HOPE

Two years ago today as I went in to surgery to replace my arthritic hip I had hope. Hope in the future. Hope that my life would get better,that I would be able to walk the malls, exercise, travel and do other things that were too difficult before. After two years of trying everything from chiropractic adjustments, therapy in the pool, and even losing a few pounds the pain has continued. After two sleepless nights this week I had visions of an amputation. How can I take this metal hip out and relieve this pain? I have prayed and asked for help to inspire me as to how I can move forward.  Wednesday morning I found myself looking through my purse for the card of my surgeon. As I told the secretary on the phone about my pain she said, "he's booked up until October but wait, he had a cancellation and you can come in tomorrow at 9:45." As I sat there listening to him explain to me that my x-rays look good, the CT scan looks good, there was NO metal detected in you blood, but you shouldn't be having that kind of pain. The answer is to go back in to surgery and do what is called a revision. They will take the old metal part out and screw a new one in and use plastic instead of metal for the ball of the joint. Then he will use stitches this time instead of the awful metal staples that held my skin together. I was so overwhelmed by his answer I covered my face and sobbed as the doctor went out to get the girl who schedules surgery. I felt the same way I did seven years ago when my OB told me I could either bleed to death or have a hysterectomy. As I was talking to Rich about it last night I told him that I'm not really scared like I was two years ago. I did something really hard and I know I can do it again. The only thing I'm scared about is that after doing it all again, it won't be any better than it is now. All Rich could say was, "but at least you will have tried." Life is hard, and it isn't fair, I have understood that from a really young age, but at least I came down and did what I was suppose to and "I tried."