Same Old Sadness in the New Year

I've been discouraged that the first two weeks of the new year have just been a continuation of the same old crap from last year. At times it is hard to have hope in the future, that maybe things will get better and will work out for my good. My Dad's cancer counts are going up, so his doctor decided a super strength treatment of chemotherapy would be the answer. It has made him so sick, I don't know what will kill him first, the cancer or the treatments. I had a friend who's Dad went in to the hospital for treatment and they kept upping his chemo until it killed him, he never left the hospital. I will never forget that. When I talk to my Mom about it, all she says is that if he doesn't do it, he will die. It's hard getting older and seeing your parents health start declining. I feel stuck between worrying about their health and then the twins and all their little setbacks on the other end of the spectrum. I was thinking the other day that when these babies go on their missions, if they decide to go, I will be almost eighty years old. At the rate I'm going I may be long gone by then anyway, so why worry about something so far in the future that may not even happen? I've been trying to get rid of all my excess junk so we could move Tristyn down into our spare room. All it seems like I've done is just create more messes because I don't have anywhere to put all my extra stuff. Oh well, she will be off to college in another year, so hopefully we can endure until she goes away. Yesterday I had an appointment with a new specialist. He thinks he may be able to help me feel better. That would be nice, I hope it happens but I hate to get my hopes up too high and then it not work out. Anyway, tomorrow I'm going over to help a friend make green corn tamales. She has wanted me to teach her for a long time and finally tomorrow is the day. They are so much work, but so yummy, maybe a big dose of tamales will cheer me up, I can only hope.