Coming Out of the Darkness

On Tuesday it will be three weeks since I headed down the road of replacement surgery. I have to admit that it was harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be demanding physically, but I had NO idea how hard it would be psychologically. Yesterday I was in the depths of despair. I felt cold and was afraid that maybe I was getting sick. How can you be cold when it's 107 degrees outside? Anyway, Mindi kept taking my temperature because I really thought I was running a fever and one of the complications of surgery is to get an infection or blood clot so of course I thought that was happening to me. Candi called and wanted me to go to her shop and let her do my hair thinking that would pull me out of the hell I was in. Unless you have been through what I have been through it is hard to understand my mental state. I'm feeling better today and hopefully I can deal with these staples until Wed. when they will take them out.

Spencer's little boys came over this week. It was fun to see them again. They have been here with their other Grandma while Annie is taking care of the baby in Colorado. The boys went home to Colorado yesterday. They had a good time playing with Troy. Tyton and Troy get along really well and are good friends. I regret that I haven't been able to help Spencer and Annie as they have been going through their own Hell. We continue to pray for baby Abney and have faith that she will recover fully from this illness.

Yesterday was Troy's birthday and he turned four. He is so much fun and has such a cute personality. Mindi had a little party for him after pre school and Candi and Jenn brought over their kids to have pizza, cake and ice cream. A couple of my friends came over last night to keep me company, they know I'm a little bit crazy and alone. Marlene fixed me some scrambled eggs and toast and was so kind. Paula layed on my bed and watched a football game with me and we talked about life. Her oldest son was killed in a motorcycle accident three years ago so she understands my feelings about losing Kamber.Three more friends have shown up today bringing brownies, chocolates and little gifts. I do not deserve the kindnesses that have been showered down on me. I am forever grateful for the many prayers that have been given in my behalf and for the many acts of kindness given, I will be forever grateful.

After listening to Conference today I know that I need to improve in so many areas of my life. I need to have faith that my Heavenly Father knows me, loves me, and wants what is best for me. At times I am so caught up in my grief and trials that I can't see past the darkness. I guess it is time to move out of the darkness and into the light, starting with gratitude. Life is hard, but I don't want anyone else's problems, I will just keep my own and hopefully be a better person by overcoming them.