Ventruing Out is Scary!

Last week I started going to physical therapy to help me gain strength in my muscles that will help me walk without pain or a limp. The first and second times I went were a good experience but on Monday it was rough. I guess Monday is a big day and the place was super crowded. There were about ten people in the gym and at least ten or fifteen in the pool. Also the therapist in the pool was a stranger to me. He was nice, but I didn't know him at all. So yesterday I was having a hard time convincing myself to go back. As we were driving to the place I was complaining about having anxiety around all those people. I think Mindi had gotten tired of my story and started lecturing me how I "need to do these things that are hard for me or I will never get well." By the time we got there I was the first one in the gym. Nobody else was there but by then I was so emotional I started crying. I told my therapist how hard this is for me to come in and work my sore muscles while worrying about all the people around me. All he said was that having a hip replacement is a very hard thing, but I am really close to being able to walk on my own. So I went out into the pool and exercised for about thirty minutes. When I'm in the pool it is so easy to move. I walk forwards, backwards and then sideways. Then I do other exercises to loosen up all those muscles that the doctor had to cut through to put in the new hip. The problem is that when I get out of the water and on my own legs it is so discouraging to not feel as good as I do in the pool. Anyway, not only do I have physical limitations, I have very complicated psychological issues also. It sucks sometimes to be me.
Mindi is going crazy with all she has to do with Halloween, four kids in school, volleyball, football, and she is an advisor in Young Women's. Today she needed to run a bunch of errands and so I rode along in the car to watch Troy when he fell asleep. We finished all our errands and were on our way home when we saw an accident happen right in front of us. I was talking to my sister on the phone and looking down so I really didn't see what happened but I heard a huge crash and then a little grey car came spinning towards us and then across the road. It didn't look like the guy was hurt and we didn't really see the wreck good enough to be witnesses so we just came on home. I have spent six weeks basically in my house trying to survive and now that I'm venturing out into the world again it is scary for me. Now I need to start all over again trying to overcome the demons that I have been fighting for over twenty years. Oh well, let the games begin!