"Watch Yourselves, and Your Thoughts"

I had a couple of hurtful experiences the last few days that put me in a dark place, but I have tried to work through them and now things are looking a little bit brighter. Most of the books I have been reading lately have been about controlling my thoughts. Why is that such a hard thing for me to do? Trying to keep myself in the present moment instead of dwelling on the past, or worry about the future is almost impossible for me to do. Sometimes it feels like there is a big trap sitting there and even though I see it, I still walk right into it and then there I am again back in that dark place I'm so desperately hoping to stay out of. In my book, "You Can Be Happy No Matter What," he says, "People are genuinely trying to do the best they can to make their lives and the lives of others work out well. Most people, particularly those close to us, would welcome the opportunity to help us make our lives run more smoothly." Sometimes I just don't think that is true, but then again those thoughts are making me feel that way. Today Ethan's only son had a birthday. He is a big boy who is only three, but looks about five. Their kids start school tomorrow, so Mindi and I just went out and took him a little present and gave him a big hug. No party this year. Having five sisters who love him dearly is hopefully a blessing for him. Especially the angel sister in heaven. I remember three years ago he was getting so big the doctor wanted to induce Jenn. The problem was that they didn't want him born on the day of Kambers passing which is the 25, so we celebrate today and then grieve on Thursday. While reading my scriptures this morning the verse Mosiah 4:30 kept coming into my mind. It says, "But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not." Sometimes because of my thoughts I feel like I'm going to perish, but I continue on to see another day.