It is What it Is

Yesterday was hectic, that isn't anything new, Sundays are always hectic for me. We had the Primary Program in Sacrament Meeting and the kids did really well. It's always good for a few laughs as some of the little Sunbeams can't talk very well. Some of the kids yell in the microphone, some you can barely hear, and others you have know idea what they just said. Anyway, I did really well until the closing song. It is one of my very favorite songs the kids sing. It is "The Family is of God." I really felt the spirit of those little children and the tears began to flow. When you lose a young child there is always that thought, "what would she look like now, what would she be doing?" I had this overwhelming sadness that Kamber will never be in a Primary Program. Maybe she is happy about that and maybe she was just too good to be on this wicked earth, but it still makes me sad. I guess that is selfish of me to want to be able to watch her perform, or grow up and play sports, get married and have her own family but "it is what it is." I have a testimony and faith that I will see her again, that she will be able to have all these experiences that she missed because of her early passing, but it doesn't make it any easier right now. Maybe in a few more weeks, months or years, but not now. Losing Kamber has tested my testimony more than any experience in my life and I hope to not have one as hard, but life is brutal. We all have to go through some crappy stuff to prove what we are made of. I asked a friend of mine "if Heavenly Father knows the "beginning from the end," and he already knows what my choices will be, then why do I need to go through all this?" He said, "yes he knows what you are going to do, but do you know what you are going to do? You need to prove what your choices will be." So, I will just keep plugging along trying to do the best I can in the situation I'm in because, "it is what it is" oh how true that is.