End The Suffering

I have felt overwhelmed and out of control all week. I have always had a tender heart toward animals but I think I've reached my maximum ability to cope with three litters of puppies, besides all the other responsibilities I have here around the farm. My obsession with the care of my animals has caused me lots of stress and even some marital problems, as Rich sometimes feels like he is second to my critters. Yesterday when I went out to feed the animals I found one of my rabbits sick. He was having a hard time walking and wouldn't eat. I brought him in the house and tried to doctor him until I could tell it was a lost cause. There wasn't anything that was going to help him. I called the guy I got him from to see if there was something I could do so he didn't suffer. He said, "are you asking me if there is some way to poison him?" "Well, not really, but I don't want him to suffer for a few more days." So he then said, "just pull his ears back and hit him on the back of his head and he will die instantly, or shoot him in the head with a gun." Are you kidding me right now? Anyone who knows me would know that wouldn't be something I could ever do. So during the night I was awake for about three hours worrying about the difference between letting an animal suffer and doing the humane thing and sending him to heaven. I'm just lucky to have married that country boy from Utah who has the ability to relieve the suffering and send them on their way home. Why does life have to be so hard? I know lots of my sadness is self-inflicted and I just hope I have enough in me to find homes for all these puppies so I can get a good nights sleep. Rich and I have been invited to go to a fund raiser tonight for a "spay and neuter clinic" in Scottsdale that he is doing some work for. All I can say is we won't let the cat out of the bag and tell them that we have three litters of puppies at home. But on the other hand, we can use a spay and neuter clinic right now. Rich made the comment last week about how interesting it will be when I get to heaven and see all those animals I have taken care of and hopefully they will thank me for being so kind to them. That is if I make it to Heaven.