Monday, October 20, 2014
Keeping It Real
For the last couple of weeks I've been in a black hole. I've felt unloved and unappreciated. I think everyone goes through ups and downs in our lives even in the most perfect situations. This weekend in one of our discussions Rich told me again how negative I am. This isn't something new, I can be a Debbie Downer that's for sure. When he told me he has been asked many times how he deals with someone so negative I was hurt. He won't tell me who asked him but said, "maybe it's someone who reads your blog." I've been stewing about it all weekend and then this morning I decided I needed to write about my feelings. I started writing on this blog six years ago when Kamber drowned in the backyard pool of the dream home Ethan built by himself for his family. After that happened, the economy took a nose dive and we are lucky to save what we did and stay married due to the stress. The statistics of marriages lasting after the death of a child is very low and at times the grief has been so bad I would rather walk away than stay and fight it. Yesterday in church we had a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy give a really good talk. The thing that impressed me the most was his story on how much time we waste on things that don't matter. I could relate to the time I spend being mad at family members and retaliating against them. Then we got in to Relief Society and the lesson was how we need to LOVE everyone! That we need to pray for our enemies and those who we have a hard time with. That totally applies to me too. I love it when I go to church and can see myself in the lessons. Anyway, I have never been a good faker. I don't blow smoke and I tell it like it is. That gets me in trouble sometimes but it's part of me that needs some polishing. When I write on my blog I know sometimes I keep it too real. Maybe I share too much of my sadness and struggles. I know when I read back some of my posts it makes me feel so sad that I felt that way that day. So I'm asking anyone who reads my blog and is offended because of my honesty to please stop reading. Go to lds.org and read conference talks or listen to uplifting music. If what I write is too much negativity for you find someone else's blog to read. Those people who truly know me and love me understand what I'm going through and hopefully won't judge. So if you don't like what I write, please read something more uplifting.
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2 comments:
Oh Teri, you took the words right out of my mouth. I just had this conversation. My husband thinks I say too much, I told him not to read it then. If you want the fake barbie doll, go find her, that's not who I am. You and I are the only one's who have blogs who I know faithfully write in them, why? Well the reason I write is for my OWN therapy not anyone else's. I could go private, and we've had that discussion, but an entire family in NJ got baptized, sealed in the Temple and now she is RS Pres he is in the bishopric, and both of their children are on missions. So for that reason no, I will not go private. Life is crazy, bad things happen, it's not all ribbons and roses, so you blog about it, at least your posterity will know who you really are, and how you feel, your real emotion not something FAKE. Don't ever change, I love you, always have always will. You are absolutely right, those you know you, know your heart, we know what you've been through and it makes us love you even more. So poo poo on the others. Your grandkids, and their grandkids will love this and they will laugh, and some of them will look at the others and say, "Oh my gosh you are exactly like great, great grandma Teri"
Teri please don't stop your blog!! l love your honesty and I love how real you are!! If people don't want to read it then they don't have too!!! :) Keep on my friend this too shall pass! :)
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