How Can It Already Be A Year?

Today is the one year anniversary since Rich's Mom Beth passed away. Time seems to be speeding by as it seems just like yesterday we were on our way to Utah for her funeral. Last week I was in the car while Mindi ran into the store to get something to take to the hospital for my niece Mary. I am the designated car babysitter so she doesn't have to take the kids in. Trulie was asleep and Troy had strep throat so we were just watching people go in and out. Troy said, "I just saw an old grandpa come out." I then said, "well I'm an old grandma." Troy answered back, "well you have an old grandpa too." I thought he was talking about my 83 year old Dad who is his great grandfather, when he said, "Grandpa Rich is your old grandpa." Aren't kids just "darling?" I have been under a huge amount of stress lately. Just trying to cope with chronic pain and worry about what to do, plus trying to change the way I eat has taken a huge toll on me. I usually use chocolate and sweets to cope with my problems but when you take those away I'm on my own. Some things have happened lately and things said that have broken my heart. It has made me doubt my self worth and my abilities as a wife and mother. As I came in from feeding the animals, I sat in the chair in my bedroom and had this wave of sadness come over me. As I began to cry I had this overwhelming feeling that Kamber is so sad right now. I have often wondered what it would be like to talk to someone on the other side. I have even prayed to have an experience with my Grandma or Aunt that I loved very much. Those prayers have never been answered but sometimes I feel them around me. I know I am powerless over those around me, Heck, I have a hard time controlling my own emotions and mouth, let alone anyone else. Life is short and as I get closer to sixty it's even shorter, hopefully I can do better so I can see those waiting for me on the other side and they won't be disappointed in the person I was.