Lunch With Sister and Aunt Sue

Yesterday my sister Mell and I went to lunch with our Aunt Sue Turley. She lives in Sacramento, California but is here for a couple of weeks visiting. She is always fun to talk to and just a little ball of energy. She is married to my Mother's only brother Carl Turley. She loves Mexican food so we went to Arribas out by the San Tan Mall. It was Monday and I don't do very well on Mondays but I got ready and off we went. By the time we got there I was having such bad anxiety I just wanted to lay down on the booth and take a nap. After ordering our food and trying to eat and enjoy it, I finally told them I was going to have to go out on the patio to finish eating. They were so nice and accommodating, but then I got ticked off. Why do I have to feel like this? Why do I have to constantly fight the feelings that I'm not safe, I'm going to pass out, or worse yet stand up and start yelling some bad words. We finished eating and came back to my house and talked about old times and tried to solve the worlds problems, or at least a few family ones. We didn't succeed solving anything but we did have a fun time.
I am just about finished with all my pre-operation tests. My blood work and x-rays all came out normal so I'm thankful for that. The problem is, I don't want to go through a painful operation. I sometimes feel like I'm standing against the wall and someone is asking me if I want to be shot in the head or in the chest. It is the same feeling I had before my hysterectomy, do you want to bleed to death or have surgery? At times in our lives we get to go through things that we don't want to do. I keep trying to tell myself that "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!", but sometimes I'm not that convinced that I can. I never wanted to have to bury a beautiful granddaughter, but I lived through that. At night when I can't sleep I think about all the things I have survived in my life. Childbirth, miscarriage, thyroid radiation twice, raising four teenagers, WOW that's a huge one. This is another one of those things I hate to have to do, but should be grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be healed. As I was telling my Aunt how afraid I am that maybe I will die during surgery she said, "Teri, look at it this way, if you die you won't even know it, you will just go join those on the other side that will be waiting for you." That is comforting to know, I have some very special people on the other side that I can't wait to see, but I would really miss all those on this side of the veil too. Anyway, for now I'm moving closer to that day when I can prove that I can survive something hard, this is when we become closer to the spirit and hopefully my prayers will be answered.

Trying To Stay Busy

This week has gone by so fast. I guess it is good to be busy because then I don't have so much time to get all worked up about what is scary in the future. I remember when I was pregnant I would look around at all the people in the world and in my mind would think, "childbirth can't be that bad or women wouldn't keep having children." Then when I went in to labor and delivered my first child I thought, "that was horrible, I don't think I ever want to go through that again." Now I find myself watching everyone who is limping around and searching out those who have been through hip and knee replacements trying to get the hope that I can get through this trial. I keep telling myself, "I can do HARD things." The problem is I don't like things that are hard. I like the easy life, no stress, no anxiety, just peace and calm with no pain. It's been a long time.

Friday night we got together for Dally Dogs birthday. It's always fun to get the grandchildren together. We went to Barros Pizza and had pizza and cake. It was fun to see Jenn and the girls. Baby Max is getting so big and doing well. Jenn is lucky to have a happy content nursing baby.

Yesterday I had a baby shower to attend and then a ward party. They had a fun evening planned at a city pool. As we were getting ready to leave a huge storm blew through. We got a call that they had cancelled it, but a few minutes later another call saying that the storm had blown over and the lightning had stopped. So off we went to the party. As we left the sky was beautiful with huge white and dark clouds with this huge rainbow out to the east. I tried to take a picture so I will see how it turned out.

Spencer called as I was leaving for the party. He was heading to the hotel where the team stays before their game tonight. This will be the first game that he will get to play in. The first one he missed because of the birth of baby Abney, the second because they were in the hospital with her very sick. We continue to pray for her recovery. At first they said she would be in fourteen days but now it is twenty eight days. I have never had to experience having a baby in the NICU but I have been told it is terrible. I do know that sitting in the hospital is so tiring it's worse than doing housework all day. I wish I was able to be in Colorado to help Annie, it's a helpless feeling no being there with them. Annie did send me a cute picture of her on my phone. That will have to do for now.

Thank You All For The Prayers!

I have spent the last two days doing all my pre-operation tests. I saw my doctor yesterday, got an EKG, and a chest x-ray. This morning Mindi ran me down to get my blood tests done so if all goes well I will have surgery in two weeks. At times I'm scared to death to have to go through this, but at other times I almost get excited that just maybe my life will change for the better if I'm not in constant pain. I'm trying to use my mustard seed size faith and hope for a successful surgery and full recovery. If not, I guess I will get to deal with what is dealt me then.
I had a nice conversation with Annie today. She sounds better than she has in a long time. Baby Abney is doing so good. They put a pic line in a vein close to her heart yesterday so they can get the antibiotics in easier. She's eating good and blowing out of her diapers, all good signs that this little baby will recover from spinal meningitis she contacted. Annie had strep B but was given two rounds of antibiotics during labor, the doctors say it's a 1 in 100 or 1,000 that a baby would get the bacteria from a Mom who had been treated. But we all know about adversity and trials and this is one of those that we must learn something from. Annie wanted to make sure I thanked everyone who has prayed for them. She said she hasn't ever been in situation where she needed as much help as she has the last week. There have been family fasts and prayers and her name put on the temple prayer roll by many many people. She has heard from lots of the Bronco player's wives giving offers of help and support. She has even heard from wives of players from other teams who she doesn't even know who have heard about their desperate need for divine intervention. She knows that Heavenly Father was watching over them because if they would have waited much longer to get medical help the outcome would not be as good as we are hopeful it will be.
Spencer is back at practice and doing well. It is important for him to get back on the field and get to play in a pre-season game. When you play football at the professional level it is important that your mind is in a place where you can play hard. If not, there is a big possibility of getting injured, so with him being able to have a clear head and perform good in practice is a blessing. He knows that his baby is being taken care of by a wonderful Mother and dedicated nurses and doctors. Annie's Mom has been up in Colorado helping her. She is truly an angel and I know how much Spencer and Annie appreciate her. Thanks again to everyone who keeps our family in your prayers we love you all!

Remind Me Why We Live Here

I've been feeling a little bit down, I know that's not a news flash to anyone who really knows me well. The treatment I tried for a week to relieve the pain made me sicker than just dealing with the pain so now I'm going to plan B which is surgery. I have begged and pleaded with the Lord to just give me a new hip but I'm still hobbling around on my 57 year old arthritic one. My daughter in law Annie said, "well you got as much use out of it as you could, you wore it out." Something like that anyway. I did something I never really wanted to do today and that was go to the Motor Vehicle Dept. and get a handicapped sticker. At least it's only a temporary one so I have to be well by February. The baby is doing better, the spinal tap came back negative which means the antibiotics are working. Annie continues to stay in the hospital with her and she is doing better about eating and moving her little arm. We continue to pray for her full recovery and have faith that she will be made whole. Thanks to everyone who is praying for little Abney, we definately can feel them.
When I went to bed last night I was really ticked off. Someone said something to me that was rude and I am just a little bit sensitive right now. It doesn't help that our main air conditioner went out while Rich was in Colorado watching the Broncos practice and play the Detroit Lions. That's another story too. My bedroom was 87 degrees when I was watching the news and it was still 101 outside when they were reporting the weather. Remind me why we live here? Is it really because we don't want to shovel snow and scrape ice off our windshields? I could use a nice big snow storm right now.
As I was lying awake in the night because I couldn't find anywhere in my house that was cool and comfortable to sleep I was going down the list of all my problems. Then I remembered all the stories I had heard on the news before I went "cool air hunting." The two year old that they found in the pool not breathing. The thirty three miners trapped 2,297 miles underground since Aug. 5 in Chile. The traffic jam in China that won't be cleared up until sometime in Sept. The millions of people stranded and homeless with no food because of floods in Iran. Wow! How ungrateful am I to think that not having air conditioning for a few days, having hip pain and my bruised spirit were anything even close to what the suffering is that is going on in the world right now. Hopefully we can get some cool air blowing so I can get a better outlook on life SOON. I know the sun is coming up again tomorrow and hopefully it will cool down by Christmas.

Advice from Elder Busche

As I have said many times, Sundays are a time for me to reflect and ponder my life. It is also a time to attend church and repent of all those things I have done that aren't right in my life. I had the opportunity this week to talk to my Aunt Nadine who lives up north in the White Mtns. She is my Dad's only sibling and I feel bad that because she lives so far away I don't have the relationship with her that I wish I could. As we were visiting she said, "I repent every week for the feelings I have towards this certain person." I guess it doesn't matter how old we are we need the Atonement in our lives.

Spencer and Annie's little baby is in the NICU of a Colorado hospital. Mindi and I have felt a cloud of sadness that we can't do anything to help them. We continue to pray for her recovery and know our Heavenly Father is watching over them. We feel at peace that they are getting the best medical care available to them. We also appreciate the many prayers that are being said in her behalf.

Last week as I was struggling both physical and mental pain I ran across this little video on someones blog. I have watched it at least four times and wanted to put it on my blog so that I can go back and watch it as many times as I want to. It warms my heart!

Difficulties of Life

These last few weeks have been really hard for me. The physical stress of being crippled plus the mental stress of being stressed out and worried have really taken a toll. I decided that I needed to be vigilant about reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. I even printed out some good talks about adversity to help me cope with my fears and anxieties. In one of my readings I found this little bit of information. It said, "Each person's success and happiness, both now and in the eternities, depend largely on his or her responses to the difficulties of life." Wow! Yesterday I got a call from Spencer telling me that their new little baby was sick. She was having some difficulties so they were told to take her to the hospital. They ran some tests and found that she has a serious bacterial infection. This isn't what we wanted to hear, but there again we have had very bad news before. In the night I didn't sleep well, I never do when Rich is out of town. At 3:00 a.m. my room seemed so hot. I got up and looked and there is something wrong with the unit that cools my bedroom and family room. I turned on two fans and tried to get back to sleep. I never did and my phone rang at 7:15 a.m. with my friend asking if I wanted to go swimming. After telling her about my night we decided that we would pass on the early morning swim class. I went out to feed the animals and my pump on my pond was off. This is the second night in a row that this has happened. I had Tristyn and Trace out helping me and they saw some floating fish that had died because of lack of oxygen. So there again we are "thinning the herd." I keep asking myself "why does life have to be so hard? Why do I have to suffer this now? When am I going to get a break?" These questions are all counter productive. I should be asking, "What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessing in times of trial?" I guess I continue to see the glass almost empty instead of the very full glass I have been given. Hopefully the many prayers that are being said for this little baby will be heard by our Heavenly Father and she will be healed. I know he loves his children and I hope that includes me.

Memory Lane

Today Mindi and I went over to Scottsdale to visit my parents. Rich has gone up to Denver to watch some training camp practices and go to Spencer's first game on Saturday night. It seems like I haven't been anywhere this summer, (that's because I haven't gone out of my house much). We have talked about it a lot that Mom and Dad would probably appreciate the company and I wanted to talk to them about my dilemma, surgery or not. When we left the house Minid took a watch that needs to be repaired so we ended up on Mesa Drive heading towards Scottsdale. As we went down the hill I said, "let's go by and see our first little house and see what it looks like now." So we turned west onto Jacaranda and WOW, it was going back in time about 33 years. I had been warned by some old friends that it is a ghetto now and they weren't that far off. When Mindi was a few months old my parents loaned us $2500 to put down on our first piece of real estate. We thought it was darling and because we were so poor we qualified for government help. Our house payment was $211 a month, so I went out and got a job because I was sure Rich wouldn't be able to afford that with a new baby and utilities. I remember we had a piggy back unit which was a heater, air conditioner and a swamp cooler. When it was super humid I would run the air conditioner, but then wouldn't run my dryer, I would just hang the clothes out on the line because we couldn't afford both. It's funny how when you get old and mature, you start thinking about how your life has changed through the years and things that seemed so hard at the time are just a faded memory. Mindi says she's gonig to take her kids over to where she came from and show them what happens when you don't take care of stuff. I have such good memories of living there. I had my other three kids while we were living in that little house on Jacaranda. The challenges I had there were so small compared to some of the trials we have gone through lately. I still have some very dear friends that lived on that street. One of my most spiritual experiences happened at 314 E. Jacaranda. It's been a long time since I've lived there, but it was fun taking a stroll down memory lane.

New Grandbaby and Friend from the Past

Well, our children have done it again. Rich and I became grandparents to a darling little 6 lbs. 14 oz., 19 inches long baby girl. Spencer called early Sunday morning telling me that Annie was in labor, her pains were 8 minutes apart and she was just walking around their house in Colorado before she was heading to the hospital. The problem is he was in Cincinnati getting ready to play in the first game of the season against the Bengals. I guess he called his coach and told him the situation and he said, "well lets get you on a flight home fast." The next call I got was about 4:00 p.m. and he had just landed after a six hour flight, they were waiting at the hospital to break her water and deliver this baby. She was born at 6:02 p.m. Sunday night. This makes fourteen of these little darlings for us. It is also the first one to be born out of state and us not be able to go to the hospital and hold her or take pictures. Oh well, we knew it was going to happen sooner or later. We know this is really going to be a challenge for Annie. Spencer is in season so that means he will not be home to help her at all. She also has two of the most active little boys I have ever been around. We will be sending tons of prayers their way for the next six months.
I recently got an email from a dear friend and old neighbor who I have lost contact with for at least thirty years. She was a wonderful person and a great athlete. She was from California and played volleyball at BYU with a few of my friends from Arizona. I guess she found me as a friend of someone else on Facebook. I never get on my Facebook because I am so bad at the computer it just seems so confusing. Mindi gets tired of having to help me put pictures on my blog so asking her to help me do one more thing would send her over the edge. Anyway, its seems like I have needed to talk to this friend. She has lifted my spirits and encouraged me along in this decision I am trying to make about surgery. I appreciate that. I have often heard that Heavenly Father answers our prayers by those that are listening to the spirit and act upon those promptings. I have a wonderful family and many friends who I know love me by their continued worry and prayers given in my behalf. Thank you all so much!

"I Think I Can Do Hard Things"

For the last couple of weeks I have tried to feel good about having a $40,000 hip replacement surgery. Unfortunately, all I have gotten is a "stupor of thought" and so I've found a doctor who uses a medication that will help with the pain. I have gotten some good relief but also have had a few side effects that are normal, but annoying. The worst has been the inability to sleep. In the last three days I have only been able to sleep around 12 hours. They have adjusted the medication and hopefully things will get better. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. this morning and my mind was racing. How am I going to get the animals fed and to church by 9:00? How am I going to afford my medical bills? Will Spencer be okay playing in the first game of the season? Before I knew it Rich was up getting ready for 6:00 a.m. Priesthood Mtg., he then had to give a talk at 8:00 a.m. I truly don't know how he does it, I guess he has some supernatural powers because he never stops. He was also sick all week with a bad sore throat and cold. He makes me tired just being married to him. It stresses me out, but I understand that he likes doing hard things.
I, on the other hand, would enjoy an easier life. I wish my life was all butterflies, rainbows and lots of chocolate but unfortunately that isn't the case. In Rich's preparation for his talk this week he read lots of talks on "Patience".Pres. Uchtdorf defines patience as the ability to put our desires on hold for a time, a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now, "patience is bitter, but the fruit is sweet." As I was lying awake during the night I was thinking about all the trials I have had in my life. As I get older I look back at some of the really hard things I have gone through and wonder how did I do it? If you would have told me that I would have my thyroid radiated twice. Deliver four children without any pain relief. Have a miscarriage, my gall bladder removed, my knee operated on and my ear cut off and sewn back on all within a few months I think I would have given up back then. We are asked to walk through this life having faith that our Heavenly Father is watching over us and helping us as we go through the trials that come our way. Losing Kamber was the biggest blow for me in my life. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the death of an innocent child, but I am trying my hardest to accept the tribulations the Lord asks me to endure. In Mosiah 23:21 it tells us that "one is not only to endure, but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord "seeth fit to inflict upon us." That is my prayer for me in my life right now.

I Had The Blues

Life has been crazy trying to get the kids back in school. Plus, I have to admit I've been in a dark place and when I'm there, I don't like to put anything down that will come back to haunt me later on. I also don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but the clouds have parted a little bit and the sun is shining again. We have the 110 degrees to prove it. Will summer ever end down here?
Mindi and I have been running all the errands we have needed to these last two days that the kids have been back in school. As we drove down Higley by the freeway there was a guy sitting on a chair with a sign advertising a Mexican Restaurant down the street. He had a hat on but it said it was 111 degrees in the car. Mindi made the comment how she wondered why he didn't bring an umbrella to sit under to protect him from the sun. I then had such a deep sense of guilt. How desperate would I have to get to sit out on the pavement holding a sign in the oppressive heat? My husband, son, son-in-law and even Spencer in Denver have to go out every day and endure the weather conditions. I commend them for that, and appreciate all they do to support their families. My darling Ethan was threatening to take my grandchildren out of state because he HATES THE HEAT! I hear you, but Madeline and I will do some major kick butt if you try and take our grandchildren away from us. Jenn has promised me that she will do all she can to stay close. I love her for that.
I have been pretty much home bound all summer because of my pain. I did get brave this week and went to the grocery store. Mindi has been picking up stuff here and there but I needed to go. I took my crutches and it was good to just get out of the house and in the public. It almost felt weird. Anyway, we were over at the end of the store and I glanced over and saw a guy in a little motorized cart, (my sister thinks I need to use those in the store) but I have too much pride. As I watched him talk to the girl in the deli he was so happy. I glanced down and he had a sandal on one foot and then a tennis shoe on the other. As I looked closer he only had one leg and a prosthetic leg. I want to be like him and no matter what happens I want to have a good attitude. It reminded me of a little poem:

I had the blues
Because I had no shoes
Until upon the street
I met a man who had no feet

Life is so precious and I don't want to take one day for granted.

True To Our Covenants

Between the scorpion sting on my leg, the black ant bites on my feet and my poor little arthritic hip, life sometimes gets a little bit difficult. I just went out to feed my animals and as I was watering the plants I looked up into the sky and there were some really pretty clouds. The colors of the plants seemed so bright and I began to think about how I need to take the time once in a while and stop worrying about my challenges and just think about the blessings in my life. Not even to mention it was only 96 degrees.
In one of our classes at church today we were talking about the importance of Fathers in the family. I have been blessed with a wonderful Dad. We haven't always seen "eye to eye, ' especially when I knew everything around sixteen, but all in all he has been so supportive. As I have talked about a lot our family has had some adversities in the last few years. It seemed like after Kamber passed away our family kind of went in to shock and then with me the depression and anger came. I know that is one of the stages of grief but until you go through something like that, you will never understand. My parents have been so great to support me and my family during all our trials. When we needed money for the funeral they were there. When work was slow and we needed food, they were there also. My parents live in a 50 year old house in Scottsdale, with the same furniture and the same pictures on the walls that have been there for at least thirty years. I keep telling my Mom that the kids have all grown up and had their own children and it's time to update, get rid of the baby pictures. All she says is "I likes it the way it is." My parents have sacrificed so much for the good of the family. We are getting so big with all the children and grandchildren but my Mom never forgets a birthday and my Dad is so generous at Christmas. They work in the Temple two nights a week and at their age I think that is remarkable.
I know they are worried sick about me and the pain I'm in. They are the ones who are wanting me to have surgery. Because we are self employed it has been hard to find health insurance to cover me, so most of the surgery will be paid for by them. Hopefully the insurance I do have will pay for some of it and Rich has been lucky to keep the business going and he continues to have some good jobs. We will survive, I hope.
In RS today we were talking about covenants. I look at how hard it is to be married and raise children. I see my own kids and the trials they have with raising this generation. Someone once said that with all the divorces going on how did Rich and I keep it together? The only thing that has truly kept us together has been that we have been true to the covenants we made in the Temple thirty four years ago. Without that we would not have made it, I'm sure of that. This year my parents will celebrate sixty years of marriage. I know it hasn't been easy for either one of them, but I always knew that they loved the Savior and they were true to the covenants that they made. I also know that they have put their happiness second to the happiness of all of us.
I am going to try really hard this week to see all the blessing and tender mercies that continue to come my way, I know I don't deserve them.

Four Birthdays, a Scorpion and a Naughty Boy

Every night when I go to bed I look in my sheets and wonder if this is the night I will get stung by a scorpion. I have to say I've been really lucky so far this summer but my luck ran out last night. I was sleeping so soundly at about 12:30 a.m. when I felt something crawl across my leg. I reached down and grabbed it and threw it off the bed. The problem is I wasn't quite fast enough before it stung me a few times on the back of my leg just below my knee. If you have ever been stung you know what's coming next. I went in the laundry room and grabbed a black light and plugged it in and tried to find the little bugger, but never did. I then started my treatment of ice, essential oils, benadryl and Tylenol. I layed on the couch in my living room until 2:30 a.m. and then went back to bed. When I was pulling up the sheets and shining my light Rich rolled over and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was scorpion hunting but he just rolled back over and went back to sleep. I figured if it got him I didn't care.

Today is Jenn's birthday so this is the fourth birthday this week for us. Tristyn turned twelve yesterday and her big blow out party is tomorrow afternoon. I can't believe how old my grand kids are getting. When Annie has her little girl it will make fourteen grandchildren for us. We are so thankful for the wonderful parents our children are. We are truly blessed and we don't take any of them for granted.

I had an experience with Mindi's baby Troy on Wednesday. We went out to Major's party and when we got home Mindi needed to take Tristyn to get her registered for junior high. The other boys were going to a friends house but Troy looked tired so I kept him with me. I got him a drink and turned on Micky Mouse Clubhouse and then went in the bedroom to watch Glenn Beck. This is my afternoon nap time and I tried really hard to stay awake. I could hear him in the family room and he even woke me up a couple of times to help him in the bathroom. Anyway, at 3:00 we have to turn off all our air conditioners because we are on a energy saving program with SRP. When I went into the family room it was a disaster, Troy had gotten out about four games and there were toys everywhere. I said, "Troy you pick up all these toys or I'm going to beat your butt!" I then went down to my house to turn the air off and when I walked down the hall I could see that my plants outside looked really wilted. I decided I would go out front and water the plants on the porch with the hose. I kept coming in and listening to hear if Troy was crying or anything and I never heard a word. After I was finished I went back down to Mindi's and Troy was gone. I went in to every room, the garage, outside the front, outside the back and I was calling his name all through the house. I then went down to my house and did the same thing searching every room and outside in the pool area and over by my ponds and no Troy. By then I was starting to have a panic attack and wondered if I should call 911 or Mindi. I decided I should call Mindi and tell her that her baby was missing and I was a terrible babysitter and grandmother. She said she was on her way and I hung up. I then went back to Mindi's house and did the same thing going room to room and yelling his name. It was 110 degrees so I didn't think he would be dumb enough to go outside but I didn't know where he would go in the ten minutes I had left him alone. I finally opened the front door yelling his name and when I turned back around there he was lying on the floor under the glass table in their living room not saying a word. Rich asked me if I "beat his butt" but I don't think Grandmas should spank their grand kids. Anyway, I called Mindi back who was on her way home by then and told her where he was. I don't think she will be leaving him with me anytime soon, that's probably good for both of us.

What's so Special about August?

I don't know what is so special about the month of August, but we are having a string of birthdays this month, plus Annie should be having her baby soon. This week we have four birthdays. Gunnar turned two on the 1st, Major will be five tomorrow on the 4th, Tristyn will hit the big 12 on the 5th and then Jenn will be 29 on the 6th. Dally Dog will be 3 on the 27th. I guess November is a really thankful month for the Larsen Family.

Talk about birthdays. Mine is in May so when I received a birthday card in the mail on July 30th I was dumbfounded. I got a purple envelope addressed to Teri Larsen Barnhill with my correct address. I opened the letter up and found this picture of a really nice, (old) lady with her tongue sticking out. I thought huh, who would be sending this? Inside the card it says, "ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING Happy Belated Birthday." Then there was a couple of pictures of two very nice looking women in bathing suits out on the beach. There was a handwritten note that said, "Like Mark says two really hot babes." Love you, Jeane. Okay, I am so confused right now. I do not know anyone whose name is Jeane who lives in Bloomington, Minnesota. Okay, now what do I do? I have wondered if I should just keep it, or send it back telling Jeane that she's lost her mind.

I continue to try and keep my mind off of having surgery, wondering if there is anything I could do to aleviate the pain without surgery. I have six more weeks to worry about it so that's good. I still could have a miracle RIGHT?

"Sweet Hour of Prayer"

I can't believe it is already the month of August. The summer is almost over and I can say that I survived another summer in the desert. It has been so nice the last couple of days. I think it never got out of the 80's yesterday and it was cool again today, but don't worry it is suppose to be back up to 109 degrees by Thurs. We have gotten some good rain showers so the grass is really green and growing like crazy. Our roses still look really sad but as soon as it cools off they will be happy again.
Spencer started training camp today in Denver. Rich and I came home from church and got on the Internet to see what was going on in Bronco Country. Right off the bat they talked about two of their running backs who went down with injuries today, the first day of practice. I can't tell you how much I worry and pray constantly for that boy to survive these grueling practices. I know everyone thinks it would be easy to be a professional athlete, but I have seen the other side, and there is a huge risk with playing football. I remember when I took him to get his sports physical to play high school ball. The doctor looked me in the eyes and said, "are you sure you want him to play? The statistics show that 25 percent of all football players end up with a life altering injury." I was shocked, but that is what he loves and has chosen to do to support his little family. What can I do when he's that old and that big and strong?
I have been consumed with emotion about the news that I need a hip replacement. I have prayed and prayed to feel peace about this decision. When I wake up in the night that is all I can think about. I am so scared. I have let fear run my life for a long time now. When I was a teenager I was a typical "nothing can hurt me" kind of kid, but as I have taken a few hard knocks in life I have lost my ability to trust and have faith. My Dad told me the other day that I needed to just make a decision and tell the Lord this is what I'm going to do and then go for it. It is easy for him to say, but he isn't me, no one knows how I feel inside. I'm still hoping for a miracle, that one day I will wake up and the pain will be gone and I can walk normally. If a miracle doesn't happen I will be seeing the surgeon.
Life is hard and the older I get the harder it becomes. Today in church one of the hymns we sang was "Sweet Hour of Prayer." As I sang the words I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father. The words were, "Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer! That calls me from a world of care And bids me at my Father's throne Make all my wants and wishes known. In seasons of distress and grief, My soul has often found relief And oft escaped the tempter's snare By thy return, sweet hour of prayer! I'm trying really hard to have faith that everything will work out for the best and know that I need the "sweet hour of prayer" now more than ever.