White Elephant Gifts?

On Christmas morning when we were waiting for the kids to come to open their presents, Rich and I were just sitting relaxing in our chairs when I looked up at the shelf on my wall. I noticed there was a green trophy sitting up there. Mindi got it down and we wondered how a 2001, 3rd place running man trophy had gotten up there. I then remembered the three plastic Tiki glasses that I saw in my kitchen cupboard when I was putting dishes away. Later on we found a pink pig in the hutch in the family room. While we were opening presents, there were two under the tree that no one knew who they were from. Rich opened the small one, a Coney hot dog steamer, and I opened a large wrapped box with an ugly wall hanging in it. By then we were accusing everyone in the family of being the person or persons who would do this to us. Then this morning as I got in the shower I found a little white statue of a little girl in the middle of all my shampoos and conditioners. There is a part of me that thinks this is funny but Rich and I both feel kind of violated. Who has the nerve to come into our home, without being invited and putting Goodwill items on shelves, in cupboards and even in our shower? I thought of calling the Police and making a report of a trespassing, but I don't know if it's a crime to come in someone's home and leave ugly useless stuff around. Anyway, if someone knows who has come into our home and left these things please let us know, if not I have lots of White Elephant gifts to give out next year.

 

Christmas 2013, Over, Whew!

On Christmas Day before all the family came over, I walked around my house and took some pictures. It was quiet and peaceful and I was trying to relax before the chaos began. I looked at my Nativity my Dad made for me with his own hands. Each character is carved out of wood and it is special to me. I looked at my tree all decorated with bulbs and bows and there was one ornament that caught my eye, a picture of Kamber in a little Joy sign Jenn gave to me a few years ago. Mindi and Ethan went in on a Granny Bike for me, hoping I can get a little exercise without falling off and breaking my hip. I don't buy my grand kids toys for Christmas. That is something Santa or their parents bring, so I always get them new pajamas and sweat shirts to keep them warm in the next few months. After we opened presents the extended family came and we had ham and potatoes, rolls, yummy cherry salad and desert. One thing nice about Christmas is everyone is so tired they are eager to get home and let the kids play with their toys. We missed Spencer and his little family but they are in Boston waiting for the football season to be over on Sunday and for Spencer to get home and then they will have their own little Christmas next week. I have spent the last two days taking down all my decorations. Every year I think it's too much work and I'm not going to do it again. Next year may be the year I decide to go easy on the decorating, I'm getting too old to do it by myself year after year. Anyway, I survived Christmas 2013 and am anxious to see what the New Year brings me.

 

Merry Christmas and Looking Forward to the New Year

It's Christmas Eve 2013 and I will be so glad when tomorrow is over. I hope to be going into a deep winter slumber and get back to normal, whatever that means. We had our extended family party last night with the Turley sister's families. We get together on the 23rd, have Mexican food, a little nativity for the kids, some Christmas songs and a story called Turky Trot. My Grandma Fern was a librarian in Phoenix and she came across this book, so we have to read it every year for as long as I can remember. Our family is getting big and spread out but with Mom and Dad still alive we have three generations of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I pulled out all my bags and began wrapping for the grandchildren and somehow I am short a gift for one of my grandsons. So I will be going out to the store to finish my shopping, something I dread. It seems like this year has been particularly hard for me. I don't know if the stress of everything with the short Christmas season, or that I'm just getting older, but everything sure seems harder to do. My sister gave me an article called, "A Grief Like No Other." It talks about the Grandparents of the children killed at the Sandy Hook Elementary school last year. It talks about why grandparent's grief can be especially devastating and lonely. More than 160,000 American grandparents lose grandkids each year. I was shocked to hear those statistics. I'm so thankful to have survived the years I have after Kamber's passing, but I miss her and wish there was a present for her under the tree. But life goes on and I have seventeen beautiful grandchildren and wonderful children, I'm so blessed. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and look forward to the New Year.

The $5 Reindeer Candy Cane

Another week has passed by and every day has been a blurr. We had a problem with my cards so have had to make two trips to Costco with another one probably tomorrow. I wrapped Spencer's kids Christmas and sent it yesterday. It's always a good feeling when their presents are on the way. I'm still mourning them moving back to Boston, but I keep telling myself that all my kids need to walk their own pathways. So if they want to walk it in Boston, so be it. Last night at around 2:30 we had a loud thunderstorm. It woke me up because it felt like our roof was going to come off. I spent the rest of the night feeling sick, first with cold symptoms, then chilling and stomach issues. Why is it when I have so much to do I get sick, maybe stress? Last night when I was sitting in the car with Trulie while Mindi went in to Costco, an older Hispanic lady came up to the car. I rolled the window down and asked her what she needed. She had some little candy canes with eyes on them and a piece of black pipe cleaner around the top so it would look like a reindeer. She then went on to tell me her husband wasn't getting paid and they didn't have a Christmas tree yet. I asked her how much she wanted for them and she said, "just anything you want to give me." I pulled out a $5 bill from my purse and handed it to her. That's probably the most I have ever spent for a single candy cane. I have also seen numerous families standing near the shopping center entrances holding signs asking for help. Sometimes I wonder why I've been so blessed. Did I do something different than them? Or is it that we all have our own struggles in life? I want to feel the Christmas spirit not because of what I'm buying but because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and am so thankful for his birth and sacrifice he made on my behalf. I wish I had the resources to help all those that need help but I do know that God loves his children and wants them to return to him. I'm just thankful I had $5 to give to the lady that needed help.

"The Purpose of Stress"

Last week was a really hard one for me. Lots of shopping and cleaning, plus the usual errands and chores. I can see now why some people don't decorate and just give a little money as gifts. At times it  becomes overwhelming for me but I'm still not at the point to give up. I could feel myself going into that dark abyss, the doldrums. Where nothing makes sense and I wonder if there really is a God who knows me and even cares what I'm going through. I have spent lots of time during the night praying for help and wondering if anyone was listening to me. I wish I could see through the veil and get some advice from my Grandma Fern, or Kamber, the two people I miss the most. This morning I decided to do some reading to see if my spirit would lighten up. I pulled out my little "You Can Be Happy , No Matter What," book and started reading. When I opened the book the paragraph said, "The Purpose of Stress." It said, "The purpose of stress is to warn us when we are headed toward psychological danger." The more stress we feel, the more important it is to drop the thoughts that are on our mind. Stress can be a friend-- by letting us know beforehand when we are heading away from happiness, away from clear thinking." There are some people I know who love to be stressed out. They live their life so busy their relationships suffer. Sometimes I let the stress get to me too. So if I can just make it through the next week and survive, maybe I will make a change in my life so I can get some clear thinking going on in my head.

Ward Party Done, Tree Decorating Next

 

About a month ago we were asked to help with the Ward Christmas Party for the church. It was an honor  to work with some of the most talented and dedicated people I know. We spent Friday afternoon decorating and then Saturday night working at the church serving dinner and then cleaning up. I have to tell you things just aren't as easy as they were when I was younger. I am so far behind now with my own projects and decorating, that I just want to go to bed and not wake up until Christmas is over. It doesn't help that I still have laundry, dishes, hungry animals and all the other chores I have to do to keep this house moving along. I have spent all morning trying to get my two trees decorated. I have asked myself several times why I'm doing it? I've lost my love for all the work it takes to get my house ready for Christmas. If I wasn't hosting the family dinner here at my house, I think I would buy a little tree and call it good. Tomorrow I'm spending the day shopping and running errands, it doesn't do me any good to stay here day after day and worrying about how I'm going to get everything done, so I'm going to spend the day out and about doing what I want and need to do. Last night when I went to bed I could tell the old dark cloud was looming close. I am so tired of giving my power away to those who really don't really care about me, or my opinions. You would think at sixty I would be able to take control of my emotions and not let others determine the way I act or feel. When I was talking to my friend a couple of weeks ago he told me there are three causes for being upset, or like I say, p*%$#^ off: (1) Unfulfilled expectations, (2) Undelivered communication and (3) Thwarted Intention. I just realized that in my life I pretty much live with all three of these examples, maybe that's why I spend a good deal of time upset. But life goes on and I know Christmas will come and go, the New Year will begin and I will start the cycle all over again, day after day, year after year.

 

"Be An Answer To Someone's Prayer Today"

This has been another crazy and busy week for me, just like always. I have most of my Christmas decorations up except my tree and that will happen soon. The last two mornings when I woke up the thermometer said it was 29 degrees outside, there has been frost on the grass and the water for the animals was frozen. Living here in the desert we have the extremes from boiling hot to freezing cold, but there are a few months when it is well worth it. Tonight is our ward Christmas party. Rich and I were asked to help with some other amazing people. My assignments were baking twenty pounds of potatoes and calling a list of women who signed up to make a crockpot of soup. Rich was asked to get our sleigh and fireplace to the church, plus build a place for the Nativity to stand. The rest of the committee all decorated for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon and I have to say we were efficient and it looked marvelous. I don't think Rich has ever been as busy as he is right now with work. We are so grateful, but that really stresses us out, and he is nearing 60 which frustrates him that he can't work like he did when he was younger. Anyway, last night Mindi helped us load the sleigh in the truck and we went to the church. We thought someone was going to be there with a key to let us in, but no one was there. Rich walked around the church to see which door would be best to get this sleigh through. I was sitting in the truck when I noticed a car was there and a young man walked out. He asked me if we needed any help. They were the missionaries and I told him we were having trouble finding a way to get this sleigh in the church for our party. His companion came out and offered to let us in the building and find a way to help us. We spent almost an hour trying every door and even trying to take a door apart to fit it through. We finally found a door at the front of the church but Rich had measured and measured and asked me, "How much do you really want this sleigh in there?" I told him they were counting on it, so Rich and the two missionaries headed out to carry it in. As they walked out I said, "Hey you guys, say a little prayer that we can get this thing in the church." When they got it to the door Rich was confident that it wouldn't fit and as they lifted it up and turned it sideways it went right through the door. I couldn't believe it, I still can't. Anyway, as the missionaries left I told them they were an answer to our prayers. One of them said, "That is really weird because in one of our zone meetings today, the leader told us to go out and be an answer to someone's prayer today." They were definitely an answer to our prayer last night, now hopefully we will be able to get the sleigh out of the church tonight, otherwise we've got a big problem and we will need some more prayers answered.

Getting Ready for Christmas

I was so glad when Thanksgiving was over. Last week just about did me in with the stress of remodeling, cleaning and entertaining, but it was so nice to have everyone over. The problem was that I started taking down my Fall decorations after everyone left and on Saturday we put up our lights on the house. This weekend is our ward party and Rich and I have been asked to help, which means Saturday will be too busy for light hanging. I hate it when there's less than four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yesterday I had Rich take down all my Christmas decorations and spent the day hanging pictures, swags and anything else I could put up. I woke up so tired this morning but felt I needed to get out of my house. We decided to do a Hobby Lobby/Walmart run but after seeing the crowds and dragging a two year old around the store touching everything, we decided to leave and go back when her Daddy could watch her. The weather is suppose to turn really cold later this week and I just want to go in my sewing room and make a quilt. It seems like it's been so long since I've been able to just work with the fabric and make something with my hands. So hopefully I can do some sewing in between shopping and running errands. Sometimes I become so overwhelmed with life, that it takes all the joy out of the holidays and I can tell my mood shifting and taking me somewhere I don't want to go. Maybe another trip to the store might help, but I think maybe a nap may be better for me, besides I need to tackle that tree decorating sometime this week, boy am I tired.

"Extreme Larsen Makover"

I survived the "Extreme Makeover, Larsen Home Thanksgiving Edition." These are some pictures of my house I took on Wednesday night and Thursday morning. Rich decided it needed to be remodeled to accommodate our growing extended family. He had one week to get it done and with my tears and threats we almost made it. We were still mopping and dusting as guests arrived for dinner. There was several times over the last few days that I literally went into the spare bedroom and just tried to keep my mind from going crazy. I was wondering if maybe I was going to have a breakdown and be hospitalized for the Holidays. Yeah! Rich has often told me that construction is just one big problem solving experience and now I know how each day works for him. I have a better appreciation for what he puts up with. Even with having problems with the wood floor and getting the wrong paint color, we were still able to get enough done to have dinner here yesterday. I should have taken some pictures before everyone started coming in but we were still trying to finish while setting up tables and organizing the food. We had a huge crowd this year, I counted 65 people, with Ethan and his family coming later to visit. We missed Spencer, Annie and their little family who are in Florida while he finishes up his season with the Buccaneers, then hopefully they can come for a visit. We were so tired last night we were in bed at 8:30 and it was nice to not have to worry about doing anything but clean up the mess from dinner. Now hopefully we can get it totally finished before Christmas, that will be our next family dinner and hopefully Rich won't decide to do something else, I'm too tired.

 

Thanksgiving Renovation and Family Pictures

For about five years now Rich has talked about remodeling the dining area of our house to accommodate all the family functions we have. He told me a couple of weeks ago it was going to happen, but in my mind I just thought he was too busy and wouldn't have time. Well, on Thursday night I took all the pictures off the wall and by Friday the demolition had started. They have 72 hours to get it done before our family arrives for Thanksgiving, and I can tell you right now I'm a nervous wreck. I already feel the pressure of just getting my house clean and the food prepared and now we are in the middle of a small renovation. Part of me is so scared but then the other is excited to finally have it done. Yesterday we went out to the desert to have some family pictures taken. Candi's darling sister-in-law Leah is a wonderful photographer, but doesn't really like doing it. Mindi wanted her pictures taken for Christmas too, so it was so nice of Leah to shoot their little family. Rich and I haven't taken pictures for a long time so we just tagged along for a few of us because we are so darling. NOT! Because of all the rain last weekend we were wondering if it was going to happen, but I have to tell you the sky was so clean and blue and the Superstition Mountains were beautiful. It was magical and spiritual to be in the desert with all the vegetation and the beauty of it all. When we left it was about 50 degrees and you could smell the fireplace smoke and it smelled like Christmas. It's not everyday you get to spend some time with your loved ones in such a beautiful place. Last week I was asked, "What is the purpose of coming here and having children?" All I could say was that we are to have joy in our posterity because when we go to the other side that is all that matters. Thanks Dan for taking all these pictures with my stupid little camera, it was so nice of you.

Anniversaries

Today is my parents 63 wedding anniversary. I don't get too excited about other people's anniversaries because it doesn't have anything to do with me, but this one is important. Last night as Rich and I were getting ready for bed I said, "Wow, tomorrow Mom and Dad will have been married for 63 years. That is such a long time." He then said, "Yea, but 38 years is a long time too." I know being married to me has been quite the challenge and there have been times I have felt I should have stayed single and saved him from a long hard life. But we didn't and we have no one to blame but ourselves. I never really realized that my parents anniversary was also the day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I have thought a lot about that day this week as the news has spent a lot of time talking about it. I still can remember when it happened. I was ten years and in the fifth grade at Tonto Elementary School in Scottsdale. I remember hearing a message on the loud speaker that the President had been shot and he was dead. I remember them sending us all home from school and my mind goes back to that walk across the playground to our home only a street away. I can still feel how confused I was at what had happened. This week I was asking my parents about it as they were both school teachers at the time. I asked them what happened to the kids whose parents worked and weren't home when we were all sent home from school early. It's a different time now, I don't think the parents are as naive as they were back then. We trusted everyone, something you can't do now. I think our country changed when our President was killed and with all the dysfunction in Washington now I think President Kennedy would be ashamed at what our country has become.

Walking Down Memory Lane

Yesterday was Mom's 84th birthday. She and Dad are very simple people who love God and family. As I have talked about earlier, Mom wanted us all to attend a session at the Temple last Friday and then Len and Julie suggested the adult children go to their house in Scottsdale last night for dinner. Len picked up Matta's Mexican Food on his way over and we had a nice time eating and visiting just the siblings and their spouses. It's been a long time since we didn't have any children and grandchildren running around, so it was quiet and stress free. It's probably a good thing because next week we will have the whole clan over for Thanksgiving and that can be chaos. As we were talking, Len asked us if we had heard about the ten sister missionaries who had to swim to safety and get to where they could be picked up and taken to Manila in the Philippines after the typhoon. He talked about the missionaries crying when there was a storm because the people are so poor they live in houses made of cardboard and plywood. Sometimes I feel so ashamed that I have been given so much but struggle to be happy and content with where I am in life and have allowed others to affect the way I feel about myself. Anyway, as we were leaving their home we looked at the pictures Mom has on her walls. They were probably taken around 1985 because Spencer only looked around one year old. Those were happy times, four little kids that were healthy and happy and who could have foreseen the challenges we would have in our life? I have tried to talk Mom into updating her photos but she likes living in the past and at 84 she can do what ever she wants to. When I looked around my house this morning I'm in the same boat with baby pictures and graduation photos everywhere. I guess the only difference between me and my Mom is the 24 years that separate us, and every year she gets older so do I. 

 

Honoring Mom For Her Birthday

 

On Monday my Mom will turn 84 years old. For her birthday all she wanted was for us kids to go to the Temple with her and Dad. So yesterday was the day to honor our Mother. I am sad to say it has been a couple of years since I attended a session. After losing Kamber, having a hip replacement, and other struggles, I have neglected to do what would have helped me the most, going to the Temple. My parents and family are aware of my anxiety when it comes to doing certain things in my life. Some that cause me great stress and they know what bothers me, but I really wanted to go support my Mom. Earlier in the week my Dad called and said, "I know you want to honor your Mother by going to the Temple. I just want you to know that if you can't do it, we understand." The old reverse psychology at work, made me more determined to go. So yesterday all the stars and moon aligned and I was able to attend the Temple. I was so proud of myself and there were only a couple of times the old panic started creeping in. At those times I would think of my Dad sitting there with prostate cancer and how this might be the last time we will be together in the Temple. My sister came down with something and didn't want to share it with us, so she and her husband didn't come. My other brother has chosen a different path so he wasn't there either, so it was an intimate setting for us. It is good to have Len and Julie home from the mission, we can always count on them for support. This year I am trying to do things that are unreasonable for me. Things that are hard and take me out of my comfort zone. As I sat in the Temple thinking about this past year and the things I have done that I never thought I would be able to do, I was grateful for the opportunity to expand my life. I even wore my "I can do hard things" necklace I made before going in to surgery three years ago. I know life is hard for everyone and we never know what the future will bring, but today I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and his help in overcoming my shortcomings. 

Jelly Done, Stopping the Chatter

For the last few weeks I have been totally bogged down with our pomegranate operation. After picking and juicing for a week, then making jelly these last two weeks, I finally got to the end of my rope. I didn't want to do one more batch, and besides I only had one jar left. I still have a few gallons of fresh hand-squeezed red juice, but I'm done, no more this year. I could tell the stress was taking me down to a place I visit often but hate to be. I haven't been able to sleep which makes me cranky and crazy. When I woke up this morning I decided I needed to get back to the basics. I needed to read my scriptures, say a prayer for guidance and read a little bit out of my book. The chapter I read today talked about that little voice that is always playing in our heads. The conversation I have with myself is really important to what mood I will be in. I remember when I went to Landmark they called it the chatter or voice in your head that never stops. The problem is, there is no way to make that little voice go away. So I need to learn how to control my thoughts, something that is very hard for me. It's easy at times for me to see everything wrong in my life. The things I don't like about my life experiences and where I am. Last night as I was listening to the news some of the stories were heart breaking. The football player who died after hitting his head during a game. A husband who shot and killed his wife, fourteen year-old daughter and his brother-in-law. There was even a three year-old boy found at the bottom of a pool. Our family has been there and the pain and heartache that experience causes is overwhelming. So even though my life isn't perfect and never will be, I have a great family, testimony of the Savior, and gratitude for what I do have in my life, most of which I don't deserve. So the chatter will continue to talk to me but hopefully I will be able to keep the good and ask the bad to leave, so I can get some sleep and continue to walk my pathway through this life.

Life Isn't Fair Still

I learned at a very young age that life isn't fair. I don't know if it was when my Dad spanked my sister and I after church for fighting over a coat, rolling around on the floor after the meeting. Or was it when I heard and felt how sad my parents were that my Uncle had been killed in an airplane crash while serving in the military. Did I really understand at that young age of five that my cousins would grow up without their Dad? Yesterday after we dropped Rich off at the airport to fly to Tampa to watch Spencer play football, we went through Scottsdale to see my parents and give Mom some juice . As we exited the freeway there were three different guys asking for help, holding up cards saying they were homeless and needed money. One had a shopping cart full of cardboard boxes talking to himself like there was someone there with him. I turned to Mindi and said, "see, it can always be worse." The rest of the day was spent going to a football game, having a friend drop by with some yummy food, Candi came and did all our hair and then more errands, picking up groceries for dinner and dropping Tristyn off to visit a friend. When I went to bed I was tired and discouraged. I had the chance to travel with Rich to Tampa to see the kids and watch the game, but I couldn't make myself do it. I think I know my limitations and that makes me feel like life isn't fair. I called Spencer at around 9:30 p.m. our time and they had just picked Rich up at the airport, wow nine hours in a plane, no thanks. So today I went to church by myself, I mean with my kids and grand kids, watched t.v. by myself and had a pity party in my own head by myself. After attending the Landmark they encouraged us to do things that are unreasonable. I have really tried getting out of my comfort zone like getting in the ocean, floating down the river, and I even played Bunco last week with some friends, but getting on a plane flying hundreds of miles away at a high rate of speed just scares me to death. So, I will spend the next few days doing things I want to do, or maybe need to do, and hope that someday I will feel like I have been given a fair shot at this life, and realize I am doing the best I can with what I've been given.

Company, Jelly Making and Gratitude

 

Last weekend in the middle of our pomegranate operation, Rich's nephew David, his wife Brittany and young son Connor came down from Utah to collect some materials for their house they are remodeling up there. His mother is Rich's only sister and she is an amazing person. When we go to visit she has the cleanest house and the best food. She is one of the Stake Relief Society Presidents in Sandy, Utah. I felt bad because we were so tired and dirty when they came we got takeout from Chili's. Then on Saturday night after a day of hard work and craziness we had Rich stop and buy Mexican Food. I had to make sure that they knew we didn't eat out every meal, occasionally Mindi and I will put something together. On Sunday we cooked out steaks and had a regular Sunday dinner before they headed back to Utah. I have spent most of this week catching up from the chaos of last week and trying to put a dent in my jelly making. I have had a lot of time to think about why we do this. The older I get the more I wonder if it is worth it, as I see my almost 85 year-old parents sit and work as hard as they can to help get the job done. They are such a great example to me of pitching in and working until the job is done. I guess we can thank the old pioneer DNA in both of them. I know Dad wasn't feeling well and he thinks the cancer has spread to his kidneys. When he went to the hospital last week they could see he was pretty dehydrated so they gave him two IVs of fluids. My sister called to tell me she is worried about him because he told her he didn't think he had must time left "on this old earth." I don't feel that great myself so I know he must feel terrible. Anyway, we will keep him as long as he was meant to stay and then he can go meet his family, a father he never knew because he died when my Dad was only three days old. I also hope Kamber will be there to give him a great big hug. Life is precious and I need to be grateful for everyday I have to spend with all my family because we never know when the clocks stops and we are on to the other side.

 

 

Volleyball, Halloween and Pomegranate Juicing

We  have a family tradition to pick and juice pomegranates the first weekend of November. This year it just so happened that Halloween was on Thursday and our marathon juicing party was the next day. We also had Tristyn's last volleyball game of the year which is when they honor all the senior players. They have done pretty good this year but we could really use some really tall girls, I guess Gilbert just doesn't grow them that tall. On Halloween we were busy all day and Mindi tried to get Trulie to take a nap, knowing that it was going to be a busy night with Trick or Treating. She would not go to sleep, so finally Mindi just got her costume on and we took some pictures and as she got her in the stroller to head out into the night she fell asleep. All Mindi could say was, "Unbelievable!" Life just seems to go that way for us right now. Last night we were still juicing as it got dark. We took a break for dinner and then finished the rest and cleaned up. Everyone else had other things to do but those of us who were there to the end were so tired. Poor Dad had been to the hospital most of the morning having an IV as he is dehydrated and so his kidneys aren't working that well. He and Mom at 85 years old were there to the end, Dad juicing the last pomegranate at 8:10 p.m. There is such a great feeling when it is over and you know it will be a year before we do it again. We did have more help than we ever have and it was nice that Julie is back from the mission to help. As I was picking on Wednesday I had such a strong sense of admiration and love for my Aunt Tenna who worked so hard and taught my Mom how to do it. It will be fun to see her again and I know she was smiling down from Heaven on us as we forged ahead. Now the fun part starts next week as week start making the jelly, that's another story. I need a few days to rest and work on my house, then I will start the jelly.

 

 

Pomegranate Time, Oh My!

Last week was crazy and this one doesn't look that much better. I felt so good on Saturday and got a lot accomplished. I was feeling really good about myself when as I was sitting in Stake Conference I started feeling sick again. My head was pounding and by the time I got home  was chilling, running a fever and shivering. I jumped into the hot bath, took some medicine and went to bed. I think I was up almost every hour on the hour during the night and felt like I'd been hit by a bus by morning. What the heck is wrong with me? My Mom kept calling me during the day checking on how I was doing and said, "boy you sure picked up a nasty bug." You Think! We just got home from picking pomegranates at my friend Sandy's house. She lets us have the fruit and then we make her some jelly, it works for me. It was so fun to have Julie back and she brought Aubrey and her little grandson Jonah, who wasn't feeling that great. My sister Mell, Mindi and I all got it done in under two hours. Last year it took us twice as long, so it was so nice to have the help. Now if I can just get Mindi's boys and their friends to help me pick my trees we will have all the fruit ready to start juicing on Friday. My plans to go to Florida to watch Spencer play have changed. We were going to leave Dave here to take care of kids, animals, and the house but it never really felt right for me. I don't think a cross country flight is the way to go for someone who is afraid to get on an airplane. I wish I had the courage to trust things in my life to go well, but if I don't feel good about it, I'm not going to do it just because others think I should. It seems like since I turned sixty and went to Landmark I'm not the same person. I'm getting really tired of the status quo and am searching for that new possibility they talked so much about at my forum. Someday I will have the courage to make that jump and have that new possibility I so need.

I Must Be An Idiot

It seems like the weeks are passing by so quickly that it will be Christmas before we know it. Yesterday was busy with a neighborhood luncheon and another volleyball game. As I was working around the house I pulled a rug out and there was a big scorpion under it. I didn't have shoes on and it didn't look like it was going anywhere, so I just grabbed some Clorox cleaner from my bathroom and sprayed it, thinking that would kill it. Later on in the evening as I was taking the food out to the dogs I felt a pain that made me think I had stepped on a piece of glass. Then I realized it was my friend, Mr. Scorpion that I hadn't killed. It got me on the side of my ankle and has been paining and numb since last night. This time Mindi pulled the rug out and stomped on it. I am convinced that I must just be an idiot sometimes. Why didn't I kill the dang thing? It sure would have saved me a lot of suffering and sleep. As I was telling Spencer about it he started laughing and said, "I'm surprised you even feel it anymore with all the times you've been stung, maybe you should wear some shoes." It was pretty funny and there's nothing I can do about it but laugh. But the next time I see one of these nasty things, I will find something and kill it before it has time to sting me again.

"If You Aren't Going To Help"

This morning when I went out to feed the animals there was a cool breeze blowing and the warm sun touching my skin. I felt such a strong feeling of gratitude to be up and moving after spending a day in bed and a few days getting back to normal. I talked to my daughter-in-law this week who struggled with an extremely infected ear all weekend. She said, "if you don't have your health, you don't really have anything." I have found this so true for me too. Tristyn's volleyball season is coming to an end, she only has two games left. As we have seen this little team struggle to play at their potential we heard a lot of complaints about the coach, some parents even wanting to get him fired. Mindi had finally had enough, so yesterday she went over to the house where the girls eat before the game and gave them a little pep talk. She talked about her experience with this coach, he being her very first coach when she was in 9th grade. She talked about her challenges as a high school and college athlete, then a coach and now as a mother of five kids. She told a story that Spencer told me his NFL coach shared with his players. He told them that after the devastating earthquake hit Turkey there was a young father who ran to the school where his son was when the earthquake hit. It was in ruins, so the father started digging with his bare hands hoping to find his child. All the people who saw him would tell him it was no use, the children were dead in the collapse of their school. The father kept digging and finally said, "If your aren't going to help me then move out of my way." How many times in my life have I felt that it was futile, I would never be okay again? Anyway, after 72 hours they found the whole classroom of kids alive. I think I remember hearing about this and the children had been found in an air pocket under the piles of rocks. These young kids today are so spoiled and don't really know how hard life is for some in other parts of the world. They played so well last night it looked like a different team. So, today they have asked her to come back and tell some more stories to get them pumped up for the game tonight. It isn't about winning and losing but it is all about attitude and hard work. I'm so thankful for all those around me that are such good examples of hard work and sacrifice, I wouldn't be the same without them.

Thankful To Be Out Of Bed

Last weekend was busy with our Ward party a wedding reception and church. I kept feeling like I was getting sick but never really got bad enough to stay down. Yesterday I got up and started working around the house when I hit the wall. I started chilling and running a fever and felt like crap. I spent the rest of the day in bed, taking my temperature and trying to control the pain. It's been a long time since I felt that bad. I have heard from several people that this 24 hour flu is going around where you run a fever have a terrible headache and then you feel better. As I was lying in bed praying to get well, I wondered how those that are truly too sick to get out of bed day after day do it. I look around my house and see all that needs to be done and even though I'm still not back to normal at least I can function a little bit. On Sunday night we went over to Ethan and Jenn's for dinner and then went out to their new house to see the progress that has been made on the house they are fixing up to live in until they can build something bigger and better. The property is way out East but there is a calm peaceful feeling there. It reminded me of when we first moved to Gilbert and there were very few homes around us and it had such a nice country feeling to it. Rich and I have contemplated selling this house and moving out there and building something but feel we are to old and tired to start over. It has taken us seventeen years just to get this house finished and it still needs lots of work done to it. It was so fun to have Mom and Dad come out and we had eleven of our seventeen grandchildren there. They had so much fun running around the yard, climbing dirt piles and catching lizards. I'm thankful to be up and feeling better today, being sick is not fun and I have so much to do to keep things running around here, besides I think my animals missed me.

 

"Saturday Is A Special Day"

"Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday." I don't know why that little Primary song keeps going through my head but it is. The weather has finally cooled off a little bit and I've already forgotten how miserable the summer was. Rich has planted our winter lawn and is in the process of planting flowers in the flower beds in the front. This is always an emotional day as I see the purple flowers being planted in memory of sweet Kamber.  It's hard to believe it's been five years and we still have hard days, but finally there are more good days than bad, so we are thankful for that. Mindi has been crazy trying to find Halloween costumes for her little goblins. This is when I'm so thankful to be a grandma and not have to worry about those dang costumes, I'm not a very big fan of Halloween. I know lots of people who love dressing up and have amazing abilities to transform themselves, but to me it's just too much work. We have our ward Fall Festival and a wedding reception tonight, church tomorrow and then next week is busy with volleyball games and picking and juicing pomegranates. Then there's Halloween and getting my house ready for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to pace myself so I don't end up having a breakdown, but this is such a busy and fun time of year. Life would be so boring if I didn't have so much to do, but I'm going to need a nap for sure to be able to get through all these activities.

"Why Shouldn't You Be Happy?"

Sunday night when I went to bed I was really upset and irritated. I wonder why I let myself fall in to those traps time and time again that put me in a bad mood and affect my self esteem. So Monday morning I pulled out my I Pad and started reading a book Spencer had suggested to me. The chapter was titled, "The Path of Unconditional Happiness." The author talks about how the highest spiritual path is life itself. He then says, "Do you want to be happy, or do you not want to be happy?" I have struggled with this question for most of my life. I have seen others that just seem to be happy all the time no matter what their circumstances are. "The purpose of your life is to enjoy and learn from you experiences. You were not put on this Earth to suffer. The fact remains that you were born and you are going to die. During the time in between, you get to choose whether or not you want to enjoy the experience." It sounds so simple but how do you live that way? How do you not let things upset you that really push your buttons? I know lots of times I get stuck into the past thinking about all those things that have affected me. I think I have dealt with them and all of a sudden they are back in my brain making me upset.  In the book he says, "Think of how much energy is wasted resisting what has already happened. Since the event has already passed, you are actually struggling with yourself, not with the event. In addition, contemplate how much energy is wasted resisting what might happen. Since most of the things you think might happen never do, you are just throwing your energy away." Maybe that's why I'm always so tired, using up all my energy on things I can't control. I loved this paragraph when he says, "In the end, enjoying life's experiences is the only rational thing to do. You're sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Go ahead, take a look at reality. You're floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience. You're going to die anyway. Things are going to happen anyway. Why shouldn't you be happy? You gain nothing by being bothered by life's events. It doesn't change the world; you just suffer. There's always going to be something that can bother you, if you let it." It sounds so simple, but for me so hard.

"Does It Really Matter How You Die?"

Every week I think will get easier or less busy but life continues to be hectic and challenging. With the kids home from school for Fall Break, did we ever have a break in school? It was hard. I look at Mindi and wonder how she does it with teenagers and a two-year old, but she perseveres. On Thursday we had two birthdays, my sister Mell and grandson Trent. We decided to go to Scottsdale and pick up Mom and Dad and go for Mexican Food. My Aunt Sue and Uncle Carl are here from California, so they joined us and so did Rich, who was working in the area. During lunch we decided to take them up to the mansion on the hill to show them how the rich and famous live. Sister Greer doesn't like going up mountains and always backseat drives, so we sent her with Rich. I wasn't in the car but as they were heading up the driveway she said, "Oh Hell!" Yes, Sister Greer said a bad word. Anyway, as we toured this 23,000 square foot home it was overwhelming. I saw it when it was first being renovated but haven't been back to see all the furnishings, which had a million dollar budget. As we were walking from room to room with the three kitchens, ten bathrooms and who knows how many bedrooms, I lost track, I wondered what it would be like to have to clean and take care of that monster. My parents talked about how grateful they were for their small humble little home they have lived in for over fifty years. I too am happy with my modest home that we work constantly to improve. After celebrating with the older generation I went out to Basha High School to watch Tristyn play volleyball. What a good game. We ended up losing in five games, but the girls played better than I had ever seen them, so it was hard to complain. It's funny as you get older how some things just aren't that important anymore, I'm still competitive, but some things just aren't worth getting stressed out over. When you get kicked in the head a few times you realize what is really important, how you treat others. Anyway, I don't see an end to the things I need to get done. Pomegranate season is here so we are trying to decide when to harvest and juice them. I am also thinking about flying to Florida to watch Spencer play football. This is something I'm extremely afraid to do, but as I was telling my Aunt Sue about my fear she said, "Teri, does it really matter how you die? If it's your time you can't do anything about it anyway. You are missing out on so many things in your life because of your fear." There was something in that statement that made me realize that my life is limited because of my lack of faith, so today, right now I am considering getting in an airplane and flying clear across the country. Am I crazy? I think so.