"I Have Fought a Good Fight"

I wish there was a handbook to follow when someone dies that has been such an influence for good in your life. Sometimes I think I'm having an "out of body" experience and that time stood still for a week and now it's spinning out of control. This morning we went to the mortuary to make the final arrangements for Dad's viewing and funeral next week. My Mom isn't herself and I think she is still in shock, denial, and just plain old heartbroken. Last night when I made my final call to her I asked  how she was doing. I said, "Mom, aren't you relieved that Dad went so fast and is out of pain?" She answered with a soft, "yes, I'm glad he's out of pain but I sure miss my little fellow." It hit me just how devastated she really is. She has been his caretaker for sixty-four years now, feeding him, showering and dressing him and even watching the Diamondbacks games religiously with him. Now she is alone in the house they have been in since 1956. We have offered to have her come live with one of us, and she still may end up over here, but for now she is staying where she is reminded all the time that Dad isn't coming home. When I left Hospice yesterday, a thought kept coming in to my mind. It was driving me crazy that I couldn't find it in my scriptures. So finally this morning early when I woke up, I looked in the Topical Guide of the Bible and found it in 2 Timothy 4:7. It says "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." When Kamber passed away I kept saying, "I can do hard things" over and over in my mind. Now seven years down the road my new motto is "I have fought a good fight, I have kept the faith." That will keep my Dad's memory alive for me for a long, long, time.

"The Rock of our Redeemer"

After Dad gave us all the talk on Tuesday and told us his wishes to not try and save his life and help get him out of pain, Hospice was called. We waited to hear when a bed would open up so they could move him out of the hospital.  When Ethan called me last night and told me they were getting him ready for transport, I was shocked it had happened so fast. We had planned a family meeting for last night to discuss what to do with Dad, so I stayed home and got caught up on some of my work. We got a call during the meeting telling us they had Dad and were getting him comfortable. I couldn't sleep, praying that the Lord would have mercy on him and our family and make this transition quick and not drag out for days or weeks. At 2:30 a.m. we got a call from Len telling us they had called and said Dad had taken a "turn for the worse." By the time we all got there at 3:00 Dad was wanting Rich and I to sit him up and get his feet on the floor. I asked him where he thought he was going and he didn't know. After we all got there they gave him another dose of Morphine and he started to settle down and relax a little bit. We all sat and watched him start to breath shallower and shallower until he finally took his last breath of air at 5:00 a.m.. After twelve years of battling prostate cancer his fight was over. He left this earth with all his children, his wife, and a dear cousin supporting him to the end. I have been down this road of grief before and I know I'm in the first stage which is denial. My mind is trying to come to grips that my Dad will never walk again on this earth and I won't see him again until I pass through the veil, where I know he will be there to greet me. I know he's with his parents, grandparents and others he so dearly loved and for sure has given Kamber a big hug for us. As we were watching Dad struggle to breath, Len kept coming up with scriptures that seemed to resonated with what we were experiencing. The one that is most special to me is the one Dad recited last night as they were leaving and Len ask him what his favorite scripture was. He said, Helaman 5:12 "And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that you must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." I'm so thankful for my testimony of the Savior, I know he lives and answers prayers, I've seen it in my life this last week and hope to build my life upon the rock of our Redeemer, just like Dad did.

Yeterday Was Really Hard

Yesterday was a really hard day, one of many more to come I'm sure. When my SIL Julie and I got to the hospital, Dad was really struggling. My sister had just left and my youngest brother Ben was there visiting. Dad wanted to have the "talk" with us, the talk that every child doesn't want to ever have with their aged parents. He wanted to let us know that he is tired. He is in pain. He doesn't want to prolong his life when he feels so bad. I totally respect that and told him I didn't want him to suffer any more either.  So what's the next step? When Kamber passed away it was sudden, crappy but we knew it was over for her and she was back home in heaven. With Dad there are so many questions, like how much time does he have left and what do we do with him to keep him the most comfortable? When he told the nurses yesterday that he is finished and doesn't want to fight anymore, he started the ball rolling down the hill. A social worker was sent in and then Hospice. I never really knew what Hospice does except that when they are called in it is a death sentence. I got some education yesterday that you can only get when you have someone close to you is terminally ill. So after listening to her, we now need to make some decisions. Dad will stay at the hospital until they have a bed open up in a Hospice Facility. When he is stable and ready to be moved he will go somewhere else, that is where we come in, his family, his wife, kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. I know Dad is most worried about my Mom because he thinks she is in denial, which she is. She kept telling him yesterday that he has to get better so he can come home and mow the yard. This big strong, athletic, righteous, competitive Father of mine has given up on his mortality. Now it's our job to keep him comfortable and give him the dignity he deserves until the end of his life. This is really hard, I hope we are up to the task to honor his wishes and let him go.

The Will of the Savior

My mind has been spinning since last week when Dad was put in the hospital. Yesterday Tristyn played in a volleyball tournament at ASU, so I went to support her and then we went to the hospital to see Dad. When we got there he had several other visitors from his ward and my brother Len, his wife Julie and my niece Aubrey. After everyone left, Mindi and I tried to talk to him to see if we could help him out. He looks swollen and when you ask him how he feels all he says is "awful." The doctors have been busy trying to find out what is wrong with him. Less than two weeks ago he was at my house playing Rook and eating Mexican food and now he's in a hospital bed feeling rotten. We have known Dad is on borrowed time since 2001 when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Without treatment they said he would only live 12 to 18 months, so the fact he has liven this long is a tender mercy for sure. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I was going through all the scenarios of what is going to happen. How can we make room for Mom to come live with us if things don't go well and Dad never comes home from the hospital? I hate this feeling of being between the proverbial "rock and a hard place." I don't want him to suffer and prolong his life when the quality is so bad, but the thought of losing him for the rest of my life hurts, and takes me down that long dark road when we lost Kamber. I do have a testimony of the Savior and know he knows of our concerns and worries. As I talked to Mom on the phone last night, she is so full of faith. She thinks he will get better and come home, but she also knows we aren't in charge and she said, "if the Savior wants him home, then I know the will of God has been done."

Dad's In The Hopsital

I had so much I needed and wanted to get done yesterday. I spent the week picking up all the ingredients to make green corn tamales with a friend of mine who has wanted to learn how to make them for a year now. I got up early and started my day when I got a call from Mom telling me she was in the hospital with my Dad. He has been really sick after having chemotherapy last Wednesday but we were hoping things were turning around for him.  I guess after falling asleep on the couch watching t.v. , she woke up at 1:30 a.m. and Dad was still up watching a show. She tried to get him up out of his chair and in bed, when he decided to just sit down on the floor. She tried for half an hour to get him up when finally he told her to call 911. After the paramedics arrived they decided he needed to go to the hospital, so they took him in an ambulance and one of the firemen drove her truck, parked it and got her into the hospital where they admitted him and started running tests. I hurried and did my tamales and then my sister and I headed over to the hospital. We got there just when they were getting him back in his room from running some tests and neither one of them had eaten a bite of food. I had brought two tamales for Mom but nothing sounded good to Dad to eat. We ordered some food anyway and stayed with them until some other family members came and then we left for home.  The nurse came in before we left and told us that he has a huge blood clot in his right leg and they were starting a heparin drip to dissolve the clot, hopefully preventing it from going to his lungs or heart.  As we were driving home we were talking about all the options we have to take care of our parents. I don't think he is strong enough to take anymore chemo, but without it he will surely die. I'm not so sure that taking it may kill him also. When you get in your sixties and have parents in their eighties you know at any time life can change. Losing Kamber at two years old is proof that we are all on borrowed time anyway. So today I will be going back over to the hospital to support him and hopefully he will be improving and will someday be able to come home. Until then we are just in a waiting game that we knew would happen at some time in our lives.

Same Old Sadness in the New Year

I've been discouraged that the first two weeks of the new year have just been a continuation of the same old crap from last year. At times it is hard to have hope in the future, that maybe things will get better and will work out for my good. My Dad's cancer counts are going up, so his doctor decided a super strength treatment of chemotherapy would be the answer. It has made him so sick, I don't know what will kill him first, the cancer or the treatments. I had a friend who's Dad went in to the hospital for treatment and they kept upping his chemo until it killed him, he never left the hospital. I will never forget that. When I talk to my Mom about it, all she says is that if he doesn't do it, he will die. It's hard getting older and seeing your parents health start declining. I feel stuck between worrying about their health and then the twins and all their little setbacks on the other end of the spectrum. I was thinking the other day that when these babies go on their missions, if they decide to go, I will be almost eighty years old. At the rate I'm going I may be long gone by then anyway, so why worry about something so far in the future that may not even happen? I've been trying to get rid of all my excess junk so we could move Tristyn down into our spare room. All it seems like I've done is just create more messes because I don't have anywhere to put all my extra stuff. Oh well, she will be off to college in another year, so hopefully we can endure until she goes away. Yesterday I had an appointment with a new specialist. He thinks he may be able to help me feel better. That would be nice, I hope it happens but I hate to get my hopes up too high and then it not work out. Anyway, tomorrow I'm going over to help a friend make green corn tamales. She has wanted me to teach her for a long time and finally tomorrow is the day. They are so much work, but so yummy, maybe a big dose of tamales will cheer me up, I can only hope.

Surgery, Chemo and 60th Birthday

I spent a lot of last week going through closets and drawers trying to get rid of all my excess stuff. I figure if I hadn't used it, or worn it in five years it was out of here. I don't know why I hold on to things that I will never use or wear, it makes me crazy. When Spencer and Annie were here going through their stuff I was amazed at how little sentimental value they put on their stuff. I just have a hard time letting go. Last week Rustin was in the hospital having the same surgery Gage had on New Year's day. These poor babies are sure having a rough start to their little lives. During surgery the surgeon discovered a hernia that will need to be fixed later this month. I have to question why a surgeon wouldn't just fix it while he was in there, instead of putting the baby back under again and all the risks that go with that. They are checking Gage to make sure he doesn't have the same hernia problem as the two seem to have the same DNA, which I hope they will test soon to see if they are identical or not. They sure seem to be identical to me, but unless you do the test you don't know for sure.  My Dad went in for Chemotherapy last Wednesday and by Saturday he was so sick he couldn't keep anything down, nor did he want to eat. We all got together for my brother Len's 60th birthday last night and my parents didn't come, so I know he feels rotten. I have often wondered what I would do if put in the same situation. I don't think I would ever be brave enough to let the put poison in my body. When I told my Mom that, all she said was, "if he doesn't do it then he will die." Maybe it's just me but there are worse things than dying, and that's feeling like you are going to, or praying to pass on. At 86 years old I don't know if his body will be able to endure this round of poison, but if he wants to go through it then it's his choice, we will be here to love and support him to the end.

Purging Closets and Rustin's Surgery

I thought the New Year would bring some quiet time and I would be able to catch up on my quilting projects that I've neglected over the last two months. Mindi had other plans, as they decided to move Tristyn back into our spare bedroom that had become the junk and storage area since she moved out last time. Because Spencer and Annie were here, we were able to have them spend a day and go through all the junk they left when they moved to Colorado when he was drafted by the Broncos. Yes, their stuff has moved from their house in Queen Creek, to Mindi's garage, to our spare bedroom and now it's sitting in Ethan's shop ready to be shipped to wherever they decide to live when their home sells in Boston. I am embarrassed to say that I have hoarded clothes for a long time and now that Tristyn needs the closets it has forced me to purge, sending some to DI and some to others who want them. I'm not OCD about my stuff but others in my family are, so I'm trying to get rid of whatever I don't think I'll use. So far it has been a really positive experience and I can't wait to get my stuff organized and hopefully I won't miss all the excesses I have accumulated over the years. This morning as we were working away, I got a call from Ethan saying that now the other twin has the same thing Gage had last week, throwing up and not keeping anything down.  He had an ultrasound today and they sent them straight to the hospital to wait for surgery to take place as soon as possible. We have been wondering if they are identical twins since they have been born. The only way to tell is by a DNA test. Now that Rustin has the same thing, Pyloric Stenosis it just seems they must share the same genetics because they both have the same struggles. Now as a family we are pulling together to help while Jenn and Ethan are in the hospital as this baby has surgery, maybe some day we will win the lottery because with the mounting medical bills we are going to need a miracle to be able pay for all this care. We are so thankful to live in this time with such good medical doctors. These babies would have both died if they were born back in the pioneer times, we are just praying everything goes well with the surgery and he can come home soon.

Hope for the New Year

For the last couple of months I have contemplated not blogging anymore. Sometimes I feel that maybe I share things about me and family that aren't things others should know about us. Maybe that we are human and struggle just like everyone else and we are definitely not a perfect family, far from it. I have decided that I write because it lets me put my feelings and experiences down in a way that in the future I will remember just how blessed we really are, so I will carry on. On Monday morning I got a call from Ethan asking if I could come out and help Jenn with the kids and to take the boys to the doctor. Gage had been throwing up since Saturday night and didn't seem to be able to keep anything down. So I spent the day with her doing laundry and going to the pediatrician. He checked all the boys out and said he thought it was a little bug and to continue doing what she was doing and maybe add a little bit of rice cereal to help him keep his food down. By Tuesday night he was really critical, so we got another call asking for help again, this time to come out and take care of the kids so they could take Gage to the ER at Cardon's Childrens Hospital. Mindi and I didn't sleep more than three or four hours as we were worried and taking care of a four week old whose brother was really sick. By one in the morning I got a call from the hospital saying the baby had Pyloric Stenosis and he would require surgery. So after starving him out all night he went in to surgery yesterday morning to correct the problem. After surgery they started him out with a half ounce of pedialyte to make sure he could keep it down. He has been able to keep everything down they have fed him so far and are waiting for the surgeon to come check on him and release him to go home. This is truly a tender mercy from our Heavenly Father because this is so dangerous the doctors said if not treated is fatal. Jenn listened to the spirit and did what she was prompted to do. After having little sleep, Rich and I were in bed before ten o'clock last night. I heard a bunch of fireworks going off but I was so tired I didn't really care. We have totally turned in to old folks and it's pretty sad. We are just hoping that 2015 is better than the end of 2014.

After Christmas Stupor

I've been in a stupor since Christmas trying to put up all my decorations and get my house back together. Thanks to Spencer who came over on Saturday and pulled all the boxes down and then after we filled them back up he climbed up on the ladder and put them up in my closet. The only thing I have left to do is my tree and I dread taking all the ornaments off. So I am waiting until I get in the mood which will hopefully happen soon. The weather has taken a nosedive and so I've been worrying about my animals and trying to keep everything warm and alive. Another winter blast is coming our way tomorrow, so I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do it when it gets down below freezing at night. I hate the cold and the heat, maybe Hawaii is the place for me, but then I'm surrounded by shark infested water and that scares me too. For Christmas I only wanted two things, neither of which I got. They weren't expensive but just something I wanted to happen. My goal for the New Year is to live in moment and try to see the good in everyone I have a relationship with. I wish I could see others how the Savior does, then it would be so much easier to understand why they are the way they are. I also want to have more compassion on myself and change the things I don't like about myself and accept the things I can't change. it seems like year after year I'm working on the same goals but there never seems to be any change, I wonder if 2015 will be a better year for goal achievement. It was so nice to have all my kids and grandkids here for Christmas. Spencer and his family will be heading back to Boston next week and then when their house sells they will be moving to Montana. He thinks it is so much closer but to me it's still too far, but I know they are inspired to live where they do, so they don't need my blessing to live in Montana, that won't ever happen. Before we opened presents on Christmas morning I had each family stand in front of our tree for a photo. I also had some taken of the grand kids. They were a little bit tired and wild but I'm still glad we did it.

"Next Year Lets Start In November"

Mindi came in this morning and said, "we need to start in November so it isn't like this every year."  Yea, that would be nice but in November we are dealing with pomegranates and Thanksgiving. We had our Turley sisters party last night with all the cousins from my Mom's side there. We had delicious Mexican food, the Nativity with all the children, the reading of Turkey Trot and then the beloved "12 Days of Christmas" Greer style. Then this morning I was up early making my last batch of caramel popcorn to bag and take around with the jelly to our friends and neighbors. The girl that cleans my house is traveling down south for Christmas, so Spencer and Annie we so nice to come over this morning and help me get my house ready for Christmas dinner with the Greer clan tomorrow. Mindi has been out all afternoon doing her last minute shopping and after trying to take a nap, I gave up and decided to start my wrapping and putting the finishing touches on my house. I was having a little bit of a meltdown yesterday and telling my sister the only way out of all this Christmas chaos was to "go to the Light." I think she was worried that maybe I would do something drastic, but I was just venting to her about how bad I do when I'm stressed out. I wonder what it would be like to just go away for Christmas, and sit in a chair and drink hot chocolate for a few days. I guess we always want what we don't or can't have. This year has been another hard one for me in so many ways. Another knee surgery in May and then the usual ups and downs of living this mortal life. Sometimes it gets me down and I wonder how much longer I have to deal with the same things over and over again. I also know that there are many who suffer from far harder trials than I have and feel grateful for my own. Tomorrow will come and go and another Christmas will be in the books, I know I will finally get a good nights sleep and then start taking down all the decorations and get ready for the knew year. I hope everyone I love has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Done Shopping, Yeh!

I don't think I was home longer than an hour all day yesterday. I wanted to get my shopping done so I didn't have to fight the crowds this weekend, I don't do crowds very well. The kids got home early from school so we had babysitters for Trulie. Whew! After going to a few stores and Costco to pick up my pictures, we came home just long enough to feed the animals and get a drink of water. Tayler had a volleyball clinic in Tempe but Ethan was working late. We didn't want Jen to have to load up the twins and take them out in the cold, so Mindi took Tayler and I stayed and helped Jen with the kids. By then it was six in the evening and I was worn out. When Mindi got back, we took the older kids to try and find something for them for Christmas. It's getting harder and harder every year as the kids get older to find something they like. I don't do toys because I think that is Santa and their parents job, so I usually buy pajamas and a warm sweatshirt or coat. This year I also bought a lot of the clothes they wore for our family pictures. As we were walking through the store with Tayler and Kylie, I had flashbacks of shopping for clothes with my own two girls. How can two sisters be so different in personality and looks? Tayler is quite conservative in her dress and likes to wear her mom's clothes, while Kylie is a little more edgy like Candi was. When we left the store I was really tired and ready for bed. The little kids I know don't appreciate clothes, they would rather have something fun to play with, but this is what I do, it's very important to me that my grandchildren look nice when they are in public. I know time is coming when I will just have to do what my parents do and give money for them to shop for something they like.  I won't be here forever, but as long as I have the ability to walk through the stores, I will continue to buy for my grandchildren. That doesn't mean it still isn't hard, but so rewarding.

Finding Great Happiness on the Path

This Christmas Season has been so busy for me I feel like I'm spinning half the time. It seems like as I get older it takes me twice as long to do what I used to get done easily. I spent almost three weeks trying to get my house decorated and we only got our lights put up on our house on Saturday. I was wondering if this would be the first year that didn't happen at all. I've only been out to help Jen with the twins three times, but she is doing so well, I'm so impressed with her. I went out yesterday and sat in the car while she did some grocery shopping. We folded a couple of loads of laundry, fed the babies again and then it was time for me to go home. I understand the wisdom of having babies when you are young because it sure wears me out at sixty-one. In Relief Society on Sunday we had a really good lesson on President Monson's Conference talk this past October. He was talking about how the Savior walked the paths of disappointment, temptation and pain. Sometimes I go to church and wonder why I even bother but this lesson was really touching. Because we have chosen to come to earth and receive a body we are subject to all that comes with this mortal life. I don't think anyone gets out of here without experiencing all of these trials. It got me thinking of all my own disappointments, temptations and pain that I've been through. I have often suffered physical pain but I think the worst kind of pain is emotional, and when Kamber passed away it sent me somewhere dark I hadn't experienced before. At times I still get caught up in a place where I wonder if it's even worth going on. Then I think of my family and all my grandkids and I realize how blessed I really am. This weekend we were able to get together for pictures for the first time in a few years. Working with ten adults and eighteen children isn't easy, but I'm so happy with how they turned out. I need to get some printed for Christmas cards but Mindi and I both took our cameras and got some fun pictures of our posterity. In the talk President Monson says, "While we will find the path bitter sorrow, we can also find great happiness." I'm so thankful that sometimes I do have glimpses of great happiness as I walk this path called LIFE.

Am I Too Old For A Calling Yet?

This month is going by so fast I can't believe it's two weeks from Christmas Eve. I spent most of yesterday working on the Relief Society Christmas Dinner. We decorated from ten until noon and then had to be back to the church by 6:15 p.m.. Mindi and a couple of her kids have been sick this week, so I was on my own making four batches of funeral potatoes. It took me an hour to get them all mixed up and then another hour to bake them. While they were cooking, I got ready and fed all the critters, it made for a crazy day. The dinner was delicious and we had a fun little program and then the clean up began. It's just a good thing we had about ten sisters helping and Rich even put all the tables away and mopped the kitchen floor for us or we would still be there. I was so tired when I got home that when I finally got settled in to bed I had a painful charley horse in the back of my leg. I finally jumped up and went to the kitchen a got an ice pack and the pain finally went away. I've been wondering all morning if there comes a time when you are too old and out of shape to have a calling? Especially, decorating the church building. Now the clean up begins in my own house with all the dishes from my potato making extravaganza. We are going to try and have family pictures taken this weekend when Spencer, Annie and their kids get here. Trying to coordinate clothes for ten adults and eighteen kids has been my main concern for the last couple of weeks. It's been a long time since we've all been together, so hopefully it will work out. The weather is going to take a turn and be cold and rainy, but that makes it even feel more like Christmas to me. I want to just go in my sewing room and start a new quilt, but I've made a promise to myself that until the three I have waiting to be finished are done, NO more projects started. Plus, I need to do some organizing of all my material so I can find what I want to start working on in the new year, which is coming really fast.

Why Are The Holidays So Chaotic?

Yesterday morning I got a call from Ethan asking if I was ready to babysit. I said, "sure", and then hurried around getting everything I could done so I could spend some time with the kids. Now that the twins are two weeks old I think they are probably waking up and realizing how hungry they are, so Jen was up all night trying to get them settled. I remember how tired I was when I had one baby, so I can't imagine trying to soothe two at the same time. I knew Mindi and I needed to run a few errands but before that I went out and let Trulie, Max and Reagan jump on the trampoline and slide down the slide. We are lucky to be having a really mild fall and the sun felt good while I sat on the chair and watched the kids play. We are feeding the missionaries tomorrow so I needed to get some meat at the store so off we went with the kids to Bashas'. Trulie likes to go to Kiddy Kare so she took her little cousins in while we shopped. I've been so busy this week trying to get some things ready for our family pictures next week and do some Christmas shopping, I'm worn out. Every year I think it just doesn't seem right for life to be so chaotic around the holidays. Are there some people who just relax and not stress out about gifts and decorating? I wish I could just be happy with the blessings I have and not worry about all the fluff. Every week I have a countdown of things that need to be done and it's nice to cross them off the list. Next week we have the Relief Society and Ward Christmas parties, plus Spencer and Annie will be traveling home next Saturday. It's been way too long since I've seen the Boston Larsens so that will be a happy day. I have hardly seen Rich this week, he's busy trying to get five jobs done in one week. He is an eternal optimist and thinks he's Superman, but we both can tell how much age affects our productivity. I still have two trees to put ornaments on and my house to clean so I better get busy.

A Fun Day With Jen and the Kids

Yesterday I went out to spend the day with Jen out at her house. Ethan had asked me if I could go help her because she had a few errands to run and needed help. We fed and burped babies, ran to Walmart, came home, fed and burped the babies again. It's been a long time since I've fed a newborn and I was amazed at how natural it felt to me. I did get a little confused wondering which of the twins I was feeding and I even think Jen has a hard time keeping them straight. She had to take the babies to have their newborn screenings, so I stayed home with Max and Reagan and tried to stay awake while they watched a movie. I need to take a nap in the afternoon and I'm not usually babysitting kids, they were still alive when Jen got home. Whew! We waited for Brookie and Kylie to get home from school and then we headed over to Kohls to shop for clothes for our family pictures that hopefully will happen when Spencer and Annie get here next week. When I finally got home around six last night I was so tired. I can see the wisdom in having children when you are young because this old grandma couldn't handle newborns, toddlers and teenagers all at the same time. As I was getting ready to leave Brookie said, "Grandma, are you going to be in Heaven when I am older?" It took me by surprise and I didn't know quite how to answer her. I said, "I hope I'm still around when you get older, I want to be there when you get baptized." I could tell she was trying to figure out when she would be eight years old. I must look really old for her to ask me when I'm going to heaven. I then told her that we never know when we will be going to heaven, every day could be that day. Today is going to be a busy one as I try and catch up on my work but it sure was fun being around the younger generation, I was in bed asleep at 9:30, that's just how old this grandma is.

The Best Gift We Have Been Given

We had a really nice Thanksgiving Day. This is the year that my siblings went to their in-laws so the stress was way less for me. Mindi even commented on how nice it was. With the stress of the birth of the twins the weekend before, I was relieved we would have such a small group. I got a small turkey and it tasted really good even though I really don't like turkey much, it tasted good. My Mom and Dad, Mindi and Candi and their families were the only ones we had for dinner and then my sister and her son came by for pie later in the evening. It was also Reagan's birthday so after everyone left we headed out to Ethan's to celebrate her birthday and hold the twins. They are so cute and it's nice Gage got home from the hospital on Wednesday night so he was home for turkey day. As soon as we got home from Ethan's I started taking all my decorations down. I then started putting up Christmas decorations because I'm on call now to go help Jenn if she needs me. Her Mom took a week off from work to help them last week, so now it's up to me for moral support. Life is busy and I'm sure it's going to get more chaotic before Christmas but I love the holiday music and the feelings I get when I see the lights and think of the birth of the Savior, which is the best gift we have been given.

Lots of Things to Be Thankful For

It's nothing like Thanksgiving to bring out all the nostalgic feelings in me. This is the year that everyone goes to their in-laws, so it's kind of been nice, less stress for me. With the twins being born and Rich sick, that's a good thing. Rich was in Boston all last week helping Spencer install his new kitchen. Ethan built the cabinets and had them shipped back east. Rich had to do the install because we couldn't take the chance of Ethan missing the birth of the twins. When Rich got home on Saturday night I could tell he wasn't feeling well. By Sunday night he was really sick but hopefully he's on the mend tonight.  I read an article the other day that was "22 things unhappy people do." I wasn't surprised that I do almost all of them. They were stuff like thinking negative thoughts, holding grudges, living in the past, not being able to forgive and looking too far into the future and not living in the moment. Dang, how do you change who you are? How do you stop worrying about your kids and grandkids and wondering when the next trial will come your way? Anyway, I have so much to be thankful for. I just got word they are picking up Gage from the hospital, he was suppose to go home tomorrow but he's doing so well they are kicking him out tonight. Ethan and Jenn will need some extra prayers tonight as they deal with two babies in the night. Tomorrow will be a quiet day with just my parents and Mindi and Candi and their families coming for dinner. Some of the cousins may be coming over for pie later and then we are going out to Ethan's for Regan's birthday. Then it's twenty-seven days until Christmas, EEK!

The Twins Are Born

This has been a hard week with Rich in Boston helping Spencer and me here sleeping alone and worrying about the twins. Last night as I was talking to Jen and Ethan on the phone she was telling me about her day. She had some pretty strong contractions and back labor. She had been to the doctor on Thursday and told her she was ready and that he didn't want her to labor at home because she needed to have two doses of antibiotic for Strep B and since these are her 7th and 8th babies she should go fast. I suggested they just go to the hospital and get checked out to see if she had progressed at all with the pains she had. She got there at around 11:00 p.m. and they decided to keep her. She was at a seven dilation and was having contractions so they started her medication. I think I only got around three or four hours of sleep between my insomnia and worrying all night. Dr. Huish came in this morning and broke her water and she had an epidural and they were born this morning. The first baby was delivered head first but they had a problem with baby b, he was born breech and is having a hard time with his breathing, so he is in the nursery at the hospital while they watch him for a couple of days. We will be saying extra prayers for him until he can go home with his family. Rich is on route as we speak coming home and I'm excited that maybe with him home I'll be able to get the sleep I've been deprived of all week. We are certainly blessed that Jen was able to hold these precious babies in for 37 weeks and they are beautiful, I can't wait to hold baby b. Their names are Rustin Leonard and Gage Richard, and they were 7 lbs. 4 oz. and 8 pounds, and both were 21 inches long. Jen is a real trooper and I'm sure she's glad this is over and they are here safe. Today is my parents 64th wedding anniversary so what a memorable day for their birth.

Jelly Done, Yea!

I just finished the last two batches of jelly from this years harvest of pomegranates. Whew! What a relief until next year, it's such a good feeling. Yesterday was my Moms 85th birthday. We had planned a family ice cream sundae extravaganza for her on Sunday night, but that ended up not happening. My parents live in Scottsdale and because of the Ironman Competition they drove around for forty-five minutes trying to find a way to get across the roads to come to my house. Poor Mom was a nervous wreck wandering around the Reservation trying to get across. So yesterday both my brothers went to see her and my sister and I are taking her to dinner tomorrow night. Sometimes in life things just don't work out the way we think they should. We won't be planning a family party when that's going on again, that's for sure. Who would think you couldn't go anywhere all day because the roads were all blocked off until 6:00 p.m.? And by then she was too upset to come that late. Rich is still in Boston working on Spencer's kitchen. I think it's really going to be beautiful and I hope he appreciates Rich taking a week away from his business to help him. We'll see what kind of problems he will have to deal with next week when he gets home. I've had such a hard time sleeping that finally last night I put some essential oils on and drank some calming herbal tea. It helped a little bit and I slept until 4:00 a.m., so that's better than the last three nights. Jenn was having a few contractions yesterday and goes to the doctor tomorrow, it shouldn't be too much longer, but everyday she keeps them in the better it will be for them. I know she is miserable, I started taking castor oil when I got so miserable I wanted to hurt myself, so I can just imagine how hard it is to have two babies in there. She still looks great and is dealing better than I would. When they get here she is really going to be busy, tired and still miserable.