed in my life to have my family close and I appreciate all they have done for me especially my parents. We took some pictures of the babies and had a four generation photo with Mom, Me, Ethan and the twins. We are thankful for everyday we have with Mom. I know she misses Dad but has so much faith and love for her family she is a great example to all of our family.

Pain Relief and New Grandbaby

After suffering in pain for a few weeks, I finally went in two weeks ago to get some x-rays. When I was seeing my primary care doctor she recommended that I see an orthopedic surgeon so I made an appointment. On Monday night I woke up at 3:30 a.m. in so much pain I was contemplating self amputation of some of my fingers. They felt huge swollen and numb as can be. After taking some pain relievers and putting ice on them, I finally got back to sleep at around 5:30. I was so glad that I had made that appointment and I went in yesterday afternoon. My doctor is a friend I went to high school with and I trust him completely. He has done both surgeries on my knee and when I finally get brave enough to have a knee replacement I will make sure he can do it. After listening to my complaints he told me I had bursitis in the rotator cuff in my shoulder and carpal tunnel in my right hand. He gave me a cortisone shot in the shoulder and then told me some things I can do to settle down my hand and fingers until we decide if I need surgery. I need some sort of a nerve test before he can fix my carpal tunnel, which he says is only a ten minute surgery. After the pain I was in Monday night I just want relief. It really is true that after fifty and especially sixty you start to fall apart. Having my hand so sore has put a damper on my sewing which I enjoy doing. I have about five quilt tops that need to be finished but when I'm not sleeping and in pain I have very little motivation to do anything. On our way home from the doctor yesterday my sister and I were talking about living with pain. She was talking about the pioneers and how hard it must have been to suffer with very little medical help for their illnesses and especially anything orthopedic. I'm so happy when anyone can help me relieve my suffering whether it's physical or mental. I wouldn't have made a good pioneer. Yesterday was Tyton's eighth birthday and Spencer invited me over to his in-laws for a cook-out to celebrate. It's always fun to see the cousins get together and play. Today is Ethan's birthday and I can't believe he is thirty-four already. My kids are getting old and so are my grandkids. I'm thankful for all of them and I'm so excited that we are going to have our twentieth grandchild born in November.  Annie is expecting their fifth, hopefully another girl which will make us an even ten boys and ten girls. Hopefully my hand will get better so I can start doing some sewing, baby quilts are my favorite to make.

Easter Pageant and Sleepover

After publishing my last post I felt maybe I was a little bit too honest about my mood. Sometimes I use my blog to vent about my problems that don't need to be part of my history. On the other hand I want to keep it real and honest let's face it, sometimes life gets pretty hard. Yesterday we decided to attend the Easter Pageant down at the Mesa Temple. I had asked Mom if she wanted to go and her pat answer was, "NO."  A couple of hours later she called to say my cousin Barb was coming over to give her a B-12 shot and that maybe she could bring her to the Temple. Two of my cousins, her husband and daughter were in the Pageant, so it was even better knowing they would be performing. We loaded up the kids in the mini-van stopped to get pizza and off we went to the Temple. The traffic was horrible but because I have a handicapped parking pass, it was much easier than I thought it would be. Mom and Barb had saved some seats for us and my niece Alishia and her boys were also there. We were lucky it was a nice warm night with a cool breeze as we sat and waited for it to start. A few minutes before the performance some of the cast members walk around and take pictures with the audience. It's amazing how many people you see that you know from years ago. As I sat and listened to the words and songs I had such a deep love for the Savior and all he's done for me. I was reminded that he knows and loves me and is aware of my struggles. As I looked around the audience there were lots of people in wheelchairs and walkers and I realized that I am not the only one with struggles and that I need to be thankful for mine and be happy. After it was over we brought Mom home for a sleepover. We are slowly trying to get her away from just staying in her house alone day after day and this is the first step. We are going to try it again Easter Sunday as we celebrate with our kids and grand kids, we also have three birthdays to celebrate so it will be a combo Easter/Birthday Extravaganza. I'm also excited to listen to Conference and feel the spirit there, it should be a good weekend.

Not Myself

I have to admit that since my Dad passed away I haven't felt the same. I was warned by a good friend that even though he had a terminal illness and I knew he was on borrowed time, when he did pass away it would be hard. For the last few weeks I have felt different. I've been fighting pain in my arm and I still look like a penguin when I walk. I've also gained a few lbs. that I'm sure is because of the lack of motivation and sadness. Last night as I was eating dinner alone again, I had this thought come in to my mind, "what the heck are you doing?" I then tried to take an inventory of what I really am doing. Maybe I'm just at a crossroad in my life and I'm tired of doing all the things I've been doing for almost sixty-two years. I look at my husband who is working longer and harder now than he did when we were first married and that makes me feel guilty. I'm tired of "groundhog day." As I was talking to my Mom this morning about my feelings, she came back with her usual answer, "just look at all your blessings and try and cheer up." My parents have always been a strong influence on me and I have felt their love and concern for me most of my life, except when I was a teenager. I now worry about Mom living alone and wonder what I should be doing to help her. For some strange reason I don't feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be, or doing what I'm suppose to be doing. I feel like I always fall short of where I should be and what I should be accomplishing. I see Jenn over at her house taking care of two babies and getting zero sleep and I wonder what I should be doing to help her. I guess my problem is I'm on a big giant guilt trip that I'm putting on myself. I'm looking forward to Conference this weekend. I'm going to make a list of some answers I hope to get while listening to the talks and music. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will feel better about what I'm doing and find out where I'm supposed to be. The answers have to be out there somewhere for me to get.

The End to a Busy Month

The weeks are going by so fast I can hardly get anything finished. This week was busy with a doctors appointment, Relief Society birthday party, irrigation and sewing. I like to look on quilting blogs and see what really talented people are making. I found this really cute pattern for an Easter bunny, so I've spent the last two days working on it. I don't know yet whether to make it into a pillow or a quilt. Now Mindi thinks I need to make one for her. It's already been two months since we said good-bye to Dad and I'm glad Mom's doing as well as she is. I ask her everyday if she is ready yet to come live with me and the answer is always, "not yet." She is a busy person who works in her yard and feeds the stray cats in the neighborhood. I'm so thankful she is able to be independent as long as possible. I've made an appointment to see my doctor about the pain in my left shoulder and I may need to have another surgery on something else. Getting old is so hard, I sometimes get so discouraged with all my aches and pains. If this is as good as it's going to be at 60, I dread going into the 70's and 80's. Last night we took Spencer to the airport to join Annie in Boston. They have sold their home there and are packing all their possessions to move it across country again. Hopefully they will get it done fast and come home for good. I never know with them where they will end up, so I'm going to enjoy them as long as they are here. Next week we move into April with two birthdays, our anniversary and Easter. There is going to be lots of celebrations going on the next couple of weeks, and of course we also have taxes, we can't forget those.

Pantry Cleaning and Broken Body Parts

It seems like the older I get the faster time flies by and the less I get accomplished. Last week went by really fast and when I think what's going on this week it makes me tired. Last Friday Mindi and I went over to see my Mom in Scottsdale.  We stopped by to pick up a sandwich and had lunch with her.  I don't think she eats unless someone encourages her, or she gets faint. My poor Dad was always hungry and waiting for her to fix him something to eat. He finally just started making eggs and bacon everyday so he wouldn't go hungry. While we were there, Mindi decided to tackle her pantry. A few years ago we went and threw out tons of canned goods and outdated food that she had collected. Dad hated her pantry being so stuffed but she was stocking up in case there was an emergency, she could help her family. I do the same thing and haven't gotten the rotation aspect of food storage. Rich hates my pantry too and sometimes I'll come in the kitchen and see that he's organized it and that's fine with me. That's not one of my strong suits, organization. While Mindi was hauling stuff out to the trash, Mom and I were going through Dad's closet. She hasn't wanted to do anything with all his stuff yet, but she did give up his ties. Len had mentioned that he would like the ones he had given him and I took what I gave him. I think I have about thirty more ties to try and find a home for. I swear that since I've turned sixty I'm falling apart. I've been having trouble with my right hand going numb and then for the last two months my left shoulder has been killing me. I finally went in last week and had x-rays of both of those body parts and when the doctor called to tell me nothing was wrong that he could see, maybe you need an MRI, I was discouraged. I HATE pain, even though I have a high tolerance for pain I still don't do well when my body parts hurt. Tomorrow I have another appointment to check out another part of me that is struggling. I wish I could check myself in somewhere and get everything fixed and updated. That would probably cost more than I'm worth so I guess I will just carry on the way I am. As we left Mom's the neighbors were all outside visiting. I thanked them for keeping an eye on her and told them she wasn't allowed to bring any more canned goods into her house. I think she probably headed over to the grocery store when we left to replace all we threw away, I sure hope not, but some things just never change.

Sundays Are Hard

We survived spring break and the kids are all back in school, thank heavens.  We did get a lot done around the house and yard. I found myself kind of envious of those who have the time and money to take their families away for the week. Because Rich wanted to run his own business, that has never been the case for our family. Sometimes when I'm feeling sorry for myself, I am reminded of my blessings. I'm lucky to even have a house to live in and a yard to mow. We have a huge posterity that seems to grow every year and we are thankful for all of them. Sundays seem to be the hardest for me. It's a time of reflection and quiet. It seems like Sundays represent my parents love of the Gospel and their testimonies that they shared with us often. It reminds me of their service as Dad was Bishop, Missionary and Temple Worker. My Mom now attends her Ward alone, and I know that has to be hard but she carries on. Sometimes I look back at last year and all the inspiration I received about Dad's final year. When we were juicing pomegranates, I felt it would be his last year. Then when we had Christmas Dinner I felt again that this would be the last Christmas with him. He didn't even make it out of January before he left us, but he was ready and I'm happy he is out of pain. Sometimes I can hear him tell me he's okay and happy where he's at, that eases the pain a little bit. We did get a little bit of good news this last couple of weeks. Spencer and Annie aren't moving to Montana as planned because he was offered a job in Tucson. I don't think Annie is as excited as he is but the opportunity he has been given was too good to pass on, so they will be way closer than Boston or Billings. He loved playing football at the U of A and hopefully he can use his opportunities their to help others. Now it's time to get going and finish all the projects I didn't get done last week, that's going to take a long time, not to mention all the quilts I need to finish.

Spring Break 2015

This week is spring break, so in true Larsen fashion we are having a work party. It started on Saturday when we had all the kids out cleaning up the back yard. We had a stretch where with the rains and irrigation it was too muddy to do anything. Now that the temps are in the high 80's and shooting for 90 tomorrow the weather is perfect for working outside. I decided it was time to tackle my sewing room. It seems like I just get in there and sew until I'm too tired to do anything else, so I just turn everything off and shut the door. Even though I have four or five quilts to put together, I decided it was time to get organized. I've spent the last two days sorting through scraps of material and organizing them into colors and textures. Being organized isn't one of my talents and it's extremely hard for me to get in the mood, but I will be so happy when I can find things when I need them. On Sunday we had Mom over for dinner. Len had to speak at Stake Conference in Tempe so he and Julie picked her up and took her with them. After he spoke they brought her to their house, where we picked her up and she ate dinner and visited with us. Then Len took her home on his way to another meeting. I think she is doing great with Dad passing away, but I know she is lonely and always comments that life sure isn't much fun without him around anymore. She could come live with us but right now she wants to be in her house, with her friends and ward family calling and checking on her all the time. I suppose some day she will get tired of being alone and decide to make a change, but until then and as long as she is of sound mind, she can do what she wants to. Maybe the chaos of our "funny farm" would be too much for her to handle anyway. When I went outside yesterday to feed the critters, the warm breeze and scent of orange blossoms made me so melancholy. I miss my Dad, and I still miss Kamber. I know they are both together, and both happy to be where they are, but I'm not happy they are gone. Mom keeps reminding me that we will all be joining them someday, but for now I'm still stuck, stuck in that place I've visited before and hopefully can leave someday.

Wet and Busy Week

We started off the week with two and a half hours of irrigation and two days of rain. It has been in the 50's and 60's which is cold for this part of the country. Hopefully it is going to warm up and dry out because I hate feeding animals when it's a muddy mess. I had a friend text me last week asking if I could adopt her ducks. She has been breeding and raising Muscovy ducks for a few years now, but with the recent passing of her husband she was downsizing. So I'm now the new proud owner of the cutest ducks on the planet. This is the time of year that I really enjoy my herd, or flock, or pack, whatever animals I have. The problem is when the temperatures go up in to the 100's that it gets hard. I'm not as young as I used to be and it's getting harder and harder to run the farm while hobbling around on a bad knee, bad hip and other ailments. If I were rich I would buy a 20 acre piece of land and rescue as many animals as I could handle. I would also hire a few guys to come and do all the work. It would be heaven to me to care for the injured, sick and those whose owners have abused them. I'm not rich, and I'm married to a Rich who doesn't particularly share the same love for animals as I do, so it makes it quite hard to run the petting zoo by myself. He's been a good sport most of the time, bless his heart.  It has been seven weeks since Dad went to see Kamber. Sometimes I really am at peace with his passing, then others I'm angry and sad. I can say that it was way easier to let Dad go than to come to grips with Kamber leaving, but I'm so thankful for the knowledge I have that we live after death. If losing a loved one was final, with no chance of ever seeing that person again, it would be unbearable, but because of the Atonement and my belief in a loving Heavenly Father, I know I will see them again. So every day is a challenge to keep my mind and emotions right, to stay busy doing what I love and serving others. I've been working all week on some quilts and burpers for the twins. They are getting so big Jenn is using their baby quilts to burp them with. I do have to say that sewing helps me created and do something I love. It's way more fun than laundry and dishes.

Where Did The Month Go?

I had two dentist appointments this week plus a visit to the chiropractor. As I was at one of these places someone said, "where did February go?" To me it seemed like it just dragged on but to others it flew past them. It seems like everyday brings another set of emotions. Sometimes the days are busy and happy and then others are filled with pain and sadness. I've been through this roller coaster of emotions before, so all I can do is move "onward and upward." After Kamber passed away I had a special experience where she came to me in the early morning hours. She didn't say a word but I could see how beautiful she looked and how happy she was. I had the same experience with my Dad last week but it was totally different. It was early morning again, somewhere between the different kinds of sleep when I realized I had been talking to him. I didn't hear his voice, nor did I see him, but I knew what he was saying to me. I know it sounds weird but I know what I felt. When I finally woke up and realized what had happened I tried to remember all that was said, spirit to spirit. These experiences are sacred to me and I am so thankful to have been able to experience them. It strengthens my testimony that life doesn't end when we die, we just move to a different dimension. I have often wondered if those who pass away mourn the loss of their family left behind. Does my Dad feel bad that he left Mom alone? She has been working all week on her taxes. I know how difficult it was for her because every time I talked to her she seemed frustrated and stressed about doing it all by herself. She even commented on how she wished Dad could have at least waited until after their taxes were finished. My sister and I both offered to help but she didn't seem to think we would be any help, she needed to do it by herself. Well, yesterday my sister took her to her appointment with her accountant and now that they are finished she can rest. Sometimes I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. It seems like every time I try to change and get my hopes up there is a setback, but I'm thankful for this old body of mine and for all that I've been able to experience and learn. I realize that we need to go through challenging things to be able to have sympathy and empathy for others. This will hopefully make me closer to the Savior which is where I want to be.