Lunch With Sister and Aunt Sue

Yesterday my sister Mell and I went to lunch with our Aunt Sue Turley. She lives in Sacramento, California but is here for a couple of weeks visiting. She is always fun to talk to and just a little ball of energy. She is married to my Mother's only brother Carl Turley. She loves Mexican food so we went to Arribas out by the San Tan Mall. It was Monday and I don't do very well on Mondays but I got ready and off we went. By the time we got there I was having such bad anxiety I just wanted to lay down on the booth and take a nap. After ordering our food and trying to eat and enjoy it, I finally told them I was going to have to go out on the patio to finish eating. They were so nice and accommodating, but then I got ticked off. Why do I have to feel like this? Why do I have to constantly fight the feelings that I'm not safe, I'm going to pass out, or worse yet stand up and start yelling some bad words. We finished eating and came back to my house and talked about old times and tried to solve the worlds problems, or at least a few family ones. We didn't succeed solving anything but we did have a fun time.
I am just about finished with all my pre-operation tests. My blood work and x-rays all came out normal so I'm thankful for that. The problem is, I don't want to go through a painful operation. I sometimes feel like I'm standing against the wall and someone is asking me if I want to be shot in the head or in the chest. It is the same feeling I had before my hysterectomy, do you want to bleed to death or have surgery? At times in our lives we get to go through things that we don't want to do. I keep trying to tell myself that "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!", but sometimes I'm not that convinced that I can. I never wanted to have to bury a beautiful granddaughter, but I lived through that. At night when I can't sleep I think about all the things I have survived in my life. Childbirth, miscarriage, thyroid radiation twice, raising four teenagers, WOW that's a huge one. This is another one of those things I hate to have to do, but should be grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be healed. As I was telling my Aunt how afraid I am that maybe I will die during surgery she said, "Teri, look at it this way, if you die you won't even know it, you will just go join those on the other side that will be waiting for you." That is comforting to know, I have some very special people on the other side that I can't wait to see, but I would really miss all those on this side of the veil too. Anyway, for now I'm moving closer to that day when I can prove that I can survive something hard, this is when we become closer to the spirit and hopefully my prayers will be answered.

Trying To Stay Busy

This week has gone by so fast. I guess it is good to be busy because then I don't have so much time to get all worked up about what is scary in the future. I remember when I was pregnant I would look around at all the people in the world and in my mind would think, "childbirth can't be that bad or women wouldn't keep having children." Then when I went in to labor and delivered my first child I thought, "that was horrible, I don't think I ever want to go through that again." Now I find myself watching everyone who is limping around and searching out those who have been through hip and knee replacements trying to get the hope that I can get through this trial. I keep telling myself, "I can do HARD things." The problem is I don't like things that are hard. I like the easy life, no stress, no anxiety, just peace and calm with no pain. It's been a long time.

Friday night we got together for Dally Dogs birthday. It's always fun to get the grandchildren together. We went to Barros Pizza and had pizza and cake. It was fun to see Jenn and the girls. Baby Max is getting so big and doing well. Jenn is lucky to have a happy content nursing baby.

Yesterday I had a baby shower to attend and then a ward party. They had a fun evening planned at a city pool. As we were getting ready to leave a huge storm blew through. We got a call that they had cancelled it, but a few minutes later another call saying that the storm had blown over and the lightning had stopped. So off we went to the party. As we left the sky was beautiful with huge white and dark clouds with this huge rainbow out to the east. I tried to take a picture so I will see how it turned out.

Spencer called as I was leaving for the party. He was heading to the hotel where the team stays before their game tonight. This will be the first game that he will get to play in. The first one he missed because of the birth of baby Abney, the second because they were in the hospital with her very sick. We continue to pray for her recovery. At first they said she would be in fourteen days but now it is twenty eight days. I have never had to experience having a baby in the NICU but I have been told it is terrible. I do know that sitting in the hospital is so tiring it's worse than doing housework all day. I wish I was able to be in Colorado to help Annie, it's a helpless feeling no being there with them. Annie did send me a cute picture of her on my phone. That will have to do for now.

Thank You All For The Prayers!

I have spent the last two days doing all my pre-operation tests. I saw my doctor yesterday, got an EKG, and a chest x-ray. This morning Mindi ran me down to get my blood tests done so if all goes well I will have surgery in two weeks. At times I'm scared to death to have to go through this, but at other times I almost get excited that just maybe my life will change for the better if I'm not in constant pain. I'm trying to use my mustard seed size faith and hope for a successful surgery and full recovery. If not, I guess I will get to deal with what is dealt me then.
I had a nice conversation with Annie today. She sounds better than she has in a long time. Baby Abney is doing so good. They put a pic line in a vein close to her heart yesterday so they can get the antibiotics in easier. She's eating good and blowing out of her diapers, all good signs that this little baby will recover from spinal meningitis she contacted. Annie had strep B but was given two rounds of antibiotics during labor, the doctors say it's a 1 in 100 or 1,000 that a baby would get the bacteria from a Mom who had been treated. But we all know about adversity and trials and this is one of those that we must learn something from. Annie wanted to make sure I thanked everyone who has prayed for them. She said she hasn't ever been in situation where she needed as much help as she has the last week. There have been family fasts and prayers and her name put on the temple prayer roll by many many people. She has heard from lots of the Bronco player's wives giving offers of help and support. She has even heard from wives of players from other teams who she doesn't even know who have heard about their desperate need for divine intervention. She knows that Heavenly Father was watching over them because if they would have waited much longer to get medical help the outcome would not be as good as we are hopeful it will be.
Spencer is back at practice and doing well. It is important for him to get back on the field and get to play in a pre-season game. When you play football at the professional level it is important that your mind is in a place where you can play hard. If not, there is a big possibility of getting injured, so with him being able to have a clear head and perform good in practice is a blessing. He knows that his baby is being taken care of by a wonderful Mother and dedicated nurses and doctors. Annie's Mom has been up in Colorado helping her. She is truly an angel and I know how much Spencer and Annie appreciate her. Thanks again to everyone who keeps our family in your prayers we love you all!

Remind Me Why We Live Here

I've been feeling a little bit down, I know that's not a news flash to anyone who really knows me well. The treatment I tried for a week to relieve the pain made me sicker than just dealing with the pain so now I'm going to plan B which is surgery. I have begged and pleaded with the Lord to just give me a new hip but I'm still hobbling around on my 57 year old arthritic one. My daughter in law Annie said, "well you got as much use out of it as you could, you wore it out." Something like that anyway. I did something I never really wanted to do today and that was go to the Motor Vehicle Dept. and get a handicapped sticker. At least it's only a temporary one so I have to be well by February. The baby is doing better, the spinal tap came back negative which means the antibiotics are working. Annie continues to stay in the hospital with her and she is doing better about eating and moving her little arm. We continue to pray for her full recovery and have faith that she will be made whole. Thanks to everyone who is praying for little Abney, we definately can feel them.
When I went to bed last night I was really ticked off. Someone said something to me that was rude and I am just a little bit sensitive right now. It doesn't help that our main air conditioner went out while Rich was in Colorado watching the Broncos practice and play the Detroit Lions. That's another story too. My bedroom was 87 degrees when I was watching the news and it was still 101 outside when they were reporting the weather. Remind me why we live here? Is it really because we don't want to shovel snow and scrape ice off our windshields? I could use a nice big snow storm right now.
As I was lying awake in the night because I couldn't find anywhere in my house that was cool and comfortable to sleep I was going down the list of all my problems. Then I remembered all the stories I had heard on the news before I went "cool air hunting." The two year old that they found in the pool not breathing. The thirty three miners trapped 2,297 miles underground since Aug. 5 in Chile. The traffic jam in China that won't be cleared up until sometime in Sept. The millions of people stranded and homeless with no food because of floods in Iran. Wow! How ungrateful am I to think that not having air conditioning for a few days, having hip pain and my bruised spirit were anything even close to what the suffering is that is going on in the world right now. Hopefully we can get some cool air blowing so I can get a better outlook on life SOON. I know the sun is coming up again tomorrow and hopefully it will cool down by Christmas.

Advice from Elder Busche

As I have said many times, Sundays are a time for me to reflect and ponder my life. It is also a time to attend church and repent of all those things I have done that aren't right in my life. I had the opportunity this week to talk to my Aunt Nadine who lives up north in the White Mtns. She is my Dad's only sibling and I feel bad that because she lives so far away I don't have the relationship with her that I wish I could. As we were visiting she said, "I repent every week for the feelings I have towards this certain person." I guess it doesn't matter how old we are we need the Atonement in our lives.

Spencer and Annie's little baby is in the NICU of a Colorado hospital. Mindi and I have felt a cloud of sadness that we can't do anything to help them. We continue to pray for her recovery and know our Heavenly Father is watching over them. We feel at peace that they are getting the best medical care available to them. We also appreciate the many prayers that are being said in her behalf.

Last week as I was struggling both physical and mental pain I ran across this little video on someones blog. I have watched it at least four times and wanted to put it on my blog so that I can go back and watch it as many times as I want to. It warms my heart!

Difficulties of Life

These last few weeks have been really hard for me. The physical stress of being crippled plus the mental stress of being stressed out and worried have really taken a toll. I decided that I needed to be vigilant about reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. I even printed out some good talks about adversity to help me cope with my fears and anxieties. In one of my readings I found this little bit of information. It said, "Each person's success and happiness, both now and in the eternities, depend largely on his or her responses to the difficulties of life." Wow! Yesterday I got a call from Spencer telling me that their new little baby was sick. She was having some difficulties so they were told to take her to the hospital. They ran some tests and found that she has a serious bacterial infection. This isn't what we wanted to hear, but there again we have had very bad news before. In the night I didn't sleep well, I never do when Rich is out of town. At 3:00 a.m. my room seemed so hot. I got up and looked and there is something wrong with the unit that cools my bedroom and family room. I turned on two fans and tried to get back to sleep. I never did and my phone rang at 7:15 a.m. with my friend asking if I wanted to go swimming. After telling her about my night we decided that we would pass on the early morning swim class. I went out to feed the animals and my pump on my pond was off. This is the second night in a row that this has happened. I had Tristyn and Trace out helping me and they saw some floating fish that had died because of lack of oxygen. So there again we are "thinning the herd." I keep asking myself "why does life have to be so hard? Why do I have to suffer this now? When am I going to get a break?" These questions are all counter productive. I should be asking, "What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessing in times of trial?" I guess I continue to see the glass almost empty instead of the very full glass I have been given. Hopefully the many prayers that are being said for this little baby will be heard by our Heavenly Father and she will be healed. I know he loves his children and I hope that includes me.

Memory Lane

Today Mindi and I went over to Scottsdale to visit my parents. Rich has gone up to Denver to watch some training camp practices and go to Spencer's first game on Saturday night. It seems like I haven't been anywhere this summer, (that's because I haven't gone out of my house much). We have talked about it a lot that Mom and Dad would probably appreciate the company and I wanted to talk to them about my dilemma, surgery or not. When we left the house Minid took a watch that needs to be repaired so we ended up on Mesa Drive heading towards Scottsdale. As we went down the hill I said, "let's go by and see our first little house and see what it looks like now." So we turned west onto Jacaranda and WOW, it was going back in time about 33 years. I had been warned by some old friends that it is a ghetto now and they weren't that far off. When Mindi was a few months old my parents loaned us $2500 to put down on our first piece of real estate. We thought it was darling and because we were so poor we qualified for government help. Our house payment was $211 a month, so I went out and got a job because I was sure Rich wouldn't be able to afford that with a new baby and utilities. I remember we had a piggy back unit which was a heater, air conditioner and a swamp cooler. When it was super humid I would run the air conditioner, but then wouldn't run my dryer, I would just hang the clothes out on the line because we couldn't afford both. It's funny how when you get old and mature, you start thinking about how your life has changed through the years and things that seemed so hard at the time are just a faded memory. Mindi says she's gonig to take her kids over to where she came from and show them what happens when you don't take care of stuff. I have such good memories of living there. I had my other three kids while we were living in that little house on Jacaranda. The challenges I had there were so small compared to some of the trials we have gone through lately. I still have some very dear friends that lived on that street. One of my most spiritual experiences happened at 314 E. Jacaranda. It's been a long time since I've lived there, but it was fun taking a stroll down memory lane.

New Grandbaby and Friend from the Past

Well, our children have done it again. Rich and I became grandparents to a darling little 6 lbs. 14 oz., 19 inches long baby girl. Spencer called early Sunday morning telling me that Annie was in labor, her pains were 8 minutes apart and she was just walking around their house in Colorado before she was heading to the hospital. The problem is he was in Cincinnati getting ready to play in the first game of the season against the Bengals. I guess he called his coach and told him the situation and he said, "well lets get you on a flight home fast." The next call I got was about 4:00 p.m. and he had just landed after a six hour flight, they were waiting at the hospital to break her water and deliver this baby. She was born at 6:02 p.m. Sunday night. This makes fourteen of these little darlings for us. It is also the first one to be born out of state and us not be able to go to the hospital and hold her or take pictures. Oh well, we knew it was going to happen sooner or later. We know this is really going to be a challenge for Annie. Spencer is in season so that means he will not be home to help her at all. She also has two of the most active little boys I have ever been around. We will be sending tons of prayers their way for the next six months.
I recently got an email from a dear friend and old neighbor who I have lost contact with for at least thirty years. She was a wonderful person and a great athlete. She was from California and played volleyball at BYU with a few of my friends from Arizona. I guess she found me as a friend of someone else on Facebook. I never get on my Facebook because I am so bad at the computer it just seems so confusing. Mindi gets tired of having to help me put pictures on my blog so asking her to help me do one more thing would send her over the edge. Anyway, its seems like I have needed to talk to this friend. She has lifted my spirits and encouraged me along in this decision I am trying to make about surgery. I appreciate that. I have often heard that Heavenly Father answers our prayers by those that are listening to the spirit and act upon those promptings. I have a wonderful family and many friends who I know love me by their continued worry and prayers given in my behalf. Thank you all so much!

"I Think I Can Do Hard Things"

For the last couple of weeks I have tried to feel good about having a $40,000 hip replacement surgery. Unfortunately, all I have gotten is a "stupor of thought" and so I've found a doctor who uses a medication that will help with the pain. I have gotten some good relief but also have had a few side effects that are normal, but annoying. The worst has been the inability to sleep. In the last three days I have only been able to sleep around 12 hours. They have adjusted the medication and hopefully things will get better. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. this morning and my mind was racing. How am I going to get the animals fed and to church by 9:00? How am I going to afford my medical bills? Will Spencer be okay playing in the first game of the season? Before I knew it Rich was up getting ready for 6:00 a.m. Priesthood Mtg., he then had to give a talk at 8:00 a.m. I truly don't know how he does it, I guess he has some supernatural powers because he never stops. He was also sick all week with a bad sore throat and cold. He makes me tired just being married to him. It stresses me out, but I understand that he likes doing hard things.
I, on the other hand, would enjoy an easier life. I wish my life was all butterflies, rainbows and lots of chocolate but unfortunately that isn't the case. In Rich's preparation for his talk this week he read lots of talks on "Patience".Pres. Uchtdorf defines patience as the ability to put our desires on hold for a time, a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now, "patience is bitter, but the fruit is sweet." As I was lying awake during the night I was thinking about all the trials I have had in my life. As I get older I look back at some of the really hard things I have gone through and wonder how did I do it? If you would have told me that I would have my thyroid radiated twice. Deliver four children without any pain relief. Have a miscarriage, my gall bladder removed, my knee operated on and my ear cut off and sewn back on all within a few months I think I would have given up back then. We are asked to walk through this life having faith that our Heavenly Father is watching over us and helping us as we go through the trials that come our way. Losing Kamber was the biggest blow for me in my life. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the death of an innocent child, but I am trying my hardest to accept the tribulations the Lord asks me to endure. In Mosiah 23:21 it tells us that "one is not only to endure, but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord "seeth fit to inflict upon us." That is my prayer for me in my life right now.

I Had The Blues

Life has been crazy trying to get the kids back in school. Plus, I have to admit I've been in a dark place and when I'm there, I don't like to put anything down that will come back to haunt me later on. I also don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but the clouds have parted a little bit and the sun is shining again. We have the 110 degrees to prove it. Will summer ever end down here?
Mindi and I have been running all the errands we have needed to these last two days that the kids have been back in school. As we drove down Higley by the freeway there was a guy sitting on a chair with a sign advertising a Mexican Restaurant down the street. He had a hat on but it said it was 111 degrees in the car. Mindi made the comment how she wondered why he didn't bring an umbrella to sit under to protect him from the sun. I then had such a deep sense of guilt. How desperate would I have to get to sit out on the pavement holding a sign in the oppressive heat? My husband, son, son-in-law and even Spencer in Denver have to go out every day and endure the weather conditions. I commend them for that, and appreciate all they do to support their families. My darling Ethan was threatening to take my grandchildren out of state because he HATES THE HEAT! I hear you, but Madeline and I will do some major kick butt if you try and take our grandchildren away from us. Jenn has promised me that she will do all she can to stay close. I love her for that.
I have been pretty much home bound all summer because of my pain. I did get brave this week and went to the grocery store. Mindi has been picking up stuff here and there but I needed to go. I took my crutches and it was good to just get out of the house and in the public. It almost felt weird. Anyway, we were over at the end of the store and I glanced over and saw a guy in a little motorized cart, (my sister thinks I need to use those in the store) but I have too much pride. As I watched him talk to the girl in the deli he was so happy. I glanced down and he had a sandal on one foot and then a tennis shoe on the other. As I looked closer he only had one leg and a prosthetic leg. I want to be like him and no matter what happens I want to have a good attitude. It reminded me of a little poem:

I had the blues
Because I had no shoes
Until upon the street
I met a man who had no feet

Life is so precious and I don't want to take one day for granted.

True To Our Covenants

Between the scorpion sting on my leg, the black ant bites on my feet and my poor little arthritic hip, life sometimes gets a little bit difficult. I just went out to feed my animals and as I was watering the plants I looked up into the sky and there were some really pretty clouds. The colors of the plants seemed so bright and I began to think about how I need to take the time once in a while and stop worrying about my challenges and just think about the blessings in my life. Not even to mention it was only 96 degrees.
In one of our classes at church today we were talking about the importance of Fathers in the family. I have been blessed with a wonderful Dad. We haven't always seen "eye to eye, ' especially when I knew everything around sixteen, but all in all he has been so supportive. As I have talked about a lot our family has had some adversities in the last few years. It seemed like after Kamber passed away our family kind of went in to shock and then with me the depression and anger came. I know that is one of the stages of grief but until you go through something like that, you will never understand. My parents have been so great to support me and my family during all our trials. When we needed money for the funeral they were there. When work was slow and we needed food, they were there also. My parents live in a 50 year old house in Scottsdale, with the same furniture and the same pictures on the walls that have been there for at least thirty years. I keep telling my Mom that the kids have all grown up and had their own children and it's time to update, get rid of the baby pictures. All she says is "I likes it the way it is." My parents have sacrificed so much for the good of the family. We are getting so big with all the children and grandchildren but my Mom never forgets a birthday and my Dad is so generous at Christmas. They work in the Temple two nights a week and at their age I think that is remarkable.
I know they are worried sick about me and the pain I'm in. They are the ones who are wanting me to have surgery. Because we are self employed it has been hard to find health insurance to cover me, so most of the surgery will be paid for by them. Hopefully the insurance I do have will pay for some of it and Rich has been lucky to keep the business going and he continues to have some good jobs. We will survive, I hope.
In RS today we were talking about covenants. I look at how hard it is to be married and raise children. I see my own kids and the trials they have with raising this generation. Someone once said that with all the divorces going on how did Rich and I keep it together? The only thing that has truly kept us together has been that we have been true to the covenants we made in the Temple thirty four years ago. Without that we would not have made it, I'm sure of that. This year my parents will celebrate sixty years of marriage. I know it hasn't been easy for either one of them, but I always knew that they loved the Savior and they were true to the covenants that they made. I also know that they have put their happiness second to the happiness of all of us.
I am going to try really hard this week to see all the blessing and tender mercies that continue to come my way, I know I don't deserve them.

Four Birthdays, a Scorpion and a Naughty Boy

Every night when I go to bed I look in my sheets and wonder if this is the night I will get stung by a scorpion. I have to say I've been really lucky so far this summer but my luck ran out last night. I was sleeping so soundly at about 12:30 a.m. when I felt something crawl across my leg. I reached down and grabbed it and threw it off the bed. The problem is I wasn't quite fast enough before it stung me a few times on the back of my leg just below my knee. If you have ever been stung you know what's coming next. I went in the laundry room and grabbed a black light and plugged it in and tried to find the little bugger, but never did. I then started my treatment of ice, essential oils, benadryl and Tylenol. I layed on the couch in my living room until 2:30 a.m. and then went back to bed. When I was pulling up the sheets and shining my light Rich rolled over and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was scorpion hunting but he just rolled back over and went back to sleep. I figured if it got him I didn't care.

Today is Jenn's birthday so this is the fourth birthday this week for us. Tristyn turned twelve yesterday and her big blow out party is tomorrow afternoon. I can't believe how old my grand kids are getting. When Annie has her little girl it will make fourteen grandchildren for us. We are so thankful for the wonderful parents our children are. We are truly blessed and we don't take any of them for granted.

I had an experience with Mindi's baby Troy on Wednesday. We went out to Major's party and when we got home Mindi needed to take Tristyn to get her registered for junior high. The other boys were going to a friends house but Troy looked tired so I kept him with me. I got him a drink and turned on Micky Mouse Clubhouse and then went in the bedroom to watch Glenn Beck. This is my afternoon nap time and I tried really hard to stay awake. I could hear him in the family room and he even woke me up a couple of times to help him in the bathroom. Anyway, at 3:00 we have to turn off all our air conditioners because we are on a energy saving program with SRP. When I went into the family room it was a disaster, Troy had gotten out about four games and there were toys everywhere. I said, "Troy you pick up all these toys or I'm going to beat your butt!" I then went down to my house to turn the air off and when I walked down the hall I could see that my plants outside looked really wilted. I decided I would go out front and water the plants on the porch with the hose. I kept coming in and listening to hear if Troy was crying or anything and I never heard a word. After I was finished I went back down to Mindi's and Troy was gone. I went in to every room, the garage, outside the front, outside the back and I was calling his name all through the house. I then went down to my house and did the same thing searching every room and outside in the pool area and over by my ponds and no Troy. By then I was starting to have a panic attack and wondered if I should call 911 or Mindi. I decided I should call Mindi and tell her that her baby was missing and I was a terrible babysitter and grandmother. She said she was on her way and I hung up. I then went back to Mindi's house and did the same thing going room to room and yelling his name. It was 110 degrees so I didn't think he would be dumb enough to go outside but I didn't know where he would go in the ten minutes I had left him alone. I finally opened the front door yelling his name and when I turned back around there he was lying on the floor under the glass table in their living room not saying a word. Rich asked me if I "beat his butt" but I don't think Grandmas should spank their grand kids. Anyway, I called Mindi back who was on her way home by then and told her where he was. I don't think she will be leaving him with me anytime soon, that's probably good for both of us.

What's so Special about August?

I don't know what is so special about the month of August, but we are having a string of birthdays this month, plus Annie should be having her baby soon. This week we have four birthdays. Gunnar turned two on the 1st, Major will be five tomorrow on the 4th, Tristyn will hit the big 12 on the 5th and then Jenn will be 29 on the 6th. Dally Dog will be 3 on the 27th. I guess November is a really thankful month for the Larsen Family.

Talk about birthdays. Mine is in May so when I received a birthday card in the mail on July 30th I was dumbfounded. I got a purple envelope addressed to Teri Larsen Barnhill with my correct address. I opened the letter up and found this picture of a really nice, (old) lady with her tongue sticking out. I thought huh, who would be sending this? Inside the card it says, "ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING Happy Belated Birthday." Then there was a couple of pictures of two very nice looking women in bathing suits out on the beach. There was a handwritten note that said, "Like Mark says two really hot babes." Love you, Jeane. Okay, I am so confused right now. I do not know anyone whose name is Jeane who lives in Bloomington, Minnesota. Okay, now what do I do? I have wondered if I should just keep it, or send it back telling Jeane that she's lost her mind.

I continue to try and keep my mind off of having surgery, wondering if there is anything I could do to aleviate the pain without surgery. I have six more weeks to worry about it so that's good. I still could have a miracle RIGHT?

"Sweet Hour of Prayer"

I can't believe it is already the month of August. The summer is almost over and I can say that I survived another summer in the desert. It has been so nice the last couple of days. I think it never got out of the 80's yesterday and it was cool again today, but don't worry it is suppose to be back up to 109 degrees by Thurs. We have gotten some good rain showers so the grass is really green and growing like crazy. Our roses still look really sad but as soon as it cools off they will be happy again.
Spencer started training camp today in Denver. Rich and I came home from church and got on the Internet to see what was going on in Bronco Country. Right off the bat they talked about two of their running backs who went down with injuries today, the first day of practice. I can't tell you how much I worry and pray constantly for that boy to survive these grueling practices. I know everyone thinks it would be easy to be a professional athlete, but I have seen the other side, and there is a huge risk with playing football. I remember when I took him to get his sports physical to play high school ball. The doctor looked me in the eyes and said, "are you sure you want him to play? The statistics show that 25 percent of all football players end up with a life altering injury." I was shocked, but that is what he loves and has chosen to do to support his little family. What can I do when he's that old and that big and strong?
I have been consumed with emotion about the news that I need a hip replacement. I have prayed and prayed to feel peace about this decision. When I wake up in the night that is all I can think about. I am so scared. I have let fear run my life for a long time now. When I was a teenager I was a typical "nothing can hurt me" kind of kid, but as I have taken a few hard knocks in life I have lost my ability to trust and have faith. My Dad told me the other day that I needed to just make a decision and tell the Lord this is what I'm going to do and then go for it. It is easy for him to say, but he isn't me, no one knows how I feel inside. I'm still hoping for a miracle, that one day I will wake up and the pain will be gone and I can walk normally. If a miracle doesn't happen I will be seeing the surgeon.
Life is hard and the older I get the harder it becomes. Today in church one of the hymns we sang was "Sweet Hour of Prayer." As I sang the words I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father. The words were, "Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer! That calls me from a world of care And bids me at my Father's throne Make all my wants and wishes known. In seasons of distress and grief, My soul has often found relief And oft escaped the tempter's snare By thy return, sweet hour of prayer! I'm trying really hard to have faith that everything will work out for the best and know that I need the "sweet hour of prayer" now more than ever.

"Confused and Discouraged"

When Rich and Lennie got home from their missions they would use the saying "confused and discouraged" when talking about something going on in their lives. I never really got it, but the last couple of days I have felt this way. I knew the news wouldn't be good yesterday at the doctor but today I'm feeling overwhelmed.
After looking at the x-ray of my poor little arthritic hip he gave me three options. Get a cane and try some pain relievers, get a cortisone shot in the joint, or have surgery, meaning a hip replacement. After having a little cry fest and with some encouragement from my parents I went ahead and scheduled my surgery. Now today I'm trying to process all the information and feelings I'm experiencing. I don't like any of these options.
The idea of being out of pain and not so crippled really appeals to me, but I am lacking faith to walk into the fire and out the other side. I'm sure most of this is normal but because of my anxiety disorder it makes it difficult. To everyone else it seems like such a "no brainer" but when it comes to making a big decision that will change my life it is hard.
I didn't sleep hardly at all last night. I kept thinking about how hard it was the week between Kamber's passing and the funeral. I remember how out of control my emotions were and how everything I did seemed SO HARD for me. I thought back about one special day when as a family we went to dress her, I didn't know if I could handle the stress but decided to go. I will never forget the spirit I felt there that day. I remember during that week anytime I knew I might go "out of control" I would start saying the words in the song "Come, Come Ye Saints," "Gird up your loins; fresh courage take, Our God will never us forsake; And so we'll have this tale to tell- All is well! All is well!" Here we go again talking about courage, something I'm lacking big time.
Hopefully the sun will come up tomorrow and I will find peace in my decision to move forward, thanks to everyone who cares.

Love the Summers in Arizona

It seems like every summer around this time I get so down in the dumps I might as well dig a hole and crawl in it. If my hip didn't hurt so bad I would probably try it. Rich grew up in Utah and went to Canada on his mission so he HATES the cold. The first summer he was here he got a huge rash on his legs, Ethan calls it "swamp #%*." I'm trying to be better about my foul language. Ha Ha. Rich says the heat doesn't bother him, but I think it is because he loves to suffer. Anyway, for the last month I have been mostly housebound. It has hurt to sit, stand, walk, and even get comfortable lying down. I see a surgeon tomorrow but I don't think I am going to like what he is going to tell me, or be willing to do the treatment and take the risk. However, I may be forced to do just that.
I think the hardest thing about being in pain and not being able to enjoy life is that I begin to resent everyone else who goes about their lives and could give a rat's behind about me. (This is only in my "nut case" brain). They ask me how I'm feeling, but seriously what can anyone really do to help? They are all too busy with their own lives and problems. Then I get mad at myself because I hate being dependent on others for my welfare. This is something I need inspiration for and to figure out on my own with the help of the medical professionals.
I think it's time for me to start preparing to be a Snowbird. I told Spencer when he was here that I may need to come up to Colorado in the summer and live here in the winter. The problem is getting rid of the petting zoo in my back yard. Maybe by next year all the animals will have either died or been eaten by the dogs. I love my animals for about eight months out of the year. The other four months are just plain brutal.
I think I might be having withdrawal symptoms. I haven't been in the mall, to Kohls, JoAnns, Hobby Lobby, I've even had to give up the grocery store. What kind of life is it if you can't go shopping and spend money? If it was up to Rich he would like to keep me home and out of the stores, it's way cheaper.
I do have some wonderful friends. I appreciate those who called to let me know they were thinking about us during last week. I also received a beautiful card from a dear friend. Thank you for that! We are always glad when the 25th is over, and we can get our minds back on the reality of life. There are no guarantees, we have learned that. I remember when I would complain about how my life was so crappy, my brother Len used to always say, "Teri life isn't fair, I spit on fair." Then he would tell me all the things I should be thankful for. I never really knew what that meant "spitting on fair", but he said he learned it in law school.
I'm sure I will survive another summer, I've lived here fifty-seven years and it hasn't killed me yet. We only have a few more months and it will be cool again.

"All is well! All is well!"

Sundays are always a day for me to reflect on my family, testimony and faith. As I was getting ready for church I became a little emotional but got my waterproof mascara on and limped in to the chapel. The opening song started and the tears began to flow. The song "Come Come Ye Saints." has always been one of my favorite hymns. I remember my Mother and Grandmother telling me stories about our ancestors who left their homes and came across the plains to find religious freedom. Many of them died of starvation or illness, and lots of the mothers buried children in the frozen ground of the mid west, but continued on hoping for a brighter future. The final verse of the song says, "And should we die before our journey's through, Happy day! All is well! We then are free from toil and sorrow, too; With the just we shall dwell! But if our lives are spared again To see the Saints their rest obtain, Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell-- All is well! All is well!

After church Spencer and Annie came over because they are leaving for Colorado today. He has always wanted Rich to give him a blessing before the start of the season. I asked Rich to have Spencer help him give me a blessing because I am in desperate need of help regarding this "pain in the butt" hip problem I have. It is special to have worthy Priesthood holders live in your home. I don't take that for granted. Annie's parents came after church and Spencer then gave Annie a blessing because she will be having a baby away from home for the first time. Then Rich and Annie's Dad Mark gave Spencer a wonderful blessing to help him get through this season.

My thoughts have been on Kamber all day long, this being the two year mark since her return to Heaven. I want to be so happy for her. Her mortal journey is over and because she was only two she has the wonderful opportunity to live with our Heavenly Father. The hard part now is for the rest of us to endure like the pioneers did and keep getting closer to Him. As I was sitting in church not being able to control my tears, Mindi turned to me and said, "remember you said, we aren't going to celebrate her birth or death, we are going to honor her everyday." I hope someday I will be able to say, "All is well! All is well!"

Baby Max Is Here!

Today is the end to a very busy and emotional week. Mindi and Tristyn left for camp on Tues. morning. I have tried to do everything possible to keep her boys happy and the animals all alive without their help. The boys were so good for me. Rich and I aren't as nice as Mindi and Dave, but the boys adjusted to that pretty well. Thanks so much to Vicki and Jamie for doing the bulk of the entertaining, I'm just too old to keep up with these little guys. Yesterday Candi came over to "do her magic" on all of us. Spencer and Annie were here to help, so we had seven boys, all from the ages two to almost ten, all my grand sons together. It was quite the "rodeo" with them taking turns getting their hair cut. Candi saves us so much time and money by doing these "Larsen family spa days." She even trimmed and painted my toes, I'm sure Mindi is thankful for that. We were talking about how fun it would be if all us girls could get together sometime and get a massage, facial, pedicure and the works. Maybe someday we will have enough money to go do that.

Jenn was supposed to be induced yesterday morning at 7:30 am. Well, they called them early from the hospital and told them they were too busy and would let them know when they had a bed for her. We had it all planned out as to how we would survive the day. We would all be together and when the baby arrived we would just take turns going to the hospital and seeing him. They finally called them at 4:00 pm telling them to "come on down". By the time they got her hooked up and labor started it was our bedtime. I told Ethan to let us know if it happened in the next few hours otherwise we would talk to him in the morning. How stupid was that? I woke up at 1:00 am wondering if our new grand baby had arrived, then worried until 4:00 am until Rich woke up and we tried calling their cell phone. Ethan called back at about 4:05 am telling us that little Maxton had just made his entrance into this world with a huge splash. He weighed 9 lbs 9 oz and was 21 3/4 inches long. He wasn't due until Aug. 6th, so thank you Dr. Huish for helping Jenn out. He told them the baby would have been over 11 pounds had they not taken him early. Jenn is soooo tired, but so relieved to have him out and doing well. She said it was nice being able to breath again without two feet pressing on her lungs.

On Suday it will be the two year anniversary of our precious Kamber returning to our Heavenly Father. Her passing has made us extremely vulnerable and emotional. It has also given us more knowledge of how life is given and taken away. We do not take Maxton's birth for granted as we know it is a tender mercy and gift from our Heavenly Father. This baby does Not replace the life that was shortened on that sad July day two years ago. As grandparents we cherish the memories we have of her and to have been able to spend two short years loving her. It is an honor to be her grandparents. We think about her every day and are trying really hard to be worthy to see her again. We know that she was a special child of God who is the Father of her spirit, and we know that he has a pure love for her. We will never forget her!

Camp Lo Mia, Camp Lo Mia

Mindi and Tristyn left for girls camp this morning at 6:00 a.m. I needed to talk to her before she left so when I woke up at 3:45 a.m. I decided to read my book so I wouldn't fall back to sleep and have her leave before getting my instructions for the week. I went back to bed at about 5:30 a.m. and when I woke up went down to see what the three little Moser boys were doing. They had the t.v. on and were just sitting on the couch. It is so nice that they are getting older and you don't have to watch them every second. Trace and Trent are so good with Troy and he is even showing signs of maturity. We went out and fed the animals and then they were to get dressed, clean their room, feed the fish and bird, eat some breakfast and then they could call Vicki who was nice enough to take them for the day. Dave got home a little early so he could be here to feed them dinner and do the night time rituals, baths and teeth brushing.
I know Mindi was having anxiety about going to camp. When she was twelve and going for the first time she didn't want to go. I got all her stuff together and sent her up with one of the leaders in her car. About a half hour later she came bringing her home. They had only gotten a few miles when Mindi told her she was feeling sick and thought she was going to throw up. Of course as soon as she got home she ate everything in site and was fine. So, the next year I decided to go up and work in the kitchen so I could be there for her. Last week when we found out that Dr. Huish was going to induce labor on Jenn, Mindi thought maybe she wouldn't go to camp that we needed her here at home. Of all my children, she is the one who is the most devoted to her family. She takes on a lot of stuff that isn't her responsibility but she does it out of love for all of us. I'm sure most of it is because she is the first born and a girl, my sister is the same way.
At dinner last night Rich brought up that this is the first time in five years we won't be going up to camp on Bishop's Night. Even though that is a hard trip to do in one day, the spirit of Camp Lo Mia is so strong. My Grandpa Marion Turley was one of the original builders and donated lots of time and money to build that beautiful camp up in Pine. When we went to camp it was a little less structured and we did lots of pranks and scary story telling. We would have water and shaving cream fights. I think it got a little bit out of hand so now they keep the girls really busy with classes and crafts so they are tired at night and don't get into trouble like we did. I hope all goes well and it cools down, they could even have a few thunderstorms and that is always fun to smell the pine trees after a storm. Those were the good old days!