I'm trying to keep from losing my mind, what little is left of it. I'm so tired of being in my bedroom that I could scream! I knew this surgery would be hard. I was worrying about all the pain and discomfort that went with it. What I didn't realize was the toll it would take on my mental health. I know that when I go under any anesthetic it takes a while to be able to think clearly. I have kind of gone through a grieving process. At first I was in denial that I needed surgery, then I got pissed off, then I asked Heavenly Father to just put a new one in while I slept. When that didn't happen I finally realized that my life was going to be worthless if I had to be in a wheelchair and constant pain. It has almost been two weeks now and hopefully I will be able to feel some good changes soon.
On Friday I was so tired of being in the house I decided to go with Mindi to run a couple of errands. When we got to our first stop I had her move me to the back seat thinking I would be more comfortable. When we got to the second stop I had her move me back up front because the back wasn't working for me. By the time I got home I was in a lot of pain and regretted leaving the house. I spent all day yesterday trying to recover from my little outing. Life shouldn't be like this. My sister told me to just take a pain pill and go to bed. So I did what she suggested and at 11:00 p.m. I popped one of my pain pills. At 2:15 I was still awake. I obviously had some weird reaction to the medication and at times I felt like I was going to stop breathing. I won't be taking any more of that medication.
I remember after Kamber passed away I would look around and see that everyone elses lives kept going on. No one was aware of the deep dark hole I was living in. I guess until you go through something you have NO IDEA what it is like. I guess that is why we need adversities so we can be tested to see how we will handle them. All I know is that I hope it will be a long time before I go through a major trial, I need some rest. I just want one good nights sleep, is that too much to ask for? I need to put the rose colored glasses on and do the best I can to endure this, hopefully it will make me a more compassionate person.
1 comment:
Teri, I saw your blog on Monya's page. I am so sorry that you have had this physical trial to deal with. Rich and my husband talk all the time and he never said a word about your hip replacement. I have not yet lost my 2nd son to the ALS that is deteriorating his body, although each time we go over to his home he seems to be worse and worse. We got the news of this disease soon after you lost your dear Kamber. Mike and Rich both had a good cry together. I do not know why we have to endure these trials. Only that someone told me that if we knew how they (trials) were refining us, making us ready for God's kindgom, that we would pray for more. I know we both are thinking, who came up with this crap?:) This is hard stuff, not for the weak of body or spirit. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that soon you will kick this depression and pain soon. If you need a visit or anything else, let me know. All my love, Carla Kelly
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