No Puppies and No Pool

After my marathon shopping experience last week I spent most of the weekend resting. Other than the bridal shower, high priest party and church, I stayed home and tried to recover. Rich has decided that in order to get rid of the black algae in our pool he will drain it, power wash it, fix anything he needs to and then we can fill it back up. My birthday is coming in 23 days so I sure hope I'll be swimming by then. Bella still hasn't had her puppies. She looks like she's going to pop. Mindi has been taking her temperature everyday to see if maybe she is in labor but nothing yet, just a dog that puts her tail down and runs away when she sees the rectal thermometer coming her way. After one of my rabbits died on Sat. and my niece Mary having to put her dog Bailey to sleep yesterday, I can see why some people don't want animals. My parents never let me have any pets when growing up, so I have made up for it as an adult. Sounds like maybe some therapy is needed. It is one thing to have a few pets but a petting zoo causes me so much trouble you would think I would learn. Rich has decided to make a huge hill in our backyard and put some plants on it. I still think he's been out in the heat too much but he worked on it all day Sat. He saw one in a backyard near our house so he thinks he needs one back there. I gave him my opinion about the "hill" last night but he thinks it will look good and be fun for the grand kids. Life continues to move along, we get closer and closer to those 100 plus temperatures, so I'm trying to just brace for the heat and hope we survive.

I'm Done Shopping For Awhile

Candi called yesterday to see if I wanted to go to the mall with her. At first I said no because my hair looked terrible and I didn't feel like getting ready. Then I changed my mind, and after a shower and a little makeup, off  we went to lunch and then had a nice time walking and walking and walking the mall. Then today Mindi wanted to go check out the sale at Dillard's so after she took poor sick Trulie to the doctor, we went shopping again. As we headed out to the Mall we remembered about a bridal shower we have tomorrow, so we went and got a shower gift and then walked and walked again. By the time we left the mall this poor crippled grandma was about in tears. I came home and took some pain medication and layed down for about an hour when Mindi came in and told me if we were getting groceries, we had to go NOW! So after shopping for two days straight I feel like staying in bed for a long time. This morning my Mom called and told me a little story about Camilla Eyring. She is the wife of the Prophet Spencer W. Kimball and a cousin to my Grandma Fern. I loved Pres. Kimball so much we named our son Spencer after him and my brother Lennie. Anyway, my Mom wanted to read me something out of Camilla's book she is reading. It says, "For years Camilla suffered painful arthritis and rheumatism in her hands and knees. Uncomplaining, she used mild pain killers only when the discomfort became too great. A fall on the ice injured her right shoulder so that even with cortisone shots her shoulder thereafter rarely stopped hurting. Sometimes she could not raise her arm to comb her hair, but she bore pain stoically, not wanting Spencer or others to have to worry about her." Unlike me I complain about the pain and don't care if Rich worries about me, ha ha, no I wish I was more like Camilla and just suffered in silence, that's just not who I am.

Released My Burdens and Fasted

Last night we had a Relief Society activity where we had speakers who talked about their burdens and adversity. We sipped on smoothies as our sweet Patriarch talked to us about challenges he has had and what a tender man, who shared his testimony with us. After it was over we each took a white balloon representing out burdens, and let it go into the night sky. As I stood there looking at all those beautiful women, who each one is dealing with their own burdens, I was humbled. When I came home and was getting ready for bed, Rich reminded me that today was the day he signed us up for the "40 day fast" our ward is doing. I'm pretty clueless, so I didn't really understand what we were fasting for, until he told me it was for Missionary Work. I'm sad to say that I'm not a very good missionary because I'm kind of a hermit, and have a hard time engaging people about the gospel. My testimony is strong, but sometimes I just assume that those that want to be members of the church will find a way for it to happen. Anyway, since I was fasting I decided to take the opportunity to go get some blood work done that needs to be done while fasting. It has been a long time since I've actually fasted because I take some medications and it makes me feel so weird, I just never do it. Last night I decided that if Rich was going to fast while working in the heat, I could try and fast here at home. I made it for seventeen hours before I started getting a headache and felt shaky. As my Mom called before going to the Temple I told her that I felt bad I couldn't fast longer, she said, "you fast as long as you can, we do the best we can and hope that is good enough." That is what I want most out of life, to do the best I can and for that to be good enough.

Unity, One Heart, One Mind

Last Wednesday evening at the auction, the Bishop asked if Mindi and Tristyn would speak in church on Sunday. I can not believe that she said "yes" as she suffers bad anxiety about public speaking. Kind of like her Mother. Anyway, the subject was having one heart, one mind and unity in the family. Tristyn had a short and sweet talk comparing unity in the family and unity on a volleyball team. I thought she did a great job as it was her first talk. Mindi's talk was way more personal as she talked about the family and then shared the story of the loss of our precious Kamber. I could not believe she could go there, as that is such a special and spiritual experience our family has endured. She gave a good quote by President Hinckley that says: "I would like to see greater love in our homes. ... You parents who are fathers and mothers of children, treasure your children. Look to them with love. Lead them..with love. ... They will follow after you if you do that. And I make you a promise that if you do so, the time will come when you will feel so grateful that you have done so, that you will get on your knees and thank the Lord for the precious children who have come to you and grown up under your direction." The older I get the more grateful I am for my family. At times I wonder how I lived through the different stages from babies to teenagers and then now they are all adults. I like President Packer's statement in this years conference that said, "Life was not meant to be easy, or fair." I know I have often wondered why I've had the trials that have been given to me. Another thing Mindi said in her talk was "When adversity arises, we need to avoid self-doubt and discouragement and look at our trials as an opportunity to strengthen ourselves." I know I need to be more grateful for the blessings I've been given, especially those people in my own family and hopefully at some point we can be united in "one heart and one mind." Ethan called yesterday and invited us all out for Sunday dinner. I know it was a lot of work for them but it was so nice to not have to fix dinner after our stressful weekend. The kids have so much fun playing with the cousins so I had to take a few pictures.

Heavy Heart

I woke up early this morning with pain in my hip and my heart. On Thurs. night as I went into the bathroom by my back door I could hear some loud growling and fighting coming from the yard. I went outside, called for the dogs and then yelled at Rich and Dave that I needed them to hurry, I needed some help. Rich ran out one door and came back with one of our dogs saying "Liberty is dead." What? He layed her on the porch and I started to do chest compressions and told Mindi to blow in her nose and mouth which I continued to do for about fifteen minutes trying to revive her. Mindi finally said, "Mom she's gone." I don't know what happened. These golden retrievers and Spencer's white lab had obviously had an issue and something happened to cause the death of a totally healthy, expensive dog. I am heartbroken, we were just about to be able to breed her and now she is dead. This morning as I got up and ready for the day the phone rang and my cleaning girl isn't coming. Sometimes she isn't that reliable, so I'm on my own today with the cleaning and laundry. Rich had to work, Mindi went to Tristyn's volleyball tournament and Dave is running the boys to their football games all day. It also doesn't help that it's going to hit 100 degrees today. After I fed my animals I came in and decided I would spend some time reading my scriptures, seeing if maybe that would help my mood. I opened them up and was in Mormon: 9. This chapter talks about the peoples unbelief of the existence of Christ. As I kept reading it talked about the resurrection "which an endless sleep, from which sleep all men shall be awakened by the power of God when the trump shall sound; and they shall come forth, both small and great, and all stand before his bar, being redeemed and loosed from this eternal band of death, which is a temporal death." Then the verse that spoke to my spirit, "And then cometh the judgment of the Holy One upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." I need to hurry and get happy because I don't want to spend the eternities unhappy. As I had Trent and Troy go out with me to help feed this morning Trent said something like this, "Liberty is in heaven now right?" I said, "she's up their with Haley, Harley, Hannah and all the chickens and rabbits they have killed." Then in Trent's sweet voice he said, "maybe she's with Kamber too."  All I could say was, "I sure hope so."

For the last couple of weeks a friend and I have been working on a quilt for the Young Women's Auction. Well, we had the auction last night and a really nice guy in our ward bought it for his wife for $90. Eventhough the materials were just a little bit less than that and the hours spent making it, I was just glad it sold. I have been told many times that I need to make quilts and sell them, but they can only be a "labor of love" for me, not to make money. That to me makes them less special. Most of my little grand kids love their quilts, in fact I have been told by a few of them that they want newer and bigger ones. Hopefully I can start some of them soon. I would say that Mindi and I are really good and responsible pet owners. Rich even accuses me of loving my animals more than him. Sometimes I do because they don't talk back and they usually do what I want them to. Anyway, last week we sent Bella and Poochie off to the groomers. They were looking terrible and needed a good shower and shave. Mindi got a call from the girl that took them out to the groomers that went something like this. "UM you knew Bella is pregnant right?" Mindi then said, "we thought she looked like she's gotten fatter, but NO we didn't know she's expecting." Rich and I were out to dinner and had run into some friends so we talked for three hours over dinner. When we got in the car Rich noticed we missed two calls from Mindi's phone and two from Dave's. I was just praying there wasn't an emergency but no, just the happy news that we are having puppies again. Poor Bella, street walking Bella. The only male dog we have is a 90 pound English Retiever who is pretty young and not that bright. We may have to do DNA testing to find out who to sue for paternity. One of Mindi's friends suggested we go on Maury to find out "Who's Your Daddy?" It seems like there is always something in my life to throw me for a loop, when is it going to be time for me to just sit in the rocking chair on the porch and watch the sunset? Probably never.

How Has It Been 36 Years Already?

It seems like in this mortal life we measure things by weeks, months and years. Yesterday Rich and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. We were married on Good Friday in 1976 and Rich likes to say, "we haven't had a good Friday since." Sometimes that's a pretty true statement. As we went out to dinner last night we were talking about how could it have been 36 years already, my comment was, "this has been a really hard year for me." My parents are 82 years old and have been married for 62 years, I know there have been times that were really difficult for them and others where every thing seems to be going good. Rich and I come from very different backgrounds. His family weren't active in the church and had some alcohol issues. I had very strong religious parents who both worked hard as school teachers, but we had our own dysfunction. Rich and I met by accident while he and my brother Len were serving as mission companions in Canada. I have often wondered why all this happened, as we have struggled for many years trying to see "eye to eye." I see other couples who seem so happy and are on the same page all the time. I even have a friend who said, "we have never had an argument in our marriage." Wow! This last year as I saw my brother get divorced, the pain and sadness it caused their six kids, breaks my heart. How bad does it have to get to walk out on someone you have been with and shared so much with? On Sunday I heard a talk about how we don't know how much time we have left here on earth. We need to make each day count by doing something for someone, if we are down we need to lift someone else up. If we have health problems we need to seek out someone to help. It has taken me all these years to grieve the drowning death of angel Kamber. Every time I hear of a child who has died it brings up all those emotions in me that happened that day in July four years ago. I am so thankful for my testimony of the Savior and how he can make us whole by taking on our burdens. As I look at our family picture taken a month ago at all these children and grandchildren who I love so much. The 36 years of hard work have been worth every minute of it, and I can't wait to see Kamber on the other side.

It's Not Just My Adrenals That Are Tired

Today has been a weird day for me. I usually spend Saturdays at home in my grubby clothes cleaning, ironing and an occasional grocery store run. My sister had asked me last week if I wanted to go with her to a class at the doctors office about thyroid and hormonal disorders. So I got up early put makeup and nice clothes on and off we went at 9:30 a.m. After an hour and a half of a power point presentation on adrenal fatigue, I had more than just my adrenals that were tired. We seemed a little bit confused so we decided to go shopping. My sister has lost almost 30 pounds and I'm still stuck at twenty something so we decided to see if we could find some clothes that don't hang on us. We started at Macy's where nothing really grabbed us, so off we went to another "plus size" store. There were lots of 2X-5X but nothing that was small enough for us. We decided that maybe we should just get our sewing machines out and start altering all of our fat clothes, but it is way more fun to buy new ones. The weather has been unusally cool for this time of year, in the 60's today. This will probably be the last time for that until next December, so I'm trying to soak in all the cool air I can. We haven't heard from Spencer since he left for Boston, the three hour time difference is going to be a problem for our communications but maybe he's just happy to be away from us. Hopefully it will be a good experience for them living on the East Coast, but I can still be sad about it.

We All Need to Be Comforted At Some Time

I just got in from feeding my animals. What a pretty day, a nice cool breeze and the temp was 60 degrees. We have been given a tender mercy to have a cool down before the heat of summer fries my brain. Spencer and his little family are on a plane to Boston as we speak. All their earthly possessions were packed up on Tues. and they were living in their cars until going to a hotel last night, followed by a trip to the airport at 4:30 a.m. Their flight was at 6:00 a.m., sounds terrible to me and when I talked to him yesterday he sounded like he was super stressed out. I hope it works out for him with the Patriots, it's going to be hard seeing him in a different uniform, but the NFL is all business and this is the part that hurts, changing teams. I have a little ritual I do every night before going to bed. I soak in the tub, watch the news, and then read the paper. I know the experts say not to do the reading and t.v. before bed, but that's what I do to relax. Anyway, in yesterdays paper there was something that caught my eye. "Woman is 1st suicide at Hoover Dam bypass bridge." As I read it I became so sad that during the night, I kept thinking of this and wondering, "what was so bad in her life that she would go to that extreme to end her life?" She was 60 years old, just about my age. Her body was found downstream Sunday morning by kayakers on the Colorado River, almost 900 feet below the span of the bridge. I have gone through some really tough stuff in my life, just like everyone else, we have trials that sometimes test our abitlity to think rationally and test our decision making ability. There have been times where I have thought the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it, but then I think of my family and my knowledge that God loves me and is aware of my struggles. I have felt his comfort and help in times of need and I'm so thankful for that. The scripture in the Bible, Psalm 23:4 that says, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." We all need to be comforted at times in our lives, I hope someday I can be the comforter for someone that needs help.

"Trials Like Your Panties Falling Off In Church"

Jenn and Reagan
Candi, Major, Brookie and Reagan
Tristyn, Trulie and Miranda
Rich eating jelly beans
Ethan and Me

Brookie and Ethan

We had a nice Easter/Birthday celebration on Sunday. All the kids, grand kids, parents, my brother and his three children came. It is so much fun having everyone over but takes a toll on me. I spend all day cleaning and making food and then I spent all day yesterday doing dishes and sweeping up Easter grass off my floor. Sunday I ate so much chocolate and sugar I felt sick when I went to bed. When I got up on Monday I swore to myself not to do that again. Some people like drugs and alcohol but I would be happy with an IV of chocolate. Sounds like an addict to me. On Sunday my Dad gave a talk in church. It seems like they ask him a lot to talk on Easter Sunday. Anyway, during his talk his pants fell down to his ankles. My Brother Ben was there with his daughter Miranda and said that he just kept on talking while the Bishop's councilor and someone else pulled his pants up. I guess he didn't miss a beat and then in his talk said something like, "we are going to have trials in our lives, like your panties falling off in church." How embarrassing, but something to remember forever. Sometimes I think I take life way to serious. We are going through a hard time right now with the economy and having a small business. Rich works harder than any guy I know but doesn't ever seem to get a break. Worrying doesn't help so I'm just going to have the "I don't give a *&^% attitude, maybe things will get better. Anyway, I have too many blessings to count and just keep praying that "things will work out the way they are suppose to."

Three Birthdays and Easter

The house is so quiet today, Mindi took Trulie to Tristyn's volleyball tournament in Avondale, I was going to go but I have too much to do for that trip an hour away. Rich left to check on some jobs and Dave has the boys at their football games. I ended up making three dozen green corn tamales and working on the quilt for the Young Women's auction. Yesterday some of Rich's family came over to swim, it was fun to visit with them. These Utah people who think that 72 degree water is warm enough to swim in, it makes me cold just thinking about it. This week we have three birthdays, Brookie's was on the 3rd, Tyton's is today and Ethan tomorrow on Easter. Tomorrow we are having our family plus my parents, brother and his three kids over for ham and potatoes and other yummy food including birthday cake. Now that Rich and I are old, Easter isn't the same. We don't dye eggs or put together baskets for our kids, they are doing that for the grandchildren. Easter has taken on a new meaning since Kamber passed away. The hope of the resurrection and the reuniting with our family on the other side of the veil is the true meaning of Easter for me. In a little book I've been reading it talks about how "we have faith that Christ can fix what is badly broken. From this absolute trust comes an energy we call hope. It allows us to see past the obvious hardness or weakness or insanity in ourselves and in others. The eye anointed with faith and hope--knowing there comes a time of relief and happiness--gives the heart permission to be of good cheer." So with that I can have joy in this journey of mine.

Today Is a Big Fat River Rock!

I knew it was going to be a bad day when trying to clean out the filters in my pond my arms slipped off the board and I went head first almost getting my face and head wet in the fish water. Then after being up a couple of pounds at the doctor, I guess the tamales and chocolate Easter eggs have caught up to me, more bad news. After running a couple of errands we got home to see the irrigation had flooded the porches, sandbox and the ponds with the turtles and fish. Oh how I love living here. Rich's sister Marybeth, her daughter Kristi and her four children have been here visiting for a couple of days from Utah. They didn't get here until Tues. afternoon and were on their way back to Zion this morning. We hardly had time to visit because life is busy around here. They all got in the pool on Tues. the water is only 72 degrees, I couldn't believe it. We went shopping at the mall yesterday and to the Easter Pageant last night. We always try and go to the dress rehearsal to avoid all the masses, but this year we decided to "gird up our loins, fresh courage take" and go on the Wed. before Easter. Rich dropped us off right next to the Temple and then went to park, he even got a close place, no mile walk for him and his sister. As we were waiting for it to start some of the cast members came walking by and we took some pictures with them. We also saw lots of people we knew. It was fun and peaceful sitting on the Temple grounds. I love the angels dressed in white blowing the trumpets on top of the stage, but my favorite part is when Christ is with the little children playing and healing them, I thought of Kamber and wondered if she was with him. It was a tender mercy for me. Today my sweet son Ethan came by on his way home, he's working on a job in our neighborhood. Sunday is his birthday on Easter, he is special to me. He knows how discouraged I've been about some things in my life, he has such a kind heart and would do anything he could to help. I appreciate that. Tomorrow has to be a better day, the sun will come up and I have lots to do getting ready for Easter and our birthday party on Sunday. Some days are diamonds and some days are stones, today is a big fat river rock!

"Seek The Abundant Life"

After watching eight hours of conference and finishing President Monson's Biogragraphy, I'm still trying to process all the information taken in. I don't think there was one talk that I didn't get something from. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with stuff to do, and worry about things that aren't really important, I want to be able to remember the advice given by our Prophet and the other Brethren. When I have unkind thoughts about others, or when I want to lash out at those around me, I want to remember Pres. Uchtdorf's advice to just "STOP IT!" Mindi, Dave and the kids got home late last night from California, wow, Mindi has some catching up to do. She is super efficient but looks really tired but keeps pushing along. Rich's sister and niece are coming tomorrow with her kids to visit, so we are busy trying to clean and hopefully get to the grocery store. I also have three birthdays and Easter to shop for, so this is going to be a busy week for us. We are hoping to take the Utah family to the Easter Pageant, it is always good for a sweet spirit of peace and hope. Today as I finished the last chapter of Monson's book it talked about how he "counsels those just starting out in their families and careers to seek "the abundant life." I wondered what the abundant life is. He says, "To measure the goodness of life by its delights and pleasures and safety is to apply a false standard. The abundant life does not consist of a glut of luxury. It does not make itself content with commercially produced pleasure, the nightclub idea of what is a good time, mistaking it for joy and happiness." He measures the abundant life by the capacity "to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility." I have been told many times that I see the glass half full, that I'm Debbie Downer and that my lack of forgiveness and gratitude keep me in a state of sorrow and confusion. To all of them I say "look at yourselves" and hopefully I can start to have the "abundant life" talked about in this book.