Still Fighting the Demons

This week has been busy trying to get everything done before being able to put the final touches on my hip surgery. I went to an appointment yesterday with the doctor to go over all the risks and reasons why I need this surgery. Next week after I go to the hospital for an education class with the nurses there won't be any turning back. This has been a really scary experience for me. I don't know why I haven't in my 57 years developed enough faith to overcome the demons that live in my crazy head. At the appointment yesterday the doctor went through all the things that "could" happen. I might have a blood clot, a heart attack, an infection and maybe even an amputation. Every time he would say one of those scary things my eyes would get really big and I would give him a huge smile. He finally said "you are the funniest patient I have ever had." I don't think he meant funny, I think it was more like CRAZY! As I went to bed last night I was so tired. I usually get a nap during the hottest part of the day, but the last couple of days we have been of running errands or going to the doctor. At 2:00 a.m. I woke up with a bloody nose and was wide awake until sometime around 4:00. I read my scriptures, finished a book my friend gave me for my birthday, got several drinks and put carmex on my lips a few times. When I finally turned the light off and tried to go back to sleep all the information I had gotten at the doctor started processing in my panic stricken mind. I admire people who jump in the fire and know they are going to survive. Maybe this is one of those trials I've been given to force me to have the faith I need to go into the dark. The arthritis in my hip isn't going to get better, I am well aware of that. The doctor told me yesterday that when the pain becomes so bad and your quality of life goes down so much, that is when people decide to do this surgery.
Spencer and Annie's baby is getting better everyday. Because of the strep B bacteria that went virtually everywhere in her body she has to be on antibiotics for six weeks. What even makes it worse is that it could have all be prevented. The nurses at the hospital and the doctor who delivered her made so many mistakes during Annie's labor and delivery that it's going to get really ugly. I told Annie yesterday that after losing Kamber I don't know if I could survive losing another grandchild, but the longer I live the more I realize that our Heavenly Father is running the show not us. We are so thankful that Annie got this baby to the hospital in time to not only save her life but hopefully she won't have any lasting disabilities because of it. Annie has always wanted to be a nurse but I think maybe she should just go to medical school when her children get older. Maybe she should become a shrink so she can heal her mentally challenged mother in law. Sounds like a plan to me.