"Exercise My Faith?"

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I did 25 years ago when I was sent down to hell. I come from a long line of worriers so sometimes it gets the best of me. Last night as Rich and I were talking about some struggles, he reminded me that I "don't exercise my faith enough." What does that even mean? What is faith and why don't I have any? When I was a young mother with four small children we had some major setbacks. Rich quit a good job to start his own business, the stock market tanked and there wasn't any work. I then suffered a miscarriage, gall bladder, ear and knee surgery all within a couple of months. After that I started having severe bouts of anxiety, depression, dizziness and some strange symptoms that still keep me close to home. I've been trying to write my feelings down because that is suppose to bring all the thoughts out of my brain and on paper. As I was writing this morning I got sadder and sadder, as the tears started I felt some relief, so I went in to start my work. I had a thought come into my mind, "I sure wish I could talk to my Grandma Fern, Aunt Tenna, or even Kamber," all who have passed away. Maybe they could give me some encouragement and tell me that every experience I have on earth will be worth it when I go to the other side. Every pain in my hip will be worth it if my suffering helps me come closer to the Savior. When I went with Candi on Tues. we ran into a cousin of B.J.s whose sister was murdered last August. As she talked about her feelings of losing her sister and best friend I felt so bad for her. Their family is going through a very hard time right now. Life is hard, I know I can do hard things because I'm still here. Yesterday was my Aunt Tenna's birthday. She would have been 84 had she survived her heart surgery. She was an inspiration to me and I wish I could be half the person she was. We are all asked to do things that are hard, I'm hoping this new year will be better, but if it isn't hopefully I can endure what is asked of me and work on that "mustard seed of faith" I have.