Anyone Want To Go Bungee Jumping?

I was talking to someone close to me the other day and they said "I don't read blogs anymore because they are too negative and I choose to be positive." Huh! I have found some wonderful faith promoting things on the blogs I read. I also get to see pictures of my grand kids who live in "Far Far Away." I try and be careful when I write that my toxic negative attitude doesn't show through, but there are times in my life that aren't all butterflies and rainbows. I have been trying to get my harvest decor put away and my Christmas started. Although it is getting easier for me to walk, I still have a hard time carrying boxes of stuff from point A to point B. So today I found myself taking one thing at a time and that gets really tiring. Besides that, I'm really not in the Christmas spirit yet. I know it's a little early, but hopefully this mood will lift and I can move forward. Before my surgery I was fantasizing about all those things I would be able to do when I recovered. I was hoping to be able to go skydiving, deep sea fishing, or maybe just fly around the world solo, but I am realizing that I am the same old me with just a metal hip. I live in the same house with the same people and I even have the same pets. The only thing that has changed is a little bit of pain relief and the experience of having a major surgery. I also found out who really loves and cares about me and I appreciate all they have done for me these last eleven weeks. I realize that these trials we are given are to make us have more empathy for others. I know without the adversities we wouldn't grow spiritually. If our lives were all puppies and unicorns we would be really shallow thinking people. There are people close to me who are going through really hard trials right now. At times I don't understand how we get our lives so messed up. All I can do is pray that things will work out for the best. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day, who knows maybe I'll bungee jump off a bridge, sounds fun huh?

Happy Thanksgiving

Last week when I was going through my pictures to put in the scrapbook for my parents I found this picture of these turkeys. They were in Spencer's pictures he sent home while on his mission in Chile. Most of the turkeys I've seen are all white so I thought these were really cute. This morning all my family went to run in the Turkey Trot. I should be used to being left behind but it still bothers me that they get to do things I'm not able to do. Well, I was sad for about ten minutes and then decided I would watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade and finish Trent's quilt. I also had to put my turkey in the oven and make a salad. Trent has been asking every day if it's finished so I hope he's happy. Now Trace thinks he needs a bigger, newer one too, so that will be my next project. This year everyone goes to the other side of the family. With Lennie on a mission and some family problems, we won't have anyone here besides my parents and Mindi, Dave and their little family. Spencer has practice but hopefully he will be home to celebrate with his young family. I had an old boyfriend and his wife stop by last night to drop off some medicine he ordered for me. He is a doctor and it is so nice of him to do that for me. We had a nice visit and served them a piece of banana cream pie. I think they have nine kids but only seven living. Their first baby nearly drowned when he was two years old and was extremely brain damaged. I think he passed away when he was around ten years old. They also had a son pass away recently because of a suicide. I asked his wife how she dealt with her first babies death. She said that you just have to deal with it, but it never goes away. This is the third holiday season without Kamber. These are the times that are the worst for me. I was sewing yesterday and looked up on my wall and there was a picture of her about six weeks old. I miss her everyday and wonder what she would be doing and who she would look like. This is a day to be thankful, so I'm extremely thankful for the time I have had with my kids and grand kids, they are very special to me. I also know that because of the Atonement, if I live a worthy life, I will get to be with my family on the other side. That is a wonderful blessing to me.

Living In The Manure Pile

As Rich and I were walking in to church on Sunday I was complaining about all my physical ailments. "My hip is better but now my back and side hurt. I get a touch of the flu and then get fever blisters all over my lips." Rich is smart sometimes and doesn't answer me, I think he's learned to just listen and not put in his "two bits." Anyway as the opening song started it was of course a Thanksgiving song. The tears started to flow. A young man then got up and in his talk gave statistics about how many people don't have clean drinking water, live in poverty, go to bed hungry and on and on. Now I'm feeling really bad about all my complaints. Then a darling girl in our ward talked about Wilbur in the story "Charlotte's Web" and how sometimes we throw ourselves in the manure pile of our lives. Boy could I relate to that. After church I told her how much I enjoyed her talk and that I live in the manure pile most of the time. I know that I do have a few good qualities but I haven't developed the deep sense of gratitude I need for all the blessings in my life. No matter how bad I have it, there are millions of people who are worse off than me. On Sunday we had most of the family over for my Mom's birthday and my parents 60th wedding anniversary. Mindi worked all last week doing a scrapbook that represents all our family. My parents thought it was wonderful. As I went through all those pages of memories as a child and then through marriage and raising our family it was humbling. How thankful I am for righteous parents who love me. For the opportunity to be married to a honest hard working husband. To have four wonderful children who try everyday to be good parents themselves. The knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants me to be happy. At times I don't see the eternal perspective of my life and that gets me down. I thought this little quote was good:

Happy Moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS

The weeks a going by faster and faster for me. That's probably a good thing considering that I want my recovery to speed up. Anyway, yesterday we were busy working around the house and Mindi was trying to put the finishing touches on the gift we are making for my
parents. Everyone is coming over tomorrow night for cake and ice cream to celebrate Mom's 81st birthday and my parents 60th wedding anniversary on Monday. It just blows my mind that they are that old and have endured life's struggles and stayed married for 60 years. I am so blessed to still have both parents living and still married to each other. Yesterday Mindi was going to run a few errands and go to the grocery store on the way home. I haven't been in a grocery store for at least three months. I asked her if she could pick me up some groceries while she was there and started making a list. She finally just looked at me and said, "I don't know if I will be able to go and push two carts around, why don't you just come and go with me?" So last night I "girded up my loins, fresh courage take," and headed to the store. I put my cane in the cart and then used it as a walker. I was surprised at how well I did. There were a few times that I got a little tired or nervous but we just kept plugging along going up and down each isle. When we got to the produce section I saw a guy who had crutches in one of those electric carts that the store has with a basket in the front. Then as we turned up the cereal isle I saw a lady that was so big and pregnant I am sure she is having either twins or triplets. She was a smaller build and I could not believe she could even walk. I turned to Mindi and said, "I am proving that I can do hard things aren't I?" Every time I go out in public I see someone who has it worse than I do and that brings me back to the reality that LIFE IS HARD. We are asked to go through trials that we never thought we would be asked to or be able to endure. My goal is to be able to walk without a limp and be able to do the things I need to keep my house going, but maybe patience is what I really need to learn at this time. I am grateful for all the trials I have gone through, hopefully it will make me a better person.

How Can Mom Be 81 Years Old?

Between my jelly making and shopping extravaganza I think my recovery has been set back a few months. Anyway, that's the way I feel this morning. To top it off I got another summons to go to Jury Duty. I received one just before my surgery so they let me off but rescheduled for the 16th of December. I tried to tell them that I don't drive, don't go into Phoenix by myself and now add not being able to walk to the list, it just frustrates me. I've made an appt. with my family doctor next week to hopefully get a note saying how physically and mentally impaired I am to be on a jury. Wish me luck! I was so discouraged this morning when I got up. That raging pain in my back and another one in my quad muscle has left me wondering if I will survive this. I felt like I needed some help, so I decided to spend some quiet time reading my scriptures. As I turned the page there was a copy of Kamber's obituary that I must have cut out and put in that part of my Book of Mormon. It's interesting how a little thing like that can take you back into the pain of the day of the accident. They say it gets better, but I know there is a hole in my heart that will never be healed. Today is my Mom's 81st birthday. How can my parents be that old? It doesn't seem possible. For her birthday we are making a scrapbook of all the families. We have me and my siblings and all their kids and the grand kids and now the great grands. Mindi and all those who are working on it have done such a good job, I think she will be thrilled. While I was looking for pictures to represent our family I found a few of my Mom and I. She truly is an angel to have put up with some of the crap we threw her way. I hope we will have her for many more birthdays, she has always been so supportive and generous with her time and talents. She truly tries to live her life as the Savior would want her to. Her legacy will be the great example of Charity that she emulates.

Christmas Music In November

I have talked a lot lately about my motivation to getting more mobile. I want to be able to go to the Mall and "shop til I drop" like I did a few years ago before my arthritis set in. Well, yesterday I walked in to Macy's to purchase some gifts. Then after physical therapy Mindi, Candi, B.J. and their lovely darling little boys and I went to Kohl's. Mindi went in to make sure they had a wheelchair available and they did, so off we went. I'm sure we looked ridicules, me in the wheelchair pushing a stroller in front of me. At this point I could give a rat's behind what I look like, I just wanted to do some shopping. After a couple of hours I had gotten all my grandchildren taken care of for Christmas except Tristyn (she is so picky) and a few other odds and ends. We had so much fun yesterday that we got everything out and made sure we got the right sizes and something for everyone. Sure enough we had gotten a couple of wrong sizes so when Troy left for pre-school this morning we bolted out to do some more shopping. We started at Kohl's but by the time I got back to Macy's I truly thought I was going to die. If you have never had a hip operation or had to use a cane for a prolonged time, you don't understand what a toll it takes on your back. I could have used some heavy duty drugs but instead I just waddled out to the car and waited for Mindi to finish. When I got home I took some pain reliever and spent the rest of the afternoon putting ice and heat on my poor aching body. It is such a good feeling to have most of my shopping done and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. I have to say this is a first for me. I will say that I'm already sick of the Christmas music they play over and over again in the stores. I think that should be illegal this early. I'm still hoping and praying there will come a day that I will be able to walk through the mall pain free. Then I will be HAPPY! Ha Ha

The Flu and the Touchdown

I was so excited for the weekend because we were going to have some really great opportunities to attend some historical events. On Sat. they had the groundbreaking ceremony for the new Gilbert Temple. Rich had lots of responsibilities being on the high council like moving 250 chairs over to the site. He then had a training meeting in the afternoon, another meeting after that and then was asked to run the camera to record the evening session of Stake Conference. I knew I wouldn't be able to go out to the site because there was suppose to be over 10,000 people and it would be impossible for me to walk the long distance plus, sit in a metal chair. I was hoping to go to the Stake Center to watch it but everyone I asked was busy and not going. Mindi had decided to make her delicious caramel apples and me my caramel popcorn to sell at the Fall Festival at the school. We spent all day Friday and Sat. morning getting all the food cooked and bagged. When I woke up Sat. morning I had a really bad pain in the side of my back. I could hardly walk. I spent most of the afternoon in bed on a heating pad hoping it would go away. When I woke up on Sunday morning at 5:30 I felt pretty good except for a stiff neck. I got in the shower to get ready for Conference but when I got out of the shower I started chilling and was freezing. I tried to eat breakfast but felt like I was going to throw up. So I put some clothes on and got under a quilt. I ran a fever all morning so just stayed in bed. I had invited my parents and brother over to watch Spencer's game and Rich's niece had also called to ask if she could come over to spend the afternoon with us. Here I was in bed with dishes in the sink and not being able to help Mindi fix dinner. (There is NO WAY she would ever let me in the kitchen if I even had a sniffle.) Anyway, to make a long story short, I didn't get to go to anything this weekend. I have found that during my life whenever there is something really special going on, I end up getting sick. When I graduated from high school I had the flu so bad I felt like I was going to pass out walking up to get my diploma. Anyway, I am thankful to be better today. My back is still hurting but it's getting better. I have so much to get done before Thanksgiving next week plus it's my Mom's 81st birthday on Thurs. and we are busy making a special gift for her. One thing that did go well this weekend was that the Broncos WON and Spencer made his first NFL touchdown. I'm so excited for him, with all the hard work he has done in the last three years he sure deserved a chance to score for the team. It is so exciting for their little family to find success in Denver. We are so proud of him and all our kids who do amazing things all the time. We are extremely blessed and know that we don't deserve all the tender mercies that are showered down on us, but we're no complaining either.

Thank Goodness It's Friday

I'm always glad when Friday comes along. I have a girl that comes and helps me clean and it's always nice to have a clean house even though it will be dirty by tomorrow. I have gotten more accomplished this week than I have in a long time. It seems like every day I get a little bit stronger and can walk a few more steps without the use of a cane or crutches. I still get frustrated at all the things I can't seem to do. Yesterday we did a family trip to the Reebok outlet to spend some of Spencer's money. It was Veteran's Day so we took most of the kids. They were pretty good except for jumping off the benches and running around the store. Mindi decided that next time just the adults will go, so maybe we can think a little bit clearer. Even though I have a temporary handicap sticker for parking, it was a long way from the car to the inside of the Mall and then into the store. My son-in-law B.J. offered to go get me a wheelchair but I didn't much like being wheeled around the store by my grand kids. After we spent almost two hours in the store the kids all went over and had a ride on the carousel. Mindi, Candi Jenn and I stayed to try and figure out how we had blown through that much money in such a short amount of time. I guess it isn't hard when you're shopping for eighteen people. It's a lot of fun but very stressful for me. On the way home we decided to stop at In-And Out Burger to get some lunch. Tristyn rode with Jenn and the girls and we were going to stop by and do some shopping at a little boutique down in Mesa. By the time we had gotten to have lunch Tristyn got in our car and told us that Brookie had been throwing up in Jenn's car. I felt so bad that Jenn had to go home and take care of sick kids and clean her car out too. We continued on our shopping excursion and after walking through the boutique and buying a couple of $3.50 cupcakes and a $4.00 peanut butter brownie we were on our way home. By the time I got home I had a raging headache and my hip was killing me. I was on the verge of tears, I guess I'm not ready to do the all day shopping thing yet. I am thankful to be able to get out of the house for a few hours and can't wait until the day I will be able to spend the day at the Mall. Now all I need is to get some money saved.

"Arms That Hang Down

Wow! Time goes by so fast when you're not lying in bed watching the clock go around. I have been busy working on two quilts and making pomegranate jelly. Jenn came over this morning and I taught her how to turn the juice into jelly. She is a really good cook so I knew she would do well. We made three batches and on the third one I just sat and held Max while she did it all by herself. She even did all the dishes and cleaned up the mess. My Mom came over on Monday and helped me make some of mine. For the last few years she always makes the same comment, "I'm so happy you have learned how to do this because you never know when I'll be called home." I finally told her that if she hadn't received inspiration that she would be passing on soon to just not say anything like that to me. I don't want to think about the day my parents leave me to join Kamber and my other loved ones on the other side. I have a dear cousin who called me today to see how I was doing. We are really close, after her Father was killed in an airplane accident her family came to live with us. She has such a fun personality and we laugh all the time we are together. After she asked me how my hip was I said, "it is so fun, I think everyone should have a hip replacement." After we went back and forth a few times about just how fun it is to get old and start to wear out body parts. I said, "you know Rich always says "some days are diamonds and some are stones." She then said, "Yea some days you are the bug and some days the windshield." I hadn't ever heard that before, but I thought it was really funny. Life is so interesting when you are going through challenges. I have been so discouraged at how slow my progress is on getting the muscles in my hip strong enough for me to be able to walk. When I go to physical therapy I first go into the gym and do exercises to stretch and strengthen me. There are others there working on their own equipment and doing their own little workout. Last week as I was walking through the parallel bars trying to put more weight on my bad hip a lady came in the gym in a wheelchair. When I looked down she didn't have any legs below her knees. I decided then that no matter what I am going through I can always find someone who is in worse shape than me. I said a little prayer thanking Heavenly Father that he didn't ask me to go through life without any legs. We are asked to do some really hard and scary things while in this mortal life. I guess that is what life is all about, sometimes we help "those with arms who hang down," and other times we are the ones whose arms are hanging down. Hopefully my arms will not be hanging down for too much longer.

Pomegranates, Quilts and Purple Flowers

After spending all day Thursday and Friday picking and juicing pomegranates, and today making a baby quilt I'm pooped! It is nice to be getting more things accomplished even though I still haven't made it to the grocery store or the Mall. I'm hoping that won't be far off. I have been going to physical therapy for three weeks now and I think it's helping me to get stronger and hopefully speed up the healing process. I can't believe we are already in the month of November. The weather will hopefully cool off soon because Rich has been busy planting our purple flowers around my wishing well in remembrance of Kamber. This is also a month where I try to concentrate on all the blessings I have. Yesterday after a visit from a member of our extended family I realized how grateful I am to have parents who love me. She has had a rough go of it with abuse and neglect and it makes life extremely difficult for her. She tries to pretend that it doesn't bother her, but I can tell how much it hurts. I see by the way she treats her own children that she has a hard time parenting. She does the best she can, and I know she is trying really hard. This week I have been emotional thinking about Kamber and wishing I could talk to her and give her a big hug. I admire families who are affectionate with each other with hugs and kisses and telling each other they "love you" all the time. Unfortunately, that isn't the Larsen way. When my kids were young I would hug and kiss them all the time, but as they got bigger and stronger than me I knew they didn't want my slobber on them. I do think it is wonderful that other families do. This month is a good time for me to concentrate on gratitude. At times I feel like I get down thinking about all the things that are wrong in my life. Being crippled, thick,( Spencer's word for chubby or fat), discouraged, disappointed, lonely, and just plain old and tired. I do realize that all my experiences have made me grow spiritually. I am thankful for all these trials because I hope it will help me become a better person. When I go back home I want to be able to give Kamber that big hug and tell her how much I love her.

"These Things Shall Give Thee Experience"

Today is seven weeks since I had my surgery. After spending basically that whole time in bed at home I have started to venture out a little bit. We were invited to a singles dinner on Friday night. That is always fun to eat good food and play chicken foot with dominoes. On Sat. we had our ward Trunk or Treat at the church. It was fun to sit out in the fresh air and watch all the cute little kids walking around. It is still hard for me to get around, so I just sat in a chair for over two hours with a couple of friends handing out candy. Sunday was church and then my sister came over and we watched Spencer's game from London. Even though they lost the game we had a nice time eating lunch and watching the game. Sunday night we went over to Ethan and Jenn's for their annual Halloween party. Jenn always does a good job with the chili and corn bread. We didn't stay long because I needed to get home and feed animals and give out candy. Because it was Sunday we only had about ten kids come to the door so I have tons of candy left over. Yesterday I went to watch Tristyn play her first volleyball tournament game. I haven't felt well enough to go, but yesterday I decided that I needed to support her. She is such a good little player and I was proud of her for getting her serve over the net and winning the game for her team. If she works really hard she should be a really good player going in to high school and college. I have been a little discouraged at how slow I've been progressing with the healing process. I'm trying hard to be able to walk without the use of crutches or a cane. I went to the doctor on Thurs. and he reminded me that the average recovery from hip replacement is four to six months on the early side and up to a year to eighteen months on the late side. I am still hoping to be able to get to the mall to do some Christmas shopping but unless I have a miracle I will be lucky to just drive by the mall and look at the decorations. Someone asked me the other day if I regret having my surgery. It has been one of the hardest things I have been through, but I still have hope and faith that in the long run it will be one of the best decisions I've made. I really had NO other option, the pain was getting too debilitating.

I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants the other day and it was when the Lord was talking to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail. Section 122:7-8 "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." I know that all these trials that we go through are to give us the experience we need to return to our Heavenly Father. That doesn't mean I enjoy them, but if they are for "MY GOOD" then I will have to endure them with faith knowing that the experience will be worth it at some time.