Thursday, February 26, 2009

Insomnia

Is it age, hormones, stress, or a combination of life that makes me not get a good night sleep? Rich says it's because I don't do enough during the day, so I'm not tired enough. Huh! For the last few months I've been waking up at 2:30a.m. each morning. I lay there awake until Rich gets up between 4:30 & 5:00a.m. before I finally get back to sleep. This is wearing me down. While I'm awake I just think of all the things I need to do the next day. I worry about money, my kids and grandkids, errands I need to do, housework and a bunch of other stuff. Last night was especially bad. Rich has been sick all week so all I did last night was lay there and listen to him breath. Then I worried that I was going to get the "creeping crud" and what I needed to do to keep away from him. So, I pulled the sheets up over my mouth and nose and prayed that I don't get sick. Three hours is a long time during the night to be awake, but it goes by really fast. I started thinking about how our lives have changed since Kamber returned to Heaven. How fast someone can be taken from us. How unprepared we were to go through a trial so hard. I have often said, "there isn't a scripture, a lesson, a conference talk, or testimony that can prepare you for the loss of an innocent child." I have often prayed that I could talk to her one last time. That I could tell her how much I love her and how special she is to us. Maybe she already knows, I sure hope so.

1 comment:

Kelee said...

Teri- I am so glad I found your blog...I think....I have been bawling my eyeballs out reading about your sweet granddaughter. I am so, so, sorry for your loss. There is nothing more painful...its just gonna take time. I miss 6th ward. I miss sitting in the back row of RS with you and your girls...passing me my stick of gum...like I was one of your girls....you were so good to me! Love your blog...Love U! - Kelee Moon