Two Cakes For Dad

Today is my Dad's 85th birthday. I'm sure he is thrilled to share it with Oprah Winfrey who turns 60 today. All of us adult children are heading over to Scottsdale to take him dinner and celebrate later tonight. My assignment was to make him cake. I have had a tradiditon for over thirty years of making him a lemon cake on his birthday and Father's Day. He has been so sick for the last couple of years fighting prostrate cancer that he hasn't wanted anything much to eat, so I didn't bother cooking for him. Anyway, I went to the store and bought all the ingredients so they would be fresh and then picked some lemons off my tree, you can't get fresher than that. I mixed everything together and remembered I needed to put a little bit of lemon extract in the cake mix. So I pulled it out of the cupboard and dumped some in. The smell wasn't right and it smelled like pure alcohol or something toxic. I took it down to Mindi's to have her smell and taste it and after begging, she confirmed it wasn't good. So after all that work, I had to start over. I now have my second cake in the oven, I may just throw the first one out to the chickens and hope it doesn't poison them. After I got over being ticked off, I realized that there was a lesson to learn in this experience. You can do everything perfect but just one thing you do can spoil the whole thing. Hopefully the rest of the day goes better than my cake making experience did and Dad has a nice day, and Oprah too.

My Tooth Is Gone

I just got home from the office of my favorite oral surgeon and my tooth is gone. Over the weekend I started having some pain deep in my jaw so I felt I should have it looked at. After x-rays he decided that we could either spend $2500 to try and save the tooth or just pull the dang thing out. I had taken an extra anxiety pill in case he recommended the surgery and so after taking my medication he numbed me up and then did what he had to remove the tooth in pieces. I remember having my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager, but I guess sixty year-old teeth are different. Now I need to start saving for an implant and crown, which I know won't be cheap. Yesterday church was so good. The talks were on faith and the young men and women sang one of my favorite songs, "Sisters in Zion/Army of Helaman." There is something special about these young kids singing, it brought tears to the eyes. I learned a lot about faith. There are two different types of faith, temporal and spiritual. Temporal faith is when we have faith that we can cross the street without getting run over, but spiritual faith is faith in our Savior, that he knows us and is aware of our needs. I also learned about covenants that we make and that "covenant makers are commandment keepers." I haven't been to tour the Temple yet but am planning to go soon. Everyone I talk to says it is beautiful, I can't wait to go. Spencer and his little family will be here in a week and hopefully they will be happy to get out of the freezing cold weather and come home to the desert. I have missed him so much and can't wait to spend some time with him, Annie and the grand kids. Life is full of trials, but I know it will be worth it someday.

"Forced To Our Knees"

I hate it when I wake up and I know the day is not going to go well for me. I feel "lower than a snake's belly" and spend all day trying to feel better. Usually it's because I didn't get enough sleep, ate too much chocolate, or something or someone has ticked me off. As I have gotten older I'm not that productive. I have all these projects I want to do but lack the energy or ability. I decided to get up early and try to exercise, then went out and started trimming our fifty rose plants. January is the month to cut them back so that in the spring they will bloom and be beautiful. I spent a couple of hours trimming and then, had so much pain in my back I spent almost the rest of the day taking pain relievers and lying on a heating pad. These are the things that send me into that dark abyss of discouragement and depression. So yesterday I pulled out a book titled, "When You Can't Do It Alone Take The Savior's Hand," and started reading. It's written by Brent L. Top and I remember that I bought it because it was about a Mission President, and my brother was going to leave on his mission. Anyway, he talks about how the pressure and stress of his mission literally made him have a breakdown. He says, "what I was experiencing was a breakdown of confidence, a breakdown of hope, and a breakdown of faith." He went on to talk about his panic attacks. depression, anxiety and said, "The pain I experienced was physical, mental, and spiritual." Boy how I can relate to these symptoms as I have suffered for a long time with them. In the book he says, "I am convinced that each of us--if we are faithful and earnestly strive to be true disciples--will be "forced to our knees" at some time in our lives--perhaps many times." So on and on I go trying each day to learn what I need to that will help me get closer to the Savior.

A couple of weeks ago I went out to spend the day with Candi and her family. We watched football, ate pizza and even took a little nap. I was in one of those moods where everything seemed dark and I had no hope. This isn't something new for me, as I can remember being like this my whole life. I'm sure there is a diagnosis or remedy for it but until I find it, I will just "carry on." Anyway, on the way out to their house, my little eight year-old grandson Major asked me if I would make him a quilt. With seventeen grand kids I usually wait until I get asked before I make one. So for the last two weeks I have been sewing in my spare time and finally finished it on Monday, MLK Day. Tristyn was playing in a volleyball tournament at ASU, so I went for the last two games. When my girls were teenagers I would go to all their tournaments, even those in Las Vegas, but now Mindi and Dave can do the traveling and supporting. After the games Candi went by her shop and got her scissors and clippers and came by to do hair. There are some perks to helping your daughter get through hair school. We wouldn't be able to afford what she charges for hair and we appreciate every time she comes over. Mindi had asked me what I was going to do when I gave Major his quilt and didn't have one for his little brother, Dallas. I will feel bad but he never asked me to make him one so that's tough. So when I gave Major his quilt, Dallas buried his head in his Mom's side and started sobbing, wanting to know where his quilt was. I finally got him under control when I told him I didn't know what kind of quilt he wanted or what color. He calmed down and said something about oval shaped fish, what! but decided on something with animals on it. So yesterday I pulled out my stash of fabric and started making a quilt for him. I'm looking forward to having Spencer and his family come for a visit in a couple of weeks, and am excited to take a tour of the new Gilbert Temple. If anyone goes into the tent at the Temple, my kitchen chandelier is hanging in the tent. Lennie and Rich took it down a few weeks ago to use for the open house, so we are just eating in the dark for a couple more weeks, and boy is it romantic, NOT!

My Sack Of Rocks Is Perfect For Me

Another week has come and gone and we are already in the middle of January. The buzz around here is all about the opening of the new Gilbert Temple. My brother and sister-in law have been on the committee to see this happen and this morning they got to take their immediate family and my parents through as guides. My Mom drove over from Scottsdale to come but Dad is really sick with the flu. When I talked to him the other day he was having a hard time breathing, but I think he's doing better. Hopefully he will be able to come with us when we go later this month. After taking a weeks worth of antibiotics, I still don't know if they will be able to save my tooth. Just one more thing "that can possibly go wrong." Rich always thinks I think of the worst case scenario, but I think he doesn't live in reality most of the time, so we're even. This week I've had a few interesting conversations with friends and family members. One especially intrigued me, as we were talking about expectations in our life. As I listened I thought of myself and how my life hasn't really been what I expected either. As a young girl I was extremely active. I drove my Mother crazy to the point she sat on the floor and cried one time after I climbed on top of the fridge and dumped a whole box of cereal on the floor. Mindi is experiencing a little bit of that with Trulie. As I listened and then said, "Do you think I would ever think my life would be the way it is, with hip replacement, anxiety, and the passing of Kamber?" Everywhere I look people are going through hard times, and I get it. But I also know that no matter how hard things are for me, there is someone going through something more challenging. My sister once told me that we are all caring a sack of rocks. Each of us have our own sack specific to us. I really don't want to carry any other sack besides mine. My sack is just perfect for me, no matter how heavy it gets, it's still mine.

"Everyday Look For What You Did Right"

A few weeks before Christmas I started feeling pain in a tooth in the back of my mouth. Every time I would eat or drink anything hot, it would send me to my knees. I was too busy to see the dentist until the week before Christmas when it was so painful I made an appointment. When I went to my dentist they took an x-ray to see what the problem was. She looked at the x-ray and told me I just had a cavity and we agreed to wait until after the holidays to do anything about it. Last week was the day when I finally got brave enough to call and go in for the bad news. When she finally looked at the tooth she informed me that I had a bacterial infection under the crown. Not in the root of the tooth but between the roots. I was so happy to not need a root canal until I was informed that if a week of antibiotics doesn't kill the infection, I will need to have it pulled and either an implant or a bridge put in. DANG, I hate having dental problems. When I was a young girl I was so afraid to go to the dentist that they would have to sedate me,  just to get an exam. I've come a long way since then but still need my anti-anxiety drugs to make it through my treatment. I have had a rough couple of weeks dealing with some emotional and relationship issues. Why does life just seem to be so hard sometimes? This morning as I was listening to the television, they were talking about how hard it is for women who are trying to do it all. To raise children and be the bread winner and juggle all the responsibilities of being a Mom and working. I never did work out of the home but nevertheless I did feel overwhelmed and worn out. One of the Life Coaches said, "everyday you should look at all the things that you did right that day. Not dwelling on the negative things but just being thankful for the good." I look at my own children and they have all had challenges with sick kids, and trying to teach them right from wrong, and boy does it take lots of time and energy. Trulie is so hard right now, this morning she was throwing something at the television. Mindi is way more patient that I would have been, she would have gotten a spanking on the bottom if I were her Mom. That's the great thing about being grandma, it's not my problem.

"NOW Is The Best Time"

When my cleaning girl showed up this morning to help me, she asked, "are you in a better mood this week than you have been?" I didn't realize that my sadness, frustration, and emptiness had been so obvious. I didn't realize that my nastiness and lack of gratitude had been so clear to those around me.  I guess I never have been a very good faker, I wouldn't make a good actress either. You pretty much get me as I am when I'm around. My life would be so much better if I could just pretend, in fact someone told me this week that maybe I should just "act as if", instead of being honest with my feelings. The stresses of this holiday season sent me into a tailspin. As I age it gets harder and harder to get things done and accomplish just the necessary jobs I have, that doesn't even include what I want to do. I start second guessing my life and wishing I had made different choices that would have hopefully saved me from some painful experiences. I find myself in a stupor of worry about my future and that of my children and grandchildren. I worry about the path our country is headed, the economy, our safety, and my obligation to stand up for what I believe. As my friend asked me, "why don't you and Rich just leave for Christmas?" This coming from someone who doesn't have any children, aging parents and own their own business. It got me thinking about how we are all in different situations in life. Sometimes I get caught up in the chaos and stress and can't see all the blessings around me, then the guilt creeps in and my tailspin starts. I was reading an article written by President Uchtdorf where he said, "Human beings can become cluttered with fears, doubts, and burdensome guilt. The mistakes we have made (both intentional and unintentional) can weigh upon us until it may seem hard to do what we know we should." Then he goes on to talk about when the best time to change is. He says, "NOW is the best time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be--not only 20 years from now but also for all eternity." I don't know if I will be around for twenty more years but hopefully I can pull myself out of this place I'm in and start now to change my outlook on life.

"Be The Darling That You Are"

Last week was crazy with spending New Years Eve at the pound picking up my street walking dogs and going to bed before ten p.m.. I could hear all the people whooping and hollering and shooting off fireworks but I was too tired to participate. I love all the church talks on a new beginning and starting over, letting the past stay in the past and having a new outlook on life. Hum! The problem for me is that even though the calendar turns to 2014, I still have the same struggles I had last year, and the year before, and as long as I can remember back. What do you do about those trials? How do you let go of the grief of losing a grandchild or some mean things someone has said about you? Yesterday I went out and spent some time with Candi and her little family. We had such a good time and they were so kind, fed me lunch and we watched football together. As we were talking, the conversation went to my Mother, Grandma Greer. Major didn't really know who we were talking about until Candi said, "you know the older lady with the white hair." She then went on to tell Major something Mom used to tell her all the time. She always says, "Be the darling that you are." It took me back to my many conversations with her, even now, where she has ended with, "Teri you are a darling, keep smiling and being the darling you are." I guess if your Mom feels like you are a darling you should be able to put up with all the sadness and heartache that comes your way. Last week I made a quilt for a little six year-old boy in our ward who was critically hurt when he was thrown off a golf cart on Christmas. He had two skull fractures and bleeding on the brain and was in really bad shape. Mindi was asked to help take dinner in on Thursday evening so I spent two days sewing and getting it done so she could take it to him. Last I heard he is home from the hospital and doing well, I hope the quilt will give him some comfort. Hopefully in the New Year I will be able to be the darling that my Mom thinks I am.

 

 

A Better 2014 Hopefully

I am slowly getting the decorations put away, the tree down and hopefully after tomorrow my house will be back to normal. I can honestly say I'm glad 2013 is over and I have an opportunity to leave that in the past and move forward. The end of the year found Mindi and I at the Maricopa County Animal Control Center in Mesa waiting to pick up our two little dogs, who someone either called on, or took there. After paying all the necessary fines we were told to go to the back and pick them up. It was around 1:30 in the afternoon and we were the first ones in line. Just as we got there, they shut the door and rolled down the aluminum door and left us standing for over an hour while three different trucks came in with either dogs or cats for processing. As we stood there, I became angrier and angrier. If we would have been just a few minutes earlier, we would have been out of there but instead we ended up spending over three hours at the pound. What a sad place to be and especially during the holidays. As we were standing there a man came in bringing a cat. He said he wanted to surrender him to the pound. The lady started asking the usual questions like, how old is he? What is his name, and then told him it would be $51 to turn him in. When he told her he was a fifteen year old cat I almost started to cry. After fifteen years why would you take him to the pound? I have friends who don't like animals and that's okay, but to me if you don't feel an obligation to take care of these creatures who don't have a way to care for themselves, I just don't understand. Anyway, we are trying to be vigilant about keeping our roaming dogs home and are hoping for better things in the new year.