"I Can Do Hard Things, Again"

I just got in from feeding the herd and wow what a gorgeous evening. There was a cool breeze blowing in my face and the air just smells so clean. We are trying to get back to normal after our horrendous week with Mindi in the hospital and me hobbling around on crutches. I have often wondered in times of crisis how people do it without a supportive family and the members of the church. We have been so blessed to have that safety net to fall into when going through hard trials. On Sunday in Relief Society we were talking about things that we did, that at the time seemed really hard but we were glad afterwards we had done them. As the sisters were sharing their experiences my mind kept going back to one of those times when I didn't think I could do something and I was so glad I did it. When Kamber was taken to the hospital Mindi and I went to their house and stayed with the little girls while Ethan, Jenn, Rich, Len and Julie and other friends went to comfort them. I couldn't make myself go, that I regret. Everyone that knows me understands that with my anxiety it is really hard to step out into the dark and do something not in my comfort zone... driving, flying, cruises, or anywhere I feel confined and not have an escape route. Anyway, the day we were to go dress her for burial was so hard. Ethan had begged me to come and I wanted so bad to go, but didn't know if I could handle the stress. I kept repeating in my mind the verse from Come, Come Ye Saints, where it says, "Gird up your loins, fresh courage take," and so off I went to the mortuary. I have to say that the experience of preparing that special angel for burial is by far the most sacred and spiritual experience I have had in my sixty years. To see all those family members there to support, love, dress and paint finger and toenails, will forever be etched into my mind. As I held her and rubbed her feet, I felt an overwhelming love for her and my testimony that the Savior lives and he knows me, poor Teri, who struggles everyday with imperfections and struggles, but I know he loves me even though I'm not perfect. Tomorrow will be another hard day for me as I go get an MRI on my knee to see what kind of treatment might help me so I can walk without help. This is another opportunity for me to gird up my loins and do something I wished I didn't need to do, but I can prove again that "I Can Do Hard Things," I think.

My Whack-a-Mole Life

Mindi came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon after they finished running tests on her. We are so thankful for her recovery and hope she will continue to get stronger and stronger. Yesterday morning as I was murmuring to Rich about all the drama swirling  around us, he said, "You know Dewey, everyday is just a big Whack-a-Mole game anyway." What? Rich is comparing all that is going on to a stupid little kids game? The rest of the day all I could think about was that analogy, then I started laughing. I could see myself hitting those little animals down and then another one would pop up. It does really seem like that is what my life is. Later on in the day I went to lunch with some of my kids who were taking care of Trulie for the day. They were asking me questions about life and what I thought the reason we are even here on this earth, and WHY we have children. What is the purpose of it all anyway? All I could answer was that I think we are sent to earth to get a body and be tested. We are also told to "multiply and replenish the Earth and have joy in your posterity." Now I will be the first one to say that I don't always have joy in my posterity, but I think this is an eternal concept, not just what happens here on this earth. I can't imagine my life without any of my children or grandchildren and losing any of them would be devastating. Been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. But I do know that we don't live forever and trials and adversity will continue to come. When the vet brought my rabbit home to be buried after he ended his suffering, he said, "Here's the Easter Bunny." I said, "well, at least he made it past Easter."

Sick Daughter, Bad Knee and Dead Rabbit

On Sunday I enjoyed the usual talks about the special meaning of Easter. The messages shared were about faith and hope in the Savior and how through the atonement he will make everything right for us. Even though trials will come, we will be able to overcome them and stay faithful. I thought that after Kamber drowned I learned that I can do hard things and survive adversity as it comes into my life. After a weekend of Mindi being sick, Dave finally took her to the hospital where she has been since early Monday morning. I have only seen her this sick twice before, once with double mastitis and when she had spinal meningitis as a young girl. She has always had stomach problems like heartburn and digestive issues but now she has a full blown case of colitis caused by some bacteria they are treating with antibiotics and IVs. I have seen a glimpse of what life would be without her. She is the quarterback of our family. She is the one that carries most of the load around the house, taking care of five children, a husband, her mother and all the other miscellaneous critters we have. Hopefully she will start getting better so she can come home, we all miss her. This morning when I hobbled out to feed my animals I noticed one of my rabbits looking sick and twitching. I had Rich's secretary, Amber help me bring him in the house where I found he was being eaten alive by maggots. This is fly season around here and with three horses and five dogs living across the street and our petting zoo the fly problem is horrible. So thankfully our family vet just came by and picked him up and will put him to sleep and end his misery. I went to see the surgeon yesterday and hopefully my knee isn't as bad as I thought it was. After I get an MRI, (if I survive it) he will determine if there is something he can fix by scoping it instead of needing a knee replacement. I know they say we aren't given more than we can deal with but I think I'm getting to the end of what I can endure, or maybe I really can do some more hard things, we'll see.

Just One Broken Leg

I woke up yesterday at 4:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. I hate that when my mind is racing about all that needs to get done and if I could just get a few more hours of sleep, my day would go so much better. My parents were having Stake Conference and because their building is under renovation they were going to have to go clear in to Phoenix, so they just came over and spent the day with us. We had a good crowd for dinner, even though half of them couldn't come because of conflicts. Life is changing fast as a lot of the grandkids are married and have children of their own. With Spencer and Robbie living out East we never have all the family together anymore. When most everyone had left I ventured out to feed the animals. My Mom comes out to help when she's here because she doesn't want me to fall and being on crutches it helps. Anyway, as we headed out I could see someone on the trampoline comforting someone who was hurt. As I got closer I saw it was Mary's boyfriend, Jeff talking to Elise, her ten year-old daughter. I guess he had popped her on the trampoline and when she landed wrong it snapped her leg, breaking it between the knee and ankle. She was screaming in pain and wanting her Mom and Grandma. It wouldn't be a Greer party without someone getting hurt. So off to the ER they went and hopefully she will be able to recover from this injury. As I talked to Candi later she was a little melancholy about life. It seems like as the kids get old, things are changing. I can feel a shift in my own life as my grandkids get closer to college, missions and marriage. Now I know how my parents feel at 85, you see your posterity and pray for them, but when it comes down to it all we have is Faith and Hope that they will be guided and protected. Sometimes I feel so powerless, I guess it's my control issues I struggle with. Anyway, as Candi said, "Easter 2014 is in the books," and I survived another family get together and we only had one broken leg, Awesome!

Because of Him

Today is Good Friday so the kids are out of school and Mindi is trying to keep them busy and even do a few chores. When you have this much land, animals and kids there is always something to do. Rich got home too late Wednesday from Scouts to go out for dinner and he's gone to the White Mountains with my brother and Dad. They went to help get the cabin ready for planting the garden, and maybe do a little fishing. Yuck! I'm still confused as to why at 85 years old and fighting cancer he would want to add some stress to his life but maybe that's what is keeping him alive. Our family doesn't usually get together for Easter. I don't know why, we just never have. Mom called me yesterday to ask what she needed to bring for dinner on Sunday. Huh, I'm on crutches and hosting Easter dinner at my house on Sunday? I did make an appointment with the Surgeon that operated on my poor knee almost thirty years ago. I'm hoping he will just tell me that resting, icing and anti-inflammatories will heal me, but the way it popped and the fact I can't put weight on it makes me worried it is much worse than that. There is someone in my family that is going through a really hard trial right now. I have been thinking about her all week and praying that she will be able to deal with it. Sometimes the actions of others make us go through some really crappy experiences and I pray she will be able to make the right decision for her and her children. I believe that because of the sacrifice of our Savior we will all be able to deal with those challenges that come our way. Because of Him things are possible that we never thought we could survive.

Thiry-Eight Years Of Living The Dream

I woke up this morning to a beautiful Easter Lilly and a sweet card from Rich. Today is our 38th wedding anniversary. We got married on Good Friday in 1976 and this week is Easter, so it seems fitting. Thirty-eight years of living the dream. As I was reflecting this morning about the last 38 years all I could think of was how hard life was and is. When I was a young mother I thought life was pretty stressful with the demands of four little kids and trying to keep them safe and teach them right from wrong. Then when we hit the teenage years, I felt like I had been hit by a bus almost everyday with all the stress and worry. Then as they grew up, got married, Spencer left on his mission and I became an empty nester, I was depressed that it was over and they didn't need me any more. Rich has been so busy running his business and working in the church, and I've been a busy stay at home Mom, sometimes it seems like we are moving in separate directions. There have been a few times in the last 38 years where the sun, moon and stars have aligned and I have seen a glimmer of maybe what eternity will be like when this mortal life is over. Today Rich is working all day, then going to his Scout job, and hopefully we will be able to get along well enough to go out to dinner. Maybe the stars will align again tonight and I will see some hope for the future.

Falling Apart at 60

I'm convinced that after you turn 60 you start falling apart. This year has been nothing but ups and downs, mostly downs. For the last three months I've been fighting infected teeth, viruses and now on Saturday I tweeked my knee and am sporting crutches. I tore my knee up playing volleyball forty years ago. I had surgery on it thirty years ago and now it has slowly but surely starting to give out on me. Saturday night late I got up to turn on the lights to my baby chicks. As I walked to the door something snapped in my knee and I almost fell to the ground. Rich was asleep so I just shuffled to the bed and prayed I would be better in the morning. As I tossed and turned all night I could tell it was swollen and something was wrong, but I didn't want to miss church. So I had Rich get me the crutches out of the garage and off I went. Dave did an MAT treatment on me last night and today it feels a little stronger but dang it, another thing to make my life miserable. I don't know whether to call an orthopedist or just rest, ice and MAT it. The first thing I thought about was how this may ruin my trip to the beach in six weeks. All I can hope is that I just sprained it and it will get better at least in time for me to walk down Pacific Coast Highway and feel the cool ocean breeze in my face when it's hotter than hell here. I guess only time will tell if I need surgery, but right now I'm not ready to face that possibility.

Birthdays, Bunco and Relief Society

Another week has come and gone and I really think time is moving faster than ever. I had a busy week with a Relief Society Meeting on Tuesday night, Bunco last night, and when you add a dental procedure and two birthdays it's been a blur. I ordered some things online to be shipped to my house for birthday presents for my son Ethan. When they finally arrived they didn't fit, so I made a trip to the store to take those back and find him some that would work. After walking around the store for two hours, standing while Mindi took Trulie to the bathroom three times, (she trying to potty train her) I am so tired I need a nap. We are working on the bulletin board for the Relief Society room and when we get everything ready we will go to the church to take down the old one and put up the new. This week I found out some troubling information about someone I know and love. I wonder sometimes how we find ourselves doing things that we know aren't right. Things that are so hurtful and can possibly destroy our family and eternal happiness. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair and I have known that for a long time but when it hits close to home it really is hard. I worry about the future sometimes with all the temptations out there but I know that we fought to have free agency in our pre-mortal life and with that we can choose for ourselves what we are going to do. So all I can do is try to just control my own thoughts and actions because I have a hard time just doing that.

Having Gratitude For and During Trials

I really enjoyed listening to Conference this weekend. It was fun to hear my Brother's name read over the podium as he was called to serve as an Area Seventy. We are still wondering what this job will require of him, but whatever it is, I'm sure he will do a good job. One of my favorite talks was by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. If it's okay to have a crush on one of the Brethren, it would be me having a crush on him. He seems to be so kind and caring and be in touch with his feminine side, if that makes any sense. What I got from his talk was that no matter what horrible trial we are going through we need to have gratitude for it and during it. I hate adversity and trials. I like the easy peasy road. I don't like having problems whether they are physical, spiritual or emotional, it sends me over the edge. About a week ago I started feeling like I had a piece of popcorn stuck in my gums on a tooth way back in my mouth. I tried everything to get it out, flossing, gargling, picking it out with a toothpick and finally trying to use my fingernail to get it out. I finally gave up yesterday and called the dentist. After an exam and x-ray she informed me that my tooth had cracked and that was why it was making my gums  sore and inflamed. She needed to take my old gold crown off and grind it down for a new gold crown. Total cost with my discount, $900. So now I have a missing tooth on one side of my mouth and a temporary tooth on the other. It makes it quite hard to eat, so maybe I'll lose some weight while suffering with all these dental problems. Anyway, it seems like everyday I hear of someone who is going through something that is hard. Nothing stays the same and it seems like there are some really sad things going on in the world right now. Showing gratitude for those trials is something so hard to do, but I think must be very important for us to do.

Fun Wedding Reception and Conference

I've spent all day catching up on laundry and ironing all of Rich's shirts. It was kind of nice when he was in Ethiopia because it gave me a break from my chores. But he's back with all his dirty clothes, and I'm just happy he's home safe and sound. Last night we went to a wedding reception of one of Rich's boys he had in the Teacher's Quorum. We had so much fun visiting and ran into some friends we haven't seen for twenty plus years. We stayed way to late and were up early because we had to get the yard done before irrigation. While I was resting, I looked on Facebook and saw that my sister-in-law and two nieces were in the Conference Center waiting for Conference to start. I knew Len and Julie were going up for their missionary reunion but I didn't think the kids were going. So I wasn't that surprised to hear Len's name read in as a new Area Seventy. Rich had to work today so I tried to call him to give him the news but he didn't answer, so I called my sister to see what she thought. Len has always been a good kid and I know he will do good at whatever they ask of him. After listening to him talk about how hard it was to be a Mission President, I have so much respect for them. I haven't talked to him yet and what do you say, "Hey, Congratulations on your new church calling?" I know how busy he is and this will add a lot more stress on him, but I know he will do all he can to serve the Lord. I love listening to Conference but sometimes it puts me into a stupor as I'm trying to digest all the talks. I know I have a long way to go with my relationship with the Savior, but I know he is aware of my struggles and loves me in spite of my shortcomings. Four more hours tomorrow and I will surely be spinning for a few days, but it is so worth it.

Jet Lag and Quilting

It seems like the weeks are going by faster and faster and soon we will be fighting the 110 degree temperatures, so I'm enjoying every cool breeze I've felt this week. Rich and I have both been suffering from Jet Lag. When he got home late Saturday night he looked really good. He even looked like he had lost some weight, I don't think he liked the Ethiopian food very well. Anyway, as the week progressed he started going to bed earlier and earlier until one night he was snoring at 8:45. Sometimes I think he thinks he's Superman and can do it all, but at almost 60, he's seeing that he can't keep up like when he was younger. I've been busy this week trying to make a quilt for my great-nephew that was born a few weeks ago. Julie is leaving to go to New York next week to help with the new baby so I want to send it with her. This morning I was out feeding the animals when Mind came running out in tears saying she couldn't find Trulie and my niece's daughter Kaitlyn. She let them out in front so they could play in the yard while she was busy in the garage. After about five minutes she found them at the end of the street with a nice lady wondering where they lived. I hate this two-year old age, they are mobile enough to get around but are not aware of the danger around every corner. Mindi is such a good Mom and to see her so upset was hard, but from now on they will be locked in the house or in the backyard where they can't get out, or get hurt. Today is Brookie's sixth birthday and Ethan and Jenn are flying out to visit Spencer and his family. I hope to someday get up enough courage to make the trip to Boston. He says there is a quilt shop on every corner and even offered to drive me across the country to get me back there. Right now we have a litter of puppies and baby chicks on top of all the other critters, so I best stay home. But I am going to the beach with Candi and her family in nine weeks, I'm already excited to see the ocean and feel the cold breezes in June.