Yesterday Mindi watched Brookie and Max so Jenn could take a class and renew her hair license. I was feeding Max a bottle while Brookie was watching Dora the Explorer. We were having fun helping Dora find the sticky tape to help the elephant fix the hole in his balloon. Brookie walked over to look at Mindi's fish in her aquarium and as she turned back around and smiled I swear I was looking at Kamber. My mind went back into time and I started thinking about how old Kamber was when she went back to Heaven. I think Brookie is just about the same age now. Brookie was only three months old when the accident happened and as I thought about all that has happened in the two plus years it made me realize how far I have come in the grieving process. The final stage of grief is acceptance, there was a time that I never felt like I could forgive God for taking her home, but it is slowly coming thank heavens.
I have been struggling really bad with the emotional ups and downs of having major joint replacement surgery. There is a grieving process I have been going through also with the loss of a body part and a prosthetic put in. It has made me doubt my decision on many occasions plus it has put me into a hell that I hope will someday end. It is hard to depend on others for your daily needs and at times I have felt that I have been let down. I'm sure it's all in my head, but it is real to me. As I went to bed the other night after an extremely stressful day I was pondering my life and how I could improve it. When I woke up in the morning I kept hearing this saying going through my mind. It was a quote from David O. McKay and it mainly is about being a good parent. In it he says, "There is nothing more important than doing our part in helping our Father in Heaven's children return to His arms. No amount of money can be made; no amount of corporations can be taken over; and no amount of friends, fame and power will compensate if the children within your home are not raised in righteousness. For if you have failed at home you have failed eternally." Wow! That pretty much says it all, you can do all kinds of wonderful things out in the world, but if you fail in your own family you have failed eternally. That is pretty scary for me, I hope my children will make sure that they make their children and family their number one priority. It would be sad if in the end they fail eternally.
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