"NOW Is The Best Time"

When my cleaning girl showed up this morning to help me, she asked, "are you in a better mood this week than you have been?" I didn't realize that my sadness, frustration, and emptiness had been so obvious. I didn't realize that my nastiness and lack of gratitude had been so clear to those around me.  I guess I never have been a very good faker, I wouldn't make a good actress either. You pretty much get me as I am when I'm around. My life would be so much better if I could just pretend, in fact someone told me this week that maybe I should just "act as if", instead of being honest with my feelings. The stresses of this holiday season sent me into a tailspin. As I age it gets harder and harder to get things done and accomplish just the necessary jobs I have, that doesn't even include what I want to do. I start second guessing my life and wishing I had made different choices that would have hopefully saved me from some painful experiences. I find myself in a stupor of worry about my future and that of my children and grandchildren. I worry about the path our country is headed, the economy, our safety, and my obligation to stand up for what I believe. As my friend asked me, "why don't you and Rich just leave for Christmas?" This coming from someone who doesn't have any children, aging parents and own their own business. It got me thinking about how we are all in different situations in life. Sometimes I get caught up in the chaos and stress and can't see all the blessings around me, then the guilt creeps in and my tailspin starts. I was reading an article written by President Uchtdorf where he said, "Human beings can become cluttered with fears, doubts, and burdensome guilt. The mistakes we have made (both intentional and unintentional) can weigh upon us until it may seem hard to do what we know we should." Then he goes on to talk about when the best time to change is. He says, "NOW is the best time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be--not only 20 years from now but also for all eternity." I don't know if I will be around for twenty more years but hopefully I can pull myself out of this place I'm in and start now to change my outlook on life.