"Life Goes On, The Sun Comes Up"

It's been crazy since I got home from Denver, besides fighting off a cold and cough I've been busy with other projects. I had a baby blanket to make for a shower on Sat. and then we celebrated my Dad's 82nd birthday later that night. It was also ward conference so we were suppose to be at the Temple that evening in preparation for the meetings on Sunday. I should have just stayed out of town, but traveling isn't that relaxing for me anyway. With my brother and his wife on a mission and my younger brother having family problems, my sister and I are on our own when planning the family gatherings. I guess it has always been the two of us doing most of the planning but at least we had a little support, now we rely on the younger generation for help and they are wonderful. Before I left for Colorado I had some blood work done because of some concerns from my doctor. Mindi called and told me the results showed a few problems so I have a follow up on Friday to see what's going on. As I was sitting there waiting for them to take blood I would look around to "people watch." Most of those coming in were elderly and either limped or needed a cane or walker for assistance. As I have gone to physical therapy I have noticed that most of those are also elderly with severe physical problems. As I was talking to my Home Teacher yesterday, who also happens to be my physical therapist. I told him about my observations and how scary it is to get old he said, "that is what is in our future." I have thought about that all day today. I look at my parents in their early 80's, will I even live to be in my 80's? I asked my Dad on his birthday how he felt being 82, his answer was, "I wouldn't want to give up one year that I've lived." In other words I guess he doesn't want to go back in time and relive the past. The older I get the more I realize that every day is a gift. We never know when someone precious to us will be taken back home. As we move in to Feb. my thoughts have turned to Kamber and how she would have turned five this year. How we all miss her and hope she knows how much we love her. As I looked at Brookie on Sat. she reminded me so much of her sister. She makes me smile when she talks to me. She was only three months old when the accident happened so when I see her it reminds me of how long we have survived the Hell of losing Kamber. Anyway, life goes on, the sun keeps coming up and we get that much closer to another celebration that we have been given the opportunity to make it to.

"There's No Place Like Home"

Snow as we pulled out of Denver

Three tired boys loaded up to come home.

Wow! We finally made it home last night around 7:30 p.m. We left Denver and it had snowed all night, just a light dusting but Spencer decided we were going to get up at 4:00 a.m. and hit the highway. We got up early but by the time we got everything loaded and the kids out of their beds and loaded into the car it was 5:15 a.m. It was cold and dark but the snow was pretty, so I took a picture as we drove away from their house. It was so fun to get away and visit some really fun places but "there's no place like home." As we were pulling into the valley and I saw all the lights in the far off distance, I realized I was home. We came down through Winslow, Pine and then Payson with all the snow and the pine tress it was beautiful, but when we got to the desert and the warm air I asked Spencer if he felt like he was coming home. His answer made me sad as he said, "No, this just feels like a vacation, my home is in Colorado." I think they like to be alone as a little family in their own home away from all of us wanting to spend time with them and pulling them from place to place. They do a lot of fun things with their kids during the off season, something Rich and I never had after he started his own business twenty-six years ago. This morning we got up and Spencer, Annie, Mindi and I did some exercising. He is trying to help me build up the muscles surrounding my hip to make it possible for me to walk without a cane. He told me he wanted me to go all week without using my cane. I told him I would if he would shave his ugly facial hair off. So when he shaves, I will try and walk without my cane. Last night I was so tired after sleeping with a four-year old who coughed all night I've come down with a cold and lost my voice. It felt weird to be in my house. I looked around to see my surroundings and it was almost like I had been away for a really long time. What a difference a week makes in the way you view your life. I guess we all need a little change of scenery to make us realize just how many blessings we have. I don't think I will ever drive the fourteen hours to Denver again, and I know there will be a time when Spencer's kids will be in school and they won't be coming as often. I'm sad about that but understand he has a different life now with a wife, three kids and a job far away from us. One thing I did realize is that where ever I go I take myself, the good the bad and the ugly. It's only a change of scenery. I'm glad to be home in my bed with my husband instead of my four year-old little grandson, but I have lots of fun memories that I will never forget!

My Colorado Adventure Is Almost Over

My "Colorado Adventure" is coming to an end. We have spent all day cleaning, doing laundry and running more errands before we leave tomorrow. On Sat. Annie and Spencer went to help a cousin load her U Haul because she was moving to a different apartment. It was by the Temple so Annie ran me over to see it. The Temple was closed but we were still able to get close enough to take a picture. On Sunday we went to church and then on a scenic drive up north to see some really pretty country. Yesterday they took me up to the Red Rocks. It was beautiful but freezing. It is an amphitheater that has been carved into the side of amountain. Spencer thought he would pull a fast one on me and tell me I needed to go to the bottom of the place to see it. When we got to the bottom we let the boys climb on the rocks behind the stage and then took some pictures. What I should have realized as I was going down is that I was going to have to hike out of that place. There was several times that I thought I was going to die and Rich would have to come up to take my body home. I was cussing Spencer out the whole way up, but I finally made it out. We counted 138 stairs that I went up and lived to tell about. There were lots of people there exercising with their dogs and others just site seeing like us. After the hike we went to the Outlets at Castle Rock to do a little shopping. Annie found some bargains at the children's stores but I didn't see anything I loved so I didn't buy anything. I am so glad I came up here and finallygot to see where Spencer lives and plays. They have been so kind and accommodating but it will be good to get home and sleep in my own bed, alone.I've been sharing a bed with Troy who has been coughing every night since we've been here. I hope Mindi is ready to have her little baby boy back. I hate the heat of the summer in Arizona but I will be happy to get home and feel the warm sunlight on my frozen body. We are praying for a safe drive home tomorrow and have good weather all the way, not to mention having the four little children survive the long journey home. I will be so happy to see Rich and the rest of my family soon.

Denver Temple

Entrance to the temple

At the Bottom of Red Rocks

Boys playing behind the stage

All of us at the bottom

Half way up! (Annie encouraging me)

Made it, look at that view.

Visiting Mile High and the Aquarium

Time is going by so fast up here in Denver. We have spent all day everyday seeing the sights and running errands. On Thurs. we drove into the city to see Mile High Stadium where the Broncos play. In the entrance they have a waterfall with a bunch of horses. I got some pictures of the little boys standing under the horse. Yesterday we went back downtown to go to the aquarium. At first it was a little bit overwhelming but we got through it. I could not believe the size of some of the fish and they had a huge feature with sharks, turtles, barracudas and stingrays. They also had an enclosure with a tiger and another one with some otters. It has been a little bit hard because the air is so dry up here that I wake up at least three or four times a night drinking water and putting carmex on my lips. Annie finally put a humidifier in my room to try and help with the cotton mouth, but I'm still getting up. Yesterday I started getting a little bit homesick, I've never been a person who loved to travel and live out of bags and sleep in someone elses bed, but all and all I'm glad I came. Life is too short to just hibernate in Gilbert, but it makes me appreciate the nice warm sun and the beauty of the desert. Denver isn't anything like I thought it would be. I had visions of being in the mountains with pine trees everywhere but I think that's only up in the mountains. The nights have been the hardest for me, Troy has been sleeping with me and he loves to stretch his legs out and knee me all night. He also asks me every night if we can go home and sleep in his own bed. We only have four more days until we will heading home, it's been a fun change but I will be glad to sleep in my own bed

Popped-Belly Sea Horses

The boys put their heads under a little bowl so they could see the fish swim around their heads.

Puffer Fish

Turtle and Barracuda

Petting the Sting Rays

The Coughing Crusade

Spencer decided on Sunday that I needed to go to Denver and see his house and where he plays football. I was trying to think of a way to get out of going, but he said it was "non negotiable." So on Tues. morning we packed the Tahoe and off we came. I had NO idea what a long drive it is from Gilbert, Arizona to Denver, Colorado. We made really good time and the weather was clear and it still took us fourteen hours arriving in Denver at 2 a.m. Wed. morning. We brought Mindi's little guy Troy so we had four kids under the age of four. Troy and Tyton had a bad cough when we left and by the time we got to Albuquerque I was ready to find any drug that would suppress a child's cough. Annie ran in to Target but didn't take any ID so when she went to buy some medicine they wouldn't sell it to her. What? So we listened to them cough until they fell asleep. We spent all day Wed. running errands at the grocery store and buying stuff I forgot, and then came home to rest. At about 3:00 in the afternoon it started to snow and boy was it pretty we woke up to two inches of snow in their backyard. Hopefully we will have a fun day running errands and seeing the sights. I want to see the Denver Temple, the Bronco stadium, and they want to go to the Aquarium up here. I don't know how much we will be letting the kids play in the snow, I'm getting tired of the "coughing crusade."

"Lose Myself to Find Myself"

Yesterday marked the four month milestone since my hip replacement. I didn't realize it until I was at the doctors office getting a physical so I can schedule my mammogram. I don't know why they need to check you "down under" when there isn't anything to check, but I'm glad that's over for at least another year or two. I had a friend call me in the afternoon and asked me how I was doing with my hip. I told her that the pain is a lot better but I still can't walk very well without a cane. She made the comment that "isn't it funny how it never is as good as what God gave us." Boy that is so true, the replacement parts just don't feel as good as the parts we were born with. I went to see my friend this week who is helping me through this thing we call mortal life. I always feel a lifting of the dark cloud that hangs over me when I leave. We always talk about the passing of Kamber and my question is always the same, "will I ever get over this feeling of sadness?" His answer is always, "No, you will never forget, but hopefully be able to accept it and move on." He also suggested that I do some writing about my feelings and thoughts everyday. Also to keep a "gratitude journal" because having gratitude is one of the most powerful and healing emotions that we have. Huh! That's my problem I don't show enough gratitude for all the blessings that I have in my life everyday. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the chores I have to get done or the errands that I need to run, it becomes overwhelming for me. I was just talking to Spencer about some challenges I have and he suggested that I go to Denver with them for a week or two. He is such a good son and I love how he has matured into a great husband and father. I don't take any credit for that other than him seeing from me what he didn't want in his family. I was telling him how I wished I would have gotten a job and had a career after my children went to school. Then he quoted the scripture that says that "if you lose yourself then you will find yourself." So some how I need to find myself in what I've got to work with here right now.

Life Is Passing Me By

This week has gone by really fast for me. The older I get the faster my life seems to be passing me by. I have Trace's quilt almost finished but last night as I was sewing the binding on, my brand new machine broke down. The needle broke and the bobbin holder pulled out. I had to get my old dinosaur machine out and finish the darn thing. Today Spencer and Annie were nice enough to take me by the shop where I bought it and leave it to be fixed. We then went out to Krazy Sub, (you got to love those sandwiches) and then off to the Reebok store to do a little bit of shopping. It's fun going with Spencer because everything is free. Well, not really it's just one of the perks he gets for working his butt off. I have been "down in the dumps" a little bit about all that has gone on this week. The shootings in Tucson have made me realize how I need to live each day with no regrets. As I get older it's easy to look at all the mistakes I've made, things I wish I would have done different or maybe shouldn't have done at all. I wish I could have used my degree and had a career. Maybe if I would have had another baby it would have helped me overcome my despair about my miscarriage. Anyway, my new years resolution was to only worry about myself. Change what I can about myself that I don't like and move on, but it's hard when there are others involved. I'm not the type of person to sit silently and not voice my opinion, that gets me in to lots of messes. Anyway, my resolution was good for about two days so I think maybe I need to find another one. On the drive home from the mall Annie mentioned that there is a little boy her sister knows that has just been diagnosed with leukemia and wondered if there was anything they could donate to a silent auction. We all agreed that having a child with cancer would not be something we would want to deal with. Do we have a choice in what trials we are asked to endure? I would have never guessed some of the stuff I've been through, but no matter how bad it's been, I know someone has it WAY worse than I do. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have that I lived before I came to this earth and that I will continue on to the other side when I'm called home. Maybe things will get easier then.

Mammograms, Quilts and Saving Dogs

I thought after the holidays things would get easier and less hectic. It seems like life just continues to get more complicated and busy. I got a letter reminding me that it has been a year since my last mammogram. Of course to get a paper to get one scheduled I need to see my doctor. So this week that I thought was going to be calm, has turned into another busy one. I have been really sad about the shooting in Tucson of the Congresswoman and nineteen other people. It sickens me that some crazy person would kill innocent people in the parking lot of a grocery store. When a family member dies unexpectedly it sends you in a tailspin that is really hard to get out of. I remember what a fog I was in, and how much it has changed the way I view my life now. I got a call from my son Sat. afternoon telling me that our dogs had gotten out of the fence and were running loose somewhere in Queen Creek. At first I got mad and then started praying for their safe return. They got out a couple of weeks ago and a nice girl called me and put them back in the yard, so I was hoping I would hear from someone soon. Every few minutes I would plead for help in finding them. They are big dogs so I was hoping someone would just find them and give me a call. I didn't hear from anyone until 9:45 sat. night. I got a call from a lady who found the dogs in the middle of the street and fearing they would be run over picked them up and took them to her house clear out in Chandler. Spencer took me out to retrieve Sonny and Sadie and they seemed happy to be home. I'm busy working on a quilt for Trace as his 10th birthday is next Sunday. So on and on life goes with quilts to make and mammograms to schedule. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Number Fifteen on the Way!

It has been fun having Spencer, Annie and their little family staying with us. They usually stay at the Pugmire's when they come because Spencer uses the excuse that we have scorpions and Annie is afraid of them. Anyway, Rich assured them that because it has been so cold we won't see any, so hopefully that will be true. It seems like every Christmas for the last couple of years one of our kids has announced that they are expecting. Last year Jenn and Ethan told us of their pregnancy and Annie was also pregnant but wasn't saying anything yet. Well, this year Mindi is the one who is having a baby. After her miscarriage in April I am proud of her for having enough faith to try again. If I have one big regret in my life it is that I didn't have the faith to have another baby after suffering my miscarriage when Spencer was two years old. I started having some bad emotional problems after losing my pregnancy and never wanted to go down that road again. Mindi is on her way to the doctor for the first time. She was having bad anxiety and worrying that maybe they wouldn't hear a heartbeat like the last pregnancy. Why is it so hard for us to have faith that our Heavenly Father is watching over us and knows what's best ? Every time I look at baby Abney I have such a huge feeling of gratitude that her life was spared. It could have gone so bad so easily, but we are convinced that through the power of the Priesthood and the faith and prayers of those who love her and her family, that her life was spared.

On Tues. night when Tristyn and I went out to feed the animals she started screaming at the dogs. I guess my two rabbits had dug a hole and gotten out. My other two "rabbit, chicken, turtle or anything that moves" killing dogs are over at Ethan's but Spencer's lab and a friend of ours retriever had killed one rabbit and were chasing the other one around the yard. What the HECK! Why can't I keep my animals safe from the predators? Anyway, Rich buried the one and I brought the other one in the house until we could fill in the hole. This morning I went out to check the pool because it isn't working that well and when I looked into the skimmer I found these two baby water turtles. I don't know how they got in there because the pond the parents are in is on the other side of the yard. Anyway, I was sure they were dead. I have no idea how long they have been in the pool. I picked them up and put them in my bathroom sink with some warm water and was so excited when they started swimming around. Now I don't necessarily want two more turtles but I'm glad I was able to save them. It seems like life is just a constant "never know what's going to happen next" kind of thing. I guess it would be boring if we didn't have all these challenges to work through. I hope to be able to handle the next ones coming my way.

Shopping, Wedding and Baby Blessing Oh My

Well, I lived to welcome in a new year. Every summer I ask Rich if we can move to Utah where the summers are cool, but because he HATES the cold we stay here. After this weekend I can honestly see why he wants to live in the warm climate. We have tried to keep our flowers, citrus trees and animals alive while the temperature got in the twenties out here. It is kind of nice because I can wear my winter clothes at least once before putting them away for another year. I spent New Years Eve alone while Rich went to the Stake Center to chaperon the little darlings in our stake. I was so tired from worrying about Spencer and Annie driving from Denver in the blizzard that it was nice to just go to bed.
I did go out to Ethan and Jenn's and have dinner but I wanted to get home before all the drunk drivers were out. It was fun having all my kids and grand kids together for the first time in a while. We took a picture of the two new babies and they were cute looking at each other. Mindi and I braved the cold and hit a few sales on Saturday and then Rich, Tristyn and I went to a wedding. It is always fun for me to see what decorations they have and food they serve. It was really pretty and the food was delicious.

Yesterday we had everyone over for a luncheon after the blessing of baby Abney. It is so stressful for me to have people come to my house because I feel like it needs to be spotless, which it never is. For some reason I have had terrible anxiety since my surgery. I struggled with the crowds in the stores and the church was packed because of the two baby blessings. When we were driving home I felt such an overwhelming feeling of stress that I began to cry. After losing one grand daughter and almost losing another I had to sit in the truck a minute to pull myself together. I'm reading a book that compares each one of us to Adam and Eve and how they went into to "lone and dreary world." Each one of us has to have trials and adversities in order to prepare us to return home to our Heavenly Father. I HATE trials. Some of the things we are asked to do are hideous. After Kamber passed away I wanted to go with her. I didn't think I would ever be able to be happy again. Some of that sadness still lingers on but I am determined to fight this for as long as my heart beats, that is all I can offer up for all the other blessings I have. So for the New Year my resolution is to try to BE and DO the best that I can and realize that I am here to prove myself worthy to return home to see those I love on the other side.