Three More Days To Worry

I haven't been sleeping well as my mind is going at lightning speed with worry and anticipation of leaving home for a week. Last night as Rich was talking to his sister about what the itinerary was for his high school/family reunion I became more and more agitated. Why is getting out of "hell" so hard for me? This morning at 6:00 a.m. I got up to go see Mindi, Dave, his mother Linda, Tristyn and Trulie leave to the airport for Ohio. How fun would it be to be only thirteen years old and playing in a National Volleyball Tournament? After they left I went out to feed the animals and Rich came to make sure the misters were working because my rabbits, chickens and dogs are suffering in this heat, not to mention Rich, Ethan and all the guys that work for them outside. By 10:00 I had already done three loads of wash, made my bed and shampooed my bedroom carpet. I decided to go out in the pool for an hour and clean up after having two dust storms in a row. It was already 100 degrees and I was hot in the pool, the water is 85 degrees now, so I know it's going to be another scorcher. Rich would just say, "anything over 105 is hot, get over it." I have three more days of trying to decide what I'm taking, packing and getting out of here. I hate being away from my kids on the 4th of July, and this year we will miss Trulie's first birthday. I know it's important for Rich to be with his friends and family so off we go, it will either be a good thing to be together alone for a week, or it may be the end of a long, hard relationship. Ha Ha

Killing Scorpions and Packing for Utah

After being stung by a scorpion Sat. night I've been nursing my poor old sore leg and happy that the numbness in my feet, hands and lips has gone away. My leg is still red, swollen, really sore and itching but hopefully the worst is behind me. We decided we would take matters into our own hands and for the last two nights we have been out hunting scorpions. Trace and I didn't even make it out the front door before we found a big one and then as we headed over to Mindi's house she came out and helped. We killed over 25 on Sunday night and last night at least 6. I wasn't even going to attempt the backyard unless Rich or Dave go with us, it's too scary, two acres of scorpions, ugh. We are going crazy trying to get everything done before going out of town. Mindi and Dave are leaving on Friday for Tristyn's volleyball tournament in Ohio. They will be coming home the day Rich and I will be leaving for Utah. We are trying to stock up on all the feed for the animals and groceries we will need to keep everything fed, and hopefully alive. With the temps getting over 110 degrees, it makes me really worry about their safety. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. this morning worrying about all that needs to be done before I can leave, I was still awake at 5:30 so today I'm tired. It would be so much easier to just stay home and float around in the pool but it will be good to get away. I love driving through the small Utah towns around the 4th of July. I like to stop and shop in all the little antique stores and see if they have any homemade quilts. One of these days I will have enough money to buy a wedding ring quilt, something I've always wanted. I was told this week that maybe my scorpion sting was Karma coming back to me because of my nasty venemous attitude. All I can say to that is that if my sting is Karma you better be watching for that big rattlesnake coming your way. Ha Ha!

I HATE Scorpions, LOVE Puppies

Last night as I was lying in bed listening to a relaxation tape on my I pod, I felt something on my leg. I lifted my other leg over to get it off when I felt the sting of a d@&* scorpion on the bottom of my leg. It hurt so bad I thought I was going to cry. I stripped the bed and got the lights on but never did find that nasty thing. From 11:30 to 2:30 a.m. I tried everything I knew to stop the pain. Tylenol, Advil, Benedryl, hydrogen peroxide, lavender oil, ice and anything else I could think of. I finally dozed off and then at 4:00 a.m. I was back up, this time with numbing of my feet, hands and lips. I tried to take a drink and the back of my throat felt like it was swollen shut, and my tongue felt weird. Now I have been stung a lot of times but this one is by far the worst one I can remember. I have been in bed all day trying to figure something out to relieve the pain and numbness in my feet and hands. I called my niece Mary who is a nurse who was recently stung and had the same reaction. She told me that if I did go to the hospital they wouldn't do anything but give me pain meds and let me sleep it off. Tristyn was stung a few days ago in bed too, so I think tonight is the night we go on a scorpion hunting expedition. I used to feel sorry for them when I would find them in my house and  let them go in the dirt field by our house, but NO MORE, I will be killing anything that even resembles a scorpion. I just went down to Mindi's to recruit some help in feeding the animals. As I hobbled down the hall I noticed where the little puppies used to play by the door. We were lucky to find some good homes for them, and hope they will have happy lives but I miss them scampering about, they were so cute.

Hope, Charity and Love

This week has been a downer for me. After attending the funeral of our family friend I have had lots of thoughts go through my little brain. As I was reading my scriptures yesterday I had this thought come over me, "what would people say about me at my funeral?" What kind of a life am I living? After my funeral would my friends and family think I was a good person and be uplifted, or would I just be known as a Debbie Downer with a petting zoo? I have even thought that maybe I need to talk to someone I trust, to see if I can let go of some things that are keeping me stuck. It seems like these last few years I have had some trials that have shaken me to my core. Losing Kamber was the start of my trip downhill, then my hip surgery that really hasn't solved my problem and a couple of other things that have hurt me deeply. As I finished my reading yesterday in Moroni it talks about hope and charity. 42 "Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.." Then verse 47 "But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." Then 48 "Wherefore my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ, that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen" That we will know Him because we are like him is the hope I have for me.

"Keep the Commandaments, Repent, Repent, Repent"

I just got home from the funeral of a family friend who passed away last week due to complications of Parkinson's. My sister came and picked me up and as we were getting closer to the church I could feel those old "out of control" feelings coming on. Just the anxiety of waiting for the casket followed by the family to come in, made me want to go running out, but I tried some deep breathing, sucking on mints and just trying to stay in control of my thoughts. Each one of his children got up and gave some stories about their dad. He was such a kind, gentle person who loved his wife and family so much. One of the stories told said that he had such a cute sense of humor and would joke all the time. In a letter to the kids he said, "keep the commandments, repent, repent, repent, study your scriptures and make sure you cut your toenails straight across." On the way home my sister commented that it is too bad you have to wait until a person dies before you really get to know them at their funeral. The Stake President was the last speaker and he shared a few stories and scriptures. He shared his favorite scripture which is Mosiah 3:19 "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." I am sure that Floyd Leavitt is united with his parents, son and other family members who have "endured to the end". I am a better person to have known such a valiant servant who lived his life as a great example of what the Lord expects us to become.

"Being a Peacemaker"

 Grandpa Greer and Trulie

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 Grandpa Greer Trulie and Tristyn

 Max on the table

 Ethan and Reagan

 Mindi's cookies

 Dad's lemon cake

Rich and Trulie

I made it through another Father's Day celebration. As I went to bed last night I was so pooped I didn't know if I would be able to sleep, but I did okay. Mindi and I taught Primary yesterday so the teachers could go to Priesthood. We did Troy's little class of five year-olds and they were so cute and loved doing the activities. The lesson was on "being a peacemaker", they didn't really get it but it was still fun to teach them. We had our kids and grand kids and my parents over for dinner and then the extended family came later for dessert. I think there was around 40 people and boy did it get noisy. It's so nice to have Mindi's house close so the kids went to play down there and outside on the trampoline. While we were waiting for everyone to get there I got some pictures of my Dad with Trulie and all the desserts. Mindi made some really cute cookies that looked like tools, she is so creative. I made my Dad's favorite lemon cake, two times a year on his birthday and Father's Day, it's a tradition. I made a cherry cheesecake for Rich, I know he's trying to diet, but heck it was worth it.  I hope my sons and sons-in law know how important they are to their children. My Dad and I butted heads most of my life until I got married. He was always so critical of me and we didn't share the same views on many things. He always said I reminded him of how he was as a teenager and just wanted to protect me, but our relationship was strained most of my growing up years. Last week he made the comment on how he regrets the way he treated me and if he could go back he would try and do better, then maybe we could have been really good friends. I think we do the best we can at the time, and with his horrible childhood I'm proud of the good man he is today. I pray for my kids and grand kids because I know at times I wasn't a very good example to them, I wasn't a very good peacemaker, something I still struggle with.

God Be With You Till We Meet Again

This week seems to have just flown by. I spent the last two days in the car running errands, going to doctor's appointments and shopping. It seems like I run out of everything at once, so we try and do as many things as we can while we are out. Candi and B.J. will be leaving next weekend for their annual trip to the beach. Ethan and Jenn are going to Las Vegas with some friends and Mindi and Dave will be taking Tristyn and Trulie to Ohio for her national volleyball tournament. Rich is having his 40th high school reunion and family reunion in a couple of weeks so we are trying to figure out all the details to be able to leave home for the first week of July. Since we made the decision to go, I haven't slept well. I wake up worrying about my plants, animals, the pool, my ponds the irrigation and anything else I can think to worry about. Why is it so hard for me to just let loose and leave the comforts of my home? Sounds like I need some therapy.Tomorrow is Father's Day and I'm so thankful to still have a father to honor. This week I got the sad news from my Mom that one of the kindest and best men I know, passed away. Floyd Leavitt has been our neighbor and friend forever. My Mom grew up with him in Mesa and my Dad and him did painting in the summer while school was out. A couple of weeks ago he fell off a stool and broke his hip and another bone in his leg. They said he was suffering tremendous pain and did surgery. He has now been reunited with a son he lost as a child so I'm happy for him, sad for the family. Next week will bring more of the same as I try and prepare myself for our trip, I also plan on attending a funeral for a very special person who has gone home. God Be With You Till We Meet Again.

"I'm Having Such a Good Time"

After sitting in church for three hours I could hardly walk to the car. I was holding on to the wall as I left the building. The talks were really good and the lessons mostly on kindness, feeling the spirit and receiving personal revelation. Our home teachers came and as I told them how bad my hip still is, one who is a physical therapist told me that maybe I should get a second opinion. I have been so discouraged at the lack of mobility and level of pain that I almost had myself convinced to call a friend of mine who is an orthopedic surgeon. I think I'll wait for that personal revelation. A couple of things happened and I became so p*%^$# off I spent most of yesterday in my house trying to make sense of my life here. I finished the biography of Camilla yesterday and was amazed that I share a lot of her fears and interests. I knew she was related to us but when I looked at her genealogy my grandmother and Camilla had the same grandmother, Mary Bomelli. As I read her book about having a son with polio, supporting her husband in all of his health problems, and being shy and not wanting the attention on her, I was so impressed with her goodness. At the end of her book someone says, "it seems like that with all you've been through, you are entitled to feel depressed." Camilla responded, "Of course there are moments of discouragement, but if you have the impression that trouble is the main theme in my life you are mistaken, I have a wonderful life." She then goes on to say, "I love this life. I love the hot sun on my back as I work in the garden; I love to gather my family about me, I love parties; I love to read and to explore ideas and see new places; I love to visit the Saints and sense their vibrant faith. Living in this world has proven to be a voyage of continual discovery. I am reluctant to have it end, I am having too good a time." This is just what I was thinking. Ha!

HOPE

Yesterday my sister and I went shopping. Actually, I needed to make some payments but we did a little shopping too. Now that our kids are all grown up and we have some time it seems like we do more things together. My sister was a school teacher for thirty years and I was a stay at home mom, so we had different lives. We were both super busy, just different kinds of busy. While we were out and about we got a call from a cousin inviting us to a little get together with my Aunt Sue and Uncle Carl Turley. They have been here for a week and the cousins all wanted to get some dinner and visit. They were in the military and so they have lived all over the U.S., while we have all lived in Arizona. We have a lot of fun with them as they are easy to talk to and SO non judgemental. Their first child was stillborn, so they have had an experience with the death of a child. My cousins Jim and Stephanie also lost a son to leukemia, so they have had their own heartache. As I was telling them my feelings on Kamber, I could see in their eyes the knowledge that they truly understand what we are going through. I told them that I don't seem to be able to put this adversity to rest. My heart feels like it has a deep dark hole right in the middle of it. My aunt then said, "you know Teri, it's been almost fifty- eight years and I still haven't gotten over it, you never will." It seems like life is hard for everyone. The other night Rich said, "it seems like our lives are just trial after trial, and in his work all he does is solve problems on every job. I don't know how he deals with the stress, I would have given up long ago. I'm thankful that he just keeps plugging along with all the responsibilities of running a business and serving in the church. I feel like our lives are blessed because of his sacrifice. I'm convinced that all we have is hope that we will be with our loved ones on the other side when that time comes.

I'm Sad, Tired and Giving Up

Last week after it got so hot I had two rabbits that didn't look well. On Saturday I brought one of them in and let him sit in the cool of my laundry room. I tried to feed him and then brought his friend in on Tuesday. Candi helped me doctor my big one up and we found that the flys had been eating his skin. It was gross but we put some medicine on him and I really thought he would get better. When I woke up yesterday morning the little one was already dead and my big one was acting strange, almost like he was seizuring. I called a rabbit breeder friend of mine to see what I could do with him and after trying a couple of things, I went in and he was dead too. So yesterday I buried two of my little furry friends. I have been feeling really overwhelmed with all that needs to be done around this house, yard and pool. I'm no spring chicken, so everything I do takes a toll on me, especially since my hip surgery. Rich doesn't really enjoy them and knows how much work they are to take care of. After being so discouraged last week I came to the conclusion that I need to get out of the animal business. I don't know where the obsession of animals came from, I'm sure it was passed down in my DNA but I'm tired, maybe even giving up. There are so many things I would like to do, like quilting classes, a computer class and maybe even go away somewhere for awhile. I can't do that as long as I have 50 animals depending on me for food, water and love. I go through this every summer when it gets hot. During the fall winter and spring it's okay, but the brutal temps here in the desert are unbearable at times for these little creatures. Life goes on, the sun will come up tomorrow and like so many times before in my life, the good will out way the bad and "things will get better."

"Weak Things Become Strong"

I came home from church on Sunday irritated and agitated. I spend most of my life between those two emotions, so that wasn't anything new. It was nice to hear that so many had such a great experience on the Trek but I started thinking about all the spouses and kids that were left behind carrying on at home so the others could go. I couldn't put my finger on why I was so upset, I have a few clues but nothing that would warrant the reaction I was having. So yesterday Mindi had to take Tristyn to ASU for volleyball practice. Since we were so close, we went to my parents house and then over to eat dinner with my Uncle Carl who is visiting from California. He was a navigator of B-52 bombers who flew over Vietnam during that war. He is also my Mom's only living immediate family member.  As we were discussing some of our concerns and problems, my uncle finally said, "you know, at some point you need to just have hope that things will get better. If you can just hang in there, things will get better." As I sat there and listened to those three 80 plus year-olds talk about how hard it was during the depression and how my Grandmother, took care of three kids and a sick husband on her $110 a month salary as a librarian, I felt so sad. This morning when I was reading my scriptures in Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness, I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I know it's going to take a long, long time to make this old gal's weakness become strength but I'm hoping to hang in there long enough for things to get better.

Birthdays and Trek

Last night we had the family over to celebrate Tayler's 11th birthday and Candi's 33rd. It was so dang hot, 112 degrees that we decided to just swim and eat, the two things we do the best. I spent a week working on a quilt for Candi using all the shirts she wore while playing volleyball during her teen years. She had brought the bag of shirts over to send to DI or Goddwill but instead I put them in a bag and they have been sitting in my sewing room for a few years. Last week I felt inspired to put them together in a quilt. Some of them had stains or holes but they were special because they were hers. Rich and Tristy had been up in the mountains trudging through the dirt for three days on Trek and they got home while we were eating. I couldn't believe how dirty they were, especially their feet. It sounds like they had a marvelous time and hopefully gained a new appreciation for our ancestors who walked 1200 miles as they walked only 26, which would kill me. I'm so glad to have been born in this time as the hardship those pioneers went through would have not been something I could have survived, I'm sure of that.