What Is Happiness Anyway?

When I went outside this morning to feed my animals I looked around and had such gratitude for all my blessings. Then the thought came to me, with all these blessings why do I struggle so bad with being happy? What really is HAPPINESS? I know for me, I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to find something or someone that could make me feel joyous, but no matter what I buy or what I do, nothing seems to fill up that desire for happiness that I so desperately want. I have noticed that since Kamber passed away and I had my hip surgery, my mood has been even more dreary than it was before. As a child my parents, especially my Mother, would always quote scriptures to me about if we live the commandments our Heavenly Father will bless us. I don't ever really remember her telling me that some of the things I would go through like childbirth, raising children, trying to get along with a spouse, or losing a grandchild would test me to my very core. I know we aren't suppose to compare our situations to others but darn it, does everyone have these days that make us wonder what in the heck is going on? Life can be brutal but no matter how bad I think it is I know my life is so much better than the majority of people on this earth. So, I have come to this wonderful conclusion that I am the only one that can make me happy. I've given everyone else a chance and that hasn't worked so I will have to figure it out by myself. I want be able to make some changes in my life that will help me on this discovery. I don't know where this road will lead me, maybe just in to take a nap, but hopefully some day I will be able to find the gifts I have within me to bring the happiness I'm searching for.