"I Can Do Hard Things, Again"

I just got in from feeding the herd and wow what a gorgeous evening. There was a cool breeze blowing in my face and the air just smells so clean. We are trying to get back to normal after our horrendous week with Mindi in the hospital and me hobbling around on crutches. I have often wondered in times of crisis how people do it without a supportive family and the members of the church. We have been so blessed to have that safety net to fall into when going through hard trials. On Sunday in Relief Society we were talking about things that we did, that at the time seemed really hard but we were glad afterwards we had done them. As the sisters were sharing their experiences my mind kept going back to one of those times when I didn't think I could do something and I was so glad I did it. When Kamber was taken to the hospital Mindi and I went to their house and stayed with the little girls while Ethan, Jenn, Rich, Len and Julie and other friends went to comfort them. I couldn't make myself go, that I regret. Everyone that knows me understands that with my anxiety it is really hard to step out into the dark and do something not in my comfort zone... driving, flying, cruises, or anywhere I feel confined and not have an escape route. Anyway, the day we were to go dress her for burial was so hard. Ethan had begged me to come and I wanted so bad to go, but didn't know if I could handle the stress. I kept repeating in my mind the verse from Come, Come Ye Saints, where it says, "Gird up your loins, fresh courage take," and so off I went to the mortuary. I have to say that the experience of preparing that special angel for burial is by far the most sacred and spiritual experience I have had in my sixty years. To see all those family members there to support, love, dress and paint finger and toenails, will forever be etched into my mind. As I held her and rubbed her feet, I felt an overwhelming love for her and my testimony that the Savior lives and he knows me, poor Teri, who struggles everyday with imperfections and struggles, but I know he loves me even though I'm not perfect. Tomorrow will be another hard day for me as I go get an MRI on my knee to see what kind of treatment might help me so I can walk without help. This is another opportunity for me to gird up my loins and do something I wished I didn't need to do, but I can prove again that "I Can Do Hard Things," I think.

My Whack-a-Mole Life

Mindi came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon after they finished running tests on her. We are so thankful for her recovery and hope she will continue to get stronger and stronger. Yesterday morning as I was murmuring to Rich about all the drama swirling  around us, he said, "You know Dewey, everyday is just a big Whack-a-Mole game anyway." What? Rich is comparing all that is going on to a stupid little kids game? The rest of the day all I could think about was that analogy, then I started laughing. I could see myself hitting those little animals down and then another one would pop up. It does really seem like that is what my life is. Later on in the day I went to lunch with some of my kids who were taking care of Trulie for the day. They were asking me questions about life and what I thought the reason we are even here on this earth, and WHY we have children. What is the purpose of it all anyway? All I could answer was that I think we are sent to earth to get a body and be tested. We are also told to "multiply and replenish the Earth and have joy in your posterity." Now I will be the first one to say that I don't always have joy in my posterity, but I think this is an eternal concept, not just what happens here on this earth. I can't imagine my life without any of my children or grandchildren and losing any of them would be devastating. Been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. But I do know that we don't live forever and trials and adversity will continue to come. When the vet brought my rabbit home to be buried after he ended his suffering, he said, "Here's the Easter Bunny." I said, "well, at least he made it past Easter."

Sick Daughter, Bad Knee and Dead Rabbit

On Sunday I enjoyed the usual talks about the special meaning of Easter. The messages shared were about faith and hope in the Savior and how through the atonement he will make everything right for us. Even though trials will come, we will be able to overcome them and stay faithful. I thought that after Kamber drowned I learned that I can do hard things and survive adversity as it comes into my life. After a weekend of Mindi being sick, Dave finally took her to the hospital where she has been since early Monday morning. I have only seen her this sick twice before, once with double mastitis and when she had spinal meningitis as a young girl. She has always had stomach problems like heartburn and digestive issues but now she has a full blown case of colitis caused by some bacteria they are treating with antibiotics and IVs. I have seen a glimpse of what life would be without her. She is the quarterback of our family. She is the one that carries most of the load around the house, taking care of five children, a husband, her mother and all the other miscellaneous critters we have. Hopefully she will start getting better so she can come home, we all miss her. This morning when I hobbled out to feed my animals I noticed one of my rabbits looking sick and twitching. I had Rich's secretary, Amber help me bring him in the house where I found he was being eaten alive by maggots. This is fly season around here and with three horses and five dogs living across the street and our petting zoo the fly problem is horrible. So thankfully our family vet just came by and picked him up and will put him to sleep and end his misery. I went to see the surgeon yesterday and hopefully my knee isn't as bad as I thought it was. After I get an MRI, (if I survive it) he will determine if there is something he can fix by scoping it instead of needing a knee replacement. I know they say we aren't given more than we can deal with but I think I'm getting to the end of what I can endure, or maybe I really can do some more hard things, we'll see.

Just One Broken Leg

I woke up yesterday at 4:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. I hate that when my mind is racing about all that needs to get done and if I could just get a few more hours of sleep, my day would go so much better. My parents were having Stake Conference and because their building is under renovation they were going to have to go clear in to Phoenix, so they just came over and spent the day with us. We had a good crowd for dinner, even though half of them couldn't come because of conflicts. Life is changing fast as a lot of the grandkids are married and have children of their own. With Spencer and Robbie living out East we never have all the family together anymore. When most everyone had left I ventured out to feed the animals. My Mom comes out to help when she's here because she doesn't want me to fall and being on crutches it helps. Anyway, as we headed out I could see someone on the trampoline comforting someone who was hurt. As I got closer I saw it was Mary's boyfriend, Jeff talking to Elise, her ten year-old daughter. I guess he had popped her on the trampoline and when she landed wrong it snapped her leg, breaking it between the knee and ankle. She was screaming in pain and wanting her Mom and Grandma. It wouldn't be a Greer party without someone getting hurt. So off to the ER they went and hopefully she will be able to recover from this injury. As I talked to Candi later she was a little melancholy about life. It seems like as the kids get old, things are changing. I can feel a shift in my own life as my grandkids get closer to college, missions and marriage. Now I know how my parents feel at 85, you see your posterity and pray for them, but when it comes down to it all we have is Faith and Hope that they will be guided and protected. Sometimes I feel so powerless, I guess it's my control issues I struggle with. Anyway, as Candi said, "Easter 2014 is in the books," and I survived another family get together and we only had one broken leg, Awesome!

Because of Him

Today is Good Friday so the kids are out of school and Mindi is trying to keep them busy and even do a few chores. When you have this much land, animals and kids there is always something to do. Rich got home too late Wednesday from Scouts to go out for dinner and he's gone to the White Mountains with my brother and Dad. They went to help get the cabin ready for planting the garden, and maybe do a little fishing. Yuck! I'm still confused as to why at 85 years old and fighting cancer he would want to add some stress to his life but maybe that's what is keeping him alive. Our family doesn't usually get together for Easter. I don't know why, we just never have. Mom called me yesterday to ask what she needed to bring for dinner on Sunday. Huh, I'm on crutches and hosting Easter dinner at my house on Sunday? I did make an appointment with the Surgeon that operated on my poor knee almost thirty years ago. I'm hoping he will just tell me that resting, icing and anti-inflammatories will heal me, but the way it popped and the fact I can't put weight on it makes me worried it is much worse than that. There is someone in my family that is going through a really hard trial right now. I have been thinking about her all week and praying that she will be able to deal with it. Sometimes the actions of others make us go through some really crappy experiences and I pray she will be able to make the right decision for her and her children. I believe that because of the sacrifice of our Savior we will all be able to deal with those challenges that come our way. Because of Him things are possible that we never thought we could survive.

Thiry-Eight Years Of Living The Dream

I woke up this morning to a beautiful Easter Lilly and a sweet card from Rich. Today is our 38th wedding anniversary. We got married on Good Friday in 1976 and this week is Easter, so it seems fitting. Thirty-eight years of living the dream. As I was reflecting this morning about the last 38 years all I could think of was how hard life was and is. When I was a young mother I thought life was pretty stressful with the demands of four little kids and trying to keep them safe and teach them right from wrong. Then when we hit the teenage years, I felt like I had been hit by a bus almost everyday with all the stress and worry. Then as they grew up, got married, Spencer left on his mission and I became an empty nester, I was depressed that it was over and they didn't need me any more. Rich has been so busy running his business and working in the church, and I've been a busy stay at home Mom, sometimes it seems like we are moving in separate directions. There have been a few times in the last 38 years where the sun, moon and stars have aligned and I have seen a glimmer of maybe what eternity will be like when this mortal life is over. Today Rich is working all day, then going to his Scout job, and hopefully we will be able to get along well enough to go out to dinner. Maybe the stars will align again tonight and I will see some hope for the future.

Falling Apart at 60

I'm convinced that after you turn 60 you start falling apart. This year has been nothing but ups and downs, mostly downs. For the last three months I've been fighting infected teeth, viruses and now on Saturday I tweeked my knee and am sporting crutches. I tore my knee up playing volleyball forty years ago. I had surgery on it thirty years ago and now it has slowly but surely starting to give out on me. Saturday night late I got up to turn on the lights to my baby chicks. As I walked to the door something snapped in my knee and I almost fell to the ground. Rich was asleep so I just shuffled to the bed and prayed I would be better in the morning. As I tossed and turned all night I could tell it was swollen and something was wrong, but I didn't want to miss church. So I had Rich get me the crutches out of the garage and off I went. Dave did an MAT treatment on me last night and today it feels a little stronger but dang it, another thing to make my life miserable. I don't know whether to call an orthopedist or just rest, ice and MAT it. The first thing I thought about was how this may ruin my trip to the beach in six weeks. All I can hope is that I just sprained it and it will get better at least in time for me to walk down Pacific Coast Highway and feel the cool ocean breeze in my face when it's hotter than hell here. I guess only time will tell if I need surgery, but right now I'm not ready to face that possibility.

Birthdays, Bunco and Relief Society

Another week has come and gone and I really think time is moving faster than ever. I had a busy week with a Relief Society Meeting on Tuesday night, Bunco last night, and when you add a dental procedure and two birthdays it's been a blur. I ordered some things online to be shipped to my house for birthday presents for my son Ethan. When they finally arrived they didn't fit, so I made a trip to the store to take those back and find him some that would work. After walking around the store for two hours, standing while Mindi took Trulie to the bathroom three times, (she trying to potty train her) I am so tired I need a nap. We are working on the bulletin board for the Relief Society room and when we get everything ready we will go to the church to take down the old one and put up the new. This week I found out some troubling information about someone I know and love. I wonder sometimes how we find ourselves doing things that we know aren't right. Things that are so hurtful and can possibly destroy our family and eternal happiness. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair and I have known that for a long time but when it hits close to home it really is hard. I worry about the future sometimes with all the temptations out there but I know that we fought to have free agency in our pre-mortal life and with that we can choose for ourselves what we are going to do. So all I can do is try to just control my own thoughts and actions because I have a hard time just doing that.

Having Gratitude For and During Trials

I really enjoyed listening to Conference this weekend. It was fun to hear my Brother's name read over the podium as he was called to serve as an Area Seventy. We are still wondering what this job will require of him, but whatever it is, I'm sure he will do a good job. One of my favorite talks was by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. If it's okay to have a crush on one of the Brethren, it would be me having a crush on him. He seems to be so kind and caring and be in touch with his feminine side, if that makes any sense. What I got from his talk was that no matter what horrible trial we are going through we need to have gratitude for it and during it. I hate adversity and trials. I like the easy peasy road. I don't like having problems whether they are physical, spiritual or emotional, it sends me over the edge. About a week ago I started feeling like I had a piece of popcorn stuck in my gums on a tooth way back in my mouth. I tried everything to get it out, flossing, gargling, picking it out with a toothpick and finally trying to use my fingernail to get it out. I finally gave up yesterday and called the dentist. After an exam and x-ray she informed me that my tooth had cracked and that was why it was making my gums  sore and inflamed. She needed to take my old gold crown off and grind it down for a new gold crown. Total cost with my discount, $900. So now I have a missing tooth on one side of my mouth and a temporary tooth on the other. It makes it quite hard to eat, so maybe I'll lose some weight while suffering with all these dental problems. Anyway, it seems like everyday I hear of someone who is going through something that is hard. Nothing stays the same and it seems like there are some really sad things going on in the world right now. Showing gratitude for those trials is something so hard to do, but I think must be very important for us to do.

Fun Wedding Reception and Conference

I've spent all day catching up on laundry and ironing all of Rich's shirts. It was kind of nice when he was in Ethiopia because it gave me a break from my chores. But he's back with all his dirty clothes, and I'm just happy he's home safe and sound. Last night we went to a wedding reception of one of Rich's boys he had in the Teacher's Quorum. We had so much fun visiting and ran into some friends we haven't seen for twenty plus years. We stayed way to late and were up early because we had to get the yard done before irrigation. While I was resting, I looked on Facebook and saw that my sister-in-law and two nieces were in the Conference Center waiting for Conference to start. I knew Len and Julie were going up for their missionary reunion but I didn't think the kids were going. So I wasn't that surprised to hear Len's name read in as a new Area Seventy. Rich had to work today so I tried to call him to give him the news but he didn't answer, so I called my sister to see what she thought. Len has always been a good kid and I know he will do good at whatever they ask of him. After listening to him talk about how hard it was to be a Mission President, I have so much respect for them. I haven't talked to him yet and what do you say, "Hey, Congratulations on your new church calling?" I know how busy he is and this will add a lot more stress on him, but I know he will do all he can to serve the Lord. I love listening to Conference but sometimes it puts me into a stupor as I'm trying to digest all the talks. I know I have a long way to go with my relationship with the Savior, but I know he is aware of my struggles and loves me in spite of my shortcomings. Four more hours tomorrow and I will surely be spinning for a few days, but it is so worth it.

Jet Lag and Quilting

It seems like the weeks are going by faster and faster and soon we will be fighting the 110 degree temperatures, so I'm enjoying every cool breeze I've felt this week. Rich and I have both been suffering from Jet Lag. When he got home late Saturday night he looked really good. He even looked like he had lost some weight, I don't think he liked the Ethiopian food very well. Anyway, as the week progressed he started going to bed earlier and earlier until one night he was snoring at 8:45. Sometimes I think he thinks he's Superman and can do it all, but at almost 60, he's seeing that he can't keep up like when he was younger. I've been busy this week trying to make a quilt for my great-nephew that was born a few weeks ago. Julie is leaving to go to New York next week to help with the new baby so I want to send it with her. This morning I was out feeding the animals when Mind came running out in tears saying she couldn't find Trulie and my niece's daughter Kaitlyn. She let them out in front so they could play in the yard while she was busy in the garage. After about five minutes she found them at the end of the street with a nice lady wondering where they lived. I hate this two-year old age, they are mobile enough to get around but are not aware of the danger around every corner. Mindi is such a good Mom and to see her so upset was hard, but from now on they will be locked in the house or in the backyard where they can't get out, or get hurt. Today is Brookie's sixth birthday and Ethan and Jenn are flying out to visit Spencer and his family. I hope to someday get up enough courage to make the trip to Boston. He says there is a quilt shop on every corner and even offered to drive me across the country to get me back there. Right now we have a litter of puppies and baby chicks on top of all the other critters, so I best stay home. But I am going to the beach with Candi and her family in nine weeks, I'm already excited to see the ocean and feel the cold breezes in June.

How Can Brookie Already Be Six?

Rich finally made it home from Ethiopia at 9 p.m. Saturday night. He had a wonderful trip and can't wait to go back. It has been nice to get a couple of good nights sleep and I can't believe how deep I slept and how vivid my dreams have been. I need to find a solution for my lack of sleep when he's gone because I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll be sleeping alone. Yesterday we went out to Ethan and Jenn's to celebrate Brookie's birthday. Her birthday isn't until Thursday the 3rd of April but Spencer has scheduled a flight for Ethan and Jenn to go to Boston for a visit, so they won't be here for her birthday. It's hard to believe that she will be six years old. She was only three months old when Kamber passed away, has it really been almost six years? Last time we all got together I forgot to take the card out of my computer so I made sure this time to take some pictures of the kids out playing. The cousins sure have fun when they get together. All the grand kids were there except the one in heaven and the other four in Boston. They are so special to me and each one of them are different but wonderful. I'm excited for Conference this weekend. I have some questions that need to be answered and I'm hoping to get some inspiration for myself. Yesterday in church they talked about the Atonement. One of the Bishopric talked about second chances in our lives. But sometimes we don't get a second chance to fix something that went terribly wrong, but I know the Atonement is suppose to cover all those disappointments and adversities. As I get older it seems like life becomes more complicated for me, hopefully I can get some answers to my questions listening to the talks this weekend.

Auction Over, Rich's Homecoming

A few weeks ago a friend in my ward asked if I could make a quilt for the Young Women's Auction that was held last night at the church. I wanted to make something kind of vintage because it seems like the girls are liking old fashioned things now. I decided to make a smaller version of the nine patch quilt I'm making to put on my bed and I think it turned out really cute. All week as I've spent hours finishing the binding and getting it ready, I've worried that no one would want to spend money for it. Sometimes in our culture we can be quite "frugal or tight" with our money, me included. So I had a plan to take some extra money to buy my own quilt back. Mindi said, "okay Mom, you are going to spend hours making a quilt and then pay money to buy it back?" Yes, that was my plan, if it didn't get enough bids at the right price, I was prepared to buy it back and give it to Tristyn who wants a new quilt for her bed. Luckily someone spent the money and bought it, so I am happy it's in a good home. Lately Mindi has gotten in to quilting and is making a quilt for Trulie out of M&M's material. It is really cute for her first quilt and I'm so happy one of my daughters will pass on that talent. So the auction is over and I'm cleaning like a mad person because Rich will be home tonight if he doesn't have any delays in his trip. He told the boys yesterday that in the next 29 hours he would either be in a plane or at an airport. That just sounds so dreadful to me, I hate flying and airports, so I hope he will be happy to get home. If not he may just want to move to Ethiopia and continue to volunteer and do more service. I haven't slept very much this last week so it will be good to get him home safe and sound.

Insomnia and Dog Fights

This week I've been trying to reevaluate my life. Sometimes I think what I'm doing isn't working or making me happy. It hasn't helped having my husband thousands of miles away doing service, when we have one big service project going on here at the home front. I hope he's enjoying his time away because it could get difficult when he gets home. I haven't had a good nights sleep since he left, and it's wearing me down. I had to be up early to get some blood drawn for some tests my doctor ordered two weeks ago and it seems like everyday is jammed packed with stuff that needs to get done, fed, cleaned or taken care of. Yesterday when I went out to feed the animals everything was going well until Mindi's little rescue dog decided to get up in Ozzie's face and start a fight. A ten pound dog versus an eighty pounder. I had just fed the fish and started in the house when the fight broke out, of course Armani ran to me for cover and Ozzie trying to kill him knocked me over. It's just a good thing I have so much padding on the front, or I could have broken something. I was lying on the sidewalk in the water while the dogs were going at it. I was yelling at Mindi to come rescue something and she finally heard my cries for help. By then I was crying and trying to get up but with the mud I just slipped until we finally figured it out. I have fallen a few times now since my hip replacement and of course the first thing Mindi asked me was if I hurt my hip. No, just my dignity and a few scratches and scrapes on my elbows and knees. This is where I'm thinking maybe I'm too old to be running a petting zoo. Hopefully these feelings of loneliness and anger will pass, I have three or more nights alone to get through. Maybe the doctor has some help for me tomorrow, I could sure use some help right now.

This is a hideous picture but someday I will laugh about it.

"I'm Lonely"

Every Tuesday and Wednesday nights my Mom works at the Mesa Temple. While she's gone my Dad sits in a dark house either reading a book or watching sports on the television. Last week when I called him I said, "Hi Dad how are you doing?" His answer was, "I'm lonely."  I felt so bad for him but at 85 years-old I think he's lucky to still be upright and taking nourishment. I have to admit that the first couple of days Rich was gone it was fun. No cooking, no laundry, or cleaning. I just enjoyed the peace and quiet and worked on my quilt I was asked to make for the Young Women's Auction this week. I was telling Mindi that even if Rich is in town he is never really home. He's always been busy running his business and doing church work. It's different when I know there isn't any way to get a hold of him. There is no telephone, just an email telling me what he did during the day. He says it is primitive and he wishes he could take all the grand kids to see how good they have it, but I don't ever see that happening. Ethiopia is a long, long ways away, I don't see him going back, but never say never. I have come a long way in the last few years. I used to not be able to stay in my room alone at night. I would lay awake all night listening to all the sounds and tell myself scary stories. I can honestly say I'm not awake because of anxiety, I just can't sleep. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's a sleep disorder, but just maybe "I'm just lonely." I'm trying to stay positive and not get myself into a full fledge depression because I have lots of shopping and sewing to do this week and I'm not going to stay in a dark house being sad. Besides, next week he will be back and even though he is back he will be too busy catching up to spend anytime at home anyways. So I'm going to really try and enjoy my nice quiet peaceful life and maybe even go and watch a little television with my Dad.

Rich and The Amazing Race

I made it through the first night alone and did pretty well. Only up one time and went right back to sleep. This week has been crazy and I had two really bad nights, one where I started chilling, again, and shook until I woke Rich up wondering if I needed to go to the hospital. An hour later I was running a high fever but made it through the night with the help of antibiotics and Tylenol. Then the night before he left I was awake most of the night worrying about his 6 a.m. departure for the "Amazing Race" he is running this next week. He was headed to Frankfurt, Germany last time I talked to him and I hope he made it there safely. Then he will be on his way to Saudi Arabia and then to Ethiopia. My sister and I were talking the other day about Rich's adventure. We were raised in a very conservative family with school teacher parents who couldn't afford a vacation nor did they want to go anywhere except to the White Mountains to visit family. It's not in our blood to travel the world, so I guess Rich found someone to fulfill that lifetime dream. One of the questions I'll be asking on the other side is why two people who are so different ended up getting married. I guess maybe "opposites do attract" but boy it's been hard. Anyway, today I am getting things done that were on his "Honey Do" list. I told him if they weren't done before he left I was hiring someone to do them, so he will be surprised when he gets home and finds out he has paid someone else to do his jobs. Oh Well, that's life when you are out saving the world.

Temple Sealing and Charleston's

Last night Rich and I attended a sealing in the new Gilbert Temple. It was the first time we have been in it since the open house and it is so pretty. The groom was one of Rich's young men and he home teaches their family. It was fun to be in a room full of friends and ward members. As I sat there waiting for the couple to come in, I kept looking at the chandelier. I tried counting all the little crystals but there was no way I was ever going to be able to do that. I felt nothing but peace and love. When the sealer started talking, it was so good to be reminded of the blessings of the Temple. After the sealing we got to look around a little bit at the art work. The paintings are beautiful and reminds me of why I love the desert so much. We rode with my brother Len and his wife Julie so we decided to go to dinner at Charleston's. I had the salad and baked potato soup that comes with a yummy croissant. Wow, my pants feel tighter already. Earlier in the day I had asked my brother to make sure Rich's affairs are in order, so he brought over our Wills to sign before he leaves. When I woke up at three o'clock this morning I couldn't go back to sleep. Something in the Will just wasn't right, so I called and got the changes made this morning. I have found in my life that those things that I truly worry about never happen, it's the blindsides that kill you. So, Rich will be off in two days for his trip to save the Ethiopians for a week. I hope he will get out of it what he hopes to. I don't sleep very well when I'm alone in the bed, so maybe I'll have to get one of the dogs to take his place, he'll never know anyway right?

New Blog, Ethiopia Trip for Rich

I've been trying to get time all weekend to write about my feelings, but sometimes I just have to be in the mood to put them down for posterity. Part of my Christmas present from Spencer and Annie was for them to pay to have someone design my blog. Annie's friend Becky is so talented and she was so kind to work on my blog. I wanted it to represent all that I love in life. Starting with my family, which is portrayed by the little girl holding a flower with a halo. Kamber represents my hope to be with my family when it's time for me to go to the other side. The golden retriever and rabbit represent the hours and hours of time and money I have spent over my life trying to make a difference in the world with my tender feeling for animals. Finally, the block square represents my love for sewing and making quilts for my family and friends. I'm not an expert, and my quilts aren't good enough to sell and make a profit, so I do it because I love those who I give them to and hope they will enjoy them and keep them warm. My life seems to be such a paradox. I can feel the opposite feelings about the same situation. Rich told me a couple of months ago about his desire to go to Ethiopia to do some service. Everyone knows of my fear of flying, so the thought of my husband being on a plane for twenty-seven hours has caused me some sleepless nights. The Malaysian Airlines plane missing has just made my anxiety worse. But I have learned after thirty-eight years of marriage that it really doesn't matter what I want or feel he will go ahead with his plans. So in four days he will be heading with a group of people to save the world, or a small part of it. I plan to sew, shop, rest and do anything and everything I want while he's gone. Then this summer while he's working in the 115 degree temps, I'll be sitting on the beach in California drinking a Pepsi and relaxing. I have learned in my almost sixty-one years that life is hard and complicated. I can't control anyone around me and I can't even control myself most of the time. I hope Rich makes it home safe and sound but I am going to make sure all his affairs are in order so if his plane disappears I will be prepared. He has faith he will make it back so that's all that matters now.

Physical Done

Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor to do a physical. I worried all night about it and had anxiety on my way there. After they took all my health history the doctor came in and checked me over. Everything went really well and she didn't find anything suspicious. I told her about my last month of being sick and I guess there have been lots of patients with the same virus I had. When I was sitting in the waiting room there were two or three patients coughing the whole time I was there. I told her about how sore and dry my mouth has been. It seemed to have gotten worse since my oral surgery. Our family has a history of Autoimmune Diseases and my sister has been diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome which makes her eyes, mouth and joints dry up. It is really an annoying thing to have. I had convinced myself that I had it too and after she looked in my mouth she said, "your tongue is really red and your lips are cracking." YEH! "I told you I have such a dry mouth it feels like I'm walking through the desert all day." Anyway, she thinks my symptoms are because of all the antibiotics I took to get rid of the infection in my tooth and then again when I was sick. Hallelujah! She gave me a prescription where I swish and swallow some Nystatin and I'm finally getting some relief. I haven't had a very great self image my whole life, but yesterday when I left the doctor I had a new appreciation for this old body. It's been through a lot, but at sixty I'm so thankful to still be upright and being as productive as I am.

Quilting, Pet Sitting and Puppies

I have to say that a few times last week I was wondering to myself  "what the heck have I gotten myself into?" Sometimes life just seems to be a constant disappointment and irritation. The fog finally lifted yesterday. Mindi and I were out running errands when I said, "I wish I could just be happy. Things could be so much worse, like a terminal illness or a sick grandchild." Mindi then piped in and said "or you could have a loved one on a plane that is missing somewhere out in the ocean." I started thinking about the challenges I have in my life. I spent most of last month sick. I picked up some kind of bug that came and went all month. I was even in bed one day last week feeling terrible. I have an appointment tomorrow with the doctor for a physical, EEK! I hate being checked from stem to stern and worry about what they might find wrong with me. Usually it's just the same old thing, "lose weight and keep taking your thyroid medication." This week is spring break for the kids from school. It's fun having them home and now they are getting older they help a little bit around the house. I have decided to get some of my quilts finished that I've had for a couple of years and do some sewing. We also have a momma dog expecting puppies any minute. Her stomach feels like it's going to pop and she's full of milk so we are getting excited about watching her puppies born. Candi and B.J. took the kids to California to the beach, AHH, I wish I was with them, they did bring over their RAT for me to take care of, really? Who has a pet rat anyway? So this will be a busy week with quilting and pet sitting. Life could be a whole lot worse, gratitude sometimes leaves me, but hopefully I can get through this week and the rat will be alive when they come pick her up.