"Plan of Happiness?"

It is so weird because every time I start blogging the tears start flowing. I was told by a friend of mine to get up every morning and write two pages of anything that comes to my mind. Even if it's your grocery list, write it down. I guess it does something to your mental health but so far I don't think it's helping. It is sad how as we age we begin to see things we have done when we were young, immature and stupid that affect us when we get old. Some of my choices have really come back to bite me in the backside. I have read so many church and self help books I should have a degree in something, but I still struggle every day to keep it together. I ask myself all the time, "Is this really what the plan of happiness is all about?" If it is, then why am I so disappointed in my life. I know people that have gone through many hard trials and when I see them they have a smile on their face. Why does my face always look like my best milk cow just died? I know life is hard right now for a lot of people. Families are dealing with things I would never want to have to, but that doesn't make it any easier to walk the pathway I get to. I would never have picked the trial of losing a grandchild. I know I wouldn't, then why did that come on my pathway? I hope it will all be worth it when we get to the other side. It has to be better than this earthly life. Sometimes I wish I could just get of visit from my Grandma Fern, my Aunt Tenna, or even Kamber, and they could reassure me that is really is worth it. Then maybe I could put a smile on my face and enjoy this journey.