"Happy Dance"

Last Sunday Rich and I were asked to meet with the Stake Presidency at the Stake Center. After some small talk, they released Rich from his position on the High Council. After spending five years in the Bishopric and three plus years on the High Council, it was time for him to move on. As we left the building I asked him if I should start my "happy dance" now, or wait until yesterday when the release was finalized in Stake Conference. I thought it would be such a happy moment for me and expressed how I hoped this would help Rich reconnect with our family and we would be able to spend more time with the kids and grand kids. As the day progressed I didn't feel like doing my happy dance. I felt "out of sorts" even a little bit depressed and agitated. I felt like maybe we should be heading on a cruise or a trip up to the mountains to sit in a chair under the pine trees. Then reality set in and I realized that just because he has been released doesn't mean we are retired from church work. I reflected on all the nights I stayed home alone as he was at meetings, at church youth dances, walking the Trek, going to girl's camp, and even those dreaded Scout meetings. Our family has truly been blessed through the sacrifices of the Lord's work. It has kept our minds off our own trials and sorrows. My Dad seems to be feeling better and it looks like he will still be here when Lennie gets home from his mission in eight short weeks. We are taking him up to the White Mountains to turn on the water and power to their summer home. Hopefully we will have many more trips with Dad up North and I know the guys are all going up fishing when Lennie gets home. Rich has been given the gift of hard work. He never seems to not have enough to do and it looks like he's picked up a few more jobs to add to his long list of people needing him. Plus I've started a list of my own that he needs to do here around the house. Some day I hope to be doing that happy dance before it gets too late and I can't dance at all.

Lif Is A Changing

Last night as Rich and I were leaving a wedding reception for one of his young men, I made the comment about how I wouldn't want to be starting all over again newly married. Then the thought came to me that if I could go back with all my experiences and knowledge, I would do things so much different, and hopefully better. We only get one chance at this mortal life and then we get to live with and hopefully learn from those experiences. I have noticed lately how our lives are changing. Our children and grandchildren are getting older and in just one short year our oldest granddaughter will be driving. EEK! Sometimes when I think of how wicked this world is getting I am afraid of what these children, I love will have to endure long after Rich and I are gone. Every  morning when I go out to feed the animals Trulie carries the carrots for me. If she hears me say carrots she runs to the fridge and pulls two carrots out and knows it is time to take them out to the rabbits. I watch her as she copies everything we do and she is starting to say lots of words. I have to be careful because sometimes I may say a "bad word" that I probably wouldn't want her to repeat in Primary. I have been working on a quilt for the girl who cleans my house and helps me when I need her. She has had some challenges in life but she is such a good person. When Kamber passed away and when I had hip surgery she was there to clean and she didn't charge me, she just did it for service. She turned 50 on April the 10th and I just finished her quilt this morning, hopefully she will like it. With the temperatures getting hotter by the day, I noticed that a lot of our flowers are dying. One year Rich planted some giant sunflowers so when the flowers die we don't have all this ugly dirt. Anyway, when I went outside this morning the sunflowers are starting to bloom as the others are wilting and dying. Life is changing for us and I'm happy with what is going on over here, the kids are getting older and helping with the yard and pool. Rich has been blessed with lots of work so hopefully we can pull out of this rough economy. Now if I could just stop the clock so in 26 days I won't turn 60 that would be nice, but on the other hand my parents think I'm young, so how bad can it be?

"I Can Be Happy"

Last night when I went to bed I was so sad. I seemed to be fine all day when I was busy but as the day went on I became more tired and then my thoughts just went to a feeling of despair. What causes me to go from being alright to in the toilet? This morning I picked up a little book called, "You Can Be Happy No Matter What", by Richard Carlson. As I began reading the Foreword by Dr. Wayne Dyer, he says, "Our circumstances don't define us; they represent our unique curriculum - our tests, challenges, and opportunities for personal growth, acceptance, and detachment. Our success as a human being does not lie in our collections of possessions or accomplishments. It does not lie in the details of our predicament, but in how we deal with what we have and how we face our challenges, how we transform our unique curriculum into growth and into a life filled with love."  That made me realize that most of the time I let my circumstances in life define who I am. Since Kamber passed away I have felt like every day I had to fight to keep going and not give in to the sadness that her death had caused me. Then with my hip replacement and some other trials, it has been hard to pull myself up and continue on. I can remember as a child feeling like, when I get this new toy I will be happy. Then as a teenager, when I can drive and date, I will be happy. I remember my Dad telling me to stop wishing my life away, to be present and in the moment and choose to be happy now. I'm almost sixty and I'm still trying to find that magic potion, that pill or herbal supplement that will take the pain away and I can THEN be happy. I guess it has always been right here inside of me, the ability to choose to be happy instead of in that dark place. I have within me  the resources to live a happy, fulfilled life regardless of my challenges I face, at least that's what the book tells me I can do.

Almost Normal

Yesterday was a busy day with appointments and errands to run. I started out at the lab for some fasting blood work, then on to the doctor for a weigh-in and B-12 shot. We are still trying to battle this weight war and sometimes it seems like a lost cause. We all did well by losing a few pounds and that's always good news. Then this morning I just got a call from the doctors office wanting me to make an appointment to go over the blood work. I've always heard that if they call you right back the next day it isn't good news. I told the guy that I was just in there yesterday and if they could tell me over the phone it would be easier and better for me. All of a sudden I had such a feeling of doom. What is wrong with me, do I have cancer or something else terrible? I said a silent prayer and went on with my work folding clothes. Then I had a thought come in to my mind, "don't worry, everything will be alright." A few minutes later the phone rang again and it was the doctor. She said, "I just wanted to give you a call so you wouldn't worry all weekend about your blood work." Then she went on to tell me about all the different tests they ran and they were all normal, except for the thyroid part. I have been battling thyroid disease since I was nineteen years old when I had to have radiation to kill it so I wouldn't die. Anyway, at sixty they still can't figure it out and that is probably the cause of my extreme tiredness and inability to lose weight. Anyway, I am thankful for good doctors and for my strong body that is able to do many things. I know there are lots of people struggling everyday with health problems that are painful and debilitating. I'm thankful to be able to recognize the spirit and the comfort that gives me. Now if I could just have the will power to give up some of my favorite treats maybe the weight loss would be better, but that wouldn't be any fun.

Married 37 Years, How Can That Be?

Our family has been so saddened by what happened in Boston on Monday. Even though most of our family live here in Arizona, we still have Spencer, Annie and the kids in a suburb of Boston for a couple more weeks until they make their move West next month. Yesterday Rich and I celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary. It seems like when I go through these milestones it makes me reflective on my life. Some things I felt I did really well and then others I was a total failure at. The one thing I do know in my old age is that I feel that most people do the very best they know how to, at the time they are going through their trials. I am very proud of my children and grandchildren. The fact that their parents are teaching them right from wrong and how to be good people makes us so happy. We have an "angel granddaughter" who makes us try everyday to become better. None of us is perfect and I don't expect to ever be on this earth, but I feel we are moving forward as a family. As we were on our way out to dinner last night we were talking about all the terrible things that have happened either on our anniversary or near it. The Oklahoma City bombing, Waco, Columbine, Virginia Tech and now the Boston bombings were all tragedies that happened in the middle of April. We got married on Good Friday in 1976 the Bicentennial Year of our Country. We had red, white and blue as our colors for our wedding. I have always loved the colors of our country and Rich and I both went to High Schools that Red and Blue were the colors. Not to mention Spencer graduating from the U of A where their colors are also Red and Blue. I wish I could say that our marriage has been all rainbows, butterflies and peanut M&M's but that would be a lie. We have struggled to become one because of our head strong personalities and strong opinions but we have tried hard to keep our family together for the sake of all involved and the love we have for each other and the Savior. Rich has had to put up with a lot with all my physical problems and addiction to animals, and I have had a few of his faults to overlook. But one thing we do have is our family and each other, and hopefully we will have many more years to spend together before going to the other side to meet up with Kamber.

Purify My Heart

I knew it was going to be a good weekend when I was up most of Friday night with a stomach virus,  Rich cut our cable line to the house while trying to fix the sprinklers, and I broke out in a rash all over my arms and fingers. What the heck! Sometimes it seems like I just move from adversity to adversity, what am I suppose to learn? I was glad that I was well enough to go to church because we had some changes in the Relief Society presidency. That is a job that is so time consuming but so very important. The guys worked all day Saturday on the lawn and it looks wonderful. The flowers are all blooming and smell so good. As soon as it gets hot they will all start dying, so I need to enjoy them while we can. I sold one litter of puppies in five days and had a few more calls, I wish the four that I lost would have made it because they were darling little puppies. I miss them, but they were a lot of work and stress for this old lady. In my little adversity book there is a chapter about how "Adversity Builds Character." Orson F. Whitney says, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility.  All that we suffer and all that we endure purifies our heart, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven." I guess I need to learn a lot more before I pass on because it sure seems like I have a lot of little bumps in the road.

Already Friday Again?

Last night when Rich got home from work he could barely get out of his truck he was so tired. He turned to Dave and said, "tell me tomorrow isn't already Friday." Yes dear, it is already Friday again. This morning I woke up and felt the urge to take my life back. For the last seven weeks I have been taking care of, or helping take care of three litters of puppies. The first batch are all sold except one little male and I hope he will find a forever home before the weekend is out. I am pleasantly surprised they sold so fast and hope those families will treat these little guys well.  I also moved the baby chickens out of my laundry room and outside where chickens are suppose to be. So, I'm taking my life and home back inch by inch and trying to simplify it. Dad went to the doctor yesterday and his cancer counts are better, so they are taking him off of the chemotherapy infusions and putting him on pills. I overhead him telling Mindi that he wished he would just have a fatal heart attack because dying from prostate cancer is really painful. OUCH! The older I get and the more experiences I have the more I see how my life is not really in my control. I'm trying really hard to control my thoughts and actions but sometimes things just happen where I see the Lord has inspired me. I read a little quote by Spencer W. Kimball, who I adore that says, "Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?" How nice it will be to be in heaven with all those I love who have passed on and see Kamber again. To not suffer with physical problems and hopefully be worthy to see the Savior, to be immortalized and glorified, how wonderful will that be?

Three Birthdays and Conference

What a wonderful weekend we had listening to conference and enjoying a get together with our family. There is just something nice about sitting in your pajamas listening to music and talks, it was just so relaxing. I felt the spirit as I listened to words of wisdom and inspiration. Something that jumped out at me was when one of the speakers said, "other than our physical bodies the most precious thing we have is our agency. We have the freedom to choose for ourselves what we will do, but we don't have the choice when it comes to consequences." We had three birthdays this week, Brookie, Tyton and Ethan's today. Yesterday we went out to Ethan and Jenn's for dinner and to celebrate. Brookie wasn't feeling well but we always have fun when we get together. Jenn even got Ethan a Superman cake, some things just never change. Mindi decided that the puppies are ready to go to good homes so she put an ad for them yesterday. I got several calls and even though I was in tears to let them go, it is time for them to be loved by a family. Everyone who has come have been so nice. They are active families with little kids who will take these dogs hiking and boating and teach them how to swim. Because the people were anxious to get their dogs, Mindi and I ran them down to the vet this morning for their first shots and for a wellness check. They are the healthiest puppies and I hope they make good pets, I will miss them, a little bit. Now I'm going to use some of that agency they talked about and go take a nap, I deserve one.

"Have I Done Any Good?"

Last night Rich and I traveled to North Scottsdale for a "spay and neuter" fundraiser at the very nice restaurant called the Capital Grille. We were invited by a client of Rich's that he is doing some work for. They have one clinic already up and running but are wanting to open a new one at a location out here in the East Valley. As I sat and listened to all the good they do, I thought about my puppies at home and hoping we will be able to find some loving homes for them.  They brought around appetizers of crab cakes, lobster rolls and some kind of filet mignon on a cracker. We could also have any beverage we wanted, beer, wine, vodka, or what we asked for Sprite, because we don't drink alcohol. As we left Rich wanted to go eat somewhere. It is very rare that on a Friday night we aren't dead tired watching television. We were actually dressed up looking as spiffy as any two old people could look. As we were driving home I wanted to go by and see my parents, so we headed south when Rich realized he had promised a friend named Bill, he would come by and put a shelf up that had fallen from the wall and broken. We were right by his place so we went by and visited with him and Rich fixed a couple of things for him. His wife died a year ago on my birthday and he seems so lonely. He spends all his time watching television and working on needlepoint projects. He smokes, so by the time we left my nose was about to EXPLODE. We then stopped at Mom and Dad's and enjoyed visiting with them. Dad had one good day and then was back to the old too nauseous to eat yesterday. As we got in the truck heading home it was 9:00 o'clock, too late to eat dinner and we were tired. I told Rich the evening felt to me like the hymn we sing, "Have I Done Any Good?" The first verse says, "Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad? If not, I have failed indeed. Has anyone's burden been lighter today Because I was willing to share? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?" We had a good feeling going home that maybe in some small way we had cheered up the sad, and made someone's burden lighter. It was fun to meet some of the people Rich works for, I even got invited over to someone's house to have a glass of wine. The only problem is, I don't drink alcohol.  Maybe she has a Sprite!

End The Suffering

I have felt overwhelmed and out of control all week. I have always had a tender heart toward animals but I think I've reached my maximum ability to cope with three litters of puppies, besides all the other responsibilities I have here around the farm. My obsession with the care of my animals has caused me lots of stress and even some marital problems, as Rich sometimes feels like he is second to my critters. Yesterday when I went out to feed the animals I found one of my rabbits sick. He was having a hard time walking and wouldn't eat. I brought him in the house and tried to doctor him until I could tell it was a lost cause. There wasn't anything that was going to help him. I called the guy I got him from to see if there was something I could do so he didn't suffer. He said, "are you asking me if there is some way to poison him?" "Well, not really, but I don't want him to suffer for a few more days." So he then said, "just pull his ears back and hit him on the back of his head and he will die instantly, or shoot him in the head with a gun." Are you kidding me right now? Anyone who knows me would know that wouldn't be something I could ever do. So during the night I was awake for about three hours worrying about the difference between letting an animal suffer and doing the humane thing and sending him to heaven. I'm just lucky to have married that country boy from Utah who has the ability to relieve the suffering and send them on their way home. Why does life have to be so hard? I know lots of my sadness is self-inflicted and I just hope I have enough in me to find homes for all these puppies so I can get a good nights sleep. Rich and I have been invited to go to a fund raiser tonight for a "spay and neuter clinic" in Scottsdale that he is doing some work for. All I can say is we won't let the cat out of the bag and tell them that we have three litters of puppies at home. But on the other hand, we can use a spay and neuter clinic right now. Rich made the comment last week about how interesting it will be when I get to heaven and see all those animals I have taken care of and hopefully they will thank me for being so kind to them. That is if I make it to Heaven.

Three Receptions, Two Parties and Church

We had a crazy busy weekend but a super fun one too. Rich and I went to three wedding receptions, church and two family parties. As we were traveling from reception to reception I thought to myself, "who is stupid enough to get married around Easter?" Then I realized that with Rich and I getting married on Good Friday that put us in the stupid category. The receptions were so nicely decorated and the food delicious. Rich likes it when we go to receptions because he thinks it counts as a date. On Saturday night we didn't get to stay long at those two receptions because Candi and B.J. were having a family Easter bash at their house. The Wootans were in town, so both families were there to celebrate. They had a cookout and then an Easter Egg Hunt in the dark. They filled up eggs with the glow in the dark bracelets and put them all over the park by their house. Each kid had six eggs with their names on them with money inside. Then the kids took turns hitting a pinata and that is always fun, you can never have enough candy. Sunday was church and it is always nice to enjoy the spirit as the talks and music reminded me of what Easter is all about. We would not be able to return home to our Heavenly Father without the sacrifice the Savior made for each of us. We had dinner for the family yesterday at our house. Mom and Dad came and Mindi and Ethan's families. Candi was busy with the Wootans and I understand they need to spend time with them before they go back to California. My sister Mell, and brother Ben joined us later for dessert. When Dad got to the house he looked white as a ghost and was so sick. I put him in the recliner and covered him with a quilt. I had Mindi bring down some anti-nausea pills they gave her when she was pregnant with Trulie and the doctor had prescribed for him. He started feeling a little bit better and sat at the table and pretended to eat a few bites. He says food just "tastes terrible."As I look at my Dad suffer the affects of chemotherapy it makes me wonder what trials I will have as I reach old age. Each day I struggle with my trials like everyone else and hope that the future will not be too hard for me to deal with. I want to be worthy to see my loved ones on the other side and have them be proud of my efforts here on earth.