Olympics and Birthdays

Between staying up too late watching the Olympics and birthday parties, I'm pooped. I've always loved the Olympics and am in awe of all the athletic talent in the world and especially proud of our American athletes. Today Annie had a little birthday party for Gunnar and Abney before she leaves to go back to Boston. Poor Spencer is alone, killing himself in training camp trying to make the Patriot's team. That's one thing so hard about the NFL, you have to try-out every year and just hope you make the team, of course unless you are Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. All of our grand kids are so special to us. We love them all and each one of them have a certain personality and spirit. Gunnar is special because he was born on the day we buried sweet Kamber four years ago. When I talk to him, he makes me smile. He is a little pistol and is the second child, so that says it all. I wish we had time to get some pictures taken of the kids, but Annie's baby is due in eleven weeks, so it would already be outdated. My Dad made it through his last radiation treatment today, he has seemed a little bit "out of sorts" at times, but today he looked really good and was smiling. We will see now what the chemo oncologist says as to what treatment we will do next. At times I can feel myself going back into the dark with the same emotions I had four years ago when we lost Kamber. I have NO control over what happens, and I can't make it better. So we continue to build on our faith that families can be together forever and we will see each other again in the eternities and have hope in the future, that's all we have.

Acts Of Kindness for Kamber

I have been so troubled about the recent events with the shootings in Colorado and the abduction of two cousins in Iowa that I have wondered what I could do to change my mood. I've also been wondering how I would feel today with it being four years since the passing of our dear Kamber. For the last couple of weeks I've thought about how our lives have changed since that terribly sad day. Has my testimony grown? Have I become better, instead of bitter? As I woke up this morning I started thinking about all the blessings we have been given in those four years. Six more grandchildren have been born, with another one on the way in October. Even with the bad economy we have been able to scrape by and save our home and business. My parents have hung in there even with Dad's cancer as they have worked in the Temple and served where needed. Lennie and Julie are serving a mission in Washington with only 10 more months left. While lying in bed this morning I had an overwhelming feeling that Kamber is so happy. She has gone home and I know is surrounded by family and friends she knew before she came to earth. I decided that the only thing I could do to honor her was to try and do kind acts of service today and be happy. I started by swimming in the pool with my friend, talking about our lives and losses. Then I got ready, picked some grapefruit for my Dad, bought him some donuts and went to the place where he's having radiation. After we left there I came home and made some caramel corn to take visiting teaching and then off  running some more errands. As we were going to the chiropractor I reminded Mindi's kids that this is the day Kamber left us and we were going to try and be kind all day long. I know it's going to be a stretch for us and we shouldn't have to make a day to try and be kind, but it is what it is. So, today we are going to try and do random acts of service all day long and be happy that we have an angel in heaven that loves us and she knows we love her and will see her again. She is inspiration for all that is good in the world, the innocence of little children and their purity.

Flicker Of Hope

Saturday night I was alone here when a storm moved through. The dust was so thick I could hardly see anything outside, it looked like night even though it was only 4:30 in the afternoon. After the dust cleared the rain started to fall, I love the summer storms in Arizona, but this morning my pool is full of dirt. We've been out trying to clean up because it is Max's second birthday and we are having a little get together tonight. I've been busy trying to finish up some quilts for my grand kids, they are all getting so big they require quilts that at least cover their feet. Max loves the movie "Cars" so that is what he's getting for his birthday, everything related to cars. This week is going to be busy with birthday parties, Spencer starts training camp, Ethan's girls start school and Annie and her kids are coming from Boston for a visit. I can't wait to see them. I'm also trying really hard to be strong as I worry about my Dad and his cancer treatments and get through the fourth anniversary of Kamber's passing. Sometimes I wish I had more faith that things will work out, I have a flicker of hope, but not that bright beaming candle I should have. Life continues to move on and the sun keeps coming up every morning, that's a good thing.

Will I Ever Feel Joy Again?

I made it through another week. Dad had three radiation treatments and Jenn had two tests on her gallbladder. I hate to see her sick but I got to see the grand kids while she was at the doctor, that was fun. Mindi kept the babies and non swimmers in the house while I took all the older kids out back to swim. They are all good swimmers except Brookie who was stressing over the creepy crawler the whole time, so I finally sent her back inside with Mindi. Today is the birthday of the son of a dear friend of mine who was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. She comes over in the morning and we exercise, okay, we talk while moving around in the water. Knowing that it was Rhett's birthday today and Kamber's death date on Wed., I asked her how her life has changed since he passed away. I wasn't surprised to hear her say, "I have a hard time feeling any joy in my life since he died." Huh! It is hard after suffering a loss of a child to see the good in life and feel happy, I know that by experience. There have been times when I just get in a bad mood and then realise that I'm right back in the grieving process again. I hate it! Someday I hope to get through these negative thoughts, but I know my life will keep getting more complicated as my parents go through the aging process and my grand kids start hitting puberty and teenage years which always brings out stress, but I'm thankful for every trial I've been given, it has made me who I am and hopefully it makes me a better person.

"Thanks Be to God"

The week is already half way over and I don't think I'm getting much done. I went to lunch with a friend on Monday and then shopping for birthdays, went to the beauty supplies with Candi yesterday and then to the oncologist for moral support with my parents. Then today we watched Ethan and Jenn's kids so Jenn could go to the doctor, then went to spend time with my Mom while Dad was getting his first radiation treatment. My mind seems to be spinning in many directions, especially in the night when I wake up around 4:00 a.m. and can't get back to sleep. We have known about Dad's cancer for ten years now, but he seemed to be healthy and no visible signs of the cancer spreading, then now we are faced with some treatments that hopefully will prolong his life, at least for a little while. I was reading yesterday a talk given by Elder Russell M. Nelson called, "Thanks Be to God." There was a part that spoke to me in spirit, it said, "If the body's capacity for normal function, defense, repair, regulation, and regeneration were to prevail without limit, life here would continue in perpetuity. Yes, we would be stranded here on earth! Mercifully for us, our Creator provided for aging and other processes that would ultimately result in our physical death. Death, like birth, is part of life.Scripture teaches that "it was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death, for that would destroy the great plan of happiness." To return to God through the gateway we call death is a joy for those who love Him and are prepared to meet Him." We are praying for Dad and for all our family, that we will be ready to meet Him when that time comes, and I have faith that whatever happens will be His will.

Love the Monsoons

The summers in Arizona are almost unbearable, even for those of us who have lived in the desert since birth. The one thing we look forward to are the monsoons, we usually get more rain in the summer than our winter storms. The problem is after a good rain we get the humidity, but at least it cools down for a few hours. It seems like it's been a long time since we got a storm like the one we are having right now. The thunder was roaring for about a half an hour straight and then the rain came, it's pretty bad when it rains out my fish and water turtles. I decided that while it rained I would finish Trulie's birthday quilt. I took it all the way to Utah with me so I could get it finished, but it's finished now. When it quits raining we will have to go out and do some damage control, I was going to get in the pool this afternoon, but maybe not now.

The Quilt Walkers

As Rich and I were traveling home on Sunday from a week of reunions we got a radio station called "The Sounds of Sunday."  We were happy to hear uplifting music and talks as we drove South through all those little Utah towns. There was a talk given by President Monson in 1998 titled,  "Look to God and Live." I was feeling homesick, tired and anxious to get home and as I listened to the words, he was speaking to my heart. Some of the quotes I remember were, "life is a school of experience, a time of probation. We learn as we bear afflictions and live through our heartaches." "Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome." As we arrived in Panguitch,  there was a statue of a guy holding a quilt. Rich's sister had told us the story of the pioneers who were freezing to death in the snow so they got down on their knees in a prayer cirlcle on a quilt.The answer was to lay their quilts down and walk across them. There were seven guys who were named the quilt walkers. One of the guys was a decendent of Rich's so we took some pictures before we continued on our way home.

Going Home

Last week while Rich and I were on our little trip I got the call that my Dad, who has had prostate cancer for ten years was having some tests run. On Thursday he had a bone scan to see if the cancer has spread to his bones. On Friday evening I got the call that the news wasn't good, the scan showed cancer in his shoulder, clavicle, femur, ribs and a few other places. My Dad's attitude was, "let's just let nature take it's course," but our family won't let him give up yet. I called my kids to let them know the news and so Spencer decided to change his plans and fly in late last night to see Dad before leaving for Denver tonight for some treatments to get ready for his season. We went out to lunch and then my sister and I went with my parents to the radiation oncologist. Next week he will start  having a series of ten radiation treatments that will help with the pain he has been having, after that we will see another doctor and try something else. As  my sister and I reflected on the day, it is one of those things that you know you will have to go through, but when it's happening it doesn't seem real. My brother Lennie is on a mission in Washington and we need his help if things get really bad. In fifteen days it will be four years since our sweet Kamber went home, I don't know how long it will be before my Dad will join her, I pray he will be able to rally around this and do all he can to fight, but I know we will all go home someday. I read something once that said we won't be on this earth one day longer than is appointed by our Heavenly Father, so when that time comes, we will all go home where we came from.

Our Trip to Utah

 

Wow! Boy is it nice to be home and sleep in my own bed. We got home last night after spending six days in the car traveling through Utah and Arizona attending  high school and  family reunions. Rich drove 1700 miles visiting family and friends and seeing where he grew up and went to school. We spent the the 4th of July going to the parade, visiting his aunt and uncle in Monroe, his best friend in Glenwood and then we watched the fireworks alone, sitting in the truck, by the swimming pool in Richfield. On the 5th we headed north to Manti so Rich could attend the Manti Temple, something he has wanted to do for a long time.  It was cool and raining as I sat in the car working on Trulie's birthday quilt. Then we were on our way to Salt Lake to see his sister and her family. After doing a little quilt and fabric shopping, we had a delicious dinner and got some rest. On Friday we headed northeast to where the family reunion was held in Roosevelt, Utah. Rich and his brother-in-law did a little service project for a cousin who is in poor health.  They spent about seven hours building some stairs on the back of his house that had been in terrible condition. The family reunion was on  Saturday. It was so fun and we got to see all the cousins and their kids from Rich's side. By then I was extremely homesick, tired and missed my own children and grandchildren as I watched all the other family surrounded by their families. We left there at about 6:00 p.m. and started back to Richfield which was three hours away, we thought we might try and drive through the night but then decided we were just too tired so we ended up staying with his best friend Randy in Glenwood before heading home Sunday morning. I have lots more to talk about but am busy trying to get my house back together and laundry done, Spencer is coming in tonight for a 24 hour visit and I have to find somewhere for him to sleep. I miss him so much and wish Annie and the kids were coming to, but hopefully we will see them in a month or so.

Wow! I can see now why we never go out of town. I have spent the last week doing all I can to get everything done around here with my animals and house to leave it for a week. Eventhough Mindi and Dave will get back tomorrow I still have so much that needs to be done. I'm doing my last three loads of laundry and packing, hopefully we can get out of here early and make it to Utah in time to get ready for the reunion tomorow night. Mindi's family have all been gone since Friday morning, it's been nice and quiet and we have enjoyed it, but we sure miss them. They had a couple of scares while traveling but we are praying for their safe return tomorrow.  I am so sad to miss Trulie's first birthday on the 3rd, I don't think I've ever missed any of the grand kids first birthday before. She is a special little girl to us as are all our grandchildren. Spencer and Annie called to say their baby is developing normally, that's always good news. They aren't going to find out the sex so all we know is everything is okay. This makes seventeen for us, can you ever have too many grand kids? Candi and B.J. just got off their cruise and will be staying with her in-laws all week in Hunnington Beach coming home next week. For parents who never travel, my kids sure get around. I better get going, I have lots to do before I can go to bed and dream of traveling for a week through Utah, Yippee!