"Do the Best You Can"

I just about have all my Christmas decorations put up. All I need is for someone to help me get the boxes put away and the trees boxed up and out to the garage. I spent all day New Years Eve alone as Rich had obligations at the church getting ready for the youth dance. Sometimes I resent the time he takes doing his church work and I found myself in bed alone at 10:00 p.m. wondering if this is what life is suppose to be like. He was out until around 1:30 after helping take down decorations and so he was tired. Mindi and I decided to go to Dillard's because they have all clearance stuff at an additional 50% off. We hurried down to the mall and it was crazy. The people were going in droves and when we finally got in the doors there were so many people, I didn't know if I would be able to move farther into the store. I kept asking myself why someone with agoraphobia and claustrophobia would want to be in a crowded store with hundreds of people. Tristyn and Mindi put up with my mental illness and we just did some deep breathing and went at a slow steady pace. No need to hurry because we weren't going anywhere fast. I know everyone has there own little things that drive them crazy but to me not being able to go and do the things I want to becomes such an ordeal for me. I have to keep telling myself how much better I am than a few years ago when I couldn't even leave my house to walk to the street and get the mail. Someday I hope to find an answer to how a totally normal person can have such a shift in their mind. This all happened after I had a miscarriage when Spencer was two years old. The doctors have tried to help me but until I find that magic cure, I will just keep trying everyday to do what my Mom says, "Teri, just do the best you can, that is all that is expected of you."