Sore Throat and Silver Coins

This week has been crazy with the temperatures between 110-114 degrees.  I hate to complain about the heat because everyone knows it gets hot in Arizona in the summer, but the older I get the harder it is for me to deal with it.  I spent three days this week fighting a sore throat.  I spent two nights not being able to sleep because every time I tried to swallow it hurt really bad. I did everything I could to find relief. I used vitamins, antibiotics, essential oils, gargled with salt water and mouthwash, and just about everything else I could think of.  I was going to call the doctor but then it started feeling a little bit better. On Wednesday night the four of us kids went to Scottsdale and had dinner with Mom.  She has had a bag of silver coins hidden in her house for over thirty years that she wanted to divide up between us.  We sat around the table and each counted out our little coins while she kept saying, "this is so fun having you all here sharing these coins."  I guess when she and my Aunt Tenna sold my grandma's house, her accountant told her to buy silver coins with some of the money. When Dad passed away she decided it was time to get them out of her house.  My brother Len is getting all the paperwork done getting everything moved to the family trust so it will be easier when Mom is taken home to join Dad.  I hope she isn't in too big of a hurry to leave but I know 85 is a long time to live. It seems like everyone is leaving town for vacation this week. Two of my kids are going to California and I wish I was going too, but it isn't in the cards for me to go this year. I will just stay home and enjoy the beautiful weather we are having, besides it's suppose to cool down to 108 by Wednesday, I can't wait.

Survived the Heat and Fathers Day

I'm happy to say that I survived the heat this weekend and also Father's Day.  I've kind of felt stuck in a dark place since my Dad passed away and have been waiting for the sadness to leave. Sometimes I'm okay with it and then there are others when I wish I could give him a call and get some advice. We usually get together at my house with all the family to celebrate, but this year I told my sister I was done. Now that Dad is gone there isn't any reason to have such a big gathering. So I just had my kids make dinner for Rich and had them over. My brother Len picked my Mom up and brought her to church and had her for dinner and then we met my sister at the cemetery to visit Dad and put some flowers on his grave. I was surprised at how busy it was at the cemetery and there were lots of people who brought chairs and just stayed a long time there.  I wish Fathers knew how important they are to the emotional well being of their children, especially us girls.  My Dad and I were a lot a like and so it made our relationship strained at times. I knew he loved me, but there were times that he made me feel bad about some of my short comings, which has made some of my relationships with others hard. As he got older he became a much kinder and gentler person and told me many times how sorry he was for some of the things he did and said to me. It seems like I have some of the same struggles with a couple of my kids. As parents I think we try really hard to teach our children right from wrong and expect them to listen, but I'm reminded all the time that we were all given our agency to do what we want and I need to respect that. I'm trying to finish some quilts before I have my hand surgery next month. I'm making a My Little Pony quilt for Trulie because she thinks her quilts need to cover her from head to toe. I can't believe she will be four years old next week. Plus it's the 4th of July which means the kids will be back to school in four weeks from that.  The summer is blazing on and it looks like I'm not going to be going to the beach this year, dang it! That's okay I have plenty of stuff to do here, maybe they will take another quick trip in August.

Summer Is Here

Boy we knew this time was coming and it seems like the summer has come on really fast and strong. I just got home from running some errands and it's like a furnace outside.  I've spent the last few days trying to catch up on my ironing. It's hard standing at the ironing board when it's 112 degrees outside but I finally finished today. I got behind because we were up all night Friday delivering puppies, it's always a relief when they get here safe and sound and the Mom takes good care of them. We only have one left of the last litter and we have met some pretty amazing people who have come from Las Vegas, Denver, and we even shipped one to New York. I finally finished the baby quilt I've been working on for a friend, now it's on to the My Little Pony quilt I'm making for Trulie's fourth birthday on the 3rd of July. They have scheduled my carpal tunnel surgery for the 16th of July, so any sewing that needs to get done before that is what I'm working on now. It seems like everywhere I go there are reminders of Father's Day.  Since this will be the first one since my Dad passed away, I'm feeling a little bit worried about how my emotions will be by Sunday.  We always would get together with extended family but now we will just celebrate in our own individual families. I know Mom doesn't like change but she will just have to start a new normal without Dad. I worry about her being alone but until she gets tired of it and wants to make a change, she can do what she wants to. It can't be fun being alone day and night and I know she isn't eating much but at what point do we tell her she has to move? I don't think we can so until she decides she needs a change we will support her.

Green Pool and Sewing Room Move

It seems like it doesn't take long when the kids are out of school for things to get out of control. For two weeks Mindi and I worked really hard trying to solve our green pool problem.  We finally decided to drain it again and start over. If you get too much chemicals in it the water never clears up. So after we got all the water out and cleaned the tile, we filled it back up and I spent $150 on the chemicals to start it up and got some advice from the pool store. The pool looked amazing and blue and refreshing for about a week. After having fifteen kids swimming and a birthday party, the pool slowly started turning green again. I almost started to cry out of frustration. So Mindi spent another $35 yesterday, got some more advice and we are trying to solve the dilemma once and for all, but if we can't I may just make it into a large koi pond and forget it. I got a bee in my bonnet and decided to move my sewing room into the larger bedroom. With tons of material and five sewing machines it was getting to look like a room that would be on the show "Hoarders." On Saturday Rich and six guys moved the heavy 7 foot cabinet that holds my fabric on to the wall and now we are slowly getting things moved over. I didn't realize how much fabric I had, but you never can have TOO much fabric. I'm trying to get two quilts finished before I have surgery on my hand. It seemed like it was getting a little bit better, but I don't think the numbness and sharp pains are going to go away until I get it fixed. The thought of having surgery makes me sick and I know I have a few more that will need to be done if I'm going to stay out of a wheelchair, but until then I will just continue to shuffle around and pray for a miracle, which probably won't manifest in my lifetime.

Rich Is Back, Elder Perry's Funeral

Rich got back from Italy late Wednesday night so I've been trying to get adjusted again to having him home. I don't ever sleep very well when he's gone, so it's been nice to relax and just go to bed. He came home last night at around seven and said, "I'm going to bed." I knew if he went to bed that early he would be up at three and I was right. We woke up this morning to thunder and rain which is rare. I can't ever remember when we got rain in June but it's nice to have a few cooler days before the real heat hits. I watched the funeral services for Elder L.Tom Perry this morning, who passed away last Saturday from thyroid cancer.  I had some emotional moments as they took the casket in the Tabernacle. It brought back lots of memories of Dad's funeral in January.  When Spencer was on his mission in Chile we went to Salt Lake City and did a tour of the new Conference Center. While we were waiting at the bottom of the escalator, Elder Perry came walking towards us. It was so fun to see him and he was to tall, handsome and so nice. Rich's sister took some pictures of us with him and I'm going to try and find them to remind me of him forever.  My Mom always asks me what I think Dad is doing right now. She wonders if he misses us and wishes he were still here.  Then reality sets in and she realizes just how sick he was the days he was in the hospital and how he was so anxious to get out of there. That's what is so interesting about life, we never know when it's going to be our last day on earth. At the funeral this morning they talked about what a happy positive person he was. He thought marriage and family were the most important thing we have and how much he loved his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  He would always say that he had never had a bad day in his life. Wow, I wish I could have that positive outlook on life, it would make it so much easier to be happy, but that is something I struggle with everyday so I need to just be thankful for those moments that I have love and peace in my life, that's really all I want.

The Pirates Are Circling

I had high hopes of getting some big projects done while Rich is touring Italy. He will be home in two days so I'm frantically working hard to accomplish something. On Saturday I got a call from Ethan asking if I could come help them. Jenn was under the boat with the pirates closing in on her, so I went out to try and help. My job was to keep the twins alive and fold laundry while the others worked moving rooms around and trying to get some sense of organization in their house. I don't know how she does it with seven children. She has twice as many as me and I know the pirates were circling and dragging me down for many years. I changed diapers, fed babies and helped with laundry and I was pooped when they finally let me come home. There is wisdom in having children when you are young. Last week I spent two days in bed with the stomach flu and yesterday I had a headache from hell that I couldn't shake. At times it felt like my eye was going to explode, something I haven't experienced for a long time. The weather is finally getting hot so my pool is warming up. I am excited to start trying to exercise my hip and knee and hopefully get some mobility back, but sometimes I feel that's a lost cause. Today is Candi's birthday, so later today we may do something with her.  My kids are sure getting old and so are my grandchildren. Tayler turned fourteen on Saturday and spent a good part of her birthday helping her Mom. There is never a dull moment with things to do all the time, I guess it's good to be busy trying to improve daily.

Memorial Day, Stomach Flu, Stolen Pots

Rich left for Italy on Saturday morning early. I had big plans for the ten days he's going to be gone. I was going to clean, organize, shop, quilt and relax.  Sunday night we met extended family at the Mesa Cemetery and did our yearly decorating of graves. The last two years I've sat and visited with Dad as he was too crippled to walk. This year he was gone, so off I went with the other fifty plus family members. We took some pictures at his grave and put flowers on his and Kamber's.  On Monday we all got together for a barbecue and water party. Candi cut hair because she is having surgery next week and we don't know when she will feel well enough to go back to work. By Monday night I was so sick I thought I would die. All of Mindi's family have had the stomach flu and I guess somehow they passed it on to me. After spending all day yesterday in bed with nothing to eat, it is good to be feeling better today. My thoughts went back to my Dad while I suffered all night long with the chills and stomach issues, I'll save all the details for my close family. Dad must have suffered terribly while having chemotherapy and I'm so proud of him for doing what he could to prolog his life. It's hard with him gone, my Mom is really lonely, but I am so glad he's out of pain and suffering. I've done pretty good with Rich being gone. There was a time when I had such severe anxiety I would be awake all night scared when he was gone. Early Monday morning I heard something outside my house but I didn't dare go see what it was. When I woke up and let the dogs out, I saw that someone had stolen my two pots of flowers off my front porch. Really???? Someone came on to my property and took the purple flowers Rich planted for me in memory of sweet Kamber. At first I thought it might be a joke and some kids maybe moved them, but now I realize they are gone. My neighbor across the street is a retired cop and I had hoped he had some film but he didn't. He did tell me to call the police and make a report so I did. I felt pretty stupid telling them it was two pots of flowers but maybe they will up the patrols in our neighborhood. I hope Rich is having fun in Italy. He said they walked eleven miles and rode bikes another seven the first day. That sounds horrible, I'm glad to be in the good old USA, no traveling abroad for this old grandma, I'd rather be home any day.

Too Much Birthday Partying

It feels like I've been partying all week long, and I have the stomach ache to prove it. I have the best family and friends who have made me feel loved and appreciated. I went with my Mom and sister on Thursday out to lunch for Mexican Food. After we ate I wanted to go to the Scottsdale Mall that I used to spend a lot of time at. By the time we wandered through Dillard's for an hour I had a raging headache and the start of a stomach ache. Good thing it didn't last long because yesterday was another day of treats and food as the family, minus Spencer went to Fuddruckers for dinner. We go there so the kids can play games and we don't have to worry about how loud they are.  This morning I was up at 3:30 a.m. as Rich was getting ready to leave for the airport for his trip to Italy. He has been planning on going for a couple of years with a family he used to home teach. He will be gone for ten days, so I have big plans to do some home improvements and get my house under control. I know it's going to take way longer than ten days to get done what needs to be done, but maybe I can accomplish something while he's gone. Even though I have never wanted to travel, I still get the down in the dumps feeling of being left behind again and again. It's my own fault, so I guess I will just keep my hopes up that maybe I'll get to the beach before the summer is over. Thanks to everyone who remembered me on my birthday, it means a lot to this sixty-two year old grannie.

Birthdays, Doctors and MVD Shutdown

May is such a busy month with Mother's Day, birthdays and the end of school.  Yesterday Candi treated me to a super duper nice facial. I have never had so many lotions and potions put on my face in my life. I guess she thinks I need a little pampering for my birthday party on Friday. Ha Ha!  This morning I went to the doctor with my sister who needs two knee replacements. I never could get the office to call me back to schedule my carpal tunnel surgery, so I went with her to get some info on that. I think I finally have the ball rolling and hopefully I can get it done before my hand and fingers don't work anymore. Since I was already dressed and had makeup on, which doesn't happen very often, I decided to go to the Motor Vehicle Department. A few weeks ago I got a letter from them telling me it has been twelve years since I've had a picture taken and it needs to be done before the end of the month. Since we were close, I decided it would be nice to get that taken care of.  So we went in and got in line with Mindi's two youngest who had been sick with the stomach flu yesterday.  The line wasn't very long so I thought it would be smooth sailing. Anyway, after about a half hour in line, they made an announcement that the camera wasn't working and they had a state wide problem with the driver's license part of the MVD. I was the next one in line and couldn't believe what I was hearing. It wasn't just that location, it was a state wide shutdown. How does that happen? If I had gotten there sooner maybe it would have worked out but it seems like that's the way my life kind of works. So next week I will be back there in another line waiting to get my picture taken for a driver's license and I don't even drive anymore. Wow! It's been an interesting week so far, I can't wait to see how the rest of it goes.

Rabbit Death and Root Canal

This week started with the death of my last rabbit. I had noticed that she hadn't been eating or drinking so Mindi brought her in the house so I could see what was wrong with her. She was making a crying sound, so I put her in my laundry room on a towel. When I went in to check on her a couple hours later she was gone. I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't buy any more rabbits. They don't do well in the heat and if they get out the dogs kill them. That chapter is over for me. A few months ago I had to get a new crown put on one of my teeth. When the dentist put it on it felt strange and seemed like when I chewed it hit high on the tooth.  Well earlier in the week it started to hurt and by Wednesday I was feeling it in my jaw and eye. When I called the dentist she told me to come in so they could do an x-ray to see what the problem was.  The news wasn't good, I had an infection in the tooth and needed a root canal.  They made me an appointment with the endodontist and Spencer was nice enough to take me and give me moral support. Between my hip, knee, wrist, shoulder and now my teeth I'm falling apart. If it's this bad at sixty I'm afraid to move into the seventies and eighties. When the dentist was telling me about my tooth I started crying. I told Spencer that maybe it would just be cheaper and better if I could just join Dad. After a little pep talk from him, I realized just how small it was compared to others who are really suffering. Besides that a funeral costs way more than a root canal. I still haven't heard from my surgeon about the cost of my carpal tunnel surgery so hopefully next week I can get some information. Besides that it's my birthday week too. I get two of my favorite days in the same month, two weeks apart. I can't wait to turn sixty-two next week. I'm going to party all week long.

Volleyball, Mother's Day and Quilting

The weekends just go by way to fast. I spent most of Saturday in downtown Phoenix watching Tristyn play in a volleyball tournament. They are done now for a couple of weeks before they start practicing for Nationals. I can't believe how old my grandchildren are getting. She will be a Senior next year and then off to college she goes. While I was supporting Tristyn, Rich and the guys were working around the house. He is so busy with his jobs it was so nice of him to get some things done around here. He got at least ten of the fifty things broken or worn out fixed. My pool was green when I left and blue when I got home, it was magical. There were also ten palm trees planted around it which makes it look so tropical. As soon as the heat gets here I will spend everyday in the pool working on my hips, knees and all the other body parts that seem to be failing me. I had a really nice Mother's Day too. Rich gave me a beautiful plant with purple blossoms on it and my kids each gave me gifts and cards. My brother picked Mom up and she came to church with us and then he and Julie had her over for dinner with their family. Then all the extended family came for desserts. We always have way to many yummy treats and fattening foods but heck it was Mother's Day, and that's the Greer Way we do things. A couple of weeks ago I decided to make Mom a quilt for Mother's Day.  She is a thin person who struggles to take in enough calories, so she is always cold. When she's around she wants the fans turned off, so we are always trying to keep her comfortable, which is warm for her. So I decided to make her a quilt so she can just carry it around everywhere she goes and stay warm. How in Arizona she could ever get cold in the summer I will never know, but she does. I embroidered each one of our names on one of the blocks and then just made some big nine patch blocks and sewed them together. It's made mostly of flannel so it should keep her warm year round. Thanks to all my family for making me feel so loved, it means a lot to me.

Another Surgery?

Yesterday I got a call from my Surgeon confirming what the "shock test" showed, that I definitely have carpel tunnel syndrome. Some of my family members think I should do massage and other therapies instead of surgery. So I asked him if he ever sees these symptoms go away on their own. He said if I wanted to wear a splint and take anti-inflammatories for the rest of my life I could try that. I know he is a surgeon but I trust him. I have known him for a very long time, our families were close when grew up together and went to the same high school. I have insurance but with a $6,000 deductible, so I'm waiting to hear back from him to see how much we are talking it will cost. This morning as I was thinking about it my thoughts went to my parents. Three years ago when I had my hip replaced they were there during surgery, in the hospital and came over everyday to help me. Then last year when I had my knee scoped they were there again in the waiting room and came over after to help. I don't know where I would be without their love and support. This morning when I was talking to Mom she gave her usual advice, "be the darling you are, things will work out, and know I love you." I miss my Dad and wish I could give him a call and get some advice. For now I will just have to lean on Mom for awhile, she believes in me and for that I'm so thankful.

"Are You Sure That's Your Mentally Ill Mother?"

A couple of weeks ago Candi and B.J. took me to lunch, Mexican Food, yum.  We had a great time and when the waitress gave us the bill she said, "did I hear you call her Mom? Are you sure she's your Mom, she looks so young." I perked up a little bit and Candi said, "Wow, you've just made her day." I apologized to Candi and off we went. Later on in the week Mindi had some girls over working on the carnival. While we were visiting I told them what the waitress had said. One of the girls chimed in and said, "was that before she saw you walk?"  In my mind I thought, "did she just really say that to me?" Earlier this week I had someone tell me that I'm mentally ill and that's why I'm the way I am. I love it when people with no psychological experience diagnose others. At first it really stung a bit until I realized that people who judge and condemn others, must see themselves in those they judge and that's what triggers their ability to insult them. This morning as I was reading my scriptures and writing in my journal, my thoughts came to my Grandma and my own Mother. They both had hard times but were able to always keep positive and stay the course. What makes me different than them? Why didn't I get that DNA that causes an overabundance of positive thinking, knowing that things will work out for my good? Anyway, I'm sure this isn't going to be the last time that ignorant people decide to shoot their mouths off, but I want to channel my inner voice to not give my power away to those who don't have my best interest in their thoughts and actions.

Hand Shocking and Puppies

I've been busy working on quilts and staying busy with chores around the house.  There is never a want for things to do with the house, yard and animals. We have had two litters of puppies born in the last month, they take a lot of work keeping them alive and healthy.  Mindi does most of the puppy care, while I feed and take care of the big dogs. Yesterday I had the test on my poor right hand. When I went to the doctor he thought it was carpel tunnel and after the torture test yesterday it was confirmed.  Because I struggle with anxiety, I was worried about the pain involved in the shocking of my nerves in my hand.  I had heard from a friend that it "hurts like hell," but a couple of family members said it was "no big deal." I think it was somewhere in between, there were times I thought I might shout out some cuss words and then after it was over I could say it wasn't that bad.  The Neurologist confirmed that I do have "significant damage to my nerves and muscles in my hand and that my doctor will probably offer surgery." So on and on we go, trying to make sense of this sixty plus year-old body that seems to be falling apart right now. This morning as I was talking to my Mom, we went down memory lane about her life. They have released her from working in the Temple, which Dad had wanted before he passed away. We don't think it's safe for an almost 86 year-old to be driving home late at night across town. Mom has lost a lot of her courage since Dad left us and I'm just waiting for the day when she's had enough of living alone. I do think it's good for her to stay in her routine and she loves working in her yard and that keeps her mind busy and gives her something to do. She talked about losing her Dad when she was sixteen years old. I guess it doesn't matter what age you are when you lose your Dad, it is still hard. Some day we will all be called home and someday we will have more family on the other side than here, I know it will be a sweet reunion when that time comes.

Carnival, Baptism and Temple Sealing

This weekend was a busy one for me. It started Friday night when I took my Mom over to the school for the annual carnival. Mindi had volunteered to head up the committee because there wasn't any other suckers. She worked for months making games and collecting all the prizes to give away. I think having five kids going through the school made her feel like she needed to do it. She is such a hard worker and had some others who stepped in to help her which I know she appreciated. Now that the carnival is over she can get her house back to normal.  On Saturday morning we went to Spencer's oldest son Tyton's baptism. It's always fun to see these little eight year-olds take that major step in their lives. They had a great family turnout and it is always nice watching them support each other.  They had a luncheon afterwards but I left to take a road trip with a friend. My dear friend Paula was getting sealed in the Gila Valley Temple at 2:15 p.m. in the afternoon, so LeAnn and I left the church and headed to the Temple three hours away. I had never been to that part of the state and I'm so glad I went. The Temple is small but beautiful. We had a nice drive and made it in time to visit with her family and be there to support her. There was a nice little luncheon at the church next to the Temple and we finally got some lunch before heading back to Gilbert. Paula is a dear friend that I've known for over thirty years. She lived in our neighborhood in Lehi before we moved to Gilbert. After her divorce, she married a guy in my ward which made it extra special. Her Dad passed away last year after he fell and broke his hip and her Mother is in bad health. She fell and broke her hip and so Paula and her sister and sister-in-laws have been taking care of her. It has been touch and go as far as having her there with Paula and Rick in the Temple. It was a special day for them. This is going to be another busy week with a baby shower and volleyball tournament. When you have this many kids and grand kids it seems like there is never a dull moment. I'm working on four quilts right now and hopefully I can get them finished before the weather heats up. I lose my desire to make quilts when the temps get in the hundreds which is coming this weekend. Grrrrrrr!

Lots of Sickness

I have to admit that the last few months I've been in the toilet, the dark abyss, lower than a snakes belly and just plain old sad. Besides grieving the death of my Dad, I've had other challenges with close relationships and physical and emotional pain . I picked up a bug last week and spent five days with cold symptoms that made me miserable in the night and lazy during the day. I spent almost all weekend at home trying to fight off my bug. Last week at church I sat in front of someone who snorted the whole meeting, so I decided to stay home and keep my snorting to myself. While everyone else was at church I had some quiet time to just think about my life. I found myself talking to my Dad a lot and asking him for help. I wonder if now that he's on the other side he can watch me and see what my struggles are. I was also asking for advice, hoping that somehow I could hear his answer. Sometimes I find myself wondering how a girl like me has gotten myself in such a mess. I never dreamed that my life would be like this when I got in my sixties. I just have that many more people to worry about and I'm tired. Spencer took one of his kids to emergency with a high fever and Candi took one of her sons to urgent care running a 104 degree fever too. This morning I got a call that Jenn has been up throwing up all night and now most of their kids have the stomach flu too. What the heck is going on around here with all the sickness? This week is going to be crazy. Mindi volunteered to be in charge of the school carnival, so she's having a breakdown trying to get all the games finished. I have a doctors appointment and a test on my hand to see if I need surgery in the future. And they are having Tyton's baptism on Saturday before they move to Montana, which is another part of my sadness. Letting my kids go is very hard for me. Spencer was my last baby so I've always felt like we were really close and he would be the one to stay close and help me in my old age. They don't want to live by family and have their heart set on Montana, so they will be leaving in a few weeks. I should know better, but I guess I just don't get it. So hopefully this week will get better. We can't all stay sick forever can we?

Tristyn's Prom and Twins Baby Blessing

This weekend was a busy one for our family. I felt kind of sick on Friday and Saturday but felt better yesterday. I think it was all the pain medication for my hand that upset my stomach, so I've cut it down to only a couple of pills until I have the carpal tunnel test. Tristyn had prom Saturday night so that was a busy day. Mindi had a volleyball tournament in Buckeye, so it was Dave and I trying to get her dress to fit. She had a darling red beaded dress but it needed some adjustment in the neck. I hate the itchy scratchy feeing of beads and sequins, I was worrying about the irritation it would cause, but she's young and got through it. I'm more about comfort than vanity. Then yesterday we went out to Ethan and Jenn's and had the twins blessed. They have 9:00 a.m. church and it would have been too hard to get everyone there, so they just had the Bishop come over and blessed them in the home. These babies are almost five months old and because of the complications they have had we are so lucky they are getting bigger and healthier. This week they will go in for a consultation for hernias and then in a few months they have one more surgery to correct a birth defect. Mindi and I went to Scottsdale and picked Mom up after church and she spent the night with us last night. Then this morning my sister Mell came over and took her home. Every time we have a get together we miss Dad. Mom even asked me what I thought Dad was doing in Heaven on Sunday. I would like to know what they do everyday in Heaven not just Sunday. After the blessing we had dinner with all the family and friends that came to support them. I wonder often what families do who don't have their family close to help them. I sure have been blessed in my life to have my family close and I appreciate all they have done for me especially my parents. We took some pictures of the babies and had a four generation photo with Mom, Me, Ethan and the twins. We are thankful for everyday we have with Mom. I know she misses Dad but has so much faith and love for her family she is a great example to all of our family.

Pain Relief and New Grandbaby

After suffering in pain for a few weeks, I finally went in two weeks ago to get some x-rays. When I was seeing my primary care doctor she recommended that I see an orthopedic surgeon so I made an appointment. On Monday night I woke up at 3:30 a.m. in so much pain I was contemplating self amputation of some of my fingers. They felt huge swollen and numb as can be. After taking some pain relievers and putting ice on them, I finally got back to sleep at around 5:30. I was so glad that I had made that appointment and I went in yesterday afternoon. My doctor is a friend I went to high school with and I trust him completely. He has done both surgeries on my knee and when I finally get brave enough to have a knee replacement I will make sure he can do it. After listening to my complaints he told me I had bursitis in the rotator cuff in my shoulder and carpal tunnel in my right hand. He gave me a cortisone shot in the shoulder and then told me some things I can do to settle down my hand and fingers until we decide if I need surgery. I need some sort of a nerve test before he can fix my carpal tunnel, which he says is only a ten minute surgery. After the pain I was in Monday night I just want relief. It really is true that after fifty and especially sixty you start to fall apart. Having my hand so sore has put a damper on my sewing which I enjoy doing. I have about five quilt tops that need to be finished but when I'm not sleeping and in pain I have very little motivation to do anything. On our way home from the doctor yesterday my sister and I were talking about living with pain. She was talking about the pioneers and how hard it must have been to suffer with very little medical help for their illnesses and especially anything orthopedic. I'm so happy when anyone can help me relieve my suffering whether it's physical or mental. I wouldn't have made a good pioneer. Yesterday was Tyton's eighth birthday and Spencer invited me over to his in-laws for a cook-out to celebrate. It's always fun to see the cousins get together and play. Today is Ethan's birthday and I can't believe he is thirty-four already. My kids are getting old and so are my grandkids. I'm thankful for all of them and I'm so excited that we are going to have our twentieth grandchild born in November.  Annie is expecting their fifth, hopefully another girl which will make us an even ten boys and ten girls. Hopefully my hand will get better so I can start doing some sewing, baby quilts are my favorite to make.

Easter Pageant and Sleepover

After publishing my last post I felt maybe I was a little bit too honest about my mood. Sometimes I use my blog to vent about my problems that don't need to be part of my history. On the other hand I want to keep it real and honest let's face it, sometimes life gets pretty hard. Yesterday we decided to attend the Easter Pageant down at the Mesa Temple. I had asked Mom if she wanted to go and her pat answer was, "NO."  A couple of hours later she called to say my cousin Barb was coming over to give her a B-12 shot and that maybe she could bring her to the Temple. Two of my cousins, her husband and daughter were in the Pageant, so it was even better knowing they would be performing. We loaded up the kids in the mini-van stopped to get pizza and off we went to the Temple. The traffic was horrible but because I have a handicapped parking pass, it was much easier than I thought it would be. Mom and Barb had saved some seats for us and my niece Alishia and her boys were also there. We were lucky it was a nice warm night with a cool breeze as we sat and waited for it to start. A few minutes before the performance some of the cast members walk around and take pictures with the audience. It's amazing how many people you see that you know from years ago. As I sat and listened to the words and songs I had such a deep love for the Savior and all he's done for me. I was reminded that he knows and loves me and is aware of my struggles. As I looked around the audience there were lots of people in wheelchairs and walkers and I realized that I am not the only one with struggles and that I need to be thankful for mine and be happy. After it was over we brought Mom home for a sleepover. We are slowly trying to get her away from just staying in her house alone day after day and this is the first step. We are going to try it again Easter Sunday as we celebrate with our kids and grand kids, we also have three birthdays to celebrate so it will be a combo Easter/Birthday Extravaganza. I'm also excited to listen to Conference and feel the spirit there, it should be a good weekend.

Not Myself

I have to admit that since my Dad passed away I haven't felt the same. I was warned by a good friend that even though he had a terminal illness and I knew he was on borrowed time, when he did pass away it would be hard. For the last few weeks I have felt different. I've been fighting pain in my arm and I still look like a penguin when I walk. I've also gained a few lbs. that I'm sure is because of the lack of motivation and sadness. Last night as I was eating dinner alone again, I had this thought come in to my mind, "what the heck are you doing?" I then tried to take an inventory of what I really am doing. Maybe I'm just at a crossroad in my life and I'm tired of doing all the things I've been doing for almost sixty-two years. I look at my husband who is working longer and harder now than he did when we were first married and that makes me feel guilty. I'm tired of "groundhog day." As I was talking to my Mom this morning about my feelings, she came back with her usual answer, "just look at all your blessings and try and cheer up." My parents have always been a strong influence on me and I have felt their love and concern for me most of my life, except when I was a teenager. I now worry about Mom living alone and wonder what I should be doing to help her. For some strange reason I don't feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be, or doing what I'm suppose to be doing. I feel like I always fall short of where I should be and what I should be accomplishing. I see Jenn over at her house taking care of two babies and getting zero sleep and I wonder what I should be doing to help her. I guess my problem is I'm on a big giant guilt trip that I'm putting on myself. I'm looking forward to Conference this weekend. I'm going to make a list of some answers I hope to get while listening to the talks and music. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will feel better about what I'm doing and find out where I'm supposed to be. The answers have to be out there somewhere for me to get.