Deja Vu

Rich and I were talking this morning about how much our lives have changed. Two years ago he was so busy with work and church it was crazy. He was doing a big job in Phoenix and the money was flowing pretty good. Spencer had just graduated from U of A and been drafted by the Denver Broncos which was a dream come true for him. All our children and grandchildren were healthy and happy. Ethan and Jenn were building a beautiful house in east Mesa to hopefully sell someday as an investment. Candi was doing hair and had just given birth to her second son while B.J. stayed home and took care of the home and kids. In July of 2008 our worst nightmare happened when Kamber drowned. It was a time of total chaos for us. We had never been through a trial like that and couldn't believe it was happening to us. People suffer everyday but you never think it will happen to YOUR family. Since then the economy has gone to crap and our business has slowed down to where Rich has taken jobs that he hasn't done in fifteen years. We have been lucky to have survived this long, but who knows how much worse it is going to get. At times I find myself becoming bitter about my life. It doesn't seem fair that you serve and sacrifice your time and talents like we have been asked to do and then be knocked to your knees with trials. I hate it! This happened to us twenty-five years ago when the stock market crashed and there was NO work. We had four little kids and a big house we had just built and I remember Rich hauling wood scraps off construction jobs and selling it to keep us going. As I look back at that I wonder how we survived. Life seemed so simple then. I have been feeling the same way I felt in 1985, the worry, the sadness, the despair, but this time it is different. I have way more things to worry about. As I have been trying to pull myself out of the "toilet" I remembered something President Ballard said last weekend. "If your family is centered in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, whatever happens just doesn't matter." I guess I need to repent and realize that what ever we are going through is for our own good. I hope someday to see the good in all of this.