"Forever 58 or Forever Grouchy?"

After spending a week decorating my house and the last three days undecorating, I think next year I'm going to make some drastic changes and make it way more simple. I now know why my sister just puts up a little ceramic tree and calls it good. I went to bed the other night in a bad mood after hearing some disturbing news about some extended family members. All night long I kept thinking about it and becoming more upset. I had also been told to"stop being so bossy," and "it's not what you say, it's how you say it," that has made me not want to talk to anyone right now. We had some family come stay overnight and that was stressful also, so Candi thought she would do me a favor and take me on a ride to get me out of the house and hopefully out of the "doldrums." I hadn't put any makeup on and I was okay with that because we were just going to get some fresh air. Well, we ended up at the San Tan Mall in Macy's to do a little after Christmas shopping. I found a couple of blouses really cheap and then Candi and Tristyn wanted to go to Forever 21. She assured me it was just outside of Macy's and the exercise would do me good, so with my cane in hand off we went. Well, it isn't just outside of Macy's it's down the street and over a block. By the time we got there I was already tired, and if you have ever been in that store it has loud music and tons of people, not to mention wall to wall teenager clothes. Pushing a stroller with two young children and a handicapped person through the narrow aisles of the store was claustrophobic for me but we persevered. After about an hour of shopping I needed to get the heck out of there. Candi went and paid for her purchases and we took Major and started walking back towards Macy's. As we rounded the corner I saw a bench just sitting on the sidewalk on the side of the mall and took a seat. Tristyn took Major over to the bathroom and there we sat until Candi got the car and picked us up. It was fun to be out and about but with this dang hip it makes everything so much harder. It was so nice to get home and take a nice long, hot bath, take some pain reliever and go to bed. I was thinking this morning that I need to open a store that is named "Forever 58", or maybe even "Forever Grouchy," then maybe I could find something that would fit me in there.

Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

The most wonderful time of the year is coming to a close and boy am I happy. We had a really nice Christmas, it was very simple but we got through it. This year didn't really feel like Christmas, I don't know if it was because the weather was so warm or if I just never caught the spirit like years past. Maybe not being able to stay out late in the mall and shop until I couldn't walk another step was another reason. I have spent all day today taking down my decorations. It makes me crazy when my house is in disarray. I had Rich help me a little bit last night take down my huge wreath over the fireplace but it is still sitting in the family room where it will stay until next weekend probably. Spencer and Annie will be on their way from Colorado on Thurs. The Broncos put him on the Injured Reserve List (whatever that means) so he won't be playing the last two games because of his injured ankle. I have mixed emotions about that, it is so fun to watch him play, but I miss his little family and I have never even seen their new little baby girl. After dinner on Christmas Day we headed over to the cemetery. I could not believe how beautiful it was there. Rich made the comment that it was more decorated than on Memorial Day. I could not believe how creative people are in decorating the graves. There were trees, wreaths, bulbs, flowers, toys and every kind of decoration you can think of. I love Kamber's headstone. Ethan and Jenn did such a great job when they designed it. Every time I see it, it makes me smile. I miss her so much, there is definitely a hole in our family because of her passing, but now the hard part starts when we try and live a life worthy to live with her. It seems like I did pretty good for a couple of days last week but now the "after Christmas blues" has started to set in. I'm sure it's something in my childhood, it's for sure my parents fault. Ha Ha! I'm trying to pull myself out of the dumps so I can start the new year off right. Hopefully when I get all my decorations put away things will get better. The sun will come up tomorrow for sure! At least I hope so.

Will I Live To Tell About It?

I am wondering if I can make it through these next two days. I have proven that I can survive "hard things," but it seems like every day is hard lately. It doesn't matter how organized I try to be or get my shopping done early, it's always a mad dash to finish. I will be so glad when Christmas is over and I can get a good nights sleep. Last night after making four batches of caramel popcorn and doing some sewing I was so tired. I tried to read the paper but fell asleep about 11:00 p.m. At 1:30 a.m. I was in the deepest sleep when the dogs out back started barking their heads off. I waited for about five or ten minutes and then got up, turned on the light and started yelling at them to "SHUT UP!" They just kept on barking so Rich finally got up and went to the door and called them and told them to be quiet. He has had some tools and stuff stolen out of his barn so he put his pants and glasses on and headed out. He thought he saw a car sitting down at Mindi's so he went out their front door and crouched down behind his work trailer to see what was going on. I wanted him to just call the police but he's not afraid like I am. He said he was waiting by his trailer when he saw a guy walking a dog. Now, seriously who walks their dog at 2:00 a.m.? He soon realized it was a canine cop with a dog looking for someone who has been breaking into cars in our area. The cop told him he was lucky he stood up and put his arms up to tell him who he was and what he was doing because he almost let the dog go. When Rich came back to bed and told me about the excitement I was wide awake and couldn't settle back down until around 3:00 a.m. I don't know why I'm not able to get some good sleep. My cleaning girl came today but wasn't in the mood to help me, she was wanting to get on her way to California to spend it with family; I don't blame her. I finally just told her to leave and I could clean my own house. Yea, me with a cane in one hand and a vacuum in another. Hopefully Rich will be able to help on Christmas Eve. It's really hard to complain about him working so much when there are families with no work and no money. We thank the Lord every night we have a warm home and wonderful children and grand children. I don't know what I would do without my parents and their example of charity and sacrifice. I have too many blessings to count and I know how blessed I am to have the knowledge that we will be together and be able to see Kamber again. We wish you all a Merry Christmas! Hopefully I will live to tell about it.

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

"Furnace of Affliction"

Yesterday I was so tired from Sunday I was looking forward to a really good nights sleep. Well, Rich decided that since he didn't get to go work out all last week he would get up at 4:00 a.m. and go to the gym. Well, I woke up as he left. I watched t.v. for a while and then tried to go back to sleep. I finally got back to sleep and when he came home and showered I woke up again. It put me in a really bad mood all day long and by noon I was feeling like I was getting the flu. I took some pain reliever to try and get rid of my raging headache and by 10:00 p.m. went to bed. I was sleeping so good until 2:00 A.M. this morning. I woke up and never did get back to sleep. At 4:00 a.m. Ethan called and he was in terrible pain possibly, another kidney stone. Mindi hasn't felt well for a couple of weeks, (that's a whole other story) and Spencer called and he has an injured ankle. He has battled injuries all season. He had a high ankle sprain that still isn't healed and then he's been nursing a pulled hamstring, then on Sunday a "big FAT lineman fell on his foot and injured him." He is just thankful it wasn't higher up his leg causing terrible knee damage. As I was talking to him about everyone being sick he said, "it looks like we are in the furnace of affliction."
I love to go shopping. Christmas just doesn't seem the same without strolling in the Mall watching all the people and going from store to store. This hip surgery has probably ended my all day mall shopping. I guess it will save me lots of money and time. I found this little clip on YouTube, I wish I could have been there, it would have been so fun!

Am I Scrooge or the Grinch?

Last night as I went to bed I felt extremely discouraged. My husband had worked twelve to fourteen hour days for six days. This means that yes, my Christmas lights still aren't up and running. A few strands are around the windows but we still look like poor white trash in the decorating dept. I spent all day working on Christmas cards so my house looks like a bomb went off. It seems like everywhere I look there is something that needs to be done. My sister called and we went over the food assignments for our extended family party this week. We both don't do so well when stressed out so I said, "I'll be Scrooge and you can be the Grinch." I also have been concerned about some family members who have decided to get divorced. How bad does it have to be to leave your family, give up on the church and live a different life style? Anyway, I woke up as Rich was leaving for his 6:00 a.m. church meetings and turned on the TV to the BYU channel. It was a really good talk given on how we need to help others who are struggling financially or spiritually. I got ready for church and off we went. I love the sacrament meeting the week before Christmas because it is mostly music. The choir sang so beautifully and it was really moving. Then our Bishop's wife gave one of the best talks I have ever heard. She talked about "what gifts are we going to give this Christmas?" She gave a quote that I thought was so good I wrote it down. "True happiness only happens when we make others happy." That's my problem, I'm too worried about myself and not others. She then went on to talk about giving the gift of gratitude, charity and mercy. In keeping the true spirit of Christmas we can do good things for others. She then went on to talk about how charity manifests itself when we are tolerant with others and accepting weaknesses and shortcomings in others and just accepting people for who they are. I finally realized that I can't change anyone or anything but myself. Instead of being the Grinch or Scrooge maybe I will just be the best I can be this holiday season, who cares about the lights anyway?

Third Christmas Without Kamber

I've been working hard trying to get as much done before the kids are out of school next week. It seems like when they are home all day it becomes quite complicated with them wanting to have friends over or be entertained all the time. It's a good thing we have children when we are young because I don't do much and I'm still frazzled. It seems like every day there are a million things to get done or errands to run. I got Spencer's family and Rich's Mom's gifts off to them on Tues., that is always a good feeling. I did my visiting teaching yesterday and I'm watching Troy while Mindi has gone to do hers. Every year I think that next year will be different, I'll be more organized, well that never happens, it is the same rat race every year. I have noticed that having surgery and getting old makes it way more difficult to get things done. Rich has been working 12-14 hour days trying to get a commercial job done by Monday. He still hasn't finished putting my Christmas lights up and at this point I'm losing hope that they will ever get up. Tristyn helped me for an hour the other night trying to hook up cords to get the power on. We got some of them working but after having two cords spark, scaring the cr#& out of me, not to mention the bad words I said, I thought it best I wait for him. I am married to probably the smartest handyman around but I could use an electrician to help me with my lights and pond problems. We are so thankful Rich has plenty of work. Last year at this time the business was so slow we didn't know if we were going to make it. We know how blessed we are to have work. This will be the third Christmas without darling spunky Kamber. I think about her every day especially when I'm shopping for the grand kids. What would I be getting for her? What does she look like? Who is she with and what is she doing? All these questions and NO answers right now. I'm sure we will visit the cemetery on Christmas Day, that is where the true meaning of Christmas is felt. I know that because of the birth of our Savior and his atonement, our family will be able to see Kamber again and hopefully live together as a family with our Heavenly Father.

A Rock and a Hard Place!

I survived a very busy weekend. It started with the stake high council party on Friday night. It was a fun evening with good food, great company and a fun white elephant gift exchange. We chose a good gift that someone quickly took, and in return got a box of screws and fasteners. We were pretty bummed when we left the party. Spencer called to let us know he was coming with the team even though he was injured. He wanted us to go out to the hotel to visit with him on Sat. evening. We picked my parents up and off we went to the Westin Keirland Resort. We had a nice visit with him and one of his teammates and it was a beautiful place for the team to stay. We didn't get home until around midnight and Rich had early meetings at 6:00 a.m. and 9:00 o'clock church. We had decided not to go to the game because number one it was on Sunday and number two he wasn't playing. We felt like we were in a bad spot because the team had him come because he is from Arizona so he could see his family. Anyway, after lots of going back and forth we decided to go to church and then out to the stadium. The game was horrible, typical Denver Bronco football. As I was sitting there watching all the people drinking, yelling and occasionally cussing it made me realize why we don't do these things on Sunday. It was impossible to feel any kind of spirit in that kind of environment. After the game we got to go see Spencer before he left back to Denver. As parents we will do anything for out kids to see them happy. As we went to bed last night we felt a mix of emotions. We had so much fun seeing our son and watch him on the field with the team, but we knew that isn't where we should be on Sunday. I'm glad we went but we probably will never go again. Life is all about choices and sometimes we make good ones and other times we kind of mess up. We did have a ton of fun being with our family and Spencer was so fun!

Got To Love Arizona In The Winter

What a crazy day! I started out the day with my three month appointment at the surgeon's office in Tempe. My x-rays show that my hip is healing really well so I'm happy about that. This is the first week I have felt like the surgery was worth it. Physical therapy helped a lot and I'm so thankful I haven't had any complications. It is humbling to see some of the trials others are going through and I am so blessed to be healing. After my appointment we "shopped our way home." I needed to pick up a few little things for the grand kids so I can mail Spencer and Annie's presents up to them. We finally ended up at Target and finished all my shopping.When we got home to pick Troy up he jumped in the car and darned if he didn't get in the back and pull out some of the toys I had bought for the kids. Then threw a big fit when we took them away and told him they are for Christmas. Why can't a four year old understand? Candi was nice and came to do the Larsen family hair cuts. Rich and I have made some pretty bad investments but helping Candi through hair school has really paid off. We so appreciate her keeping us well groomed. My cleaning girl called and she's sick so I'm on my own tomorrow. Our Christmas lights still are not up, Rich did get them out of the box and lying across the front lawn. If he waits any longer it won't be worth the time of putting them up. Spencer called and wants us to go see him at the hotel Sat. night. He won't be playing in the game but at least we will get to visit with him a little bit. I can't believe that Christmas is two weeks away and it is still going to be 80 degrees this weekend. I guess that is why all the snowbirds are here. You have to love Arizona in the winter, oh yea we don't have winter!

What Really Matters?

I spent all weekend trying to finish decorating my house and tree. We had Rich's neice and her family spend the night on Friday and then we went to church and had the missionaries over for dinner on Sunday. It has been quite a long time since we signed up to feed them but it was nice. They left us with a message on hope and boy could I use that. This weekend was kind of a bummer for me. I have been waiting all season for Spencer to come home and play the Cardinals. During the game on Sunday I realized that after the first half he never went back in. He always plays unless he's injured so I thought something might have happened. Sure enough, after the game he called and told me he had a small tear in his hamstring and won't be playing this week. I have yet to watch him play in a regular season game in person. I woke up early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. My mind was racing and my thoughts weren't very good. So I got up and came in the spare bedroom and started reading my scriptures and some conference talks. One was on faith and the other on what is really important in our lives. What really matters? Basically what matters to us is what we spend our time on, and love equals time. That makes sense to me and I see it in my own life in the lives of my family. What they love they spend their time doing. I spent all day yesterday working on a quilt, that makes me happy. This time of year is hard for me. I want to feel that holiday cheer and enjoy the music and true meaning of Christmas. It always seems like someone or something is missing in my life. Maybe that's the Grinch in me. Hopefully I will be able to move out of this mood and in to the Christmas spirit soon, otherwise it's going to be a long long December.

"Stating the Obvious"

Rich and Dave took Trace and Tristyn to the Suns game. I haven't watched the Suns since they traded Charles Barkley. Mindi is on her way to take back a movie and go to the grocery store. I was going to go with her but after walking through Fry's I'm pooped. It's weird how when you have been housebound for a couple of months and then go out of your comfort zone, it just feels so overwhelming. When I was at physical therapy the other day the girl tech who was helping me in the pool, in a nice way, basically told me how I needed to walk around the block and get more active, and by the way get some of the weight off so your arthritis will get better. Hum! I would love to lose 100 pounds of unwanted fat but when someone who looks like an x-ray with hair tells someone who is obese that they need to lose weight it is kind of offensive. As I was telling my Dad what I thought about her he didn't think she was rude, she was diplomatic and "stated the obvious." This is also the girl who thought my eight-one year old Dad was my husband. Since my surgery I seem to notice people more. When I see someone walking with a limp I wonder what is wrong with them. Tonight at the grocery store a lady walked passed me who obviously had a prosthetic leg. Then as I rounded the bread aisle to the deli I saw two girls who were "thicker" than I am. I know the weight thing is more about being healthy than looking good in a bikini but why can't we just love and accept each other as we are? Why can't we give people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best they can? I know that every thing I have judged another on has ended up happening to me. Maybe tomorrow I will head on down the street and try to build my stamina and burn a few calories so I can enjoy that ham and potato dinner tomorrow night at the Ward Party and don't forget the steak and baked potatoes we will be feeding the missionaries on Sunday. Oh heck, maybe I will just wait until next week to start my diet and exercise program!

I Think I Need Some Botox

A long time ago my Dad took me to a doctors appointment in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I had flown there a couple of times but this time he decided to drive me. I remember that on our way home we pulled in to a gas station to use the restroom and buy gas. When I came out of the bathroom the store clerk handed me my Dad's credit card and said, "here's your husbands card." I said, "He's my Dad not my husband." That has been at least fifteen years ago. Well, this morning my darling parents came over to do some service. My Dad took me to physical therapy and my Mom went to the mall with Mindi to purchase a birthday gift for my special cousin Barb. Mindi usually goes with me so when I walked in one of the guys said, "your daughter didn't come with you today?" I said, "no, I brought my Dad." Anyway, I went in to the gym and did my exercises and then off to the pool we went. My Dad sat on the bench while I started my exercise routine. First of all I'm always about ten to twenty years younger than most of the people in the pool so I'm feeling pretty good about myself. My therapist was sick today so he wasn't in the pool but another girl was there who usually works in the gym with me. She looked over and said, "your husband brought you today?" I then said, "that is my Dad, my husband runs a construction company and he's super busy right now." I was pissed! Do I look like I could be married to an eighty-one year old man? Maybe I don't want to know the answer to that. When I got home Rich called and asked how therapy went. When I told him they asked me if my Dad was my husband all he said was, "maybe they think you are a trophy wife for someone." Ha! I never have been a trophy wife to anyone. Maybe I need to be looking in to some plastic surgery, botox or have Candi color my hair a darker shade but if people are thinking I could be married to someone in their eighties I have a huge problem. When I was complaining to Mindi about it she was nice and said, "well that's the same thing as when we are shopping and people think we are sisters." Yeh and I can remember a few times that people have asked her if she is Spencer's Mom. So I guess there are some really clueless people out there, hopefully I'm never one of them. I'm sure I've said some stupid things too so please forgive me if I've said something like that to you.