5 lbs of Milk Chocolate and a White Lab

On Monday Spencer, Annie and the kids left to go home to Colorado. As I was helping them get packed the night before I began to feel really uneasy. I told Annie I was having the same feelings I did when Spencer left for Chile on his mission. He's been home for over five years so why would those feelings come back to haunt me now? I guess that with all the uncertainty in the NFL right now, none of us really know what is going to happen to them. Will they have a job? When will they be able to come visit again? It doesn't matter how old my kids get I still seem to worry about them everyday. About an hour after they left Ethan showed up to move some stuff in the garage, then Jenn called and brought her kids over to play while she helped Mindi. Candi came over a little bit later with her boys and did some hair. So my sadness quickly left when the chaos of all my other grand children showed up. It was President's Day so the kids didn't have school, it was so nice when the bus pulled up and the children climbed on yesterday morning. Mindi and I spent the day running errands and doing laundry. I have been kind of "in the toilet," sometimes my life just isn't what I thought it was going to be. I have had expectations of what my life would be, but it is far from what I was hoping for when I was younger. I continue to struggle with the loss of Kamber and the relationship that won't happen on this earth. There are also relationships that suffer because of selfishness and ingratitude on my part. Life has been hard for me for a long time struggling with health and emotional problems and I wonder what choices I have made and keep making that make the suffering worse. I wish I had the courage to step out into the darkness and have faith that all will be okay, but I guess my lack of faith will keep me in this place forever. This past weekend Spencer and Annie went to Chicago. They brought me back the biggest Hershey chocolate bar I have ever seen, it is 5 lbs. of solid milk chocolate. They also gave me the news that Trixie wouldn't be making the trip back to Colorado with them. I think that was a really smart move on their part after visiting them and seeing their lifestyle. So I am now the proud owner of a one-year-old white lab who will hopefully soon move out of the puppy stage and stop chewing up everything in the back yard and knocking down my door twice a day when she wants to be fed. Maybe some day they will be in a position to have their dog, I'm not going to hold my breath but it gives me something to pray for.

Who wants some Chocolate???